habitual sin - inappropriate content & masturbation

[Endeavourer]

Hi Megan,

I agree with Dave W that inappropriate content and masturbation are two separate topics. I'll address a post to you about each separately.

There is much said in the Bible that would identify inappropriate content as a sin - you are probably very aware of the various verses that would condemn inappropriate content. However, as is often the case, the Bible warns us away from something but doesn't give all of the pragmatic reasons why something is bad. If it did, I think our Bibles would be so thick we couldn't finish them in a lifetime!

So, here is a brief overview of why inappropriate content is an addiction that will harm your future, and a few suggestions to get yourself down the road of eliminating it from your life.

inappropriate content creates images in your head that someday your husband will be competing with. It creates a contrast effect and will diminish your husband's beautiful gift of sexuality that he will be offering you in marriage.

inappropriate content also tarnishes your sexuality in that it distorts your sexual appetites. Let me explain. Once you start viewing inappropriate content, eventually the tame stuff becomes same old same old and you want something just a little differently stimulating. And then a little more different, and so on. Eventually your appetite for sexual gratification can grow to become quite unusual, if not perverted. This situation raises the thresh hold of what you will be hoping for/"needing" from your husband and he may not be interested. So with some silliness on your part in your youth, you may caused a life long sexual dysfunction in your marriage.

Sexual dysfunctions are some of the more frustrating situations a marriage will encounter and often cause a significant amount of distress to husbands, especially. You want to be able to offer a marriage to a young man without including this kind of baggage and problems for him. If you maintain this addiction, it would only be fair to let someone who is pursuing you for marriage know and it will GREATLY diminish the pool of men who are interested, as many of the best candidates will take themselves out of consideration.

As you are aware, however, an addiction to inappropriate content can be pernicious. The best way to break an addiction is to expose it (scary, I know!) and then to remove your avenues of access.

Your mom sounds like a very understanding person. Here's what I suggest you do:
a) tell your mom about your struggle with inappropriate content, and tell her about all the different means you use to access it.
b) install teensafe (teensafe.com) on your phone and route the access to your mom's email. It will cost $15 per month, but this is the best $15 you'll ever spend. Give her the password and ask her to change it so you don't know what it is. This will keep you off inappropriate content on your phone because who wants their mom seeing their inappropriate content activity! Yuck, right?
c) If you have a laptop, can you stop using it for now and just use a family computer that's in a main area? If so, give the laptop to your mom for a few months. If not, install an accountability software on your laptop and again, route the reports to your mom, give her the password and ask her to change it.
d) Close off all of the other routes you use to access inappropriate content with your mom.
e) Plan out other things you'll deflect to doing every time the desire strikes you to view inappropriate content. Can you divert yourself to a hobby instead? If you are a reader, buy a bunch of books you'd love to read and deflect to reading, etc etc.
f) Deflect your thoughts quickly when your mind goes to the inappropriate content you've already seen. You can research tactics for this, but one is to tap your heart and repeat a Bible verse until you can think about something else. When I needed to stop thinking about a painful situation in my life, I used "Lord, heal my broken heart", a paraphrase of a verse in Psalms, while I was tapping. If you stop tapping and your mind still goes back to inappropriate content, resume tapping. Some people use a rubber band to gently snap. Research techniques to see which one would work the best for you.

Within three months of not viewing inappropriate content, much of the addictive nature of it will have faded and your cravings for it will become easier and easier to overcome.

After you have not viewed inappropriate content for 12 to 18 months, and feel you are free from its pull, you can remove the accountability to your mom. From then on, be sure to never take another "dip" into this. Recovering alcoholics and smokers know that the first drink or cigarette they enjoy will plunge them right back into their addiction.

Once you are married, you want to give your husband full digital transparency to all of your devices. You don't necessarily need to tie it back to this old inappropriate content situation, which hopefully will be long gone by then, but when you marry you both deserve to know everything about each other.

I pray that you will set yourself to conquering this very harmful habit. Conquer it because it hurts you, your future husband and therefore your future family.

Most things that God designated as sins are really just behaviors that hurt us and/or others so he told us not to do them. Look at it as something that will hurt you and your future marriage and husband, not just as a sin that "thou shalt not".

Don't get me wrong; they're still sins. Many of us are taught that avoiding sins shows gratitude to the Lord, which is true. However, a practical reason to avoiding sins is to avoid harm to yourself and others.

 

[Endeavourer]

As to masturbation, some people teach it is a sin as grave as adultery, inappropriate content & etc. Sometimes a verse about abusing yourself is used to build that fence.

I'm not so sure that the verse about abusing yourself is referring to masturbation. For that verse, I think of things like cigarettes, cutting or other ways the temple of the Lord is damaged.

Within a marriage, using masturbation is very unfair to your spouse because it deprives them of the opportunity to experience the cycle of sexual intimacy and release with you. It satiates the desire for physical release and leaves your spouse out so theirs is not satiated and you can get into a marriage wrecking cycle of sexual separateness.

When I think of not defrauding your spouse, I think more of this type of self satisfying activity as defrauding your spouse from sharing in your cycle of satisfaction and then being less eager to participate in his.

This article is about inappropriate content, but the reason I'm linking it here is that also discusses the technical reasons why masturbation is harmful when indulged in within a marriage. I think you will find it very helpful.

The Scourge of inappropriate contentography by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

It is my belief and conviction that within a marriage masturbation is defrauding your spouse and should not be engaged in at all.

 

[nak1411]

I struggle with this a lot. It really is like a drug. I used to drink and smoke cigarettes for a large portion of my life. When I was saved, it only took a few weeks until I was completely healed from those things. Both of which are very addicting. Now I can say I have zero desire for a drink or smoke EVER. The temptation has completely left me. However, inappropriate content and masturbation addiction feels like a whole new animal. I can sense an even stronger demonic presence with inappropriate content addiction than I ever felt with smoking and drinking. At times it really does feel like I am caught in a bear trap with no way to escape.

I have accountability software on my computer and my parents are well aware and monitor it. Unfortunately, in this instance, I am pretty tech savvy and can bypass the software even though it is network blocked and reports all websites I visit. When the strong urge hits, I am so determined to go to those websites that I will hide my activity and lie. It almost feels like I lose control and just dive headfirst like a bull in a china shop. Only after the deed is done do I realize how far South I went. I feel guilt and immediately repent every time. This cycle repeats. It has almost come to the point where I would need to get rid of my computer entirely to avoid it. But I cant because I need it for many things I do in my daily life.

I can go for long periods of time without the urge but at some point something will trigger it. It could be as small as seeing a facebook post of someone in a bathing suit. Or when i am in my room alone and bored, my mind tends to just wander around. I try to keep busy and go for walks or watch Christian youtube channels. I know a lot of this is unavoidable and a lot of men struggle with lust. I am teaching myself to "bounce" my eyes away as soon as I see someone that I could view lustfully. I work in retail though so that can be a pretty intense eye workout.

I am single and I always pray for a woman of God to enter into my life. I struggle with singleness sometimes and can feel pretty down wondering where she is. However, I sometimes feel that my addiction is a roadblock before God wills that special someone into my life. inappropriate content and masturbation addiction can be devastating in a relationship and has absolutely no place in a marriage. I wonder if the two issues are related. Does this addiction need to be defeated before I will find that marriage? I find myself thinking this every time I go to those websites. I tell myself that I am only prolonging my singleness and staying trapped every time I enter into that sin.

I know this isn't the case but Satan likes to manipulate my thoughts. I can hear the devil say "You are going to be single for a while, so you may as well just go into that website one more time..." I have to get on my knees and rebuke Satan immediately every time I hear that. The bottom line is it is still a struggle for me. But I am praying on it daily. I have faith and claim healing in the name of Jesus. There may be a reason for the intense struggle in this season of my life. Maybe one day once I am healed, I will witness to and help others struggling with the same problems? I just pray for healing and unusual favor upon myself and all of you dealing with these addictions.

 

[Endeavourer]

I have accountability software on my computer and my parents are well aware and monitor it. Unfortunately, in this instance, I am pretty tech savvy and can bypass the software even though it is network blocked and reports all websites I visit. When the strong urge hits, I am so determined to go to those websites that I will hide my activity and lie. It almost feels like I lose control and just dive headfirst like a bull in a china shop. Only after the deed is done do I realize how far South I went. I feel guilt and immediately repent every time. This cycle repeats. It has almost come to the point where I would need to get rid of my computer entirely to avoid it. But I cant because I need it for many things I do in my daily life.

Great job at fighting this! Taking on this problem will allow you to offer much more as a husband.

It seems like the accountability/exposure is working for you when you know your parents will see where you go on the internet. It seems you are unwilling to have them view any history.

I'd suggest that you expose your relapses to your parents and tighten up the holes in accountability.

Have you considered a key logger? I used one on the home computer my children had access to (for the purpose of safeguarding their browsing to avoid this situation - or an even worse one that one of my friend's children got into from unsupervised internet access). If you installed a key logger your parents would see your technology go-arounds, which would tighten up your accountability.

To eliminate an addiction, you really have to eliminate your hits. It sounds as simple as "to lose weight you need a calorie deficit" - ha! However, unfortunately, both are unfailingly, truly the case.

May God bless you and your fight against this battle.
E.

 

[Dave-W]

Within three months of not viewing inappropriate content, much of the addictive nature of it will have faded and your cravings for it will become easier and easier to overcome.

After you have not viewed inappropriate content for 12 to 18 months, and feel you are free from its pull, you can remove the accountability to your mom. From then on, be sure to never take another "dip" into this. Recovering alcoholics and smokers know that the first drink or cigarette they enjoy will plunge them right back into their addiction.

Once you are married, you want to give your husband full digital transparency to all of your devices. You don't necessarily need to tie it back to this old inappropriate content situation, which hopefully will be long gone by then, but when you marry you both deserve to know everything about each other.

I can pretty much agree with this, but I would push out that initial time line to about 6 months. But I am sure it varies a lot with the specific situation and each individual.

A inappropriate content addiction is like any other addiction, you will need to be vigilant for the rest of your life.

 

[LoveNature]

I've mentioned this to someone else and I think it will help you too.

Advice I've heard and taken on (from a video of a young preacher I think) is that whatever is in your heart comes from things you watch, listen to etc. maybe try and target where it came from or is still coming from and pray about it; because this is something most people struggle with in my opinion, sexual related sins are always one of the hardest or the very hardest sins to quit.

You're really not alone, trust me.

I hope this helps and I'll say a prayer for you God bless

 

[zoidar]

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and for your prayers. Unfortunately, I relapsed today and I feel extremely guilty. I made it almost two weeks, which is the longest I have gone in a very, very long time. So I feel like that's a good sign. But sadly I decided to serve my flesh today and now I go back to square one. Please continue to pray for me, for healing and for release from this.
I will also continue to pray for those of you who have said you're in the same situation. God bless you all

Edit: I'm angry with inappropriate content, angry that sex which is supposed to be something good, is destroying our world. I hope my anger will give me energy to overcome, to not be like "everyone" else. Bless you all guys and girls for your honesty.

 

[zoidar]

Hey there.
I am currently struggling with the same issue too. Only thing is it's gay inappropriate contentography. Been struggling with it since 12 maybe. I was just about to make a post as well for prayer support. But came across yours. The advice was exactly what I needed too. Hang in there, you're not alone in this particular sin. I also feel very grotesque and ashamed right after. Convicted if I can say. Yes rebuking that spirit of lust helps too in Jesus' name. As sin can spread like wildfire, glad I don't dabble with drugs and alcohol. And this seems to be the ONLY sin that I really have a hard time with. But I will pray for you as well. Prayers!
Brother in Christ.

My heart and prayers goes out to you my friend! God bless!

 

[Soccerbeth]

Hi Megan,

I have struggled with the exact same thing. I will pray for you. Feel free to reach out if you need a sister who truly understands.

Beth

 

[Leah F]

Megan, do not give up. I know the struggle and there is good news. You can be free from both inappropriate contentography and masturbation.

Here is my story.​

I got hooked when I was 17. I had just chose to believe there was a God and Jesus became my best friend. In the same year I was forced into a sexual situation inside a chat room. The guy raped me in chat. Most people would not call it rape because I was physically untouched but mentally I was damaged. It started a spiral downward. I started to seek out online conversations, then I started to read stories online, and then I started with the inappropriate content. My weakness was anime and I soon enough was watching the most violent stuff I could find. I honestly kept away from the real stuff until later. The chatting with guys online and then role playing was how I got my kicks. It was not until I was about 20 when I actually became sexually active. It was with a few guys I knew but it ended after a year when I went home with a stranger and soon after discovered the consequences of the birth control I was using. God spared my life when I was 21 and I swore off drinking and sex. I still watched inappropriate content and talked to guys online. All this time I went to church and acted pure around everyone.

I spent years asking God to take away the desire to watch inappropriate content and do stuff online.​

I played around with my boyfriends to make them happy but that was all until I was 25. After that I threw out all my inhibitions and did what I wanted. I ended up meeting a guy online and agreed to meet him. I thought I was safe and it seemed so until after we met and I decided I did not want to play any more. It was at that moment he told me had a STD, thankfully nothing serious but it still marked me badly. Still it did not stop me from doing what I wanted. At the same time I kept begging God to take it away and make me stop.

The crazy part was that I was very active in the church and I did many things for the Lord. ​

I struggled until I was 31. It was at that time I joined a church that was serious about God's Salvation. They challenged me to finally be real with the Lord and stop playing on the fence. I had enough of my struggle and finally just laid it at His feet and asked for a change in heart. Something broke that moment and the miraculous happened for me. I stopped longing for the inappropriate content and everything that I did. It no longer had a hold on me. I was finally free. I still sometimes get tempted when times get tough but I turn it away. A few month's later God gave me my husband. I also have been STD free.

God has a way of breaking the hold. He did it for me and He will do it for you. Ask for a new heart and lay it all down before Him and leave it there. God will do the impossible and make you a new creature even if you have known Him for years.

 

[John Goodness]

Wow! I just joined and checking on some of these threads. Many courageous people here, and great advise from the others as well. I struggled with inappropriate content and masturbation for 29 years!!! It's impacted my marriage, and I'm on the brink of divorce right now. It was only 3 months ago that God led me through a path that is allowing me to examine myself and getting the help I need.

First things this habitual sin would affect is myself and my loved ones. I've denied this for a long time. It has robbed me of countless of hours, that could have been spent for my own, my family, and my community's benefit.

What is helpful for me right now are the following: (a) being open about it with other people. I joined a recovery program at church. (b) being humble and discussing my struggles with friends on a weekly basis. (c) daily devotions, Scripture reading and prayer (d) continuous learning and knowing my triggers and being self aware on how I think and act on situations.

I haven't watched a single inappropriate content video since Sep 14. I praise God for His faithfulness so far. That's 13 weeks and counting.

 

[tundrawolf]

I have gone from viewing inappropriate contentography and self gratification several times a day for many years to falling every once in a while. I consider it a great victory, and I know for a fact when I do fall, I pick myself up and keep going- the guilt does not haunt me.

There is a product called "Monk's berry", or "Vitex powder" that I have purchased online, I have tried it myself and that is what monks have used in the past that supposedly takes the edge off of sexual temptations when they are trying to remain celibate.

You are, in essence, trying to remain celibate.

My suggestion is to take some when you feel the urge. It has seemed to help me. However, when the time comes, you simply must say no, and it will be the hardest thing you will do. I was addicted to anthropomorphic artwork, hetero and homosexual inappropriate content, both drawn and filmed. At the time there wasn't any real support for it. I simply had to say No, over and over. And you will too.

But my encouragement is this, that it only gets easier.

Try not to focus on the times you fall, but those agonizing moments you do not click that mouse. Emotionally you won't feel it, but every time you say NO, you actually wipe the floor with Satan and his demons. You literally lay waste to them. Angels come in on your behalf, and with flaming swords cut down strongholds, and make demons tremble in sheer terror.

 

[planet_joe]

Yeah I've been there. Don't beat yourself up. You'll break free eventually. Took me years. In hindsight, I think the way to beat a sexual addiction is both directly and indirectly; eg if you use inappropriate content as a way of dealing with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy, then your first port of call should be in dealing to those. Kill the roots first.

 

[tundrawolf]

Yeah I've been there. Don't beat yourself up. You'll break free eventually. Took me years. In hindsight, I think the way to beat a sexual addiction is both directly and indirectly; eg if you use inappropriate content as a way of dealing with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy, then your first port of call should be in dealing to those. Kill the roots first.

Probably one of the most encouraging words things i've read.

 

[John Goodness]

Yeah I've been there. Don't beat yourself up. You'll break free eventually. Took me years. In hindsight, I think the way to beat a sexual addiction is both directly and indirectly; eg if you use inappropriate content as a way of dealing with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy, then your first port of call should be in dealing to those. Kill the roots first.

Fully agree. inappropriate content masquerades as a substitute to real intimacy, which is a healthy desire for every human being. Developing healthy, intimate relationships is a great antidote to this. I'm on my own recovery journey from 28+ years of inappropriate content addiction. I've had several relapses, and what I'm observing is that when I'm at my loneliest that I'm tested the most.

 

[zoidar]

I have quite recently been freed from inappropriate content. I have struggled with it for many years. Watching it almost every day. The problem was that I had drifted away from God, felt depression, meaninglessness and sadness. All those emotions brought me to seek some kind of weird comfort in inappropriate content. My drifting away from God begun when I started to doubt that Jesus had died for all men. I was very sad about this, and my image of the loving God was damaged. I was very afraid that it could be true, that Jesus just died for some. I prayed many times to God that I wanted to know the truth. I was wavering back and forward in faith, believing, going to church, but still not living a Christian life.

One day when I was at the gym doing cardio I listened to a youtube clip about the early church fathers belief concerning atonement. Then it struck me, God was more loving than I had ever imagined. He loves everyone, died for all men, and want everyone to be saved! Man what a releaf! Thinking about it gave tears in my eyes. Then I noticed my love for Jesus was back. And not only so, I had meaning again and the emptiness and depression was gone. It's soon two weeks now and not one single time have I had to fight urges of watching inappropriate content. I know I'm free, and not only that... I got my LOVING father back. Thank Jesus for his mercy! It's everlasting! Bless you in Christ Jesus!

I like to add, what gives me power to overcome sin now is my love for Jesus. I don't want to do anything to make him sad.

 

[zoidar]

You know what. Was with some friends this evening. What did they do? They put on inappropriate content on the TV. I've known these people for 10 years, not once have they done this before. The evil one is really doing all he can to make us fall back in sin. I went home. Im very happy I did. I should have said that I no longer watch that crap. I just left... I didn't know what to say.

 

[chevyontheriver]

You know what. Was with some friends this evening. What did they do? They put on inappropriate content on the TV. I've known these people for 10 years, not once have they done this before. The evil one is really doing all he can to make us fall back in sin. I went home. Im very happy I did. I should have said that I no longer watch that crap. I just left... I didn't know what to say.

Hopefully they have the sensitivity to ask you why you left? You did the right thing.

 

[zoidar]

Hopefully they have the sensitivity to ask you why you left? You did the right thing.

They haven't said one word about it. I don't think they understood why I left.

 

[Dave-W]

As to masturbation, some people teach it is a sin as grave as adultery, inappropriate content & etc. Sometimes a verse about abusing yourself is used to build that fence.

I'm not so sure that the verse about abusing yourself is referring to masturbation. For that verse, I think of things like cigarettes, cutting or other ways the temple of the Lord is damaged.

That much of Endeavourer's post I can agree with. The rest is addressing "M" in marriage; and since Megan is single, I do not find it applicable.

As to a "fence," that is one of the things our Lord blasted the Pharisees for.