Hello I'm new here

[pcjunkychick]

As you may have guessed I am looking for some Christian advice.
Having said that I will give you a short idea of what's going on.

I have a senior who is 18 years old.
She has been up set with me because I made her get a job two weeks ago & I was going to give her my 19 year old college students car ( that I bought ) & buy another car for my 19 year old & I to share because my husband is driving my van because we sold his truck when we moved here 6 months ago. She literally cried when I made her drive her sisters car 3 times in one day & I told her I was signing the title over to her as soon as she got her lic. she only has her permit. She doesn't want to get her lic.
She has driven her bf car & never once cried about it.
She told her boyfriend she hated that car & it was ugly.
He told me she said that.
I said fine I will not give you a car then.


The single most disrespect any teen can do in her parents home is you guessed it have any kind of sexual encounter in your parents house & she know's this.
Ok she asked me if her boyfriend of two months could come over in the morning before he went to work I said no problem he is a nice enough guy he know's my view of sex. I point blank told him no bling, no fling. In not so nice words I might add. Told him she has waited 18 years or so I thought & wanted to wait for marriage...so I thought.
She said well he has been coming over but I just thought I would make sure it was okay with you if he comes over in the morning? I said sure.


Now yesterday morning I went out to my kitchen to make coffee & what do I see but her door wide open & them having at it. Shirts on but under her covers but none the less right next to her 15 year old sis's room & she has a 3 year old brother too who lives here!!!
This went on for long enough I made a half pot of coffee walked through 3 times as loud as I could & still they continued on!!!!

She is 18 & graduates in June.
She know's how I feel about this & did it right in my face!


What would you do?
I can not even look at her with out being very upset & uncomfortable in my own house now.
I just pray God gives me guidence. My 19 year old said Mom you would have kicked my u know what out!!!
She is right! I would....

 

[indagroove]

Time to take everything away !

Your DD has no bounderies, and certainly no respect for your house. There is a book called "Bounderies" get it !


No car, no phone, no nothing that she doesn;t pay for herself.

In our house, everything is a privilege. Our 17yo was moaning about getting a car with her DL. She was shopping the paper for a lexus, then a escalade, blah, blah, blah.

We found a $300 Hyundai from a friend, and brought it home. It is more for my wife to use in saving gas, but we will end up making it the 17yo's car. She cryed how she couldn't be seen in that. So I rolled her bicycle out and parked it next to the Hyundai and said, pick one !

She really got on our nerves last summer with a nasty attitude. We took her cell phone and said another incident and I will chop the cable. She said ,yea-right! I walked out with a hatchet and chop the cable where it comes into the house. It was like that for 3 months. All summer long. So now we have tested each other, and she knows I am crazy , and will cut my own cable in spite of my face (that's a plus in my favor).

Know when she breaks a rule, my wife holds out her hand and says give it here, DD puts her cell phone in it without a word.

My daughter made the mistake is saying "I can't wait till I am 18, then I can leave if I want to." I said: "At this rate, you are going to be asked to leave on your 18th birthday" After the cable incident, she believes I would do it.

We really haven't had many problems after this...

They really start to think they are in controll of the world, and have to be reminded that no one owes them a thing !


Other then my anecdotal reply, I can't offer much help.

Pray for divine guidance.

 

[rocklife]

what would I do? I wouldn't have even let it get that far, dating at that age is still too young, they are too immature. I would encourage having a daily family time together, to play board games or just have fun, and not invite potential dating partners, it should only be your immediate family (doesn't have to be everyone, if your husband is busy, but should be almost everyone, and invite your husband along when convenient, it can be just simple card games, anything can be made into a game really, let the youngest person be able to pick most of the time so they are interested too).

for being made uncomfortable in your house, I would add a big money fine (and sex should be over $100 to show her it is serious) and make her pay it off, with either her work money or extra chores around the house. then ban her from seeing the guy since they disrespected you. you also need to watch out for all her other friends, usually the teens will just go pick out another one just like the first one, or even worse. get involved with her and into more wholesome activities, she does not have to be with other teens to get socialization.

and her work environment could be a potential bad place, I would not rush into having a teenager get a job, there are lot of immoral people who have to work, and lots of affairs and even drugs are available even at work. I had a boss who had 4 kids, but having affairs with several of the women at my work, one was 19 and he paid for her abortion. young girls are targets everywhere. we need to train our kids young about making good decisions and why. it might be a little late, but if you discipline her, that is a good start

one other point, actions speak a lot louder to teens than words. if you say one thing (like you don't approve of their sex), but let them have sex in your house, your actions are telling them the opposite, and they will take what they want to hear if you let them.

 

[gengwall]

I agree with both comments so far. Also...

A) Why are you talking to bf? Her dad should be talking to him, preferrably in a room with lots of dead animals and guns! (ok, just kidding). Anyway, your dh can relate better to the guy and get the message across in no uncertain terms.

B) As a couple, it is clear they need someone else to establish boundaries for them since they are not mature enough to set them themselves. Basically, I would set the rules so they are never completely alone. With my daughters (now 20 and 22), I made it clear, and told "dates" this also, that we would never allow them to be in a situation where they could make a mistake. That included driving them on dates and even following them secretly if necessary. I did it once, and they never doubted me after. Now is no time for bluffing. Make them understand that the party is over and then between you and your husband make sure they are always supervised.

 

[pcjunkychick]

Well it's been 2 years since I have been here to the forums & life has really changed a lot! I'm kinda glad I had posted that moment in my life bc today I realize how great life has become! I am so very blessed! The daughter I was referring to & I are now very close! She has a 1 year old baby boy he is such a sweet heart. We went through more struggles than that & she moved out b4 she graduated. She told me Maw the thing I regret the most is the way I treated you bc you are the one person in my life who loves me the most! Well I know when you are young you make choices for all the wrong reasons but God will take you in watch over you, forgive you & bless you just the same.

The main reason I am posting is to encourage parents out there not to ever quit praying! There comes a time when you have done all you can do for your children & you MUST let them go on their own way. If you do your job of praying for them they will always come back to you & God! She is a beautiful loving mother and very sweet daughter who I am very close to now & God has truly restored our relationship. God is good & faithful all the time! Amen! Have a blessed day everyone!!

 

[homeofmew]

Let her finish school that's a first.

Make her know that stuff (sex) in your house is not acceptable.
Honestly I am not getting your daughter right now for a few reasons.

You offered her a car to help her out and she refuses because it's ugly (?)
sounds like shes ungrateful. I got a car when I turned 18 and it wasn't a Lexus or a high end car but completely content because it worked and was reliable. Actually I <3 my car *-*.

Here's what I suggest sit down with her as calmly as you can and since she is 18 (legal adult) you can be like hey can we talk this over..

Make sure she knows she covered through the end of June no matter what.
But until then she needs to respect your rules. Tell her how you feel about the car thing. I suggest saying " I feel like you are ungrateful.. " blahblahblah..
YELLING never works.. Just do it as calm as possible. Then you may get somewhere.
IF not tell her by August to get her own place :/

 

[Johnnz]

That's great and areal testimony on why maintaining the relationship can have long term benefits. The story of the prodigal tells us that God's love far exceeds poor choices.

John
NZ