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He was there for me before I even knew him

Discussion in 'Testimonies' started by Lyllie, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Lyllie

    Lyllie New Member

    10
    +19
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    Married
    “God, you can’t have him yet. He’s mine and I need him. Our kids need him! I can’t lose him right now, it’s not the right time and we’re not ready. Please don’t take him from us. I’m begging you”. These were the first words I have ever truly spoken to God and I meant them with every fibre of my being. In a moment of crisis, I went from being sceptical (to say the least) about the whole ‘Christianity thing’ to knowing deep in my soul that there was only one place to turn to for any chance of getting out of the nightmare I’d found myself stuck in.

    An hour before, I’d been told that my previously fit and healthy husband didn’t have the chest infection we thought had been making him sick for the last 6 weeks. He had severe and terminal Interstitial Lung Disease with an as yet unknown, rapid onset autoimmune cause and it had permanently scarred and destroyed more than 70% of his lung capacity. With no real idea of what was happening to him, and things moving so quickly, his doctors had given him 24 hours to live.

    I can’t explain how it feels to be told that the love of your life, your best friend, the person who makes you whole, is going to leave this earth. No words can truly capture that feeling. Physically it felt like someone poured ice cold water through my body, mentally and emotionally I felt like I’d been switched off.

    I went home, got on my knees, and begged to the God I’d ignored for my whole life. And for a little while we got our miracle. My husband wasn’t cured and my life wasn’t suddenly filled with rainbows and lollipops, but my husband’s doctors found a way to keep him going while they worked out what was happening to him. He was discharged from hospital, placed on oxygen for 20 hours a day and I became his full-time carer. Our lives became a whirl of specialist appointments, potent medications, scary talks about lung transplants, autoimmune chemotherapy, medical research and tests. But amid all that we were happy, and incredibly grateful to be together as a family. Of course there were tough times. I would wake up multiple times during the night just to make sure John was breathing, if someone sneezed near him I would feel terrified, knowing that a simple cold or flu could mean death for him. And for John there was the adjustment of going from physically strong to frail and having a permanent disability, he couldn’t even bend over or his breathing would cut off. Making himself a cup of tea or having a shower would leave him gasping for air.

    And despite the amazing gift of having him still with us, I forgot about God. Until 18 months later, when John got that cold I’d been dreading and landed in hospital again. Unfortunately, this time things were far worse than before. After 4 days in hospital, no improvement from antibiotics and no obvious virus pinpointed, John was unable to breathe on his own and was placed in an induced coma in the ICU. Once again, we were told things weren’t good and that any family who wanted to see him should come in the next 24 hours. Once again, I had to tell my children that their Dad was likely not coming home. When your Autistic and normally unemotional child sobs like his heart is breaking a little part of you dies inside.

    I was exhausted to the core. And numb. Emotionally broken, although at the time I thought I was just coping really well. I concentrated on groceries, cleaning the house, bathing the dog, home-schooling. Anything except what was staring me in the face. The very real possibility that my soulmate would never again lay next to me in our bed, never hold me, laugh with me or kiss me.

    Once again, I found myself on my knees praying to God, but this time it was a very different prayer. Something inside of me had changed, I wasn’t just praying to some big distant guy in the sky. I felt a connection that I hadn’t ever experienced before. I prayed “Okay God, you know I love him more than life itself. But I also don’t want him to be forever on this horrible rollercoaster of sickness and fear. If it’s your will to take him, if that is your plan for his life; then that’s okay. But, I ask is that you watch over his heart, please don’t make him sad to leave us and please make sure that he’s happy with you and that he knows how truly loved he is. I trust that you will do what is best for him. I hand him over to you”.

    At 3am I called the ICU and spoke to his nurse to make sure he was still stable. She told me he was okay and she put the phone next to his ear so I could tell him I loved him. She also let me know that they’d moved him. He was in bed 41 ward 3. I was so tired that I didn’t even get out of bed to write it down, I just typed it into google on my Ipad and fell back to sleep.

    In the morning, I woke up and checked the Ipad again for the room details so I could call and get an update before I headed in to see him. In the middle of my screen was not the room information I was expecting, it was a bible verse. Psalms 41:3

    “The Lord will sustain him upon his sickbed;
    and restore him to health.”

    I remember looking at that verse and having a sense of utter peace wash over me. I knew, right then and there that John was going to be perfectly fine. I knew that even though I had never done anything for God, never worshipped him, never followed him, never been loyal to him – that he was right there with me and right there with John.

    And 2 years on, I am so incredibly blessed and happy to say, that John really is fine. He was in hospital for a month and when he first came home he was as weak as a kitten. But God didn’t just return him to us, he gave him an entirely new outlook on life and the difference is astounding. His autoimmune disease is under control. The permanent scarring on his lungs and all the damage that caused is largely gone. He is no longer on oxygen, he goes to the gym, he’s active, he’s happy and at peace with whatever the future may hold.

    He also lies next to me in bed, he holds me, we laugh, he spends time with our children and while he certainly wouldn’t class himself as a Christian, he’s open to knowing God and that is an amazing blessing.

    For me, it’s changed my world. I can’t explain how I knew that God was involved in John’s recovery. It’s just a deep knowing in my soul and it’s changed my world. To know that God is there and that whatever life brings he’s watching over us is a comfort unlike anything I’ve ever known.

    My path to Christianity has not been a short one, or an easy one (I am a natural sceptic and extremely curious) but I am so grateful every day that I am on this walk. I feel like I’ve been gifted with the most wonderful life I could ever imagine. I don’t know why God felt I was worthy of that, but I will continue to thank him for it every single day. Not just when things are going wonderfully, but also when things get rough, because I know there’s growth and gifts hidden in every challenge that gets sent my way.
     
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  2. mukk_in

    mukk_in Yagna Mukkamala Supporter

    704
    +844
    India
    Christian
    Celibate
    Wonderful testimony. God bless and keep being strong in Christ :)
     
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  3. Chosen_and_blessed

    Chosen_and_blessed Well-Known Member Supporter

    512
    +710
    Netherlands
    Christian
    Married
    This testimony means so much to me. Thank you for sharing it! May God continue to bless you and your family.
     
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  4. Spirit Reborn

    Spirit Reborn His beautiful work-in-progress ♥

    978
    +966
    Christian
    Celibate
    What a beautiful testimony..May God continually heal, comfort, and help you and your family throughout this journey of life. Thanks for sharing it with us. :)
     
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  5. SpiritofaDove

    SpiritofaDove Well-Known Member Supporter

    517
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    Catholic
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    Beautiful. God is so amazing. I pray that your husband continues to heal and that God continues to surround your family with His love and comfort. May God's peace always be with you.
     
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  6. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer

    +626
    Christian
    Married
    This seems to be an amazing act of God to respond to one in great mercy, who was far off and not thinking about God. It shows that God knows our heart even before we know Him, and at the right time He begins a work in one. I just pray it will mature to abiding faith, and you ---Lylllie and your whole family, will be drawn closer to God and His immutable Word to know Him in your life always. Make the Lord Jesus your best Friend and trust Him, which is what our Creator-God intends (see John 14 for a good overview of our Lord's desire for us).
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2017
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  7. Lyllie

    Lyllie New Member

    10
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    Married
    Thank you all so much for your replies and well wishes, you're so lovely! Our God is pretty amazing right? :) xoxo
     
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