Hello (and why I'm here)

[YochananNorth]

Hello everyone, my name is John and I'm 33. I made an account here hoping to find some friends to talk to, because it really helps with depression.

I was married (common law and religious ceremony) for 5 years. I want to say my marriage troubles started in 2017 , but that isn't entirely true. I sort of knew what kind of person my wife was, but I ignored it and hoped she would simply mature and seek God. In 2017, she wanted to leave me, but I had become suicidal and she decided to stay with me on account of that. She stayed with me an additional year.

However, a couple months ago, my wife had started using illegal substances, and I tried to correct her. That backfired and she's now essentially fornicating with the man who also supplies her with drugs. It's a coworker of her's at her job. She's started sleeping over there now, and I haven't seen her in about 3 days. By the way, her reasoning for breaking up with me is because she's "bored". I know I'm not perfect, but I love her dearly, and I've never done anything intentionally harmful to her. We never really even fought much, and we often did enjoy doing things together. Because of that, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around her reasoning. It just seems so petty.

She says the most important thing in life is "having fun". I told her she is wrong, and that the most important thing in the physical is family. Her response was basically, "to each their own." These days, I can't even talk to her anymore. She just tells me to mind my own business. Maybe the most amazing part is that she was raised a Christian (including following the commandments), but it just didn't seem to stick with her. I don't really know why.

I'm not sure why I'm alive right now. I had my finger on the trigger, but I couldn't do it. I'm just not sure why. I'm a very loyal person, and it was my goal to have just one marriage in life, because I didn't want to repeat the mistakes of my parents (they've both been through many marriages). I think I'm past the hard part of my breakup now, but I still get depressed easily because I don't have any friends in real life. My wife was my one real friend. I feel very alone.

I'm hoping to make some friends here, and if possible locally in the Denver area, because I really want to move forward with my life.

 

[sunshine100]

hello and welcome

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Hello everyone, my name is John and I'm 33. I made an account here hoping to find some friends to talk to, because it really helps with depression.

I was married (common law and religious ceremony) for 5 years. I want to say my marriage troubles started in 2017 , but that isn't entirely true. I sort of knew what kind of person my wife was, but I ignored it and hoped she would simply mature and seek God. In 2017, she wanted to leave me, but I had become suicidal and she decided to stay with me on account of that. She stayed with me an additional year.

However, a couple months ago, my wife had started using illegal substances, and I tried to correct her. That backfired and she's now essentially fornicating with the man who also supplies her with drugs. It's a coworker of her's at her job. She's started sleeping over there now, and I haven't seen her in about 3 days. By the way, her reasoning for breaking up with me is because she's "bored". I know I'm not perfect, but I love her dearly, and I've never done anything intentionally harmful to her. We never really even fought much, and we often did enjoy doing things together. Because of that, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around her reasoning. It just seems so petty.

She says the most important thing in life is "having fun". I told her she is wrong, and that the most important thing in the physical is family. Her response was basically, "to each their own." These days, I can't even talk to her anymore. She just tells me to mind my own business. Maybe the most amazing part is that she was raised a Christian (including following the commandments), but it just didn't seem to stick with her. I don't really know why.

I'm not sure why I'm alive right now. I had my finger on the trigger, but I couldn't do it. I'm just not sure why. I'm a very loyal person, and it was my goal to have just one marriage in life, because I didn't want to repeat the mistakes of my parents (they've both been through many marriages). I think I'm past the hard part of my breakup now, but I still get depressed easily because I don't have any friends in real life. My wife was my one real friend. I feel very alone.

I'm hoping to make some friends here, and if possible locally in the Denver area, because I really want to move forward with my life.

Welcome to the forum, in Jesus name, it is a great place to be. I will pray for you. The Prayer Wall is the place for lots of support and prayer which is what you need right now.
I pray for the Lord to direct you in the way that you should go, that he will strengthen you by his Holy Spirit and fill you with his peace in Jesus name...

 

[maintenance man]

Hello everyone, my name is John and I'm 33. I made an account here hoping to find some friends to talk to, because it really helps with depression.

You're in a dark place right now. Keep your eyes on Jesus and He'll walk through this with you. Don't stop. Keep going! You'll soon be in a brighter place. I know this absolutely.

Welcome to CF!

 

[EzekielsWheels]

If you feel comfortable please ask people to pray for you at the prayer wall forum. I pray for the Lord to comfort you at this time and you know the love Christ has for you.

 

[royal priest]

I'm hoping to make some friends here, and if possible locally in the Denver area, because I really want to move forward with my life.

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. Are you involved in any local church?

 

[Kenny'sID]

Hi, and so sorry this is all happening to you, it's a real mess that few of us could easily get through. You need to settle with the fact you need to get her out of your life, but for now, whatever it takes to stay away from that "trigger" is what you need to do.

Can you somehow get the gun/guns out of your house, and into the hands of someone who won't give them back until the time is right?

 

[Tempura]

I was never married, but I was in long relationships, we were supposed to get married, but everything fell apart. I can relate to some of what you said. The "true love and best friend" is a hard thing to lose, especially when it happens in a heart-breaking way, and double-especially when you build your life, yourself, around another person.

I'm a master of doing that, I grew up in a household with a lot of alcohol, fighting and fear, so naturally I became co-dependent in the way I think of relationships, and I attracted people with that same kind of insecurity. My "love" was always passionate and tireless, but it was also about...proving something about my worth, or trying to be worthy of something. About getting somebody else to love me the same way, there was always a desperation to it. So whenever a relationship was broken, I was broken too, and I didn't know who I was or how I could handle anything. My pain was also so hard that I thought I couldn't take it. At some point it manifested itself physically, I was in constant physical pain because of my emotional pain, and I couldn't even breathe properly. I drank for years, I abused my drugs I got for my anxiety and lack of sleep. It's hard to think about those days. I was full of despair, failure, regret and want. No peace at all. Just pain and the constant state of not being able to believe what even happened.

I thought I would have to kill myself to get rid of it, because I couldn't take it anymore. But I didn't, when the moment came. I prayed instead. I was a broken husk of a man, barely had any faith, but I prayed as I was, a broken mess. I lived to see the next day. And the next. And the day after that, and every day that followed. I didn't feel it back then, but now I can see that I was being carried. It took time, mostly because I was defiant and desperate about everything, but even the mental health treatments that didn't quite work before, some of them started working. Everything started to go a little bit better. Eventually I started to have actual hope, and my heart wasn't so heavy. And no matter if something worked or failed, no matter if I stumbled or didn't, little by little I learned to leave things for God. Not only myself, but the people I loved, including the women I had lived with and who betrayed me. Little by little my bitterness and hopelessness was taken away. Not because my faith was good, but because God is good, and the lower we are, the worse we are, the more our weakness becomes His strength. Because He is love, and His precious Son was sacrificed for us. His precious Son was sacrificed for you, and He wants everything good for us. He's relentless. That is why you didn't pull the trigger. There is a peace for you, but it won't come like that. It'll grow in you, and it will not leave you hopeless. It's wonderful how things that seem absolutely dark, beyond any repair, can bear a good fruit. God does that. And when we can't do anything else, we will endure, and later we will understand when we can see clearer.

Said a prayer for you and your wife. May God comfort you, give you strength and lift your burdens. Don't listen to any thoughts about self-harm. Remember that even if you have to feel your feelings, you don't have to obey them. In time, you won't be held hostage by them, you won't be ruled by them. That's what happened to me, and not by any trick I did. It was like breaking away from a cage. I thank God for that. And I was a mess, I was the biggest mess I've ever seen, I would have been the first to say that I will never know peace. I would've been wrong.

Also, please seek professional help. Therapy can be great. It can be used as a tool to understand all the ways we're lying to ourselves, about how we condition ourselves, how narrow our vision gets. I went to therapy on and off, but at some point even that started working for me, when I allowed God's love in, when I started breaking all the barricades I had built around myself. One day at a time, good man. And if I sound like I'm just spouting platitudes, that is not my intention at all. All of this is my experience.

No fear. God bless you.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

There is an Ask a Chaplain forum here too if that is of interest to you.

 

[YochananNorth]

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. Are you involved in any local church?

Yes, I started going to church the past couple weeks, although I haven't made any friends yet, but I am turning my life over to God. Truth is, the past few years, I haven't really had much focus on God. Sometimes I think this is punishment for me not having God first in my life.

Hi, and so sorry this is all happening to you, it's a real mess that few of us could easily get through. You need to settle with the fact you need to get her out of your life, but for now, whatever it takes to stay away from that "trigger" is what you need to do.

Can you somehow get the gun/guns out of your house, and into the hands of someone who won't give them back until the time is right?

Yes, I already did, although I think I'm passed that phase now, but I'm still very much fighting depression.

Thank you everyone for your kindness and prayers. I know words don't necessarily mean a lot these days, but it means something to me that you're taking your own time and sharing that with me.

 

[royal priest]

Yes, I started going to church the past couple weeks, although I haven't made any friends yet, but I am turning my life over to God. Truth is, the past few years, I haven't really had much focus on God. Sometimes I think this is punishment for me not having God first in my life.

Depression usually stems from feeling like you're alone. Immersing yourself in that community could go a long way in helping you. Serving others will cause you to be less focused on yourself and will give a sense of purpose. Moreover, realize that serving God's people is the very thing that He wants you to do with your life.
John 13:34-35
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

 

[Willmore]

Hello ! I am a newbie here too.
I am from Delaware. And I have my own history about my relationship with the Lord.

 

[DLovingBrother]

I don’t know what to say except really pray for her and ask for prayers wherever you can. God can heal anyone, and forgive any sin. Hopefully, she will wake up to her senses. If she ever does, it will take a long way of hardship and pain first before she even start to listen to the Lord. Just pray for her. Miracles happen everyday. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Make sure that the depression doesn’t get the better of you. There is still a good life in your future.