He stares at

[Guy Incognito]

So when your wife brought that to you did you stop and never do it again? (pinterest issue) The problem I'm having is I've brought it up maybe 4-5 times very sweet and nice and now I'm getting angry about it since he continues to do it and still hasn't seeked any help... *sigh* I'm at a loss.

Praise God, yes - for the most part (aside from now realizing it was a temptation that would flare up and something to be aware of) I have been able to stay away.

It's great that you have been calling him out - and I can understand how upsetting it is. It seems like your husband doesn't understand that this is wrong (basing this on the "as long as you don't cheat" attitude) and, this is a "normal" behaviour - both of which need to change/be unlearned.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[Tolworth John]

He says he never even notices he does it. I find that hard to believe.

We all like to 'admire' pretty ladies and we all struggle with the very narrow line from admiring to Leering!

As Jesus said if you look with lust at a girl it is as bad as having committed adultery with her!

He/I is responcible for how he looks and how he/I look is influenced by how he/I think.

May I suggest you talk to your husband about inappropriate content.
What anti inappropriate content filters are on your home computer etc and on his phone.

Something is influencing his leering.

 

[Deidre32]

I think I'd pray about it. This isn't an issue in my marriage, but if it were, I don't know if I'd call him out on it, because it's just not me. I think I'd wonder if he was the right one for me, if he treats me with such disrespect. It would be too exhausting to keep watching my husband and where he's looking every time we're out, and then calling him out on it. I will pray for you guys.

 

[Roseonathorn]

So when your wife brought that to you did you stop and never do it again? (pinterest issue) The problem I'm having is I've brought it up maybe 4-5 times very sweet and nice and now I'm getting angry about it since he continues to do it and still hasn't seeked any help... *sigh* I'm at a loss.

Well You could maybe tell him that when one search pictures on ones name on certain searchengines the pictures of stuff that the person saves on pinterest or had on their facebookpage and pictures that one has commented on in ones name can come up to those that search on the name. So if Ben Hollywell likes billygoats on pinterest then when one write Ben Hollywell in the google seach on picture then Bens billygoats that he saved might show for all who search his name.

 

[Katya123]

So very sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with much of the advice on here. Good and sound. If he won't quit and he won't seek counsel then maybe you can tell him that you are going to seek counsel and talk to your pastor.....because you ARE aware of it and it is extremely hurtful and disrespectful. That may move him to get some help! If it doesn't, would you consider some personal counseling yourself? I have always found counseling good and freeing..a better perspective. I'll be praying for you!

 

[*LILAC]

Carry a can of mace? Spray him when he keeps leering!

But yes, most of all get some help of some kind.

 

[tall73]

May I suggest you talk to your husband about inappropriate content.
What anti inappropriate content filters are on your home computer etc and on his phone.

Something is influencing his leering.

Given this previous thread: Relations

This sounds like a good idea. The OP indicated previously that even though they were recently married he didn't want sex with her very often. And he indicated he is not interested in sex that often.

However, that doesn't match up with the described behavior in this thread. Here he is interested enough to stare at women so intently that it is obvious to all around him.

It sounds like he is perhaps diverting his sexual energies towards other women, rather than his spouse.

As you indicated, he could be looking for novel stimuli often. This could include inappropriate content. Or it could be he just finds it by staring at women. Either way, he is seeking out novel sexual partners in his mind, rather than focusing on his wife. But if it does involve a large amount of inappropriate content that can drive him to seek out more and more novelty and have less desire for his spouse. And some studies are correlating it to ED in men, which could drive the desire to not have sex if things are not working at times when he tries to.

The OP may want to discuss how these two interrelate. If he has sexual energy to stare at strangers, he should have it to meet her needs as well.

And as a previous poster alluded to, Jesus indicates this is a sin:

Matthew 5:27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

[Toro]

"The devil made me do it" is no excuse... we ALL have the flesh and capacity of sin. Yet plenty of men and women resist.

Is it hard to squash bad habits? Absolutely. But "the devil made me do it" is a way of excusing sin and not taking responsibility for the sin. The VERY same thing that Adam and Eve did. Eve didnt do it, it was the serpent. Adam didnt do it it was Eves fault and since God gave Eve to Adam..... he tried to blame God.

Instead of taking the blame of the sin and asking forgiveness. Not only asking forgiveness but a TRUE repentance of the act. It doesnt mean that IF he is truly repentant that he will not stumble in his attempt to get free of the bad habit, but by NOT taking responsibility for his actions he will likely never receive the grace to be free of that which" the devil makes him do."

It wont/wouldnt be an easy road.. there is a reason why the Pharisees and even many today prefer to cling to the law. The law gives them a way to wash the outside of their cup but the inside can remain lustful, prideful, greedy etc. The Spirit demands that the inside of our cups be cleaned. That means we cant justify our sins by "the devil made me do it" Who controls our lives as Christian's? Christ or the devil?

Even in the ways of this wicked world STARING at a woman or man is not acceptable behavior and is considered creepy. IF the world doesnt even justify it, how much less should a Christian ? (IF he proclaims to be one)

The world can justify a glance as "only human" but even the world sees a long stare, especially with you right there as disrespectful to you.

That said it COULD be such a long held habit that he ISNT aware of it... call him on it as he said... if he gets defensive instead of repentant and genuinely sorry he hurt you, you know where his heart truly is.

 

[andy b]

Maybe your husband is just no good at hiding it .....listen sister all straight men look at pretty women it's just some are more discrete than others and if if a man says differently he's bluffing ......I'd be more suspicious if he wasn't glancing because then you would know there's something amiss

 

[Swan7]

I gotta say, that response was pretty wordly...

 

[Toro]

Matthew 5:28-30

Just cause MANY do it doesnt make it okay or excusable.

It's right there, do you agree with Christ or the world?

1 John 2:15

 

[andy b]

Matthew 5:28-30

Just cause MANY do it doesnt make it okay or excusable.

It's right there, do you agree with Christ or the world?
Bro there ain't no Christ's walking the earth men are men women are women it's how far you wanna take things ...you want to get divorced because your wife likes Brad Pitts abs or she divorces you because some waitress bends over and you glance get real bro ain't no one died
1 John 2:15

 

[Swan7]

.... wow. No Spirit in that whatsoever.

Well, if the OP is looking for Spiritual Christian-ship, then I think she will look at that and of course ask God to guide her through this mess. 'Prayers for her and her husband.

 

[Toro]

"Ain't no one died"

Except Christ...... or do you think that Jesus is "Okay" with living in and excusing sin?

Jesus didnt die to give us a license to sin. He died so that we could pursue freedom from sin through Him.

"Get real" How much more real do you want it? Christ died because we sin, even down to that "harmless little glance" sin not so that we could justify it and keep doing it, but so that we could recognize it and deal with it for what it is, sin.

Is it easy? No, it means going against what your flesh wants to do... Romans 8:6 Do you justify what is in your flesh to live by flesh or do agree with what Jesus said... that it's wrong and find yourself in the place of Romans 7:15-20 which paves the way to becoming as Romans 8:5-16 says.

 

[andy b]

"Ain't no one died"

Except Christ...... or do you think that Jesus is "Okay" with living in and excusing sin?

Jesus didnt die to give us a license to sin. He died so that we could pursue freedom from sin through Him.

"Get real" How much more real do you want it? Christ died even down to that "harmless little glance" not so that we could justify it.

What are. You on about bro your equating glancing at a women to being crucified.........I'm walking down the street with my wife a pretty women walks past I glanced at her no one noticed I shouldn't of but I couldnt help it I'll try harder next time ........that it no divorces no kids without a father .....I'm not talking about adultery or chatting up

 

[andy b]

.... wow. No Spirit in that whatsoever.

Well, if the OP is looking for Spiritual Christian-ship, then I think she will look at that and of course ask God to guide her through this mess. 'Prayers for her and her husband.

 

[andy b]

Sister I ain't condoned anything but you have to look at the big picture

 

[Toro]

What are. You on about bro your equating glancing at a women to being crucified.........I'm walking down the street with my wife a pretty women walks past I glanced at her no one noticed I shouldn't of but I couldnt help it I'll try harder next time ........that it no divorces no kids without a father .....I'm not talking about adultery or chatting up

I extended my post, I'd advise a reread.

If you still dont understand after that all I can pray is some day that you will.

It wasnt that sin happens, it's the justification of said sin. If you OWN up to it and KNOW you need to change and be better and through prayer you pursue being better thsts one thing.

You however in your first post justified it as "all men do it, if not there is something wrong with them." That's justification, not repentance. Then stated "ain't like no one died". Sin is sin, period.

Sin, all sin separates us from the Father. If you are angry with your brother it's the same as murder. If you look at a woman with lust that us not your wife you ARE an adulterer... this is Jesus' words, not mine.

 

[andy b]

I extended my post, I'd advise a reread.

If you still dont understand after that all I can pray is some day that you will.

It wasnt that sin happens, it's the justification of said sin.

Bro I fully understand it's wrong but I'm honest you telling me hand onheart you don't look at a supermodel pictures in a magazine or on TV you telling me a waitress never caught your eye not for one second .....behave yourself man you can't kid a kidder

 

[Toro]

Again, there is a difference between a slip while in true repentance and justification of and living in sin.