Healing from Narcissistic Abuse with Biblical Principles

[Seba9321]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to open up a conversation on a topic that I know is deeply painful but, unfortunately, far too common: narcissistic abuse. Whether it’s from a relationship, family member, or someone close, the emotional and psychological scars can feel overwhelming.

As a Christian who has studied the Bible for over 18 years and experienced healing from narcissistic abuse myself, I believe that the Word of God has powerful principles that can guide us through recovery. I wanted to share some of the steps that helped me and invite others to share their journey.

1. Recognize the Abuse​

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that what you experienced was real and not something to minimize. Narcissistic abuse can distort your sense of self-worth, but God's truth says otherwise. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." No one has the right to strip that away.

2. Lean on God for Healing​

God calls us to come to Him with our burdens. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Healing is not something we can do alone, and the love and grace of Christ can be the foundation of your recovery.

3. Setting Boundaries is Biblical​

For many, the hardest step in recovery is learning to set healthy boundaries. But boundaries are not only necessary, they are biblical. In Proverbs 4:23, we are told to "guard your heart." Boundaries protect your heart and mind, ensuring that toxic behaviors are not allowed to continue.

4. Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Reconciliation​

A lot of Christians struggle with the concept of forgiveness in the context of abuse. It’s important to remember that forgiveness does not mean putting yourself back in harm's way. Forgiveness is about releasing the hold the abuser has over your emotions, but it doesn’t mean you have to allow them back into your life (Matthew 18:21-22).

5. Community and Support​

Finally, healing from narcissistic abuse often requires community and support. God designed us to live in community, to bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). If you're going through this right now, know that you're not alone. There are many of us who understand the unique pain of this journey.

If you'd like to dive deeper into practical, faith-based steps to healing from narcissistic abuse, I’ve created a free self-assessment called “How Healed Are You?” Here is the link: How Healed Are You? – A Comprehensive Self-Assessment
It’s a tool to help you understand where you are in your healing journey and where God may be leading you next. Feel free to reach out if you’re interested, or send me a message for more resources and personalized support.

I’ll also leave a link to my YouTube channel, but I want to give a little context. The content on the channel may not be in 100% agreement with all Christians. The reason I say this is because if you haven’t experienced the trauma that these relationships bring, you may feel I’m being too extreme or not loving enough toward our enemies. However, this message is specifically for those who have been hurt. It’s for people who understand the gravity of this kind of pain, and that’s why I speak the way I do.

After over a decade of personal experience on this topic, I can tell you that people need to hear this message in this way. This is how God has guided me and healed me, and I’m sharing it with you in hopes that it will help others on their journey to healing.

Here’s the link to my YouTube channel: Faith Works Healing

With much love to my brethren,
May God bring you the healing that you need.

 

[Joseph G]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to open up a conversation on a topic that I know is deeply painful but, unfortunately, far too common: narcissistic abuse. Whether it’s from a relationship, family member, or someone close, the emotional and psychological scars can feel overwhelming.

As a Christian who has studied the Bible for over 18 years and experienced healing from narcissistic abuse myself, I believe that the Word of God has powerful principles that can guide us through recovery. I wanted to share some of the steps that helped me and invite others to share their journey.

1. Recognize the Abuse​

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that what you experienced was real and not something to minimize. Narcissistic abuse can distort your sense of self-worth, but God's truth says otherwise. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." No one has the right to strip that away.

2. Lean on God for Healing​

God calls us to come to Him with our burdens. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Healing is not something we can do alone, and the love and grace of Christ can be the foundation of your recovery.

3. Setting Boundaries is Biblical​

For many, the hardest step in recovery is learning to set healthy boundaries. But boundaries are not only necessary, they are biblical. In Proverbs 4:23, we are told to "guard your heart." Boundaries protect your heart and mind, ensuring that toxic behaviors are not allowed to continue.

4. Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Reconciliation​

A lot of Christians struggle with the concept of forgiveness in the context of abuse. It’s important to remember that forgiveness does not mean putting yourself back in harm's way. Forgiveness is about releasing the hold the abuser has over your emotions, but it doesn’t mean you have to allow them back into your life (Matthew 18:21-22).

5. Community and Support​

Finally, healing from narcissistic abuse often requires community and support. God designed us to live in community, to bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). If you're going through this right now, know that you're not alone. There are many of us who understand the unique pain of this journey.

If you'd like to dive deeper into practical, faith-based steps to healing from narcissistic abuse, I’ve created a free self-assessment called “How Healed Are You?” Here is the link: How Healed Are You? – A Comprehensive Self-Assessment
It’s a tool to help you understand where you are in your healing journey and where God may be leading you next. Feel free to reach out if you’re interested, or send me a message for more resources and personalized support.

I’ll also leave a link to my YouTube channel, but I want to give a little context. The content on the channel may not be in 100% agreement with all Christians. The reason I say this is because if you haven’t experienced the trauma that these relationships bring, you may feel I’m being too extreme or not loving enough toward our enemies. However, this message is specifically for those who have been hurt. It’s for people who understand the gravity of this kind of pain, and that’s why I speak the way I do.

After over a decade of personal experience on this topic, I can tell you that people need to hear this message in this way. This is how God has guided me and healed me, and I’m sharing it with you in hopes that it will help others on their journey to healing.

Here’s the link to my YouTube channel: Faith Works Healing

With much love to my brethren,
May God bring you the healing that you need.

There is no such thing as a "narcissist", meaning you're one and I'm not. We are all sinners with desperately wicked hearts in need of a Savior.

The self-righteous psychobable labels we put on each other is the Christian aligning with the "wisdom" of the god of this world - a compromise poisoning our witness.

By all means, rebuke the abusive but stick to Scriptural principles in doing so.

As for the one who belongs to Christ, His strength is sufficient to grant us the dignity and surety of our identities in Him to stand up in resistance to anyone else's shackles.

 

[Seba9321]

There is no such thing as a "narcissist", meaning you're one and I'm not. We are all sinners with desperately wicked hearts in need of a Savior.

The self-righteous psychobable labels we put on each other is the Christian aligning with the "wisdom" of the god of this world - a compromise poisoning our witness.

By all means, rebuke the abusive but stick to Scriptural principles in doing so.

As for the one who belongs to Christ, His strength is sufficient to grant us the dignity and surety of our identities in Him to stand up in resistance to anyone else's shackles.

Hello Joseph, I completely disagree with some of your points and I could state them here and be posting back and forth, not to mention that you started "rebuking" before you even introduced yourself, I didn't come to these forums to argue or debate, there are people who really need help on this specific issue, I even stated that the content could be controversial to some peope at the end of the post.

 

[Joseph G]

Hello Joseph, I completely disagree with some of your points and I could state them here and be posting back and forth, not to mention that you started "rebuking" before you even introduced yourself, I didn't come to these forums to argue or debate, there are people who really need help on this specific issue, I even stated that the content could be controversial to some peope at the end of the post.

Sorry, you said you wanted to open a conversation. I didn't anticipate that that involved agreeing with everything you say.

Worldly labels hurt, is all I'll say. Both the one who stamps the forehead of another out of hurt (which nurtured becomes bitterness), and the one thus labeled (taking the mark to mean they are unredeemable). Not the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Good day and may God have mercy on those who show mercy...

Matthew 5:43-45 KJV

"43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."

biblegateway.com

 

[trophy33]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to open up a conversation on a topic that I know is deeply painful but, unfortunately, far too common: narcissistic abuse. Whether it’s from a relationship, family member, or someone close, the emotional and psychological scars can feel overwhelming.

As a Christian who has studied the Bible for over 18 years and experienced healing from narcissistic abuse myself, I believe that the Word of God has powerful principles that can guide us through recovery. I wanted to share some of the steps that helped me and invite others to share their journey.

1. Recognize the Abuse​

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that what you experienced was real and not something to minimize. Narcissistic abuse can distort your sense of self-worth, but God's truth says otherwise. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." No one has the right to strip that away.

2. Lean on God for Healing​

God calls us to come to Him with our burdens. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Healing is not something we can do alone, and the love and grace of Christ can be the foundation of your recovery.

3. Setting Boundaries is Biblical​

For many, the hardest step in recovery is learning to set healthy boundaries. But boundaries are not only necessary, they are biblical. In Proverbs 4:23, we are told to "guard your heart." Boundaries protect your heart and mind, ensuring that toxic behaviors are not allowed to continue.

4. Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Reconciliation​

A lot of Christians struggle with the concept of forgiveness in the context of abuse. It’s important to remember that forgiveness does not mean putting yourself back in harm's way. Forgiveness is about releasing the hold the abuser has over your emotions, but it doesn’t mean you have to allow them back into your life (Matthew 18:21-22).

5. Community and Support​

Finally, healing from narcissistic abuse often requires community and support. God designed us to live in community, to bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). If you're going through this right now, know that you're not alone. There are many of us who understand the unique pain of this journey.

If you'd like to dive deeper into practical, faith-based steps to healing from narcissistic abuse, I’ve created a free self-assessment called “How Healed Are You?” Here is the link: How Healed Are You? – A Comprehensive Self-Assessment
It’s a tool to help you understand where you are in your healing journey and where God may be leading you next. Feel free to reach out if you’re interested, or send me a message for more resources and personalized support.

I’ll also leave a link to my YouTube channel, but I want to give a little context. The content on the channel may not be in 100% agreement with all Christians. The reason I say this is because if you haven’t experienced the trauma that these relationships bring, you may feel I’m being too extreme or not loving enough toward our enemies. However, this message is specifically for those who have been hurt. It’s for people who understand the gravity of this kind of pain, and that’s why I speak the way I do.

After over a decade of personal experience on this topic, I can tell you that people need to hear this message in this way. This is how God has guided me and healed me, and I’m sharing it with you in hopes that it will help others on their journey to healing.

Here’s the link to my YouTube channel: Faith Works Healing

With much love to my brethren,
May God bring you the healing that you need.

I agree with many things in your post, but I do not think this one is right:
"Forgiveness is about releasing the hold the abuser has over your emotions" - this is too ego-centric and emotional view that is neither biblical nor, in a broader sense, Christian, IMO.

 

[mourningdove~]

After over a decade of personal experience on this topic, I can tell you that people need to hear this message in this way. This is how God has guided me and healed me, and I’m sharing it with you in hopes that it will help others on their journey to healing.

Yes, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real thing.

One only has to personally be in a close relationship to a person with NPD, to know that it is real. And to know how damaging NPD behavior can be on others.

I am happy for you, to hear of your recovery from narcissistic abuse. And while there is much information on the internet about NA recovery, especially on YouTube ... most discussion does not take into account Biblical principles. But as Christians, we know our true healing is found in Jesus Christ.

So while many here may not understand what you are talking about, some of us here do! And I hope you will continue in your ministry to share the healing that God has given to you, so that others may find healing from narcissistic abuse, also.

God bless you!


p.s.
In today's world, I'm very surprised that this subject isn't discussed more on this forum where there are many people. Except that Christians are taught to be loving and empathetic and to endure suffering. But narcissistic abuse can be very damaging to one's very soul. It can even lead one to contemplate suicide. So while God tells us to love our enemies, and I do believe we should, I don't accept that He means for us 'to love' to the point of losing our soul, or our sanity, or our very life to suicide. There comes a time to seek helpful support, or leave the situation if possible.

There was one other thread recently here on CF on the subject of narcissism. Here is a link to that discussion:

Beware the narcissist friend: How to spot manipulation

I was not sure where to post this so I thought I’d put it here. I’m just curious if anyone has had a narcissist in their lives and how they handle it. What are the signs you look for? **************** “Did you notice how I outperformed everyone at work last week?” Alex boasted, radiating an...

www.christianforums.com

 

[mourningdove~]

There is no such thing as a "narcissist", meaning you're one and I'm not. We are all sinners with desperately wicked hearts in need of a Savior.

The self-righteous psychobable labels we put on each other is the Christian aligning with the "wisdom" of the god of this world - a compromise poisoning our witness.

By all means, rebuke the abusive but stick to Scriptural principles in doing so.

As for the one who belongs to Christ, His strength is sufficient to grant us the dignity and surety of our identities in Him to stand up in resistance to anyone else's shackles.

This is a mental health recovery forum, and not a debate forum:

There are persons, like myself, who come to the Recovery forums for information and support and fellowship.
(So, it is inappropriate for any of us to debate here.)

Respectfully, I suggest you open a thread on Narcissistic Personality Disorder in a debate forum, if you wish to discuss the validity of this condition.

Thank you.

 

[Joseph G]

This is a mental health recovery forum, and not a debate forum:

View attachment 355637

There are persons, like myself, who come to the Recovery forums for information and support and fellowship.
(So, it is inappropriate for any of us to debate here.)

Respectfully, I suggest you open a thread on Narcissistic Personality Disorder in a debate forum, if you wish to discuss the validity of this condition.

Thank you.

If this forum considers it actually helpful to separate what it defines as "Christian" from "Spiritual", then all that really remains is worldly advice, which hardly aids in recovery. On that, I'll happily take my exit.

Holy Scripture does not isolate the needs of the mind from the needs of the spirit.

 

[mourningdove~]

If this forum considers it actually helpful to separate what it defines as "Christian" from "Spiritual", then all that really remains is worldly advice, which hardly aids in recovery. On that, I'll happily take my exit.

Holy Scripture does not isolate the needs of the mind from the needs of the spirit.

We obviously view the opening post differently, but I, too, must abide by the rules and refrain from debate. Thank you for exiting the thread. Your charitableness is appreciated.

 

[linux.poet]

p.s.
In today's world, I'm very surprised that this subject isn't discussed more on this forum where there are many people. Except that Christians are taught to be loving and empathetic and to endure suffering. But narcissistic abuse can be very damaging to one's very soul. It can even lead one to contemplate suicide. So while God tells us to love our enemies, and I do believe we should, I don't accept that He means for us 'to love' to the point of losing our soul, or our sanity, or our very life to suicide. There comes a time to seek helpful support, or leave the situation if possible.

There was one other thread recently here on CF on the subject of narcissism. Here is a link to that discussion:

Beware the narcissist friend: How to spot manipulation

I was not sure where to post this so I thought I’d put it here. I’m just curious if anyone has had a narcissist in their lives and how they handle it. What are the signs you look for? **************** “Did you notice how I outperformed everyone at work last week?” Alex boasted, radiating an...

www.christianforums.com

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I will add that what these people need is discipline and correction on a continual basis. This is how you love them. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is say "no". No, I will not put up with that. No, that's wrong.

6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be associated with them, 8 for once you were darkness, but now in the Lord you are light. Walk as children of light, 9 for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. 10 Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness; rather, expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to mention what such people do secretly, 13 but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14 for everything that becomes visible is light.

You reject the mental illness's outputs in words and actions. If you love someone, you don't want their life to be controlled by a mental illness. Likewise, nobody wants to live life in a perpetual state of mentally ill self delusion. By rejecting the wrong and delusional out of this disorder, you are actually helping them.

After all, the most loving thing you can do for a deluded postmodern atheist is present the Gospel to them and reject their self-destructive delusional output with the truth of the Bible. The same is true for mental illnesses that generate lies on a continual basis. The problem is that, if this is a mental illness (NPD), the person is "technically" absolved of blame for their broken mind, but also - resisting lies and containing a person who is constantly looking for ways to hurt you is exhausting to our finite bodies. It's probably best to "get away from these people" as Jordan Taylor likes to say.

And worse, if you are tempted to believe some of their lies - the impact of narcissistic abuse on children is particularly devastating, since kids don't have a way to reject lies because they don't know any better and they are powerless to resist their own harm. Narcs prey on adults with lies they want to believe. Adult life is exhausting and hard and narcs promise false relief that turns out to be worse than the original problem. Exposure gives them more time to find a lie you want to hear. We're only human, constrained by fallen bodies in time.

With that, I would also caution that not all narcs are NPD and not all abusers are narcs. Narcissistic abuse is when the abuser defends their behavior patterns and false beliefs from their childhood trauma (including defending/supporting their abusers from childhood) and they refuse to change. This is different from the boom-crash "I'm so sorry, I'm going to change" abuse cycle that many men inflict on their spouses. Their families taught them "this is how you deal with women" so that's what they do, but they don't think they are superior for doing it.

“I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

Our Lord is a fortress of truth. May He protect you and keep you from lies and evil.

 

[mourningdove~]

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I will add that what these people need is discipline and correction on a continual basis. This is how you love them. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is say "no". No, I will not put up with that. No, that's wrong.

Were you in a long term relationship with a narcissist?
Were you able to continually say 'no' to them?
And how did that go for you? (What was the narcisist's response?)
Just wondering ...

 

[mourningdove~]

With that, I would also caution that not all narcs are NPD and not all abusers are narcs.

I agree there is a difference, between persons who are narcissistic and those who are actually NPD.
When I refer to a narcissist, I am referring to persons with NPD.

I think one would be hard pressed to find a person with NPD who has also not been abusive to someone.

 

[linux.poet]

Were you in a long term relationship with a narcissist?
Were you able to continually say 'no' to them?
And how did that go for you? (What was the narcisist's response?)
Just wondering ...

It was my dad, so yes.
Yes, near the end of the relationship.
He left.
He lost.
He left (my house)
He lost (the eviction case, the battle for my college degrees)

"If you want to do that, pack your bags and go!"
He said that thousands of times.
I said no as many times.
I stayed
He left.

Narcs,
they come back and repeat their demands over and over
threaten actions
violence when you say no.

When they use the sword,
use the law to contain them.
when they take out the sword,
Get a bigger sword.

 

[mourningdove~]

It was my dad, so yes.
Yes, near the end of the relationship.
He left.
He lost.
He left (my house)
He lost (the eviction case, the battle for my college degrees)

"If you want to do that, pack your bags and go!"
He said that thousands of times.
I said no as many times.
I stayed
He left.

Narcs,
they come back and repeat their demands over and over
threaten actions
violence when you say no.

When they use the sword,
use the law to contain them.
when they take out the sword,
Get a bigger sword.

I'm glad it worked for you, in your situation.

I do not think it is always possible to get away from them, depending on one's relationship to them, but generally I believe it is good to get away ... or watch them leave ... if the relationship has become destructive.