So my wife and I have been married for 3 years now. I first met her when I was 12 or 13, and I had a crush on her, but nothing happened. Then later in life we met again and started dating. It was a dream come true.
She was my first - I was a virgin when we got married. She wasn't a virgin. She was completely honest with me, and told me the number of partners she'd been with in the past. She started having sex when she was 13 (around the time when I first met her), and she married me when she was 20. I love her, so at the time it didn't bother me too much. I know that her past is her past, and we weren't together back then.
Anyway, after we got married it really started to bother me. Not every day, probably a few times a month, something would trigger these bad thoughts. It could be something random on TV, or just a passing thought. Another thing that triggers the thoughts is that she's not "in the mood" very often, and when she turns me down when I want to have sex.. I think, maybe she's not as excited about sex because it's not as new to her, and she has already been sexually active for 7 years before we were married.
It really hurts to think that a lot of other guys had sex with my wife, and especially that I wasn't her first. It feels like I missed out on something really important and intimate. Then the wheels in my head start turning, and I think about other guys enjoying the pleasure that only I should enjoy with my wife. I start to wonder what things she did with her past partners, and well I'm sure you get the picture. She also lived with one of her boyfriends for like a year and half. I'm not even sure if I have had sex with her as many times as she has had sex with other guys. I know that sounds stupid, and honestly I'm not trying to compete, it's just one of the many thoughts that go through my mind. She also has said she doesn't like condoms (she just uses birth control).. which makes it even worse because then I start thinking of the guys that had sex with her without a condom.
I have talked to my wife about how I feel, and she basically says she is sorry and wishes she could take it back. When I'm feeling really down because of these thoughts, I feel like I can't tell her why I'm so depressed because I have already told her it bothers me and I don't feel that it's right to keep throwing it in her face since it's in the past and there's nothing she can do.
Usually I just force these bad thoughts out of my mind as soon as they start, and that works sometimes.. but I guess I'm wondering if there is anyway to actually heal this pain for good? Now my wife is ready to have kids.. and I want kids too, but I just don't feel like having kids when these thoughts plague my mind.
Is there anyone else going through the same thing as I am?
She was my first - I was a virgin when we got married. She wasn't a virgin. She was completely honest with me, and told me the number of partners she'd been with in the past. She started having sex when she was 13 (around the time when I first met her), and she married me when she was 20. I love her, so at the time it didn't bother me too much. I know that her past is her past, and we weren't together back then.
Anyway, after we got married it really started to bother me. Not every day, probably a few times a month, something would trigger these bad thoughts. It could be something random on TV, or just a passing thought. Another thing that triggers the thoughts is that she's not "in the mood" very often, and when she turns me down when I want to have sex.. I think, maybe she's not as excited about sex because it's not as new to her, and she has already been sexually active for 7 years before we were married.
It really hurts to think that a lot of other guys had sex with my wife, and especially that I wasn't her first. It feels like I missed out on something really important and intimate. Then the wheels in my head start turning, and I think about other guys enjoying the pleasure that only I should enjoy with my wife. I start to wonder what things she did with her past partners, and well I'm sure you get the picture. She also lived with one of her boyfriends for like a year and half. I'm not even sure if I have had sex with her as many times as she has had sex with other guys. I know that sounds stupid, and honestly I'm not trying to compete, it's just one of the many thoughts that go through my mind. She also has said she doesn't like condoms (she just uses birth control).. which makes it even worse because then I start thinking of the guys that had sex with her without a condom.
I have talked to my wife about how I feel, and she basically says she is sorry and wishes she could take it back. When I'm feeling really down because of these thoughts, I feel like I can't tell her why I'm so depressed because I have already told her it bothers me and I don't feel that it's right to keep throwing it in her face since it's in the past and there's nothing she can do.
Usually I just force these bad thoughts out of my mind as soon as they start, and that works sometimes.. but I guess I'm wondering if there is anyway to actually heal this pain for good? Now my wife is ready to have kids.. and I want kids too, but I just don't feel like having kids when these thoughts plague my mind.
Is there anyone else going through the same thing as I am?