Had a slip. Trouble getting back on track.

[Sm412]

Hi all,

So I am one of those chaps that gets addicted to anything and everything pleasurable. Sex, inappropriate content, gambling, alcohol, cocaine, coffee, nicotine. You name it.

The biggest threat to my wellness is alcohol/cocaine. I've been a compulsive binge drinker since age 16. I am 29 now. I've had periods of sobriety intermittently lasting 6-12 months a piece.

This last period of sobriety was absolutely wonderful. For a good 8 months, I found God and my purpose, stabilized my mental health, and landed a job in the public service field that I am extremely passionate about. I stayed sober through a program called SMART recovery (AA is not effective for me) and church attendance. I enjoyed the best recovery I've ever had.

I slipped and drank about a week after the 8 month mark. For a month prior to my slip, I had stopped my meetings and church. It wasn't too crazy, but the recovery has been troublesome. My pattern is, in the weeks following a lapse, a fog sets in. I experience INTENSE cravings. I know if I indulge again, the pattern will reset, and I'll do it all over. There will be no end. I'll drink myself into a hole and the immense pain will eventually drive me to sobriety. During this craving period, recall of my drinking is euphoric. It is difficult to remember the immense trauma and loss drinking has caused me over the years. The focus is on how good I'll feel while drinking, and I'll figure the rest out later, kind of thing. I'll deal with the hangover/depression/guilt/cravings later. Right now I'll enjoy my high. It is a psychologically entrenched behavior pattern, dug in deep, and it takes over sometimes.

Given my low functionality when drinking, it is doubtful that I'll be able to keep my job. Even if I manage to, I will not be 100% for my clients who depend on me. I'll be living a double-life, providing treatment during the week and getting drunk/high on the weekends. And that's only if I manage to keep it to the weekends, which is also doubtful.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess it helped to type all that out. Maybe suggestions would be cool.

 

[trophy33]

You must never drink any portion of alcohol again. Because you know you will get addicted to it.

Get on the right path again and stay on it. Do notconcentrate on your bodily pleasures, because it will destroy you in the long run (and the destruction of your life has already begun, as you say).

If you fear the Lord and His judgement, you know you must stay on the right path. You must be hard on you, very hard. Maybe you did not have good father so you are mentally weak because of that. You must be a man, be hard on yourself and discipline yourself. The reward will be both for this life and most importantly for the eternal one.

 

[Danielwright2311]

Live for God every day, get addicted to him, make him your addiction, and he will fill all your other bodily needs.

 

[gym_class_hero]

I started binge drinking when I was 14 or 15. I don't miss the hangovers, the guilt, or waking around trying to remember who I hurt or offended. For me, avoiding the people and places where Im prone to slip back into that behavior is the key. Satan uses the guilt following those episodes to defeat us going forward. God bless you

 

[Carl Emerson]

We have a beautiful friend who lost her job, marriage, everything to Alcohol.

She went to a Christian meeting and there she was prayed for.

She was so transformed she now shines like the sun/son

The spiritual powers of addiction were totally broken and she is completely free with a new life.

This was one of the most wonderful transformations I have seen by His grace in recent years.

You will get lots of advice on managing your condition but few will suggest attending to any spiritual root cause. While Jesus did this all the time it is no longer the flavour of the month. This is because the church has been largely disempowered.

It took me 7 years to come clear from the effects of drug use.

My journey out was with much prayer and learning to resist the destructive, demanding, controlling, enemies of my soul in His beautiful name.

The truth is that Jesus has not changed but our 'Christian' version of Him has.

May Jesus lead you to folks who still believe in His power and authority who can mediate His grace through prayer and stand with you in His authority and agreement and teach you to hold the ground gained.

Believe me I know what I am talking about even if talking like this doesn't make friends.

It is fundamental that you must have a repentant broken spirit and a contrite heart. You must put Him first in every area of your life and make coming out your number one priority. Full surrender to our Lord is fundamental to success. It is all or nothing.

There are folks on the forum who will stand with you on the journey as well.

He is the answer and can totally break the grip and give you back your life.

The matter is fully in your hands.

In His Love,

Carl Emerson.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Hi all,

So I am one of those chaps that gets addicted to anything and everything pleasurable. Sex, inappropriate content, gambling, alcohol, cocaine, coffee, nicotine. You name it.

The biggest threat to my wellness is alcohol/cocaine. I've been a compulsive binge drinker since age 16. I am 29 now. I've had periods of sobriety intermittently lasting 6-12 months a piece.

This last period of sobriety was absolutely wonderful. For a good 8 months, I found God and my purpose, stabilized my mental health, and landed a job in the public service field that I am extremely passionate about. I stayed sober through a program called SMART recovery (AA is not effective for me) and church attendance. I enjoyed the best recovery I've ever had.

I slipped and drank about a week after the 8 month mark. For a month prior to my slip, I had stopped my meetings and church. It wasn't too crazy, but the recovery has been troublesome. My pattern is, in the weeks following a lapse, a fog sets in. I experience INTENSE cravings. I know if I indulge again, the pattern will reset, and I'll do it all over. There will be no end. I'll drink myself into a hole and the immense pain will eventually drive me to sobriety. During this craving period, recall of my drinking is euphoric. It is difficult to remember the immense trauma and loss drinking has caused me over the years. The focus is on how good I'll feel while drinking, and I'll figure the rest out later, kind of thing. I'll deal with the hangover/depression/guilt/cravings later. Right now I'll enjoy my high. It is a psychologically entrenched behavior pattern, dug in deep, and it takes over sometimes.

Given my low functionality when drinking, it is doubtful that I'll be able to keep my job. Even if I manage to, I will not be 100% for my clients who depend on me. I'll be living a double-life, providing treatment during the week and getting drunk/high on the weekends. And that's only if I manage to keep it to the weekends, which is also doubtful.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess it helped to type all that out. Maybe suggestions would be cool.

Relapse is part of the recovery process. It is not the end of everything. Laying down and giving up is the end of everything. But getting up again onto the wagon in faith is the way forward on the journey to recovery.

1 John 1:9 is the way to get the clean slate. Past failures are forgotten, enabling you to press on to victory. The battle may have been lost, but the war is still to be won. God's forgiveness never runs out. It is infinite. You can fall off the wagon twenty times a day, and you will be forgiven and cleansed every time. Keep going in faith.

 

[Sm412]

Wow. Such amazing responses. Thank you all so much. Was not expecting that.

When I drink, I go absolutely insane. I recreate Sodom and Gomorrah. Think of the worst hedonistic debauchery you can imagine, and that's me. It's the Wolf of Wall Street minus the money; I go broke doing it. I'm always pushing to maximize my high, to get that rush, and I destroy myself to do it.

I was considering an epic booze/coke/gambling bender that may or may not involve prostitutes. But I'm better than that. God has other plans for me, and I have too much positive stuff to do.

Thank you all. God bless.

 

[Sarah G]

I am having trouble with cravings today too (alcohol). I have managed to overcome them (for now) by thinking that

a) it's Lent so I could at least postpone it until Easter (thinking about how Jesus was tempted during his desert days)

b) reminding myself why I quit.

c) moving my imagination/focus away from the bliss of the alcohol to the inevitable morning after guilt and anxiety.

d) praying for strength.

e) buying food I like because really I just want to reward and comfort myself anyway

f) thinking about what alcohol addiction has already cost me (and the fact that my husband has alcoholic liver disease and nearly died from it five years ago)

 

[Colter]

Hi all,

So I am one of those chaps that gets addicted to anything and everything pleasurable. Sex, inappropriate content, gambling, alcohol, cocaine, coffee, nicotine. You name it.

The biggest threat to my wellness is alcohol/cocaine. I've been a compulsive binge drinker since age 16. I am 29 now. I've had periods of sobriety intermittently lasting 6-12 months a piece.

This last period of sobriety was absolutely wonderful. For a good 8 months, I found God and my purpose, stabilized my mental health, and landed a job in the public service field that I am extremely passionate about. I stayed sober through a program called SMART recovery (AA is not effective for me) and church attendance. I enjoyed the best recovery I've ever had.

I slipped and drank about a week after the 8 month mark. For a month prior to my slip, I had stopped my meetings and church. It wasn't too crazy, but the recovery has been troublesome. My pattern is, in the weeks following a lapse, a fog sets in. I experience INTENSE cravings. I know if I indulge again, the pattern will reset, and I'll do it all over. There will be no end. I'll drink myself into a hole and the immense pain will eventually drive me to sobriety. During this craving period, recall of my drinking is euphoric. It is difficult to remember the immense trauma and loss drinking has caused me over the years. The focus is on how good I'll feel while drinking, and I'll figure the rest out later, kind of thing. I'll deal with the hangover/depression/guilt/cravings later. Right now I'll enjoy my high. It is a psychologically entrenched behavior pattern, dug in deep, and it takes over sometimes.

Given my low functionality when drinking, it is doubtful that I'll be able to keep my job. Even if I manage to, I will not be 100% for my clients who depend on me. I'll be living a double-life, providing treatment during the week and getting drunk/high on the weekends. And that's only if I manage to keep it to the weekends, which is also doubtful.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess it helped to type all that out. Maybe suggestions would be cool.

It’s common for people to go to AA..... but not actually follow the specific instructions. They just go to the meetings but eventually get drunk because they don’t do the homework, and then conclude that AA doesn’t work when in truth, they never really worked it.

Alcoholics of your type have no mental defense against the first drink.

Alcohol, or cocaine, or inappropriate content, these addictions are all “symptoms” of the real problem: anxiety, fears, low self respect, guilt, shame, resentment, pride etc.

Regular meeting attendance with others who understand is extremely critical for continuous sobriety. Non alcoholic church people don’t understand.

After a period of sobriety, living in reality, the addicted person becomes so uncomfortable in their own skin that they crave the escape!

 

[Petros2015]

I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess it helped to type all that out. Maybe suggestions would be cool.

I'm an AA and SA member but acknowledge you are using a different program, still there are some things that might be helpful. It's really hard to get 'traction' again after a slip, some kind of acceptance sets in and I guess especially with alcohol you are changing the brain chemistry. For me, it's an ego enhancer, so if I start drinking it would be pretty hard to stop. Think about it like Jekyll and Hyde - if Jekyll decides to be Hyde, when does Hyde ever say 'gee I'd like to be Jekyll for a while again'? He never does. The only reason Hyde would ever try to go back to being Jekyll would be to escape from some consequence of some action he had done, which of course, we can never do.

One of the things I notice is that AA is alcoholics anonymous, but I also half-jokingly refer to it as Alzheimer's Anonymous. Meaning, that someone can have terrible consequences, swear it off entirely, know that they can't drink anymore, do pretty well for a time... and then all of a sudden... they forget. They make 1 compromise. And then out they go. That's one of the reasons I keep going to 2 or 3 meetings a week and involve myself in service positions. I have to refill and remind my mind what I am and what I can and can't do. I noticed you said this:

"For a month prior to my slip, I had stopped my meetings and church."

That's pretty typical. If I stopped going to meetings and halted spiritual relationship with God, I would give myself a month, maybe 2 before I went back out. Even though I am 5+ years sober. "We have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition". The real way to stay sober is to surround yourself with people who also want the same thing and to help them achieve it I have found. Sponsees, service positions, giving time to others, all those things help. If I make God my Higher Power, I'm OK. True North always points to Him. But if I don't... well then True North points to *Me*. How far do you think anyone gets with a spiritual compass that always points to themselves? Not far. "Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our problem".

To get sober again, I would recommend finding a sponsor if your program has the equivalent and contact them daily. Do a "90 and 90" - 90 meetings in 90 days. Or AT LEAST a 30 and 30. Pray for help from God with your sobriety - "Please" in the morning, "Thank you" in the evening. Write down the consequences drinking and other addictions have on you (on paper). Stuff "in the mind" isn't as solid as it is on paper. When you see on paper what you have suffered, it can kind of 'wake you up'.

Financial consequences
Legal Consequences
Job/Employment Consequences
Career Consequences
Family Consequences
Relationship Consequences
Health Consequences (Physical)
Health Consequences (Mental)
Health Consequences (Emotional)
Health Consequences (Spiritual)

And keep in mind, this is just what *we've* suffered, it says nothing at all about what others around us have suffered because of our use... Good news is, if you come out of it, you are uniquely positioned with experience to help others get out of it. Your tragedy can become your resume', if you want it to be.

But don't try to do it alone; get in touch with others and contact them everyday for a while.

Good luck

 

[Dan1988]

Hi all,

So I am one of those chaps that gets addicted to anything and everything pleasurable. Sex, inappropriate content, gambling, alcohol, cocaine, coffee, nicotine. You name it.

The biggest threat to my wellness is alcohol/cocaine. I've been a compulsive binge drinker since age 16. I am 29 now. I've had periods of sobriety intermittently lasting 6-12 months a piece.

This last period of sobriety was absolutely wonderful. For a good 8 months, I found God and my purpose, stabilized my mental health, and landed a job in the public service field that I am extremely passionate about. I stayed sober through a program called SMART recovery (AA is not effective for me) and church attendance. I enjoyed the best recovery I've ever had.

I slipped and drank about a week after the 8 month mark. For a month prior to my slip, I had stopped my meetings and church. It wasn't too crazy, but the recovery has been troublesome. My pattern is, in the weeks following a lapse, a fog sets in. I experience INTENSE cravings. I know if I indulge again, the pattern will reset, and I'll do it all over. There will be no end. I'll drink myself into a hole and the immense pain will eventually drive me to sobriety. During this craving period, recall of my drinking is euphoric. It is difficult to remember the immense trauma and loss drinking has caused me over the years. The focus is on how good I'll feel while drinking, and I'll figure the rest out later, kind of thing. I'll deal with the hangover/depression/guilt/cravings later. Right now I'll enjoy my high. It is a psychologically entrenched behavior pattern, dug in deep, and it takes over sometimes.

Given my low functionality when drinking, it is doubtful that I'll be able to keep my job. Even if I manage to, I will not be 100% for my clients who depend on me. I'll be living a double-life, providing treatment during the week and getting drunk/high on the weekends. And that's only if I manage to keep it to the weekends, which is also doubtful.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess it helped to type all that out. Maybe suggestions would be cool.

I disagree with your opening remark that you tend to get addicted to anything. The truth is, we're all the same. We were all born spiritually dead in our sins and trespasses.

We were all create equal, so the next person may never touch a drug or alcohol but they could be sinning in other ways.
I struggled with a chronic opioid addiction for many years. I tried NA, AA and all kinds or Psychiatrist's to help me quit.

After desperately trying all kinds or treatment regimes, I found that none of them helped me to stop using Heroin. One day God opened my spiritual eyes and I realized the truth of the matter.


The truth is, God allowed me to suffer because I decided to go back and use again after I had stopped for around 8 months. It got harder and harder each time I quit. I found out that abusing drugs invites evil spirits into your life and they set up shop in you and keep you in bondage to what ever your weakness happens to be.

The powers of darkness know each individuals weaknesses, ours may be drugs. The next person may be a fornicator or a criminal. Everyone has certain weaknesses and the enemy finds out by observing you and they attack you with temptation.

To cut a long story short, Christ is the only way to freedom from addiction. No other treatment works, they will all fail to bring true healing and restoration to a broken life.

 

[carp614]

I don't really know how to help you. I just have some things say to you I guess. Here are some of the things that have helped me stay sober:

-I wanted to be a Dad and a husband more than I wanted to be a drunken drug addict. I decided that I wanted sobriety more than I wanted my next breath.

-I surrendered my life to Jesus in one of my first AA meetings. God has been working on my sanctification ever since.

-Whenever I experience the desire to drink I ask myself a version of this question, "will drinking really...actually...make this situation better in the long run?" The answer has always been no. So I transition to just trying to get through the next day or hour or minute, depending on how badly I am hurting for a fix, until it passes.

-Being sober does not mean I no longer struggle with addiction. I still do. It still has great power over me. God has, I think, granted shelter from the worst most uncontrollable cravings that I could never resist on my own. I am only as protected as I am surrendered.

- I know for certain that if I ever relapse I will die. That helps too.

I've been sober for nearly 14 years.

I hope you will find victory.

 

[chilehed]

Relapse is part of the recovery process.

No, it's not. It might be part of someone's path, but it's not part of the recovery process.

It is not the end of everything.

I sure is if it kills you. I've lost way too many friends to it in the 31 years I've been clean.

Relapse is not a requirement, there's nothing you can learn from it that you can't learn from the using you already did, and you can learn those things better by staying clean and working the Twelve Steps (or their equivalent).

I slipped and drank

You didn't slip. It wasn't an accident. You made a decision to stop working your program, and the foreseeable result happened. Pick up the phone, get your butt back into the program and make better decisions in the future, even if you feel like you're about to crawl out of your skin! Easy? - no, it's the opposite of all of your impulses. Necessary and possible? - yes.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

No, it's not. It might be part of someone's path, but it's not part of the recovery process.


I sure is if it kills you. I've lost way too many friends to it in the 31 years I've been clean.

Relapse is not a requirement, there's nothing you can learn from it that you can't learn from the using you already did, and you can learn those things better by staying clean and working the Twelve Steps (or their equivalent).

My wife and I attended a training session while our daughter was in rehab. The teaching came from a qualified mental health professional with many years working in drug and alcohol rehabilitation. The principle was that if a person relapsed, not to give up, but take the attitude that tomorrow is another day, so if the recovering person failed today, he will succeed tomorrow and the next day, and that the recovery process sometimes is two steps forward and one step back.

 

[chilehed]

My wife and I attended a training session while our daughter was in rehab. The teaching came from a qualified mental health professional with many years working in drug and alcohol rehabilitation.

Tell him exactly what I said, and I guarantee that he'd agree. Tell any professional that someone in the middle of a relapse is still recovering, and see what he says.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Tell him exactly what I said, and I guarantee that he'd agree. Tell any professional that someone in the middle of a relapse is still recovering, and see what he says.

It all has to do with one's definition of "relapse". If a person falls off the wagon on Monday and then thinks he has failed and does not get back on the wagon again, then his relapse back into addition perpetuates. But if he learns that falling off the wagon on Monday does not mean that he has failed permanently, and that Tuesday can be a new day to restart his recovery.

If some unwise person says to the recovering addict who falls off the wagon on Monday. "You stupid fool. Now you will never recover!" is cutting off that person's hope that on Tuesday he will be able to get back on the wagon again and continue his recovery. Negative talk from unqualified, untrained pelicans can destroy any hope of recovery. But the person who is able to say, "Ok. You fell off the wagon today, but tomorrow is another day, and you can get back on the wagon and carry on" gives the person continued hope for the future.

 

[chilehed]

It all has to do with one's definition of "relapse".

There's a definition other than "stopped working a recovery program and started doing dope again"?

If some unwise person says to the recovering addict who falls off the wagon on Monday. "You stupid fool. Now you will never recover!" is cutting off that person's hope

Who said that? Certainly not me, nor anything that sounds remotely like it.

Relapse is not recovery. It can kill you, and no one needs to do it. If you relapse: put down the dope, don't beat yourself up, get back into the program and don't do it again.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Who said that? Certainly not me, nor anything that sounds remotely like it.

Relapse is not recovery. It can kill you, and no one needs to do it. If you relapse: put down the dope, don't beat yourself up, get back into the program and don't do it again.

Isn't that what I am saying (in different words than yours)?

 

[chilehed]

Isn't that what I am saying (in different words than yours)?

Except for the part about "relapse is part of the recovery process". It's certainly a common part of people's path, but it's not part of the recovery process. Relapse is the result of abandoning the recovery process, and it can kill you.

 

[Dan1988]

Except for the part about "relapse is part of the recovery process". It's certainly a common part of people's path, but it's not part of the recovery process. Relapse is the result of abandoning the recovery process, and it can kill you.

I attended some AA and NA meetings and heard some strange things, which don't make any sense. They label alcoholism and drug addiction as a disease. The Bible calls them drunkenness and sorcery which are both grievous deadly sins.

Those programs deal with the physical symptoms and leave the person spiritually dead in their sins and trespasses.

One guy got up and identified himself as a recovering alcoholic, then he went on to say that he's been sober for close to 20 years. That just doesn't make any sense to me, why do these people still call themselves alcoholics or drug addicts if they've been clean and sober for all those years.

I don't like this idea that folks have to remain in their addicted mindset and held hostage for the rest of their lives. I read some statistics about those 12 step programs. They said something like 10% of alcoholics and addicts will attend the meetings. Of those only 3% will continue attending and of the 3% only 1% will remain clean and sober for the rest of their lives.

I think the stats speak for themselves about the success of those programs.