Having a crush on someone

[Life2Christ]

I like having crushes on people because it gives someone a mental break. We carry these heavy mental burdens every day, whatever they may be (bills, problems, worries about health/job) and then along comes someone unexpected that rocks your world. And the best part is, you can totally keep it a secret if you want to. You don't have to worry that they don't feel the same way as you.

I have an intense crush on someone at church at the moment. I try not to even look in his direction LOL. Not sure if he's married or has a girlfriend so I have to tread carefully.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Life,
I can see how that would work for you. I'd never heard of crushes being used that way tho. Interesting.

I did something new at church last Sunday. It was mother's day. This lady about my age didn't go up front to get prayed for and the gift they were giving. So as we started to level the pew. I asked her if she was going to get a hug today. She said she might and seemed a little confused. So I asked would you like a hug. Yes .. so we had a good hug. Now I'm not attracted to her, so I was hoping she didn't start a fantasy going that I was thinking of starting something. I guess you would be fine with that just being what it is, a friendship hug, plus your own crush! I'd be OK even knowing you had a crush on me as long as you weren't hurt if I didn't feel the same.

But it seems most don't like that!?

 

[Delta77]

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. " I would say be careful. I would also say trust in God to bring the perfect person into your life and be careful with love. Its quite powerful. How often do you have crushes? How long do they usually last? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. lol i just read the top and found out that this subject forum is like 30+ =D lol maybe im out of my leage !

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Delta,
You handled yourself well. Most young adults don't want to be classified with the mature as in most of us are close to 50.
By our age we are aware of the power of a crush. By our age there are something things we have learn to handle very well. I just accepted that she had learned how to handle crushes and use the energy of New Relationship Energy (NRE) very well. So she doesn't need to be careful.
However, I really like your questions and hope Life gets to answer them.

 

[Life2Christ]

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. " I would say be careful. I would also say trust in God to bring the perfect person into your life and be careful with love. Its quite powerful. How often do you have crushes? How long do they usually last? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. lol i just read the top and found out that this subject forum is like 30+ =D lol maybe im out of my leage !

I'm all about guarding my heart so that is good advice and one that I am very aware of. I don't get crushes often but emotional side of a crush is one that someone cannot control. I did not expect like this guy, my body is just reacting to the invisible chemistry. That is why I don't even look his way. I don't know how long this one will last. I'm just trying to keep it under wraps. I'm interested in his personal life and can ask someone about it but I don't want to blow my cover.

By the way, the reason I am being so secretive is not only because I don't know his relationship status, but because I am deathly afraid of rejection. So I can't get rejected if he doesn't know how I feel.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, its a nice surprise when we get that chemistry thing going.
That the rejection things is powerful. I always try to communicate acceptance, that I accept hem as a human. But clearly I can't accept everyone as a GF.

 

[blackribbon]

I don't like crushes. It is like being 16 again...and I don't want to go there again. Too many emotions and not enough logic. Now, chemistry...that I like...but I had chemistry with my husband after 16 years of marriage...so I don't consider them the same thing.

 

[Life2Christ]

I don't like crushes. It is like being 16 again...and I don't want to go there again. Too many emotions and not enough logic.

LOL..so true. But I find it fun. I'm a very stoic and cynical person by nature. So when something catches me by surprise, I like it.

 

[Delta77]

I'm all about guarding my guarding my heart so that is good advice and one that I am very aware of. I don't get crushes often but emotional side of a crush is one that someone cannot control. I did not expect like this guy, my body is just reacting to the invisible chemistry. That is why I don't even look his way. I don't know how long this one will last. I'm just trying to keep it under wraps. I'm interested in his personal life and can ask someone about it but I don't want to blow my cover.

By the way, the reason I am being so secretive is not only because I don't know his relationship status, but because I am deathly afraid of rejection. So I can't get rejected if he doesn't know how I feel.

Ah i see. well being afraid of rejection is a legitimate concern. lol once again you are probably not going to want to hear this from a punk 20yr old but i shall tell you a little of my story. i have only had feelings for one girl. unfortunately i didn't know what i was doing and i fell in love without waiting for God to give the green light. anyway i was afraid of rejection as well but i decided that if it was in God's Will then it would work out. and if it wasn't then the rejection was of God and I should wait on his timing. it was hard because i didn't flip over any of my "cards" and try to win her over. anyway i told her my feelings and got rejected. devastating doesn't explain the half of it. but through that experience i learned to trust God and give him my emotions. Anyway after i got rejected i still had very strong emotions for her and i was not too happy with God. Anyway through prayer and other things God made it quite clear that wasn't of him and he was taking me down a different course. So i know my story probably wasn't applicable to you. But what I’m trying to say is this. Give God your fears; get your personal identity and worth from him. Trust him. God will open doors and he will close them. But you will never know which ones are open or closed if you don't knock.
your brother in Christ,
josiah

 

[Life2Christ]

Thank you Josiah! Believe it or not you might be a "punk 20 year old" but you are full of wisdom and have helped me settle my unsettled spirit.

 

[aflower4God]

I like having crushes on people because it gives someone a mental break. We carry these heavy mental burdens every day, whatever they may be (bills, problems, worries about health/job) and then along comes someone unexpected that rocks your world. And the best part is, you can totally keep it a secret if you want to. You don't have to worry that they don't feel the same way as you.

I have an intense crush on someone at church at the moment. I try not to even look in his direction LOL. Not sure if he's married or has a girlfriend so I have to tread carefully.

WOW I will pray for you my dear sweet sister, I truly hope that things work out with you and this crush, my advice PRAY with all your heart to God, He will help you.
YES Crushes are easy cause you don't have to worry about getting hurt.
BUT recently cause of my last crush I have not had a crush in while it is a good, I guess.
There is good and bad to everything. For me having a crush the good thing was that I had something to look forward to everyday, if it was a guy that I talked to online or a guy I saw on TV it still gave me something to look forward to.
The bad, it made me wish that I could find a guy where as it would be love at first sight, so I would cry something, NOT about a guy on TV but the fact that I wasnt taken.
Anyway, PLEASE keep us all updated. I will pray for you my dear sweet sister.
Thanks for sharing

 

[Life2Christ]

Thank you aflowerforGod, I appreciate your prayers and good wishes.

So I went to church last night and he didn't show up. I was soooo sad I wanted to cry. I stupidly worked up my emotions, which were out of control, and when he wasn't there, I wanted to cry and leave church. But then I realized that one person should not make me feel this way. Especially someone that I don't even know. So I stayed and heard the Word and my spirit just calmed down and my emotions were steadfast again. So if I don't see him next week, no big deal, you know. My identity is not found in some random person. If I do see him next week, well...it will back to square 1.

 

[dayhiker]

Life, I like how you take ownership of your emotions.

I had a similar thing happen over the last two weeks. Not about flirting. But a guy who I only have contact with act church. over the last few months we have talked each week after the service. I've come to consider him one of my new friends. I told him about the weekend workshop I was going to do and he really wanted to hear how it went. The next week he wasn't there. I was kinda down as well. But I knew he had a good reason for not being there that this past weekend we would meet.

We did meet and had an amazing talk for much longer than normal. Some Christians would have would have been upset with me, but he had the maturity in Christ to handle it with no problem. We hugged as we said our good bye. So I had that up and down feeling about meeting someone as well. And like you I also handled the emotional ride well.

Do you think there is a way to no have a big a down as you did when he didn't make it to church?

 

[Life2Christ]

Do you think there is a way to no have a big a down as you did when he didn't make it to church?

Well, all I know was that I had fervently prayed before church and talked to God about helping me control my feelings. I knew there was a chance that maybe he wouldn't show. I don't want to be one of those obsessed people...obsession is scary. I'm not that type of girl.
I think my nerves went haywire because I'm anticipating rejection. Its like I want to get it over with but now I'm in limbo until I see him. I don't even WANT to be in a relationship and I"m as asexual as can be...except when I see an attractive guy at church who reminds me I"m not a robot.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, the obsession thing isn't pretty and doesn't build good relationships, so that's got to be of the table.

Rejection, is never fun. As I've got older its not as big of a deal as it used to be for me. 1st off I know that God doesn't reject me. Also I have a lot of good friends now and I know with some work I can add others when I desire. It didn't take a long time of maturing to get there and have that confidence tho.

You and I approach the sexual thing quite differently it appears. I have no desire to be asexual. Nor do I think God wants me to be. I'm glad your not a robot ... your post was very human. (my attempt to lighten the thread from being too serious!)

 

[Life2Christ]

You and I approach the sexual thing quite differently it appears. I have no desire to be asexual. Nor do I think God wants me to be. I'm glad your not a robot ... your post was very human. (my attempt to lighten the thread from being too serious!)

hee hee. I wish I was you...all carefree and stuff. I'm like the cult in DaVinci Code..whipping myself with a cat 0'nine tails so I can stay on the right path . I don't want to feel. I used to be married and I got fired from the job. Getting dumped by your husband is the experience of a lifetime. My divorce lawyer asked me (a week after the judge made it official) if I was dating anyone. That's like asking a burn victim if he wants to go to the beach with you.

I am purposely shutting myself off from men...except it doesn't seem to be working as planned.

 

[dayhiker]

Life, that is one tough experience. My wife divorced me, but I take the blame for that happening. Sounds like yours was out of left field. Your illustration of a burn victim being asked to the beach really communicates. I like it.

I'm still learning more about communication, that I really need before a long term relationship will work. plus I got to want a long term relationship. Which I'm not ready for yet. At least I know I'm way better at communicating than I was. But there are still times when I can't communicate what I'm thinking and feeling. It takes me a while to put them in words and quite often if I speak too soon, the words are awkward.

 

[Life2Christ]

*SIGH* so Sunday I go to church and because it is a holiday weekend there were few people there including my pastor! Now my pastor was not there because he actually pastors two churches so he was just exhausted (he does 3 services every Sunday at 2 diff. churches). Ok fair enough. So guess who fills in for him? My crush. I was happy he was there...like really happy!! He is beyond gorgeous BUT if I'm being honest, before I went to church on Sunday my crush on him kind of faded. I wasn't really that excited to see him. But when I did I got nervous (I even bumped into a chair).

Now I'm running into a few problems. 1.) Before I got to church my crush was fading on him. Not sure why. I think I didn't want to make an idol of him so I just slowly let it go. 2.) He turned me off by something he said which I posted in this thread: http://www.christianforums.com/t7660017/ 3.)After church he was in a great hurry to leave which kind of confirmed that maybe he wasn't into me like I hoped he was (his loss).

I'm not going to lie: I was sad on Sunday that my balloon deflated but I didn't lose hope. I had fun with the whole thing and maybe another guy is out there (or not). Either way it is not going to deter me from my destiny.

 

[dayhiker]

Kinda hard for him to know much about you since you guys aren't talking.
So I'd say it seems good to let him go.

But Since he spoke at church, I'd use that to ask someone about him and learn a few things. Something like, "That elder, name, who spoke Sunday, do you know anything about him?"

 

[Life2Christ]

But Since he spoke at church, I'd use that to ask someone about him and learn a few things. Something like, "That elder, name, who spoke Sunday, do you know anything about him?"

Yes my aunt knows him. I asked her about him. He has a 20 year old daughter, he's in real estate, he's an introvert and very athletic.