Has God ever restored a broken relationship for you?

blitzn

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water_ripple said:
ouch. a small light does shine through the darkness..at least you guys are still talking. Brightly infact that she is aware that she knows what she's doing is wrong..Neglecting your role as spiritual head of the household huh? I accused my hubby of that at first, but if it were not for him I might not be where I am today...Sometimes that requires steadfast prayer in the face of an impending divorce...it worked for us. And I bet that same conflict of pain you have is similar somewhat to my hubby's conflict when I "ran away" from the pain..At that time though both of us were hurting, and I was so mad at him..O yes I am quite responsible for our problems as well (which I always used to blame on him..and judge him for he could not live up to the expectations I held in high regard for myself). All along infact he has been the spiritual head of the family..but now I feel a push in the Spirit to be closer to the Lord..I cannot leave him behind..

Now I face the consequences for running over his spiritual position in the household..I want to start going to church, and at the present time he's like no way am I going to a church..I have my own relationship with God, and I do not need anyone teaching me dogma..What can I do..I have done enough damage already. I have resolved to go myself first to this new church, and take the kids to Sunday School. I think perhaps this one is best done through very quiet and considerate action. It has nothing to do with dogma, but going in faith to further heal the relationship through Christ. Perhaps he will come to my baptisim..a bit of light in the darkness? Ah look at me going on..

blitzin I am giving in faith the blessings others have given me. I pray that peace be upon you in this hour of deep need, and that Christ touch the heart of your wife. In Jesus Christ's name..Amen.
Wow, your story does sound very much like what I am going through with my wife, pretty amazing. I have felt so alone (except for the Lord of course) in the type of situation that I'm in because it's so complicated; it's a blessing to see someone who has been there and has fought through it with the Lord.

So your husband doesn't want to go to church because of "dogma"? Not to sound harsh, but that sounds kind of immature honestly. There are very good reasons why Jesus created the church and to me, dogma has nothing to do with anything. Avoiding teachings that are not based on the Bible and delivered via the Holy Spirit is every believer's responsibility (to the best of each person's ability). You look for a church, you go and listen to the Word as taught by the pastor, you check his teaching against the Word of God, etc. Pretty easy, although it's also easy if you stop going to church, to sort of get into a "rut" and have a hard time physically getting up early on Sunday to go. It takes a bit of discipline, but well worth the effort. Christians need to be fed the Word of God and it's very bebeficial to fellowship with others who hold the same beliefs; it builds our faith in God. My wife hasn't gone to our church since the end of last June; when she left me, she just stopped going and now says that she can't go because too many people know what's going on with her and I, and it's my fault. I did tell a couple of mutual friends (in confidence) what was going in the beginning of all this, because I was reaching out to everyone I thought she might listen to in the hope that she would change her mind. She refuses to listen to anyone, if you can believe that, even our pastor and her counselor whom she had been seeing for a few years and now rarely goes to see. Strange isn't it? I have since then apologized to our mutual friends for burdening them with the information that I shared with them, but I really did need help, my whole world was turned upside down. I'm more numb to the feelings now but they come and go, especially when I talk to or see my wife. I have told my wife for the past few months that if/when she changes her mind that I will be there for her; I don't talk badly about her and never have, and I told her that I have and I will defend her and stand by her despite what has happened. She would not be going back to "face" everyone alone, I will be there in front of her to protect her from that garbage, if it should manifest - I love my wife. She's not interested (yet).

Anway, regarding your husband, I don't have to tell you - do not give up! Pray fervently for him, win him with your smile and your love. Be careful about going to church without him, it may alienate him further...An approach you might consider would be to agree to stop going to church without your husband because you respect him as the head of your house, but express to him how important it is to you that you receive the Word and fellowship and that you really want to be together; perhaps he could give the church a try because he loves you, or perhaps a church of his choosing at least? Share your heart...

Thank you for the blessings, I was wondering how those got there! I tend to type fewer posts, but they're pretty long, and consequently don't get many blessings from the "system". Thank you and I'll be praying for your family. Thank you for your prayer.

- blitzn
 
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blitzn

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fulfilled said:
Thank you for your welcome water_ripple.

In the case of the "mistaken blessings" I hereby pass on all 1889 blessings that were meant for "blitzn". I also add 40 from me!
Enjoy
Thank you for the blessings! Thank you even more for sharing your story - many people need to hear the truths you talked about. God bless.

- blitzn
 
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fulfilled

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blitzn said:
fulfilled,

That's so awesome - you have discovered what many people need to know about a healthy marriage; makes me smile to see the Lord move that way for His children.

I had thought that my wife and I were the same in that regard (the Lord's place in our respective lives) before we got married, and for most of the time at first - but, as the normal pressures came, the condition of her soul became apparent and I really had no idea. I guess being naive or ignorant, I sorta thought that if my wife was saved and knew the Lord that things like what are happening now could never happen, because in my own mind, they have never been options, because I know the Lord and know what's right and wrong. But, we have both had drastically different lives, and I guess that's how things can get interesting. Our engagement was shorter than it should have been, but I really felt the Lord was guiding us. I keep saying to myself, how could you not have seen this coming, how did this get by you? I pray daily for her, but not as much as I was for the first few months. I have daily struggles about whether or not to move forward and end this situation, or to hold on a little longer. It seems everytime I'm about to decide to make some phone calls to do that, I read something here at CF that causes me to wait just a little longer; don't know why. The days and weeks and months are going by now - she told me that she hasn't talked to an attorney about filing yet because she doesn't have the money. I just know in my heart that the Lord will not allow her to stay in this state for too long before He allows events to happen in order to bring her back. The question is how long will that be and where do I fall in the picture, or do I not at all? So I wait a little longer...

- blitzn


blitzn,
I have read some of your posts regarding your situation with your wife and I am sorry that you have to go through that. I can relate to the heartache and dissatisfaction you may be feeling. I will go out on a limb and tell you to let go of your marriage. It is not God's will for you to be in so much emotional turmoil. Does this mean you should find another wife? NO. What this means is you should LEAVE this situation one day at a time at your Father's feet, ask him to remove the care of this situation from you, ask him to heal your heart and keep it receptive of anything He plans to do now or later. In other words, stop worrying publicly or privately about it and ask God to give you His peace and redirection in this matter. Start to praise Him for who He is and the knowledge that He is always working for your good. I know it may not look like that now but then how 'real' was a four day old corpse of Lazarus after Jesus showed up, remember He did not prevent Lazarus's sickness or his death but even after four days, decayed and smelling, death still has no power before the King of Kings. What it looks like today does not determine what it will be tomorrow because you are a child of the living God. Start to pray God's blessings on your wife wherever she is and allow God to do His thing. When you feel yourself drift to worry for any reason, start to praise and worship your God and His presence will bring you peace. I am not a marriage counselor or anything like that but I have found that when things are too heavy and too complicated for me to deal with, casting them on Him always puts me in a position to hear him better. This is heavy I know but do it one step at a time prayefully and lets see what your loving Father has in store for you in this whole ordeal. I pray in the name of Jesus that He will comfort, heal and make you whole in every area of your life. I pray that you will receive strength to yield to Him and allow Him to make the best of this situation for you and your wife and everyone concerned. All glory and honor to His precious name. amen You will be in my prayers.
Blessings
 
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evita

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fulfilled said:
I just have to reply to this post, marriage for me and my childhood sweetheart has been a nightmare, constant arguments, fights and all kinds of disharmony. We have been separated at least twice in our 13 years of marriage but have always found a way back to each other. After my last baby who is now 5 years old, every aspect of our lives had deteriorated so much that we could not live together anymore. I just
had to move out for good and try to make a life for our four children.
Bitter, brokenhearted, disappointed and struggling, I lost all faith in people and I sought the Lord with all my heart and soul. He healed my heart and provided for me miraculously. I had decided to carry myself honorably, to be a good christian example to my children even though my marriage failed. I never dated or considered remarrying, I just spent time with my God and felt complete and whole in Him. During this whole time, I had no contact with my husband in any way. I had grown spiritually strong enough to be able to forgive him but never prayed anymore for restoration ( I did a whole lot of that earlier on in the marriage). I did not know that the Lord was working on Him this whole time. This story spans a 13 year period so here's the bottom line, today, my very God fearing and loving husband is back with me and the children and we are a happy family again. It is a different kind of relationship now because I had gotten used to being fully dependent on God for everything including my emotions and self worth, this enables us both to be real with each other because there's no unecessary burdens of guilt to carry around. We both know to cast our cares unto the Lord and not to each other, we comfort each other but the Lord bears our burdens. I also have a more balanced outlook on life now because I am not codependent on anyone anymore. I did not see it coming but after I heard how God reached out to him while I was gone, I cannot help but just thank Him for His grand plan for our lives and for breaking each of us to the point that we are able to fit into his will. Recipe for any marriage troubled or not - Both partners submitted to God and seeking to please Him above all else. Marriages will survive and be revived when we focus on the goodness of God and less on our partners shortcomings. We will also receive wisdom to deal with everyday situations as we seek His face.
Blessings
That's amazing!!! AND so inspiring, thanks for sharing!!! :)
 
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water_ripple

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blitzn said:
Wow, your story does sound very much like what I am going through with my wife, pretty amazing. I have felt so alone (except for the Lord of course) in the type of situation that I'm in because it's so complicated; it's a blessing to see someone who has been there and has fought through it with the Lord.
O yes it is so complicated that I am not sure I fully understand..Still though we keep fighting the good fight..

biltzin said:
So your husband doesn't want to go to church because of "dogma"? Not to sound harsh, but that sounds kind of immature honestly. There are very good reasons why Jesus created the church and to me, dogma has nothing to do with anything. Avoiding teachings that are not based on the Bible and delivered via the Holy Spirit is every believer's responsibility (to the best of each person's ability). You look for a church, you go and listen to the Word as taught by the pastor, you check his teaching against the Word of God, etc.
Yeah that is what he said..honestly though both of us have been jaded by "dogmatic teaching"..turned me off to church for quite a time..At that time I was ignorant of what was in the bible..I was given a bible in my childhood years by the a church, but I never started to read until rather recently (about 6 months now)..Somethings that I had been taught in church were not like what lies in the NT..I began to recognize Christ as He was instead of who some thought He was..(hope you understand what I mean) I happened upon this site on the vast venue of the internet..a fellow member here led me to a church in my area..At first I was a bit worried about what was "taught" inside this church..because of my past experiences, but I went ahead and posed the questions to Christ. I was impressed to go..I got baptized that very Sunday..and guess what they preach directly from the bible..:cool: The only thing I have to go on here is faith, and sometimes I go blind. I came home and told my hubby what was going on in that church..he listened, but as of yet I am not sure of his reaction. And from the things that he has told me or questioned me about do show that in some areas he is ignorant of scripture. I must say that guidance for that comes with some words, but is much more effective for me to "get across" in actions...he is extremely sensitive about some issues for he only has "pieces" in which to deal with them. It is better for me to choose my words with great care, and to live the life..The pastor of the church though has offered to come to the house to do bible study (because the pastor knows how my husband feels about going to church)..As of yet I have not addressed this situation with my hubby, but I think that if my husband got to know the pastor and what the church stands for then he will feel more comfortable. I do not though want to further alienate him with going to church alone..I want to take the children there, but I do not want him to think that the family is disappearing. He says that it is a good idea for them to go to church, but I do not want to leave him out of the picture..I feel I must approach this in a very sensitve and loving way.
blitzin said:
Pretty easy, although it's also easy if you stop going to church, to sort of get into a "rut" and have a hard time physically getting up early on Sunday to go. It takes a bit of discipline, but well worth the effort. Christians need to be fed the Word of God and it's very bebeficial to fellowship with others who hold the same beliefs; it builds our faith in God.
I agree...
blitzin said:
My wife hasn't gone to our church since the end of last June; when she left me, she just stopped going and now says that she can't go because too many people know what's going on with her and I, and it's my fault. I did tell a couple of mutual friends (in confidence) what was going in the beginning of all this, because I was reaching out to everyone I thought she might listen to in the hope that she would change her mind. She refuses to listen to anyone, if you can believe that, even our pastor and her counselor whom she had been seeing for a few years and now rarely goes to see. Strange isn't it? I have since then apologized to our mutual friends for burdening them with the information that I shared with them, but I really did need help, my whole world was turned upside down. I'm more numb to the feelings now but they come and go, especially when I talk to or see my wife. I have told my wife for the past few months that if/when she changes her mind that I will be there for her; I don't talk badly about her and never have, and I told her that I have and I will defend her and stand by her despite what has happened. She would not be going back to "face" everyone alone, I will be there in front of her to protect her from that garbage, if it should manifest - I love my wife. She's not interested (yet).
She may feel as though she cannot trust you because the problem was revealed. Truly it is unfortunate that she cannot see that you have been acting in love for her and the marriage..She may feel that she cannot go to church because she thinks they will be judging her..The truth is though that if people are reaching out to her with love then she should step outside the box, and take a look at what is going on objectively...the problem with that though is a person will only do that if they so desire..Emotions are extremely complicated things, and if one is not careful they can run a person's life. Her shame may be causing her to hide..I dunno what advice to give about that..Love is the only thing that breaks that wall down.

blitzin said:
Anway, regarding your husband, I don't have to tell you - do not give up! Pray fervently for him, win him with your smile and your love. Be careful about going to church without him, it may alienate him further...An approach you might consider would be to agree to stop going to church without your husband because you respect him as the head of your house, but express to him how important it is to you that you receive the Word and fellowship and that you really want to be together; perhaps he could give the church a try because he loves you, or perhaps a church of his choosing at least? Share your heart...
I am hoping and praying that the personal bible study with the pastor along with my love will help. The pastor is compasionate, and is willing to guide our family in a way that may be least offending to my hubby. I have not discussed this with him as of yet, but like I said I must choose my words carefully..I do not want to put him off at all. And thanx so much for offering a male insight...I sincerly appreciate this..

blitzin said:
Thank you for the blessings, I was wondering how those got there! I tend to type fewer posts, but they're pretty long, and consequently don't get many blessings from the "system". Thank you and I'll be praying for your family. Thank you for your prayer.

- blitzn
You are most certianly welcome..but no thanx are needed. Empathy is much like the love of Christ, and through that we can come together.:hug: even help each other along the way.
 
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blitzn

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water_ripple,

Now that was one heck of a post! I have to apologize, I know how confusing it can be to find a good church with good teaching, especially if you're not sure about what you should be hearing; sometimes I forget because I was raised in a Christian home. You just keep praying for your husband, and, like you said, 'living the life', and he will surely come around.

Thank you for taking the time to respond the way you did, I really appreciate it. I have hopefully made up my mind (for the last time), that I'm not going to initiate any sort of separation or divorce proceedings. I'm going to leave those things to the Lord and my wife; she will probably try to when she has some money, but I won't think about that. I know very truly that the Lord can and does work behind the scenes in our loved ones' lives. I will just spend my time with Him and serving at church and studying, plenty to keep busy while I wait. God bless, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

- blitzn
 
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water_ripple

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blitzn said:
water_ripple,

Now that was one heck of a post! I have to apologize, I know how confusing it can be to find a good church with good teaching, especially if you're not sure about what you should be hearing; sometimes I forget because I was raised in a Christian home. You just keep praying for your husband, and, like you said, 'living the life', and he will surely come around.
My parents believe in Christ, but I was never exposed to the "way" or the "life"..if ya know what I mean...I was sent to church, but having it be a part of life did not happen very often..

blitzin said:
Thank you for taking the time to respond the way you did, I really appreciate it. I have hopefully made up my mind (for the last time), that I'm not going to initiate any sort of separation or divorce proceedings. I'm going to leave those things to the Lord and my wife; she will probably try to when she has some money, but I won't think about that. I know very truly that the Lord can and does work behind the scenes in our loved ones' lives. I will just spend my time with Him and serving at church and studying, plenty to keep busy while I wait. God bless, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

- blitzn
IMO when burdens seem to heavy to bear surrendering to the Lord is the best course of action. If things get difficult or you need to let off some steam you can pm me anytime:)
 
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Mrs K 2004

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My Future Husband and I dated in high school, but broke up because we realized we were too young for marriage and needed to find ourselves!

However I feel that God played a large part in us getting back together :) Since we've been back together we've overcome many obstacles (including depression and close family death) and I can't imagine my life without him now!
 
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