Have I ruined things with my boyfriend?

[Zango11]

I’ve been going out with my boyfriend officially for one month (today lol) but we’ve been dating for 6 months. We live quite far away from each other so only see each other once or twice a week. Last night I saw him for the first time in over a week as I’m just back from a work trip abroad and it was great to see him, we had some great conversation and updated each other on our lives/ walk with God etc. But then there was a natural silence as we kind of ran out of things to say so I was just smiling and enjoying his company and listening to the music of the restaurant and then he asked me what was wrong, I was a bit confused as I was having a great time! But he thought I looked disinterested and didn’t want to be there as I was looking at other people, looking at him then away from him and making faces. (I didn’t realise I did any of this!) so I apologised for making it seem that way and explained that I was having a good time, I just didn’t know what to say next. But he didn’t believe me and asked what really the problem was. I don’t think there was one but I said maybe because I’m not good at this (dating) as he is my first proper relationship and first person I’ve dated, he already knew this but seemed shocked that he really was the first and then he said he understood that’s why I was acting weird (altho I don’t feel like I was.) So I asked him if everything was okay on his end, thinking he had a problem with me but he said he was fine and everything was okay. (I also have a job interview today so he thought I was nervous for it and that’s why I was acting strange.)

So we talked some more and agreed everything was actually fine and then we held hands walking to the bus. I sent him a message saying thanks for the night as I had a great time but he hasn’t replied. He always sends me a good morning text which he didn’t do today so I’m assuming he’s still annoyed by the way I was acting last night even though he said things were fine. He’s ignoring me and I’m not sure what I can do? We’ve planned to meet up on Tuesday but I can’t bear not to hear from him until then, especially if he’s still mad. Do I just give him some space and wait until he replies?
Also how do I avoid this happening again? I do really like him but I’m not an overly touchy feely person (like holding hands, gazing into eyes) I’m trying to get better but I’m worried I’ve ruined it already. Any advice?

 

[Dennis Rhodes]

don't over think it all before you know whether such a thing has happened...just wait till Tuesday.

 

[devin553344]

I’ve been going out with my boyfriend officially for one month (today lol) but we’ve been dating for 6 months. We live quite far away from each other so only see each other once or twice a week. Last night I saw him for the first time in over a week as I’m just back from a work trip abroad and it was great to see him, we had some great conversation and updated each other on our lives/ walk with God etc. But then there was a natural silence as we kind of ran out of things to say so I was just smiling and enjoying his company and listening to the music of the restaurant and then he asked me what was wrong, I was a bit confused as I was having a great time! But he thought I looked disinterested and didn’t want to be there as I was looking at other people, looking at him then away from him and making faces. (I didn’t realise I did any of this!) so I apologised for making it seem that way and explained that I was having a good time, I just didn’t know what to say next. But he didn’t believe me and asked what really the problem was. I don’t think there was one but I said maybe because I’m not good at this (dating) as he is my first proper relationship and first person I’ve dated, he already knew this but seemed shocked that he really was the first and then he said he understood that’s why I was acting weird (altho I don’t feel like I was.) So I asked him if everything was okay on his end, thinking he had a problem with me but he said he was fine and everything was okay. (I also have a job interview today so he thought I was nervous for it and that’s why I was acting strange.)

So we talked some more and agreed everything was actually fine and then we held hands walking to the bus. I sent him a message saying thanks for the night as I had a great time but he hasn’t replied. He always sends me a good morning text which he didn’t do today so I’m assuming he’s still annoyed by the way I was acting last night even though he said things were fine. He’s ignoring me and I’m not sure what I can do? We’ve planned to meet up on Tuesday but I can’t bear not to hear from him until then, especially if he’s still mad. Do I just give him some space and wait until he replies?
Also how do I avoid this happening again? I do really like him but I’m not an overly touchy feely person (like holding hands, gazing into eyes) I’m trying to get better but I’m worried I’ve ruined it already. Any advice?

If it's OK to ask: I'm wondering what kind of faces you were making at the restaurant.

 

[Brightmoon]

He just might have been a little bored and you enjoyed it. People have different tastes. I agree with the previous poster that you’re overthinking

 

[Zango11]

If it's OK to ask: I'm wondering what kind of faces you were making at the restaurant.

I don’t know as I didn’t realise I was!

 

[devin553344]

I don’t know as I didn’t realise I was!

Then how do you know you were making faces? Did your boyfriend tell you that you were? The reason I ask is that it seems important.

 

[Zango11]

Then how do you know you were making faces? Did your boyfriend tell you that you were? The reason I ask is that it seems important.

Yeah he said I was making faces and then looking at him and then away from him and looking at other people. I tried explaining that I was just enjoying the atmosphere but he seemed bothered by my apparent disinterest.

 

[devin553344]

Yeah he said I was making faces and then looking at him and then away from him and looking at other people. I tried explaining that I was just enjoying the atmosphere but he seemed bothered by my apparent disinterest.

Yes it sounds like he may be the jealous type. So you didn't do anything wrong and were probably a good date. I would just play it off and look for jealousy in upcoming dates.

 

[Zango11]

Yes it sounds like he may be the jealous type. So you didn't do anything wrong and were probably a good date. I would just play it off and look for jealousy in upcoming dates.

I will definitely look out for more signs of that. Is there anything I can do to prevent this though? Perhaps just reassure him that I do enjoy his company and I only want to be with him.

Thanks for all your answers! I do need to stop overthinking but it’s easier said than done!

 

[devin553344]

I will definitely look out for more signs of that. Is there anything I can do to prevent this though? Perhaps just reassure him that I do enjoy his company and I only want to be with him.

Thanks for all your answers! I do need to stop overthinking but it’s easier said than done!

Yeah I'm not totally sure how that works with the Jealous type. Perhaps the ladies on this forum could be of more help. But I would think reassurance is adequate, if not than there might be a more involved issue with your boyfriend.

 

[timewerx]

Yeah he said I was making faces and then looking at him and then away from him and looking at other people. I tried explaining that I was just enjoying the atmosphere but he seemed bothered by my apparent disinterest.

I can see that as a problem.

I was in a date once where the woman was looking awfully bored and starting to avoid eye contact (am I that horrible? lol)

It's a very awkward situation but I pretended I didn't notice at all and remained upbeat and cool and took charge of the date from then on.

I realize if I point it out to her, she would feel uncomfortable. And ironically, in your date, you did get uncomfortable.

So either the guy is insensitive or took offense in your behavior in which case he is over-sensitive and tried to get back to you in a bad way.

Don't worry too much if he ends up resenting you. There's lot of nicer guys out there and won't be the end of the world for you.

 

[bèlla]

Given your inexperience and awkward events its understandable why you’re concerned. But I think there’s a greater lesson in this that you may wish to keep in mind.

You mentioned running out of things to discuss. For secular couples who aren’t well acquainted or good conversationalists that’s an issue. But it should never befall a Christian. You have something in common which provides rich discussions, questions, and opportunities for deeper exploration.

I’m speaking of God of course. One of the reasons you find yourself in this place is the method you’ve chosen for your connection. You’ve elected to date and that has a host of expectations. And there’s usually a degree of worry, uncertainty, challenges, and emotional upset.

I have done so many times and have never considered it in this light until your question. There is no end goal in mind when we date. It is a method for two people who like one another to declare their interest. But there’s no buy-in or likelihood for more.

I would liken it to pre-marriage. You get many of the spoils but the commitment isn’t solidified. Both can opt for someone else and date again. Every time you do this you’re doling out your heart and eventually you will be hurt. It’s inevitable.

Right now, you should be building a God-centered bond which deepens your connection through Him. He is the bridge and the glue. Satisfying emotional wants in light of the obvious will only create confusion. Our connections should lead to a deeper friendship or courtship.

We can’t mimic the ways of the world and expect a godly outcome. Where is this going? What are you doing? That’s the real thing you should consider. Is your coupling meant to determine if you’re suitable for marriage? Or have you connected for emotional reasons alone?

I’ve been on both sides of the fence. But I’ve found that God-centered bonds are best. They’re flanked in prayer and He is the central point. The acquaintance grows around Him. This is especially important when you’re attracted to one another.

I don’t think that means you put the gas on the pedal and jump to dating. Nor do I believe you behave as pals either. I’d liken this to intentional connecting. It may lead to courtship or friendship. But it shouldn’t result in hurt feelings, disappointments, or uncertainty.

Experiencing the other in this way with Him in the forefront will enable you to grasp if he has the qualities you’re seeking in a companion without going too far. If you agree its worthy of exploring a courtship would follow.

But its goal is different and the parameters are established upfront. Your pairing is intentional and marriage is the aim. You’re determining if you’re suitable for each. The purpose is permanency. Not satisfying emotional wants. You know where things are heading coming in and have a clear goal to work towards.

I was once in the dating camp but the Lord showed me the wisdom of a different approach. It’s profoundly better and less taxing on the mind and heart.

 

[timewerx]

You mentioned running out of things to discuss. For secular couples who aren’t well acquainted or good conversationalists that’s an issue. But it should never befall a Christian. You have something in common which provides rich discussions, questions, and opportunities for deeper exploration.

Happened with me a few times while dating another Christian. I really have issues making small talk and trying to remember good things to say (including Christian topics).

I just try to be cool and upbeat about it, even laugh about it. Running out of words to say is already a big issue so just trying to put out the fire by pretending it doesn't exist!

Seems to work out.

 

[bèlla]

Happened with me a few times while dating another Christian. I really have issues making small talk and trying to remember good things to say (including Christian topics).

That isn’t uncommon. The art of conversation was a staple of early instruction but that’s fallen away. Books, classes, and organizations like Toastmasters can help.

I just try to be cool and upbeat about it, even laugh about it. Running out of words to say is already a big issue so just trying to put out the fire by pretending it doesn't exist!

The Dating Divas have a heap of conversation starters for couples. You may find some nice ideas.

 

[Christ is Lord]

That isn’t uncommon. The art of conversation was a staple of early instruction but that’s fallen away. Books, classes, and organizations like Toastmasters can help.



The Dating Divas have a heap of conversation starters for couples. You may find some nice ideas.

I'll also like to add: Big Talk | https://www.makebigtalk.com/

 

[timewerx]

That isn’t uncommon. The art of conversation was a staple of early instruction but that’s fallen away. Books, classes, and organizations like Toastmasters can help.

The Dating Divas have a heap of conversation starters for couples. You may find some nice ideas.

Not gonna work for me unfortunately. I tried but poor memory makes it hard to remember good things to say.

Someone's just going to accept me for who I am. I'm good at many things. Social skills not being one of them.

 

[Christ is Lord]

Not gonna work for me unfortunately. I tried but poor memory makes it hard to remember good things to say.

Someone's just going to accept me for who I am. I'm good at many things. Social skills not being one of them.

Good conversation occurs naturally you don’t have remember good things to say. Be in the moment and adapt accordingly.

 

[timewerx]

Good conversation occurs naturally you don’t have remember good things to say. Be in the moment and adapt accordingly.

I also grew up in an environment where I rarely had the chance to engage in small talk or discussions.

My communication skill was poorly developed.

I find it almost impossible to be spontaneous, engage in small talk, regardless if I'm relaxed or putting a huge effort into it.

I'm only good at writing because it gives time to think and remember things to say. If I do this in face to face conversation, that would mean long pauses. If I talk straight with minimal pauses, you'll be like talking to a machine. I try to cover it up with a smile.

I even smile like the terminator

 

[Christ is Lord]

I also grew up in an environment where I rarely had the chance to engage in small talk or discussions.

My communication skill was poorly developed.

I find it almost impossible to be spontaneous, engage in small talk, regardless if I'm relaxed or putting a huge effort into it.

I'm only good at writing because it gives time to think and remember things to say. If I do this in face to face conversation, that would mean long pauses. If I talk straight with minimal pauses, you'll be like talking to a machine. I try to cover it up with a smile.

I even smile like the terminator

I understand. I too dislike small talk because it seems trivial to me. Yeah I understand small talk has it’s place but I can’t be friends with someone and settle for just small talk. It begins to make me uncomfortable. I like meaningful discussions and I enjoy people that can do that.

 

[VMaeLove]

With the good advice from others here I think you should see the false accusation as red flags. Miserable people put the blame on people around them and that is not worth your time. You deserve some one who treasure your time and is genually happy with you not looking for negatives and no moody swing.