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Help and advise

Discussion in 'MILLENNIALS (1981 to 1998)' started by aleon1220, May 27, 2021.

  1. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    I am married and I am facing a big challenge in our marriage. Please move this to the correct thread. I didn't have permissions to post. I want to separate because I was extremely disrespected and humiliated. She spat on my face. Read more for details and context...


    Here is our summarized story

    2017= I moved to New Zealand. By the grace of God I started to attend a wonderful Filipino bible study. I met S, now my wife. I thought she is Christian but she hides her very strong catholic background. IT is a big deal for her when someone says something negative about the catholic church. Her mom insisted is OK to date me because my parents in law like me. In the beginning she was OK going to church with me. She calls it the protestant church.

    2018= A year of challenges and seeing the grace of God. I proposed marriage to S in October, I got married to S in December on a nice summer day.

    2019= dealing with marriage issues, conflict resolution. One of our biggest issues is that I had a hard time waking up and managing time ( I am a south American-Colombian and I believed the lie that I couldn't do it, I am breaking that deception)

    2020= God helped us go through the pandemic, God gave us residency and God gave me a new job. Miracle after miracle. We both want children. After some medical exams, it turns out that my wife S has myoma (fibrosis), which could affect her capacity to have babies. I have faith because I know how great my God is. She was deeply devastated by these findings. She is a nurse herself.

    2021= we moved to another suburb in our beloved New Zealand city. I convinced her to buy our first car. I also got a nice offer in a credit card with 0% interest and I was able to get her agreement on purchasing some of what I call my toys: a drone, a Nintendo switch, goPro accessories, games, etc. She gets concerned about the expenses and having debts. I on the other hand tried to reassure her that we will pay those quick. There is no interest and I thought it would be OK. I have 2 jobs, she has 2 jobs.

    The story
    This month, we attended a revival. It was amazing. My spirit was humbled. The next day we had a fight because I wanted to go to church on time (non-denominational Christian protestant church) and she was moving slowly. We couldn't go to church. I told her I think she gives priority to her interests but dismisses the importance of growing spiritually and my priorities. I think it was a fair claim. She takes a defensive stand.

    we have been paying the debts and she really got stressed about it. We were going to a doctors appointment to discuss myoma's treatment last Wednesday. We had another disagreement. I didn't agree that we had to rush and I said it was ok. S was angry and resented that I was not showing interest. I told her that I don't believe in doctors and that I know God can make it happen. She was nagging me and annoying me. I was stressed and while reversing I hit another car. I parked our car back and walked out very angry and frustrated.

    Last Tuesday the 25th of May I met a friend. My friend invited me to eat a hamburger and I bought a thick shake and a soda. When I came back my wife was furious and stressed. She said that I am overspending and that she doesn't like debt. I told her everything is going to be ok and there is no interest to pay.
    At 9:30 pm I started to play a game on the computer. Is a strategy game. I had a long day and I just wanted to relax. She came raging at me. She complained that I was watching evil stuff and that the game is bad and negative. She said that she wanted to buy things and what concerned me is that she said she wanted to watch her horror movies. She wanted to see the light from those movies in the end because apparently horror movies have a hopeful ending.

    I began ignoring her and telling her to leave me alone. I kept playing. She moved my chair towards her, her face looked totally different. She looked down on me and in her rage, she spat all over my face. I asked her what are you doing!! you spit on my face!! she didn't stop.

    She started raising her voice and challenging me that I would spit in her face too. She kept on pushing me. She started to throw things, specially she threw my bible towards a wall. I had enough and I pushed her against the couch. Then I walked out and went to the toilet to wipe out my face.

    So here is the question:
    My dad says that I should return her to her family in the Phillippines and if she doesn't want I should just leave and later on if is confirmed by God, file for divorce.

    My dad says that light cannot have communion with darkness. My dad says that I deserved to be happy, have a wife that respects me and have a family with children.

    My wife is in the other room right now. Is Thursday may the 27th. I am devastated and very down.
    I love her. I know that love is self giving. Love does not hate. Love doesn't spit on the face of the other just because I spent $13. Love forgives and doesn't keep record of wrong.
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. angelsaroundme

    angelsaroundme Well-Known Member

    732
    +556
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    I am no expert but having your face spat on and your Bible thrown at the wall is very serious. Beyond that, you two seem to have a lot of differences and so far haven't been able to meet in the middle. It doesn't sound like the relationship is a good one to bring kids into.
     
  3. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    i agree. Is very simple and wise what you said. What children could come into this family? :-(
    Would you pray for me
     
  4. angelsaroundme

    angelsaroundme Well-Known Member

    732
    +556
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    I will pray for you. You've been together for a long time so maybe it's worth seeing a marriage counselor. (Staff Edit)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2021
  5. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    just an update. We prayed she acknowledge and understood her sin. We decided to do mutual fasting from Friday may the 28th to Sunday may the 30th until 18:00.

    God has been revealing mutual sins and has put a spirit of repentance in Both of us. She will be getting baptized for her birthday in July.
    I have re-connected with my Father in Heaven and I can see with clarity that I need to Lead with an infinite Love.

    I have forgiven her.
     
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  6. Cormack

    Cormack “I bet you're a real hulk on the internet...”

    +1,248
    United Kingdom
    Baptist
    Single
    I’m glad to read you forgave her, mate. Be strong, don’t take any abuse, hold her accountable for bad behaviour, stress love and respect for you as her husband.
     
  7. Elliewaves

    Elliewaves Untouchable internet saint

    +1,892
    Non-Denom
    Engaged
    Um, go to counseling.
     
  8. Sodafox

    Sodafox Member

    204
    +90
    United States
    Agnostic
    Married
    Yikes, spitting in your face is pretty bad. If you haven't already, I would tell her that's completely unacceptable. Would she respect you if you struck her backhand across the face? That's basically what she did to you.

    I appreciate that you forgave her. I hope the two of you can work past your troubles and see eye to eye on your financials. Like others have said, create a budget, and let the numbers do the talking.
     
  9. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +1,712
    Catholic
    Single
    Just wondering why you think she's not a Christian because she's Catholic?! I've never imagined anyone would think I'm not a Christian because I'm a Catholic, doesn't a Christian believe in Christ, I assure you that Catholics believe in Jesus Christ just like you do. That said, I'm glad that you have forgiven her, and at the same time I'm glad that you know you also need her to forgive you as well. Since both of you are willing to make things work, I think you have solved your major problem, God bless
     
  10. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother? Supporter

    +8,247
    United States
    Catholic
    Married
    .
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2021
  11. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    We know people by the fruits. No offense but catholicism is a joke. It is pathetic in all possible forms.

    My claim above comes as I have Hispanic backgrounds, I went to catholic schools and I have studied some of the world religions. One of the fruits I saw from catholic leaders (priests, bishops, etc) was sexual deviations, deception, fakeness, religiosity, lack of love.

    Not that protestants are perfect. Protestants can be as bad as any other religious person but a person who has Christ in his/her heart is different and you can tell...

    Again a person whom has Christ living in them.

    Now regarding marriage, things have improved a bit. There was another fight this time because of power. She comes home tired and demands that I clean the dishwasher and kitchen. I said no, I wont do it. She explodes and calls me mother-**** ( my mom being with God since 2012), f*** you mother-****, etc, etc. I just said is this the way a Christian catholic person behaves???

    Since that situation I have been really thinking on leaving her. In fact I hear thoughts in my mind about leaving...

    please pray for us. We don't have any family here. The church we go is from her culture. I don't feel like I fit in that church. We don't have strong friends here. Everyone is in their own world.
    If we are to find counselling i don't really know whom to trust anymore.
     
  12. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +1,712
    Catholic
    Single


    Hi, i don't know why you are judging all Catholics based on your experience with your wife. You shouldn't pass judgements on a denomination based on your experience or view, that's a minute sample size for a church with over a billion members.

    God hates divorce so i would advice you to forgive your wife, love her as Christ loves his church, be patient, don't keep records of wrongs but conquer evil with good.

    I will be praying for your family situation. God bless
     
  13. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

    +9,995
    United Kingdom
    Catholic
    Single
    You need to seek marriage counselling.

    Plus, you are wrong about Catholicism my friend.
     
  14. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    OK. thank you.

    So who is right about religion?

    Is it wrong to make judgements even though they are bold about a human religious system?
     
  15. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    thank you. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you and illuminate your path
     
  16. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

    +9,995
    United Kingdom
    Catholic
    Single
    I am not going to argue with you about your choices regarding religion and their truths and failings my friend.

    As a Catholic, i see it again and again where people slam the faith based on many untruths and lack of understanding.

    I hope and pray that you will find peace and happiness in your marriage my friend.

    God bless you
     
  17. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    please try me. In your communication, you said I was wrong. Please tell me or give me your opinion on why you think is wrong...

    you are a stranger and I don't know anything about you. I am not fighting or debating anyone.
    I only want to read your opinion...

    my claim is that the catholic religion has done so much damage that all credibility and reputation has been lost. Correct me if my claims are so wrong. There is a lot of concerning things done by catholic leaders...
     
  18. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

    +9,995
    United Kingdom
    Catholic
    Single
    All i will say on the matter is that Jesus said that the gates of hell would not prevail against His church.

    The church has the apostles as its foundation and Jesus, its corner stone.

    Humans are weak. There have indeed been many bad people in the church. We are all sinners. But, rest assured that the Holy Spirit works in the church. Guiding it through its many stormy waters. Through many a storm, the church has survived. It will not sink!

    Bad leaders will always come and go. Yet, the church and its solid teachings, will always remain.

    God bless you
     
  19. aleon1220

    aleon1220 Let your Spirit be my lamp always

    12
    +11
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Single
    I see. lots of solid points there ( in my humble opinion )

    After reading the news about Afghanistan and all the rumours of war... I want to bless Christian brothers and sisters that we get very very close to Christ. We must depend on Him.

    Times are changing fast. Reading from the book of Matthew you can see how the end of times and signs are all over.

    May God bless us all.
     
  20. Dr. Gluckenstein

    Dr. Gluckenstein New Member

    28
    +42
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    US-Libertarian
    She's being physically abusive...yes, but before you take that as an "I won!"...

    Divorce is not condoned in the Bible except for the grounds of cheating.

    She has anxieties and worries that feels are NOT being listened to by you. She should be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6-7). It is tough to go through financial struggles! So difficult and stressful! Maybe she isn't the best at managing money either, or she's used to being impoverished, or under some form of financial stress.

    She may also not be used to the changes in your spiritual life, yet, so hasn't taken them much into consideration, although, she should probably try to be more in tune to what activities you like to do as well, and you all should try to balance them and find things you like to do together. Keep encouraging her to church, though, and praying about the message that is spoken at the sermon. Things like that can be uncomfortable for some people, especially if they're used to a different denomination or form of religion entirely. Try to make her feel at ease.

    Also, life changes can be more difficult for women. Was listening to a Christian radio show about this yesterday, and felt so understood.

    Perhaps she would benefit from therapy, or you two benefit from couples' counseling. It is evident that you two are having some communication issues, for sure.

    You both need to try listening to each other first, and actually sitting down and allotting the space to come up with a resolution. You are her husband, so let her know that is she not to spit in your face, and that behavior will not be tolerated. You both need to learn to respect each other.

    Overall, pray about the issue. I will, and hopefully other members of the forums will too.

    Love one another, just as Christ loved you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2021
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