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Help! How do i quit Masterbating?

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by InconsolableC, Aug 30, 2006.

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  1. InconsolableC

    InconsolableC New Member

    Eastern Orthodox
    I am 18, male. How do I quit masturbating?

    Absent minded people on the net say, "masturbating is ok, but the guilt you fell is unfounded." I know it’s wrong. I need help quitting. People on the net also say, "Go to a physiatrist."

    I expect that if this question was to be answered in a timely fashion and taken seriously the "experts," answering this question, might say, "Go to your father of confession/ psychiatrist." I would then inform him the tragic new, I am a coward because I am too ashamed of myself to directly, in person (Christian orthodox), ask my father of confession for advice, and that I do not have the necessary means or funds to go to a psychiatrist.

    If I must be brave to ask, in person, for help in quitting masturbating, then my question to you is "practically, what can I do to gain courage to ask my father of confession directly for help."

    I urge you to help me.
    I have been masturbating since I hit puberty at 14.

    Thank you,
    A Inconsolable Christian.
  2. tpk

    tpk The Preacher's Kid

  3. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    Try reading "The Struggle" by Steve Gerali and get some perspective on the issue. That can really help when it comes to looking at solutions.

  4. Akathist

    Akathist Theology Team Supporter

    Eastern Orthodox
    I do hope this thread will not involve some kind of discussion about if this is a sin or not. Recovery is a place were we help people who want to stop doing something, not a place to discuss ethics.

    Lets focus on giving advice about how this member can stop. Ok?
  5. UnitynLove

    UnitynLove Guest

  6. J10ery

    J10ery Newbie

    My name is Jeff, I am 39 years old, from the time I got saved around the age of 21 and before, I struggled with shyness that was so severe that I could never get myself to go out with a women. As a teen until I was about 30 I had moderate to pretty severe acne, and the about age 22, I went bald. I struggled with masturbation starting from about 14, and continued back and forth, until 37, when I was attacked by something unseen. I struggled and cried out to God to help me for about 3 weeks, then suddenly God came and rescued me. Whatever is was scared me so bad that I made up my mine quick to get to church no matter what, because my fear of rejection, was over powered by the need for help. I started going to church, and I was so upset with myself for allowing shyness to keep me from going, because it was so wonderful and everyone was so nice, and God love was so awesome. I thought I was free from whatever happen to me, but after a month. something started attacking me again, even though I hadn't gone back to masturbation, but I did have a sexual desire, which I thought was normal. I was getting ready to go to church, and I had a strong sexual feeling, for no apparent reason, and it caused me to have a strong sexual desire, and while I was on my way to church I was attacked again by something even worse, and when I got to church I didn't know what to do, and I was afraid so I left. I went home and I struggled to control the sexual desire and feelings. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to have mercy on me, and he started helping me again, and again I thought I was going to be OK and I went home, but then it happen again, and I cried out to God for help again. I was so tormented that I took some Zoloft from a friend and everything got worse and thought I was going to die, but by God's mercy I didn't. I kept praying and crying out for God to help and many people were praying for me also, then one day I had a seizure so severe that it broke about 10 bones in my body and I almost died again, but again by God's mercy, I didn't. I was bed fast for about 3 months with the most severe pain and torment you can imagine, but I kept crying out to God for mercy, and again he delivered me, and I felt I needed to get to church as fast as possible, and this lady suddenly came into my life and started praying for me, and trying to get me to church, but also old friends that were so called Christians started coming and wanted to hang out, but that distracted me from getting to church, and again I didn't get free and it happen again, it was just really hard to control every thought that came into my mind and believe there were many, but I kept seeking God, but I thought he wasn't there, so I started taking some different drugs from the doctor to deal with thoughts, stress and pain, but at the same time I think the drugs were giving me a since of well being and I was putting my guard down in my mind. Anyway, another old friend showed up and brought crack into my room, and because I was looking for relief I tried it and it seemed to make me feel better, but at the same time I was still crying out to God to help me, then after about 3 months I stopped crack and started going to christian counseling for about 6 months and I started having hope and faith, and some joy and I think God was helping me, because every time the counselor would pray I would feel the power of God hit me. I was just about to start going to church, when another old friend showed up. He told me he was straight and wanted to go to counseling and church, but the next day he comes to my door and bribed me to take him to get crack, and for some reason I agreed. I don't understand why I did, but I did. after he got it, I went over to his place and I tried it again, I kept reasoning that it wasn't much different than what I was getting from the doctor, but I was wrong, and something bad happen again and my body was poisoned. Then I realized from the Internet, it was witchcraft, or idolatry. It really frustrated me, because I was feeling better and didn't need anything. After that I was determined to get all people that were not close to God out of my life, because I finally realized the devil was using them against me to cause me to stumble. My friends that I had, I met by them coming to me, so I ended up taking what I could get, because of shyness I wouldn't never get out of my comfort zone to make good friends. I couldn't make wise choices in my life, with all that I was going through, over shyness, physical problems, and what happen to me, because of masturbation, but now I take Gods word so serious that I won't even eat lunch with people that call themselves Christian and don't obey God, now I am so determined to obey God I am watching out for anything that would cause me to give place to the devil, and I don't feel that shy anymore, because I am more concerned about obeying God. I realized that God is still wanting to help me, when I went to christian counseling and I am fighting with all the Integrity, prayers and faith I can muster up, but I know now it is in God's timing, not mine, and I can't let my feelings deceive me. Please pray for Gods mercy on me. Please pray that I will get free again, and heal my body. Please warn others of the dangers of masturbation! Thank you Lord Jesus for your mercy, I know when I get free that I will be able to call you Lord, because I am not going to go astray or fall for lies anymore. Father, in Jesus name I pray you will have mercy on me and deliver me from the fire, according to the book of Jude. Amen! I found that little book of Jude, after this happen to me. I can't believe I never saw that book, because I believe I would have realized what I was doing. I kept thinking I had an excuse, and God would understand, because of my problems with shyness and physical problems. Looking back I can see were God was trying to tell me what was going on, but I never caught on, or I would forget things. I knew it wasn't the perfect thing to be doing, but I didn't think it was as bad as it was, because I wasn't looking at porno, calling prostitutes, or taking advantage of women. I kept feeling guilty, but I heard one time that we weren't suppose to feel guilt, because Jesus died for our sins, and I use to think lust was looking at women and having lust in your heart, which I didn't think I was doing, but looking back I realize when went to a store I kept looking at women thinking they were beautiful, so I guess I was. I don't really remember thinking about sex when I looked at them, I just thought they were beautiful and it was normal for a man to desire a women, or I would think I wasn't perfect, and that's why Jesus died for me. I kept struggling if it was real bad or what, since I had the problem I did. I was deceived by shyness and physical problems and fell into false doctrine. Sometimes it seemed like I knew it was bad, and I was just rebelling,, but again I thought we didn't half to be perfect. God only knows what my heart was doing. The bible says who can know the heart of man. I wish I would have studied more about it. Please warn people about the book of Jude, and that should clear up weather masturbation without lust is wrong. Please pray that by this warning that God will have mercy on me, and cover a multitude of my sins, and the sins of others, in Jesus name. Amen!
    James 5:19-20 (Phi) My brothers, if any of you should wander away from the truth and another should turn him back on to the right path, then the latter may be sure that in turning a man back from his wandering course he has rescued a soul from death, and in so doing will "cover a multitude of sins."
  7. sweetstrawberry_801

    sweetstrawberry_801 New Member

    first of all dont feel guilty about this because jesus died for ur sins on the cross and rose again and he doesnt want u to feel guiltly about this. as long as u ask for fogivness and repent if u mess up and keep on trying trust in the lord he will help u and set u free from this. and know that u have victory in jesus because jesus had victory on the cross for us.
    here are some sugesstions to help u stop.

    1.Spend more time away from your computer. The 1 trigger for this kind of addiction cycles? Loneliness. The 1 solution to loneliness? Face-to-face interaction with other human beings. That means no computer. get out of ur room more and do some activities of interest such as a sport u like or are interested in.

    2.get an accountability partner. That's a mature male in whom you can confide your problem. It should be someone you can contact on a moment's notice when you are weakening against temptation. Using something like x3watch will help keep you honest with your accountability partner.

    3.Continue your walk with God and praying, worshiping and keep reading Scripture. also if u do not already go to church start going to chuch and speak to ur pastor or minster. if the church has a youth group for ur age group you could go to the youth group and speak to ur confide in ur youth leader, preferably a male leader.

    if you want to ask your father of confession for help pray to god and ask him to give u the confidence and help to ask him and that he will be supportive and help u with ur problem.
    also if you have a minister or group/youth group leader you could ask him to introduce you to ur father of confession and you could also ask him to come with or arrange a time for you to see him if you u need that extra support.

    I suggest u go to this site http://settingcaptivesfree.com/home/ and do this. its helps people with this kind of addiction. so many people on here have said it has helped them with there addictions. heres an example of how its helped someone.
  8. GuitarHero2

    GuitarHero2 Guest

    I too have the same problem, you are not alone. I feel your pain I just get those uncontrollable urges to the point of not being able to stop myself. Masturbating is just as bad as drugs once you do it your hooked and it's very hard to get off of.
  9. FatherJay

    FatherJay Member

    Other Religion

    Peace friend.

    As an Eastern Orthodox, you should speak to your spiritual father about this. That's what he's there for. I've spoken to Orthodox Priests before, and believe me, there isn't a "sin" under heaven they haven't heard of before. This is a fairly common "sin" and you probably won't even elicit a surprised look from your Priest.

    If I were your Priest, I would encourage you to speak with me because only then will you be able to overcome. He will likely want you to go to confession before you take the Eucharist when you attend the Divine Liturgy, but don't be afraid. Your beliefs state that Jesus suffered so that you can be clean. Take advantage of that.


  10. MoonlessNight

    MoonlessNight Fides et Ratio

    As for quitting I think that it helps to remember that failing is to be expected, though it is not inevitable. You could stop forever at this moment, or after going a year without you might slip back into the habit. There is no way to be sure. This should be both a source of hope (you always have a chance to quit) but also of warning (never think that you are completely "over it." That won't happen in this life, I don't think.)

    By knowing that you are sinning you are making the first step. I know I felt guilty for years while I did it, but I kept justifying it in a multitude of ways and so was never able to stop myself. I would know that I didn't even like it after a certain point, but I didn't want to admit that I had sinned so I would keep doing it, because to quit means admitting that you have done wrong.

    I think it is important also to remember that you must do this with the help of God and that when you turn away from sin you should turn towards Him. If you quit masturbating but attribute it all to yourself you are ultimately going to be left in the same quandry and sooner or later will be back to sinning. This is something that I had told to me the first time that I thought about stopping, and I have to say that I didn't believe it or even understand for years. So I don't say this as a necessarily as something that will guarantee that you will stop. I say this as something that you should keep in the back of your mind, for the future.

    Confessing and getting advice is a good idea. I don't know the ins and outs of Orthodox Christianity so I can't help you specifically with those issues. Some things that might help are:

    1.) This problem is not something unique to you. When you tell your father of confession it almost certainly isn't going to be something that he hasn't heard before.

    2.) This sin is forgivable. It isn't a stain that makes you unworthy of God or anything like that. If you work through it, you can move past it.

    3.) The church is ultimately for the sick, not the healthy. Jesus preached for sinners, after all!
  11. tomcat4u

    tomcat4u New Member

    First, I'd suggest seeing that you are indeed a good person, and we call all tell that you are trying hard. You, as a human being, are not perfect. And you, as a human, have TREMENDOUS urges that are there for a reason. Don't be so hard on yourself. I hope you find a way to understand your own humanness
  12. aeiouandsumtimesy

    aeiouandsumtimesy New Member

    In Relationship
    i too have the same issue and setting captives fee . com has been helping me alot
  13. Akathist

    Akathist Theology Team Supporter

    Eastern Orthodox
    A clean up of this thread has just occured. The topic of this thread is about how to quit masterbating. Any post not about how to quit masterbating is off topic and will not be approved. If they are accidently approved, they will be deleted.

    Talk about the ethics of masterbation in Ethics and Morality, Christian Philosophy and Ethics or congregational areas. Recovery is only for supporting someone who wants to stop.
  14. gloryseven

    gloryseven Contributor

    If your mind is filled with carnality, the only way you will become free is to change what you think. Control your thoughts by bringing them into obedience to the scriptures. Program yhour mind to the Word of God. If you dont you will be leaving yourself open to lasciviousness. Once the seed of it is planted, it will mature. Before long, you will be saying and doing things you know you shouldnt. Unrestrained thoughts result in unrestrained actions. So put a stop to them quickly by looking to Jesus. Keep your mind and heart fixed on the Word-on Jesus. He is the only one who can help you overcome. The Word is spirit and it is life. When you m;ind is totally saturated with the Word of God, your spirit will exercise its authority to overcome every ungodly thought and evil habit.:holy:
  15. ShadowMongoose

    ShadowMongoose Guest

    I am in the same boat as the others here. I have been masturbating since i was 14, and the disappointment that I feel when I do makes me feel quite terrible, the feeling itself tells me that what I am doing is wrong.
    I am very hard on myself, always criticizing and punishing myself . It has taken its toll and as years go by it seems to show more and more, most my friends I don't see since high school was over, it bothers me because I feel like how I come off to people turns them away.
    I guess I just want to be happier with myself, I am out of high school, looking to find a good Christian girl, raise a family and settle down.

    If you guys could pray for me, i would really appreciate it.

    Thank you, Peace
  16. apologia25

    apologia25 Member

    Okay bro,
    First of all know that you are not alone and nearly 99 percent of guys struggle with this. The first thing you need to do is get a accountability partner. This is someone who you share your struggle with, allowing him to know when you have fallen so he can encourage you. I would be willing as I am an accountability partner to several people on the forum. Secondly you need to look what causes you to do it and remove it. For some of us that is impossible. It is like fighting a war you have to look at all the weak points that the enemy will attack on. Establish your weak points and set-up boundaries. If it is porn that leads you to sin then get a porn blocker like Naomi www.radiance.m6.net. Whatever it might be figure it out and cut yourself off. Imagine it like you have gangreen on your foot and its going to spread to the whole body unless you cut it off. Thirdly figure our how often your doing it. once you got that figured out start lessening it. Go for small victories. if you do it every day then this week do it 4 times instead of seven. I hate to be detailed but I want the idea to get a across. or if three times a week hold out to the weekend. I am not encouraging you to sin but to sin less. as you go keep adding days in between eventually settling at once a week then once every two week and then maybe once a month. Once you get your body weaned off the release it wont be so hard to go for the extra days.
    What I have mentioned above is just some really good tactics for conquering this sin. It takes times it is not a quick fix. If you have any questions pm me or even IM me
  17. inmercysgrasp

    inmercysgrasp Member

    hi. :) First, may I begin by saying that sometimes we do things, and though we may not consciously realize it, those things could be us trying to fill a need inside of us, and yet we search for it in ways that later make us ashamed.
    Just remember, precious one, that Jesus loves you. The fact that you want to stop, and feel as you do about it, shows there is much hope, that your heart is open to God's wisdom.
    Turn to HIm. Realize He loves you. That if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive, and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.
    Also, this type of thing, from what I have read, can cause certain types of mental instabilization, so it's good you want to stop. I know it is hard, and the temptation is great, but it is possible. Give it to God, repent, and know that His grace can help.
    But remember you are always loves. Let not the enemy consume you with guilt and keep you away from your heavenly Father.
  18. dropfry

    dropfry Newbie

    Ive had a very tough time with digital anal stimulation. Before I got saved It was something Id indulge in regularly. However now that the love of the lord is in my heart I feel as if I am straying from the righteous path every time I ... 'dip'. The guilt has become overwhelming and I feel lost. Ive tried praying these desires away but they just come back stronger. I feel hopeless every time I fall and drown myself in these desires. It isnt even enjoyable. I find myself crying now, more than ever every time I sin. I know the lord wants me to be strong. I need to be strong for him. But when I let him down over and over again it hurts and Im so lonely.

    Please help :(
  19. AlbertFish

    AlbertFish New Member

    Other Religion
    find something constructive to do. needlework or quilting will take care of those restless hands.
    if its that compulsive, try rubbing an ungeant of tabasco onto your shameful member. i am praying for you to stop brother.
  20. gwdboi

    gwdboi Regular Member

    In Relationship

    Remember dear friend, that guilt only has the power that you give it.

    Blessed be.
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