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Struggles by Non-Christians
Have a hard time believing and it terrifies me
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<blockquote data-quote="JimmyKiff" data-source="post: 75882046" data-attributes="member: 434059"><p>My mother growing up was an everyday Christian, church every Sunday, etc. that’s how I grew up. I was Christian for a time too. I grew up with restless nights of mind racing of thoughts of what comes after death and the thought of not existing after terrified me to where I would scream for my mom crying and she would have to come in and would calm me down and pray with me. I would feel better. Over time those thoughts kinda just disappeared, but not entirely. Then I became a teenager and stop going and rebelled. Now I’m going on 30 and time is flying and my parents are getting old and I have a 4 year old son now and I have grown incredibly intellectually over the years and have come to be interested in space and physics and such. Looking at some of the things in life and the universe itself. I watched a video of a star sitting inside of a nebula that was pulsating and you can actually see the light travel over great distances through this nebula in a time lapse video from the Hubble Space telescope. It made me realize the how insignificant we are in the universe and if god really did create us, why such a large scale for something so small? That’s just one of many things I notice while pursuing information involving anything outside of this earth and even things on this earth. The thing is I do absolutely totally want to believe but based on the information I am seeing I am having a VERY difficult time believing. I wish I did because now the same crippling fear is back at the age of 29 and it’s even worse than before because even my mother couldn’t calm me down. It’s giving me so much anxiety and it’s making me nauseous and pace and cry. Sure, even if you can get me to calm down even somehow wholeheartedly believe I don’t know if I will be ok. Because what scares me is what if we are all wrong anyways? Ok sure, I’m dead anyways so nothing to worry about right? Well until that point I’m going to live with this anxiety and fear up to the last minute. I’m a little ok right now but I don’t know where else to turn. Just telling me he exists and saying you are going to pray for me isn’t going to help me. I need someone to talk to me. Hopefully someone versed in similar types of knowledge but still believes in God and Jesus. This is a serious and actual call for help. (Not a life or death call for help, just saying in case anyone interprets that$</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JimmyKiff, post: 75882046, member: 434059"] My mother growing up was an everyday Christian, church every Sunday, etc. that’s how I grew up. I was Christian for a time too. I grew up with restless nights of mind racing of thoughts of what comes after death and the thought of not existing after terrified me to where I would scream for my mom crying and she would have to come in and would calm me down and pray with me. I would feel better. Over time those thoughts kinda just disappeared, but not entirely. Then I became a teenager and stop going and rebelled. Now I’m going on 30 and time is flying and my parents are getting old and I have a 4 year old son now and I have grown incredibly intellectually over the years and have come to be interested in space and physics and such. Looking at some of the things in life and the universe itself. I watched a video of a star sitting inside of a nebula that was pulsating and you can actually see the light travel over great distances through this nebula in a time lapse video from the Hubble Space telescope. It made me realize the how insignificant we are in the universe and if god really did create us, why such a large scale for something so small? That’s just one of many things I notice while pursuing information involving anything outside of this earth and even things on this earth. The thing is I do absolutely totally want to believe but based on the information I am seeing I am having a VERY difficult time believing. I wish I did because now the same crippling fear is back at the age of 29 and it’s even worse than before because even my mother couldn’t calm me down. It’s giving me so much anxiety and it’s making me nauseous and pace and cry. Sure, even if you can get me to calm down even somehow wholeheartedly believe I don’t know if I will be ok. Because what scares me is what if we are all wrong anyways? Ok sure, I’m dead anyways so nothing to worry about right? Well until that point I’m going to live with this anxiety and fear up to the last minute. I’m a little ok right now but I don’t know where else to turn. Just telling me he exists and saying you are going to pray for me isn’t going to help me. I need someone to talk to me. Hopefully someone versed in similar types of knowledge but still believes in God and Jesus. This is a serious and actual call for help. (Not a life or death call for help, just saying in case anyone interprets that$ [/QUOTE]
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Have a hard time believing and it terrifies me
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