That was beautiful, I'm reminded of Elie Wiesel's night, when he was conflicted between losing his father and being grateful for a better chance to survive. His father begged him to let him die, of course, he argued, and then felt guilty when he was relieved that this burden had been lifted. There is a ninth candle, I've always believed that, just never heard it expressed that way.
God be with us as we make it though this veil of tears. Perhaps we can take comfort in the hope that some survived and in their struggle to survive, there was a glimmer of hope. I heard a story once about a solider who made a flag even though it could have cost him his life. In the Philippines, when a pilot flew over and saw that flag the camp was sparred, saving all their lives.
Grace and peace,
Mark