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hello..struggling with depression.

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by beachykeen14, Oct 29, 2020.

  1. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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    hi, this post might be long but im going to try anyway,.. im a christian woman, i have been a christian since i was 13. i am going through a very difficult time of my life right now. i dont want to write a million pages so i will try to hit the main points. i welcome any responses, prayers, advice, thoughts, etc. i wont go into my whole life story that would take too long,. so i will just say what i am going through right now. for all of my christian journey i have been very very close to god, always served Him, spent my life raising godly children, teaching sunday school, ministering, praying, serving, witnessing, helping the poor, etc. about 6 years ago i was the closest to God that ive ever been. i felt god telling me that there would be an upcoming season of great temptation and he warned me not to fall into it. well i did. and the past 6 years its like my spiritual life and relationship with god have been up down up down but in the big picture, down. and i want more than anything to get back right with God and to serve and worship him with all my heart like i once did, .. there are many things that i am very very confused and depressed about at this stage. these are not 'reasons', i know there is no 'reason' for sin, .. i know that. these are 'obstacles', .. things that are keeping me stuck i guess, things that at this age, i am becoming very confused about,.. and it seems like whenever i try to turn to god now like i used to, .. alot of things block my path, or im just getting old and dont have the strength, or something,.. but ive never been more depressed and i would appreciate prayers advice etc. one thing i am confused about is what to do about the deep hurts and resentments i have towards someone close to me who hurt me very bad.. ive prayed and prayed for god to help me forgive and i still have this 'block' that keeps me very angry and hurt at them. another thing that always seems to block me from moving closer to god is .. this might sound weird but im trying to be honest here... the 'all or nothing' mindset,.. and i know that perfectionism is a key thing of christians who struggle with depression; i always feel like, if i'm not really really 'close' to god, .. then i should just go ahead and do what i see 99 percent of people i know doing, which is just following their emotions, their wants etc,.. .and their lives just go along completely sucessfully, they are happy, they look at me like, you are a christian but you are the most depressed person ive ever met,.. and i dont know what to say to them, ...its like the further they are from god, the better their lives are, .. and im not talking material, etc,.. im talking emotional, relational, happiness, etc. another thing that seems to block me when i try to get close to god is i guess my 'mindset' at this age,.. and yes ive been through death of a child, sickness, grief, death of both parents, abuse, etc etc, as im sure many have,.. but,.. it seems like in my younger years as a christian i always leaned more towards hope and positivity,.. now in these years it seems like my 'christian mindset' is becoming more and more and more negative, and it scares me. theres a 'narrative' constantly running in my mind that says: 'everyone who wants to live a godly life in christ jesus WILL be persecuted.' 'jesus said if they hate me they will hate you.' 'jesus said 'if you love your live you will lose it; if you lose your life on earth you will save it.' jesus said 'i came to bring a sword; father will be against son, etc,'. in ecclesiates it says; 'meaningless meaningless , all is meaningless.' as i read the later books of the new testament it seems like the major theme more and more is,.. if you keep on journeying with Christ, the more you obey and live for him the more you will suffer,.. and suffering is the main theme. I've already suffered alot , im ashamed to say this to God but i tell Him, please, i cant stand the thought of any more suffering. yet another theme seems to be,.. do not depend on/get attached to/ find any happiness/joy/purpose in.... anything, ... or anyone, .. in this life on earth,. only find your happiness in God. and as i get older i find that to be experientially true. whenever i try to find happiness in a person, relationship, role, activity, etc,,.. its like, nothing makes me happy anymore. i feel like the rest of my life is just going to be more and more and more suffering, .. like paul, and some of the other saints, .. and its becoming harder and harder for me to even find happiness being close to God like i once did. i am having a hard time, very hard time, 'letting go of', .. certain 'besetting sins/habits' i guess youd say,... that i wrongly turned to over the past 6 yrs to try to find 'happiness' in. i know i must let these things go, i try to, i repent, i turn over a new leaf etc,.. but they keep coming back stronger and stronger. i do want more than anything to be right with God, to live for him with whatever time i have left,.. it seems like ive lost my way,.. and no matter how much i try to pray now... all i feel is angst, .dread,.. punishment, .. future suffering,... and hardly any peace or happiness at all. thank you i welcome advice, thoughts, prayers, bible verses, etc. thank you . -beachykeen14
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2020
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  2. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Suffering is part of Christian life but it is not suffering for the sake of it. Remember that you have a vicious enemy, as the old hymn says:

    who does his best to destroy us. Sin opens the door. We need to know that God is for us, not against us. The blood of Christ still silences the Accuser (Revelation 12). I suggest a complete reset. Quit looking at yourself and all your sin and failure. Look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith. Once you've confessed your sin, God forgives and forgets. If you have any unforgiveness towards anyone, that will rob you of joy and peace. I'd suggest the following article: Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

    God does not punish His people. Lord Jesus was punished for us. Discipline is not punishment. I'm happy to help further if you wish.
     
  3. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    You've got a classic case of mid life crises in later years. Please be advised you are heading in the wrong direction heeding the negativity of your heart and letting that predict as well as shape your future.

    Honest believe you me depression gets very much worse if you keep the mind set you have now. Jesus loves you and loves you to bring those heavy burdens in your life to Him, so He can heal you from the hurt and give you new perspective.

    Jesus would not want you to drift even further from His truth. Honest there is no reason to let sin stand in the way of getting into a good relationship with Christ, we all have sin living in us, Paul did as well, just read Romans 7 about that, but it is about overcoming our sin because we love Jesus more than doing it wrong.

    So please eat grace dear sister and hand out forgiveness to whomsoever is needed, so you can be forgiven for your sin, and serve the lord joyfully, not because you must but because you really do.

    i have battled depression all my life, for i have a depressive illness, so i know how deep depression can go, that is not the way i would like to see you go.

    So repent of sin and cling to Jesus with all you got, satan is trying to trick you loose from your secure footing by lying to you about Jesus and what pleases Him.

    Suffering with Him produces only good life, like endurance, long suffering, patience, reliance, trust and faithfulness. Nothing to complain about being gifted with those characteristics. The best part of serving Jesus when we suffer is authenticity, we have been through the fire and came out stronger and better people than we were before. So please understand that in extreme suffering we can get to know the Lord the best, for Jesus knows all about suffering.

    Doing it without Jesus harvest us hopelessness, despair, regrets, guilt, shame and fear, so very much fear. Full on clinical depression could result in dealing with yourself the way you do. Believe you me that is one of the worst sufferings that can come your way. So please turn around and seek your salvation in and with Jesus and His loving truth and not outside of Him.

    It could also be that you suffer from a physical illness that makes you depressed and therefore has you in this spiritual predicament. This is something i would check out on first of all. It is best to properly understand what is all wrong before you can decide on what is the right way to deal with it.

    Bring yourself to the cross even today and plead His mercy and forgivingness. If after you have received His love you still feel depressed then go and see a doctor before you begin to exclude yourself from His salvation and begin to contradict the bible because you heed your depressed feelings not rational and logical knowledge any longer. Medications can help a great deal!

    Peace.
     
  4. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

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    Depression and anxiety i suffer with. Its not nice.

    Offer up your sufferings to God. Lay them at His feet. Hand them over to Him. Let Him Help you.

    Dont let the devil pull you away from God as he will try everything to do just that. Be persistent in prayer. Through tough times and good, stay close to God.

    Jesus is indeed Carrying you while you carry your cross.

    God bless you
     
  5. Novis

    Novis Newbie

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    God knows your struggle, I can’t say much definitively, but I know that much. If you come to Him personally, He might give you His answer.
     
  6. Anthony2019

    Anthony2019 Pax et bonum! CF Ambassadors Supporter

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    The beauty and simplicity of the gospel is that Christ has already done everything that is necessary to bring us into a right relationship with God.
    There is nothing you can do to make him love you more, and there is nothing you can do to make him love you less.
    Our only requirement is to come to Jesus with a simple, penitent and trusting heart.
    There is nothing that delights the Father more than a child of his coming to him in love and simple trust.
    When we say "Father, forgive", that is exactly what He does. Never reservedly, never begrudgingly. Just total forgiveness offered freely and willingly out of his immeasurable love and grace.
    When we say "Father, I love you", we can be absolutely sure that we will be lavishly enfolded with his love and care.
     
  7. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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  8. Tony B

    Tony B Active Member

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    BK, given what you have said, I suspect you are in urgent need for quality pastoral counsel and support, and the assistance of a Christian psychologist.

    The pastoral care can help your demeanor lift, and the Christian counsellor can work back through your past. They can unpack some of the complexities of it so it is easier for you to see where some of the decisions taken may have worked against your and other's best interest, and help you develop a mindset and strategy that will work towards your rest, peace and happiness.

    Your life experiences may be too extensive and complex for you to get the wholistic advice from these forums that you need.

    The only thing I can offer is more or less what others have said, which is to rest in The Lord....so don't worry that you don't seem to be working for God any more... stop, sit, pray, rest, plus seek out a personalised and godly counsel.

    Shalom,

    Tony
     
  9. RickReads

    RickReads Well-Known Member

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    I`ve had my share of problems in life, my experience is comparable to yours including depression, health problems, issues of perfectionism etc. I`m just saying I understand where you are coming from with all this.

    You referenced a verse from Hebrews, sin easily besets. Often there is no rhyme or reason with sin. It`s just the flesh running amuck and sin will always take you further away from God then you intend.
    You open yourself to evil influences that take you as far as it can down the wrong path. Depression is yet another fiery dart of the enemy. Those happy sinners you talk about are simply people the enemy leaves alone. That`s the difference between you and them.

    Spirituality isn`t always about how you feel. Joyful Christianity is wonderful but it`s not about being happy all time. It`s ok to be unhappy and God is able to minister to your soul in your unhappiness. He will meet you where you are at.

    I wasn`t fond of James when I was a young man but he has grown on me over the years.
    I find James 4 to be very good as I try to grapple with my problems. It suits my mood and helps me to know that God doesn`t have a problem with me if I don`t feel like being a happy happy joy joy Christian today.
     
  10. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Two big issues here.
    1/. You only need to forgive if the offender has said sorry. Read Luke 17 :3+4.

    If they have not said sorry, all you do is like Jesus being crucified is pass it over to God and ask him to deal with your emotions, the offender and heal all of you.

    2/, perfection. Yes that is the goal. An unobtainable goal.
    No one other than Jesus is perfect and those who 'claim' they never sin are as 1 john1:8+9 says , they are deluding themselves!
     
  11. Pavel Mosko

    Pavel Mosko Arch-Dude of the Apostolic Supporter

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    At different times, I have been at nearly identical place but for different reasons. So I will just spell out my own thoughts, and some of this also comes from studying psychology and philosophy (went to school to be counselor etc.)

    1) A certain degree of sadness is normal. Especially when you loose people close to you like parents, children etc. Naturally it shouldn't be soul crushing, but we should have some sad days from time to time because some things in our life are genuinely sad.

    2) We can however moderate our thinking and emotions by what we choose to meditate on. It is important to be grateful for the things we have, and not just focus on everything that is disappointing all the time.

    3) Sometimes Christianity does seem negative etc. But even that can be a blessing. There is a problem that people often derive their happiness from the happenings in the world. Good things happen to us were happy, and the reverse happens with bad tidings. But that kind of outlook puts us at mercy with the ebb and flow and what is going on in the World. And we know that is bound to go down hill if you look at the book of Revelation and the rest of the Bible. But sometimes the bad events of the World, can give us an incentive to let go of our hold on the World. Ultimately our long term joy comes from God and being a part of the World to Come that is eternal and not subject to destruction, decay and theft like the things of this World.


    4) Some things like depression can sometimes have a biological component and be helped by medicine etc.
     
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  12. Lord Give Me A Sign

    Lord Give Me A Sign Newbie

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    I am very sorry about all you have been going through. Sometimes we have to think about the things we do still have and count our blessings. But still im no stranger to going through a "Job season" as i now like to call it. I pray God gives you strength to persevere through it and brings it to an end soon, ushering in a new season of joy and happiness and peace. I pray this is in the Lords will for you, Amen!
     
  13. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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  14. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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    thank you so so much everyone who responded- God did an amazing work in my heart today, and it started with these wonderful biblical encouraging responses from all of you, i can't thank you enough...specifically what you said here that jumped out at me was: quit looking at myself, look to Jesus the Author and Finisher of my faith. Reading that made a tiny ray of hope stir in my heart and I know that was from God, thank you so much,... I had a Christian counselor lady that i went to 2 years ago and God's been nudging me to call and make an appointment with her for the past 3 months and I just haven't done it,.. after reading these encouraging hope-giving responses, i called her today, and just asked her if she could fit me in, anytime next month, she is normally booked for months. All of a sudden at 4:30 she called and said she had a cancellation, and she could talk to me right now,.. it was a God thing...I told her everything like what i'd written here this morning,.. and the counsel she gave me did 2 things:1. she said the same things all of you said here so it confirmed it for me; and 2.everything she said (and everything i've gotten from the believers here) was confirmed by my morning bible reading i did this morning,..leading me back to these wonderful verses of Grace, Salvation, God being the Author and Finisher,...and when i hung up with her i now have specific steps to take, ..to move out of this stuck 'phase' and 'fear and giving up etc,. phase,... and I took the first step today which was emailing the church she recommended to me,.. and asking for information on visiting and joining one of the groups/bible studies,... I need to: remember and rely on GODS GRACE; I need to: be in a community of believers regularly; I need to: go back and read all the verses I know so well that point to GRACE not WORKS; 'if we are faithless, he remains faithful', 'god who began a good work in you will complete it',.. 'there is nothing good in me, who will free me.. thank God.. by Jesus Christ its been done.'.. and when paul said that the believers had become saved through BELIEVING IN JESUS, and through GRACE, now why were they turning back to works again,.. and 1john1:9:'if we confess our sins he is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness'.. it doesnt say,'but only 476 times,.. the 478th time, sorry,.. you can't be forgiven, youre not saved, then you can give up.' I need to: daily rely on Gods new grace every morning, ..I needed to be reminded of all this,.. you believers here and my counselor have started hope stirring within me again, and its been a very long time since i've felt that. Sorry this is so long. ... this is really my reply to all who replied to me this morning, thank you, thank you, thank you,.. God is starting to move in my life again, praise be to him amen:) -bk:)
     
  15. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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  16. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    That is great news! i hope you can leave this depressive stage behind and begin working on a new future. Life is often hard, but with the Lord it is always worth it. We can be so much more, than we suffer.

    God bless you on the way.
     
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  17. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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    Thank you so so much for what you said Pavel,.. the thing you wrote that helped me the most was when you said 'sometimes the bad events of the World, can give us an incentive to let go of our hold on the World.' thats exactly what i needed to hear. i've had a phase where i sort of turned away from god for a season because of very painful tragedies and hurts etc,.. and tried to 'look for happiness in the world' and all it got me was horrible sadness and depression because of being apart from my Lord. Youre absolutely right. The only true happiness as a believer is loving God first, only finding true peace in relationship with Him. thank you so much to everyone for all this wonderful encouragement...Today god started to move in my heart again,.. I went back
    and read all the verses I know so well that point to GRACE not WORKS; 'if we are faithless, he remains faithful', 'god who began a good work in you will complete it',.. 'there is nothing good in me, who will free me.. thank God.. by Jesus Christ its been done.'.. and when paul said that the believers had become saved through BELIEVING IN JESUS, and through GRACE, now why were they turning back to works again,.. and 1john1:9:'if we confess our sins he is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness'.. it doesnt say,'but only 476 times,.. the 478th time, sorry,.. you can't be forgiven, youre not saved, then you can give up.' I need to: daily rely on Gods new grace every morning, ..I needed to be reminded of all this,.. you believers here and my counselor have started hope stirring within me again, and its been a very long time since i've felt that. Sorry this is so long. ... this is really my reply to all who replied to me this morning, thank you, thank you, thank you,.. God is starting to move in my life again, ..thank you so much Pavel God bless you- bk:)
     
  18. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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  19. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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    Thank you so so much Jeshu for your encouragement, ..your response resounded in me the most,.. that’s exactly what I was thinking also, .. that Part, not all, but maybe a big Part,.. of what I’ve been experiencing has to do with the midlife crisis thing,.. I am so glad you said that, .. just knowing somebody recognized that part of it made me breathe a sigh of relief,..and when you said im heading in the wrong direction if I heed the negativity of my heart.. That was powerful. When you said rely on GRACE,.. I almost cried, that was exactly what I needed to hear. And the thing you wrote that ministered to me the very most,… was ‘..satain is trying to trick you loose from your secure footing by lying to you about Jesus…’… PRAISE GOD.. thank you for saying that…Yes I know some reasons for what I’m going through are my own fault, yes I know some reasons are midlife crisis depression, but it is SO GOOD to hear that yes,.. some of this is battling with satan,.. we do need to remember that also,.. ‘we don’t fight against people but powers principalities of darkness;’…’satan is an ever present foe, our adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour’,.. I mean, what would satan like BETTER,.. for me right now, .. than to SLIDE deeper into hopelessness, negativity, giving up on god, on life, ..starting to doubt my salvation,… that’s EXACTLY what he wants! The other thing you mentioned that so helped me was reminding me to see my doctor and also.. ALONG WITH clinging to grace,.. find out if there are any physical maladies that are greatly contributing to this depressive/negative phase,… that is such wise, biblical, and logical counsel. Thank you thank you so much Jeshu.. God bless you…bk
     
  20. beachykeen14

    beachykeen14 New Member

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