- May 26, 2018
- 28
- 25
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Would love prayers and support. I just left a tumultuous marriage after a few years of enduring abuse and marrying a covert narc with a Christian guise. I had some issues and needed back-to-back surgery and he had some fertility challenges as well.
I miraculously became pregnant after they said it wouldn't happen naturally (but God told me he was going to heal me long before I got pregnant and he did). I ended up losing the baby (happened just over a year ago) and it was very traumatic. I then had two failed IVF cycles shortly after, and none of them were successful. Now I'm approaching my mid-30s.
My younger sister (20s) got engaged late last year, and just announced she is pregnant and it stings. I feel like a terrible Christian, sister, and human being b/c I should be doing backflips and cartwheels, but instead I feel inadequate as a woman and wife. She got engaged around the same date I had the miscarriage just one year prior.
I also felt like I did things the "right way" (no sex before marriage, married someone who appeared to be an active practicing Christian, waited until marriage to try to conceive) and yet my house of cards came tumbling down. So many people did things the unbiblical way and things appear to be just fine.
Logically, I know a baby with my ex would have been an absolute disaster and nightmare but it all feels so raw since I left him last summer and he finally signed the papers a couple of weeks ago. Logically, I also know someone else's success isn't a direct or indirect reflection of my own personal failures in life. Logically I know God doesn't promise anyone a spouse or children, and we should say, "if the Lord wills" and "when the Lord wills," but I feel how I feel. I just keep having flashbacks of the insensitive remarks people in my family made about me being married and not having any children. Then there are those friends and people who ask as well. I haven't even told most of my family I am going through a divorce bc that also feels like a major failure.
I could use some prayers right now. Going to enroll in therapy again, soon.
I miraculously became pregnant after they said it wouldn't happen naturally (but God told me he was going to heal me long before I got pregnant and he did). I ended up losing the baby (happened just over a year ago) and it was very traumatic. I then had two failed IVF cycles shortly after, and none of them were successful. Now I'm approaching my mid-30s.
My younger sister (20s) got engaged late last year, and just announced she is pregnant and it stings. I feel like a terrible Christian, sister, and human being b/c I should be doing backflips and cartwheels, but instead I feel inadequate as a woman and wife. She got engaged around the same date I had the miscarriage just one year prior.
I also felt like I did things the "right way" (no sex before marriage, married someone who appeared to be an active practicing Christian, waited until marriage to try to conceive) and yet my house of cards came tumbling down. So many people did things the unbiblical way and things appear to be just fine.
Logically, I know a baby with my ex would have been an absolute disaster and nightmare but it all feels so raw since I left him last summer and he finally signed the papers a couple of weeks ago. Logically, I also know someone else's success isn't a direct or indirect reflection of my own personal failures in life. Logically I know God doesn't promise anyone a spouse or children, and we should say, "if the Lord wills" and "when the Lord wills," but I feel how I feel. I just keep having flashbacks of the insensitive remarks people in my family made about me being married and not having any children. Then there are those friends and people who ask as well. I haven't even told most of my family I am going through a divorce bc that also feels like a major failure.
I could use some prayers right now. Going to enroll in therapy again, soon.