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Had Miscarriage + Failed IVF & Divorce & Sister is pregnant and getting married

jesus_overcame_amen

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Would love prayers and support. I just left a tumultuous marriage after a few years of enduring abuse and marrying a covert narc with a Christian guise. I had some issues and needed back-to-back surgery and he had some fertility challenges as well.

I miraculously became pregnant after they said it wouldn't happen naturally (but God told me he was going to heal me long before I got pregnant and he did). I ended up losing the baby (happened just over a year ago) and it was very traumatic. I then had two failed IVF cycles shortly after, and none of them were successful. Now I'm approaching my mid-30s.

My younger sister (20s) got engaged late last year, and just announced she is pregnant and it stings. I feel like a terrible Christian, sister, and human being b/c I should be doing backflips and cartwheels, but instead I feel inadequate as a woman and wife. She got engaged around the same date I had the miscarriage just one year prior.

I also felt like I did things the "right way" (no sex before marriage, married someone who appeared to be an active practicing Christian, waited until marriage to try to conceive) and yet my house of cards came tumbling down. So many people did things the unbiblical way and things appear to be just fine.

Logically, I know a baby with my ex would have been an absolute disaster and nightmare but it all feels so raw since I left him last summer and he finally signed the papers a couple of weeks ago. Logically, I also know someone else's success isn't a direct or indirect reflection of my own personal failures in life. Logically I know God doesn't promise anyone a spouse or children, and we should say, "if the Lord wills" and "when the Lord wills," but I feel how I feel. I just keep having flashbacks of the insensitive remarks people in my family made about me being married and not having any children. Then there are those friends and people who ask as well. I haven't even told most of my family I am going through a divorce bc that also feels like a major failure.

I could use some prayers right now. Going to enroll in therapy again, soon.
 

Saucy

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Praying for you! It might also be a great thing you didn't have a baby with a man you were going to later divorce. The Lord might have been protecting you. He doesn't sound like he would have been a great father and it wouldn't have been a great situation to raise children in. You will come out of this just fine!
 
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jesus_overcame_amen

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Praying for you! It might also be a great thing you didn't get pregnant to a man you were going to later divorce. The Lord might have been protecting you. He doesn't sound like he would have been a great father and it wouldn't have been a great situation to raise children in. You will come out of this just fine!
Thanks for the kind words!
 
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DragonFox91

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Ugh, mine & yours experiences are so different but I feel like I can relate sooo much to what you're saying. I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru. I pray God is able to heal you & grant you patience & comfort you & draw you closer to him. This breaks my heart. It really does.
 
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childeye 2

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Would love prayers and support. I just left a tumultuous marriage after a few years of enduring abuse and marrying a covert narc with a Christian guise. I had some issues and needed back-to-back surgery and he had some fertility challenges as well.

I miraculously became pregnant after they said it wouldn't happen naturally (but God told me he was going to heal me long before I got pregnant and he did). I ended up losing the baby (happened just over a year ago) and it was very traumatic. I then had two failed IVF cycles shortly after, and none of them were successful. Now I'm approaching my mid-30s.

My younger sister (20s) got engaged late last year, and just announced she is pregnant and it stings. I feel like a terrible Christian, sister, and human being b/c I should be doing backflips and cartwheels, but instead I feel inadequate as a woman and wife. She got engaged around the same date I had the miscarriage just one year prior.

I also felt like I did things the "right way" (no sex before marriage, married someone who appeared to be an active practicing Christian, waited until marriage to try to conceive) and yet my house of cards came tumbling down. So many people did things the unbiblical way and things appear to be just fine.

Logically, I know a baby with my ex would have been an absolute disaster and nightmare but it all feels so raw since I left him last summer and he finally signed the papers a couple of weeks ago. Logically, I also know someone else's success isn't a direct or indirect reflection of my own personal failures in life. Logically I know God doesn't promise anyone a spouse or children, and we should say, "if the Lord wills" and "when the Lord wills," but I feel how I feel. I just keep having flashbacks of the insensitive remarks people in my family made about me being married and not having any children. Then there are those friends and people who ask as well. I haven't even told most of my family I am going through a divorce bc that also feels like a major failure.

I could use some prayers right now. Going to enroll in therapy again, soon.
You might be the best Aunt in the world.
 
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A_Thinker

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Would love prayers and support. I just left a tumultuous marriage after a few years of enduring abuse and marrying a covert narc with a Christian guise. I had some issues and needed back-to-back surgery and he had some fertility challenges as well.

I miraculously became pregnant after they said it wouldn't happen naturally (but God told me he was going to heal me long before I got pregnant and he did). I ended up losing the baby (happened just over a year ago) and it was very traumatic. I then had two failed IVF cycles shortly after, and none of them were successful. Now I'm approaching my mid-30s.

My younger sister (20s) got engaged late last year, and just announced she is pregnant and it stings. I feel like a terrible Christian, sister, and human being b/c I should be doing backflips and cartwheels, but instead I feel inadequate as a woman and wife. She got engaged around the same date I had the miscarriage just one year prior.

I also felt like I did things the "right way" (no sex before marriage, married someone who appeared to be an active practicing Christian, waited until marriage to try to conceive) and yet my house of cards came tumbling down. So many people did things the unbiblical way and things appear to be just fine.

Logically, I know a baby with my ex would have been an absolute disaster and nightmare but it all feels so raw since I left him last summer and he finally signed the papers a couple of weeks ago. Logically, I also know someone else's success isn't a direct or indirect reflection of my own personal failures in life. Logically I know God doesn't promise anyone a spouse or children, and we should say, "if the Lord wills" and "when the Lord wills," but I feel how I feel. I just keep having flashbacks of the insensitive remarks people in my family made about me being married and not having any children. Then there are those friends and people who ask as well. I haven't even told most of my family I am going through a divorce bc that also feels like a major failure.

I could use some prayers right now. Going to enroll in therapy again, soon.
Praying for you.

And you can tell people who dare to mention your child-bearing/fertility struggles (and yourself) ... that you have come to accept that God has something different in mind for you, his beloved daughter.

Always leave them wondering ...
 
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miamited

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Hi @jesus_overcame_amen

I know it's not likely to be a lot of comfort, but consider Hannah and her plight. She also had such struggles and pain in conceiving, but in the end, God provided for what she desired. Sarah is also an example of a woman such as yourself. She was well past childbearing age before she had the joy and pleasure of birthing her own son.

I know it's hard and seems terribly unfair that your 20 year old sister just seems to be able to conceive without issue, but we are all different. Of course, now that you are unmarried, a child anytime soon, unless through adoption, would seem to be some time away.

God bless you and may He who is our strength, also strengthen you.
Ted
 
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DragonFox91

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Elizabeth struggles w/ it as well. Luke tells us she & Zachariah were childless. Elizabeth gives birth to John the Baptist. Elizabeth is old. She is friends w/ Mary. Mary is very young. They both become pregnant. Age didn’t matter to God. I suddenly find the age gap between Mary & Elizabeth very encouraging. :) God can take 2 very different women & bring good things. :)
 
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jesus_overcame_amen

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Praying for you.

And you can tell people who dare to mention your child-bearing/fertility struggles (and yourself) ... that you have come to accept that God has something different in mind for you, his beloved daughter.

Always leave them wondering ...

Exactly! I may very well have children of my own one day (it's not like I'm 60 and God may have just not wanted me to have kids in that marriage), so all hope isn't lost. I am just asking God for the grace to accept whatever His will is for me - in either direction. He healed my womb as I dreamt the healing and I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later. My ex has all kinds of health issues, so it could equally have been the quality of his swimmers. Anyway, I digress. I am thankful for the support I've found on here.
 
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A_Thinker

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Exactly! I may very well have children of my own one day (it's not like I'm 60 and God may have just not wanted me to have kids in that marriage), so all hope isn't lost. I am just asking God for the grace to accept whatever His will is for me - in either direction. He healed my womb as I dreamt the healing and I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later. My ex has all kinds of health issues, so it could equally have been the quality of his swimmers. Anyway, I digress. I am thankful for the support I've found on here.
Good bless you, daughter ...
 
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Trusting in Him

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Sometimes we go through bad things and it's not nice! Well how you feel right now is understandable. Don't be too hard on yourself. None of this was your fault. Bad times are some times how we are made strong, even when it does not seem like it at the time. Hang on in there girl, God has not forgotten you and the future is full of possibilities!
 
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mama2one

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I can relate somewhat

remember the day my sister told me she was pregnant for the second time....I cried in the car the whole way home

husband & I didn't have a child yet
it hit me in the gut at that moment
in the end, God did lead us to adoption

don't give up Hope!

in a few years your life could be totally different
 
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Macchiato

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Praying for you! It might also be a great thing you didn't have a baby with a man you were going to later divorce. The Lord might have been protecting you. He doesn't sound like he would have been a great father and it wouldn't have been a great situation to raise children in. You will come out of this just fine!

Right he wouldnt have been a good father at all. When it comes to kids you need a good and present partner bc it takes work.
 
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