Having difficulty accepting Gods love

[Bluerose31]

I'm having difficulty accepting Gods love as a Christian. I have gone back and forth to say I am Hebrew, Pagan Christian, Catholic, but really I am just a Christian. I am very confused because of my rape and abuse. The people who abused me did so with Christian imagery and objects. I was forced to destroy a Bible, I was forced to take off a cross that they brought me. They would say if I wear it I would not get abused but when I wore it they would abuse me worse. They would not let me read the Bible. They forced me to go to church several times, a christian church and then would take me to the bathroom and abuse me. They talked about me going to Hell alot. They said they would never forgive me for my sins and that I was evil to them. They did this for months. That is why it is hard for me to be a Christian, because they abused me for being a Christian.

 

[Aldebaran]

I'm having difficulty accepting Gods love as a Christian. I have gone back and forth to say I am Hebrew, Pagan Christian, Catholic, but really I am just a Christian. I am very confused because of my rape and abuse. The people who abused me did so with Christian imagery and objects. I was forced to destroy a Bible, I was forced to take off a cross that they brought me. They would say if I wear it I would not get abused but when I wore it they would abuse me worse. They would not let me read the Bible. They forced me to go to church several times, a christian church and then would take me to the bathroom and abuse me. They talked about me going to Hell alot. They said they would never forgive me for my sins and that I was evil to them. They did this for months. That is why it is hard for me to be a Christian, because they abused me for being a Christian.

Oh my! I'm really sorry to hear that you've gone through all this. I can see how your experience would make you wonder about Christianity and God's love when you learned about it in the way you did. But let me assure you that what you endured is NOT in any way representative of God's love for us. Very simply, I would suggest "hitting the reset button" and doing your best to start over in learning about God and His love for us. A bible study where the bible is actually studied would be a good start. Once you get an understanding directly from the bible itself, you'll have a much more accurate view of God's love.

Trust me, the abuse you suffered is in no way a representation of God. God is love. Abuse is abuse.

 

[Bluerose31]

Oh my! I'm really sorry to hear that you've gone through all this. I can see how your experience would make you wonder about Christianity and God's love when you learned about it in the way you did. But let me assure you that what you endured is NOT in any way representative of God's love for us. Very simply, I would suggest "hitting the reset button" and doing your best to start over in learning about God and His love for us. A bible study where the bible is actually studied would be a good start. Once you get an understanding directly from the bible itself, you'll have a much more accurate view of God's love.

Trust me, the abuse you suffered is in no way a representation of God. God is love. Abuse is abuse.

Thank you very much for this. I will have to study a bible study and try to hit the reset button to learn who God really is and what his love really feels like. Thank you

 

[miknik5]

Where are your parents

 

[Bluerose31]

Where are your parents

I'm 29 and live at home with my parents now. I was being held in a apartment with the people who abused me. They had me tell my parents I was living there willingly. They set me free and I live at home again.

 

[miknik5]

I'm 29 and live at home with my parents now. I was being held in a apartment with the people who abused me. They had me tell my parents I was living there willingly. They set me free and I live at home again.

And how are your parents helping you


And are these people charged with criminal behavior?

Or did they just go scott free?

 

[miknik5]

And are you saying during the time you were held hostage, you never saw your parents

And that wasn't unusual to them?

 

[PollyJetix]

I'm having difficulty accepting Gods love as a Christian. I have gone back and forth to say I am Hebrew, Pagan Christian, Catholic, but really I am just a Christian. I am very confused because of my rape and abuse. The people who abused me did so with Christian imagery and objects. I was forced to destroy a Bible, I was forced to take off a cross that they brought me. They would say if I wear it I would not get abused but when I wore it they would abuse me worse. They would not let me read the Bible. They forced me to go to church several times, a christian church and then would take me to the bathroom and abuse me. They talked about me going to Hell alot. They said they would never forgive me for my sins and that I was evil to them. They did this for months. That is why it is hard for me to be a Christian, because they abused me for being a Christian.

Your post made some things clear.
You know instinctively that real Christianity is not what those people were.
You instinctively know that God is not like that.

You are going back and forth, trying to decide who you are... but inside, you know. It's just hard to focus on God right now, because of the pain and the confusion, stemming from those hypocrites.

It's okay to be angry at them. It's okay to shout that they were evil people.
God agrees with you.

You don't have to perform, for God to care about you deeply.
He loves you as you are... just as broken and messed up as you feel inside.
He would love to shelter you in His loving arms, and help you heal inside.

Forget all the outward identities of labels... denominations.
Those are all creations of man, anyhow.

What your soul needs is God Himself.

And the only reason we call God a male is because we are human.
He isn't male or female. He is spirit.
God isn't a sexual being. He is above all that.

God created sexuality. Sexuality belongs to humans, not spirit beings.
You can rest assured that God is neither He nor She.
(English REALLY needs a genderless first personal pronoun!!!)
God will never abuse you.

Spend time with God alone, and ask Him to reveal Himself to you.
God is perfect love. "He" will talk with you, in your heart.
You can know it's "Him", if you hear His loving voice.

He does not crush the bruised.
He frees the oppressed.
He sets the slave free.

You don't have to make up a god to suit your needs.
The true God is so incredibly superior to anything you could imagine!

"He" loves you, and is waiting for you to seek "Him" with all your heart.

 

[Bluerose31]

And how are your parents helping you


And are these people charged with criminal behavior?

Or did they just go scott free?

My parents dont know and I cant tell them it would devastate them. I have gone to the police and the police are aware of what happened to me and I feel they will stay away now.

 

[Bluerose31]

And are you saying during the time you were held hostage, you never saw your parents

And that wasn't unusual to them?

I was allowed to talk to them on the phone but not see them.

 

[Bluerose31]

Your post made some things clear.
You know instinctively that real Christianity is not what those people were.
You instinctively know that God is not like that.

You are going back and forth, trying to decide who you are... but inside, you know. It's just hard to focus on God right now, because of the pain and the confusion, stemming from those hypocrites.

It's okay to be angry at them. It's okay to shout that they were evil people.
God agrees with you.

You don't have to perform, for God to care about you deeply.
He loves you as you are... just as broken and messed up as you feel inside.
He would love to shelter you in His loving arms, and help you heal inside.

Forget all the outward identities of labels... denominations.
Those are all creations of man, anyhow.

What your soul needs is God Himself.

And the only reason we call God a male is because we are human.
He isn't male or female. He is spirit.
God isn't a sexual being. He is above all that.

God created sexuality. Sexuality belongs to humans, not spirit beings.
You can rest assured that God is neither He nor She.
(English REALLY needs a genderless first personal pronoun!!!)
God will never abuse you.

Spend time with God alone, and ask Him to reveal Himself to you.
God is perfect love. "He" will talk with you, in your heart.
You can know it's "Him", if you hear His loving voice.

He does not crush the bruised.
He frees the oppressed.
He sets the slave free.

You don't have to make up a god to suit your needs.
The true God is so incredibly superior to anything you could imagine!

"He" loves you, and is waiting for you to seek "Him" with all your heart.

Thank you so much. It encouraged me to be at peace in God

 

[visionary]

If I was where you are at, I would hug you and let you know that I am here for you. I pray that you get real with God and let God get real with you. Only His healing hand will help you get over this and feel cleansed of all unrighteousness. And you can move on as if that period in your life holds nothing on your future.

 

[miknik5]

I was allowed to talk to them on the phone but not see them.

No one did anything about this?

No arrests
Nothing

How long were you held
And how did you get free
And how long ago did you gain your freedom

 

[Aldebaran]

My parents dont know and I cant tell them it would devastate them. I have gone to the police and the police are aware of what happened to me and I feel they will stay away now.

Did the police say they will actually do anything about this?

 

[Bluerose31]

If I was where you are at, I would hug you and let you know that I am here for you. I pray that you get real with God and let God get real with you. Only His healing hand will help you get over this and feel cleansed of all unrighteousness. And you can move on as if that period in your life holds nothing on your future.

Thank you for saying this

 

[Bluerose31]

No one did anything about this?

No arrests
Nothing

How long were you held
And how did you get free
And how long ago did you gain your freedom

There were no arrests for it. I was afraid of them so I did not push a charge on them, nor did I tell the police everything that happened. I was held for over 6 months. They just let me go one day. They said they had finished the sacrifice and that they were Christian now
It has been a month or so that I have gained my freedom. Im still distraught about it.

 

[Bluerose31]

Did the police say they will actually do anything about this?

No the police said they would not do anything but watch them and make sure I am not stalked anymore but they could not prove my kidnapping. Also I was afraid and did not press charges on the people. I also was too afraid to tell the police everything that happened.

 

[Aldebaran]

No the police said they would not do anything but watch them and make sure I am not stalked anymore but they could not prove my kidnapping. Also I was afraid and did not press charges on the people. I also was too afraid to tell the police everything that happened.

Please don't let those people keep you afraid to the point that they aren't held accountable for what they did to you. Hearing about this really makes me angry that there are people like them who do things like this--and have the audacity to claim that they're doing it in God's name--and now think they can let the fear they've placed in you be some kind of insurance that they'll never be held accountable. Please, please don't let them win!

 

[Bluerose31]

Please don't let those people keep you afraid to the point that they aren't held accountable for what they did to you. Hearing about this really makes me angry that there are people like them who do things like this--and have the audacity to claim that they're doing it in God's name--and now think they can let the fear they've placed in you be some kind of insurance that they'll never be held accountable. Please, please don't let them win!

Thank you for saying this. I feel this site and people like you will help me to be strong and to heal. I don't want them to win in my life by destroying my soul.

 

[Aldebaran]

Thank you for saying this. I feel this site and people like you will help me to be strong and to heal. I don't want them to win in my life by destroying my soul.

Well, not only that but I hope they don't win by thinking they can continue what they're doing. I've heard way to many incidents like this on the news where women have been held in someone's home against their will for months or years at a time. It's only when those people are caught that they stop abducting/imprisoning women for their own purposes.