Help from those of you who have suffered through divorce

Smilin

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For those of you who have suffered through divorce...
I'd appreciate your advice, input, comments, prayers,,,etc.....

It's seems I'm destined for divorce after 17 years of
marriage to the one I thought I'd spend the rest of my
life with. We both have changed emotionally and can't
seem to reconcile our growing pains.

Past issues keep coming back to haunt us. Issues in the
past that just won't die. Forgiveness doesn't seem possible.
Mistakes & bad decisions seem to stick to you in life.

Right now, I have no clue how I'm going to deal with it.
The worst part is being away from our children. She sais
they'll adapt, but I'm not so sure of that.

I haven't felt much like a husband in quite some time,
but being a Dad is one of the greatest joys in my life.
I'm not sure how to cope with just seeing my children
occasionally. The thoughts of no longer having the
opportunity for our nightly rituals (a game of chess with
my 5 year old, basketball with my oldest son, chats with
my daughter). I just don't know how I'm going to adjust.

Your comments are welcomed.
 

seebs

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Never quite got divorced, but came close a couple of times. In our case, we went to a counselor, and it helped a lot. If you haven't tried it, I can't recommend it highly enough. We also did separate for a little bit a couple of times; say, a month or so. We sort of started over; started going on dates occasionally, watched movies together, and gradually built up trust again. It's amazing how fragile people are.

And, of course, you have my prayers.
 
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Let me say this to you. I can see that you have been on the board awhile but in your post you never once mentioned God, Jesus, Lord anything that is scary. Look you said that "It's seems I'm destined for divorce" destined means it hasnt happend yet, do you give up or what your just going to roll over and let it happen? I know how hopeless it gets and you feel there is no more that YOU can do, in the sense you are right, but admitting that you give up starts in the mind consumes the heart then pours out the mouth she will see this and dwell on it. You dont want this to end and women in general have the hadest time forgiving and forgetting, sorry ladies but it is true. In all reality there is no need to forget but to forgive is a gift, a God granted one. Things of the past will haunt you all your life no matter how big or small but it is how you deal with them that defines you as a Man of God. How you are gonna deal with it is easy, not to do but to follow, you place God in front of you and your wife as well, you empty your heart out to Him and he will use you to minister to your wife, you walk the walk and keep the mouth shut till you are called to respond, listen with your heart not your ears because you will hear things you have never heard before once you do. You need to understand that your children are in Gods hands let Him have them they will be in pain for the seperation but He has it under control so let Him. Then you dump every ounce of trust into Him, He can reconcile He is The Great Restorer and no matter the outcome His path for you is the right one, and will be very different from what you think you need or want, it is a narrow path, but is easy to find and hard to stay on.
Now Rise up you man of God he has intrusted you as the spirtual leader of the house, play the roll, His sword of the spirit has been placed in your shoulder and you are a Warrior a warrior for the Lord, and a poet, a poet for your wife. I say to you do you not see the things he has done for you the things that he placed in your life when your eyes open His fingerprints are on everything seek His ways and His will shall be placed in your life, First you and your wife shall follow, I am the way the truth and the light, so step into my footsteps and walk with me for I am near always, just call out to me, for I am speaking to you at all times, now open your hands and mind so I may work on you and open your heart so I may fill it.

Warrior Poet
 
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smilin-just wanted to say i know exactly what you're going through when you say that your past mistakes seem to stick w/ you-my husband & i are dealing w/ the same stuff. we have fought a LOT for the past year, and it's always over the same couple of issues that happened years ago. i don't have any profound advice or anything since we are still working through this, but i did want to point out that the past is just that-passed. you can't change it, but you have the power to decide to move past it.
 
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Smilin

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Thank you for your response Kat,

I wish you and your husband the best.
When someone is hurt in a relationship,
I know it isn't easy to heal. I keep wondering
what good it does to keep opening old wounds.
I'd prefer to leave it all in the past and move on.
Forgiveness isn't easily obtained.
 
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Smilin

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I like your attitude Kat..

If I can't find a way, I just hack out a new path not yet trodden...

and for everyone who said a prayer... my personal thanks.
Whichever one of you that God is listening to,,, I truly thank you.

You may call me crazy,
but a very odd thing happened while walking out to my truck last night..
A stranger walked with me.. while I wasn't feeling very sociable, we wound
up having a very interesting conversation on our way to the parking lot.

Seems messages come to you in very strange ways.
 
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