Guilt, confusion, lust and temptation

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

I confess that after so many years of pure thoughts and pure love in my heart, as well as faith and hope in God, and peaceful harmony with the woman I love and wish to marry one day, and who led me towards God, my stress and anxieties are catapulting me back to dark times when I hadn't met her (or to the first 2 months I met her), before she made me think about God, before she made me consider Christianity.

It was a time when I had no problem with sinning, when I enjoyed flirting with young married women and even had a fling with one. Where the act of attraction and erotic conquest was more important to me than love and where I experienced that in order to get anything with women, one had to behave in ways that are very different from how I am now. When getting women was a competition. And sexy was all that mattered.
Although I actually didn't "fornicate", I enjoyed everything around that process. I enjoyed going out with my friends to look at sex workers - of all kinds. I was almost a pervert. But I used to enjoy it.

This was 4 years ago. But for reasons beyond my understanding, and despite things going really well (except for distance and individual personal issues like jobsearch) my mind is gradually leading me back to those ideas, encouraging me to see things again the way I used to see in the past.
This started happening in January, when I decided to finish a degree I had left unfinished for more or less the same time period since I had started to change.

All this affects my interaction with the woman I love (which is mostly online in the distance), the quality of the words I speak, and of course of her response, which I increasingly perceive to reflect the state of my own mind
(i.e. there's an effect on our relationship).

I cannot talk to her about any of this. I only want to get rid of those thoughts, I want to say goodbye to the past and return to the present that WE were building, that both HER and I were supporting each other for - without any second interest.

Despite what I want, I had some very ugly ideas in my mind, as a sort of "temporary solution" to the distance.... temptation.

All I can say is "Please help".
I am not sleeping because of this.

And I literally perceive that God abandons me when I am in this state of mind.

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

Damn!!! This can't go on!

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

One little conclusion I have is:
if God is right, the way I hear him, the Bible must be wrong (or the way it is interpreted by the majority, esp on this forum)

 

[BFine]

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

____________________________

That's the frustrating thing about being in cyber- romance, no actual physical
contact with the object of your affections...it's also why many such online
only romances fail.

I did the LDR thingy and it's not easy...but we did commit to meeting from time to time, our long distance romance continued for nearly 2 yrs. until I got my residency
card/status in Canada. Me and my husband flew back and forth between Canada and the USA (I'm from NC) -- we were close to four thousand miles apart during the first two yrs. of marriage. We were very fortunate that my boss lady paid me well and she
also opened up her home to me/us so that we didn't have to pay for two homes.

 

[JRSut1000]

that's exactly what i was thinking of - taking captive every thought or imagination that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. Also 'submit yourself to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you'.

Cant just be passive about your thought life and temptations. Living holy is an active thing and with God's help, it can be done.

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

That's the frustrating thing about being in cyber- romance, no actual physical
contact with the object of your affections...it's also why many such online
only romances fail.

I did the LDR thingy and it's not easy...but we did commit to meeting from time to time, our long distance romance continued for nearly 2 yrs. until I got my residency
card/status in Canada. Me and my husband flew back and forth between Canada and the USA (I'm from NC) -- we were close to four thousand miles apart during the first two yrs. of marriage. We were very fortunate that my boss lady paid me well and she
also opened up her home to me/us so that we didn't have to pay for two homes.

Well, I don't see my story as a "cyber romance" or "LDR", although it is increasingly RESEMBLING one. Please note/remember that we were flatmates during college and spent nearly all day in each others' physical presence for at least half a year.

But for the following 4 years we kinda lived in the "memory" of that physical presence. And we speak as if we still see each other every day.
We did meet a few times in person again, but we never saw that as a "requirement" to carry on.

But apart from that, I know that even Christian ideals say to put love beyond the physical aspect, beyond the material sphere.

That's what I have done for the past 4 years. And it went well.

But now it seems like, after I started focusing more on a thing that is "right here" (my studies, exams, university), I also loose the focus on the distant, and everything more physically close to me enters my mind more easily.

I think I would best be able to communicate this to someone who also has some knowledge about psychology.
It's as if all this time I "anchored" my day-to-day life to her in the distance, but as soon as I try learning something new, preparing myself for exams, my mind/memory/[sub]consciousness is also more inclined to absorb other things around me - i.e. attractive women and physical reactions I guess

I would kill myself for even writing this, because I know in my heart I am faithful only to HER.
But I recognize that I have less and less control over my body, mainly due to my memories (and who knows what else, I am completely getting confused now, I cannot even express what is happening).

I can't sleep over this. I must solve this. I am painfully fighting against it but with no results, only the opposite actually.

I think that feeling extremely guilty and inflicting emotional pain on myself and being sad is the only thing I can do for now in order to not completely switch to the "dark side".

I beg you, my friends. I know some of you have helped me a lot, but I think this is the "root" of all problems of what's happening to me - temptation.
I know I have written tons of words, but I really don't want to lose my MIND.

By the way, does anyone know whether on this forum there's any Christian who also knows a lot about psychology/the mind? Who could perhaps have insight on how to truly stop temptation?

How to truly stay positive when the woman I love is far away and many "attractive flesh" tempt me every day here and now? (damn, help, even my language)

I want to kill myself for even asking this.
And feeling that I want to kill myself is the only thing that still shows me that I WANT to solve this, I WANT to get rid of this.

Please help.

I am sounding full alarm, mayday, SOS, whatever.

 

[BridgeAcrossCultures]

I sometimes also think that when reading some of the Bible interpretations that are written on this forum, I tend to see always very passive approaches to this kind of problems, whereas - as far as I can remember - for a great part of my time with her I have always addressed my fears with actions, with active measures.

For example, if I thought that going to parties could tempt me, I completely stopped going to parties (and that put my mind to peace!).
For example, if I thought that we didn't see each other for quite long and I could surprise her one day, I actually did it. One day, 2 years ago, I went and surprised her at one of her class trips, and she was so happy about that, and we spoke even more intensively after that day.

But somehow right now I don't have anymore the drive for such initiative.
Maybe it's because I am starting to get a mindset that "God will do everything for you. You don't need to bother about anything, he will do all for you"
There's so much words on this forum that resembles such ideas.

So maybe I need to snap out of that. I am not sure. I am very confused.

All I know is that NOW it's all messed up. My mind is completely ruined.

 

[joey_downunder]

I know a lot about psychology, mostly layman's terms though.
What is good agrees with God's word already. What is bad contradicts the bible. Psychology/psychiatry diagnoses and explains problems/mental disorders very well but it doesn't change a sinner's heart. Only God can do that.

What kind of info/talking through do you need to do? I don't think it is the relationship itself that is the issue.

 

[joey_downunder]

What makes you think that accepting God's will and learning to trust in Him is a passive response?
Do you have any idea of how difficult the process has been for some of us?

I have to actively struggle against depression and anxiety every single day. I have had to overcome so many personal history issues that neither professional counsellors or medicine helped. Only active thinking to decide to think and see things God's way took me out of the pit of despair.

Renewing the mind takes an awful lot of effort and determination - active thinking to turn the mind from consistently negative and anxious to realistic and thinking God's way. It is something YOU need to DO. *wags finger with stern look on face*

 

[Ark100]

I advised you of what could be the biggest solution to your issues, but you keep asking the same questions everyday.
The people (all of us) will not solve your problems for you save they give you biblical and logical advice that they can come up with or as The Holy Spirit inspires them.
I told you to read up on renewing of your mind. That is what you need right now. Its not a go, or come...not up or down, not run or slow down...
You need to renew your mind.
When you were in the world, things that you used to do have to change entirely to what you do when you are in Christ. Your attitude, thoughts and daily life has to be different and imitate the righteousness of Christ.
You need more of The Holy Spirit in your life to help you along the way.
God does not do anything for anyone just like that. You have to help yourself as well.
"Heavens help those who help themselves"
if you are praying to God to change your thoughts, and your sinful ways, and you make no attempt to change it or a step of faith to start turning your life around, NOTHING will change.
If you call yourself a child of God, and encounter a difficult problem and the only thing you need to do is say "This problem will not overcome me because I am a child of The Almighty God'
If you do not say this and just expect the problem to go because you are a child of God, then nothing will happen, the problem will persist.
You have to speak the word with faith and know that you have sent it out...That is work.
You can not keep wallowing in temptations everyday, you have to react against it, and take a stand of faith and say NO.
Your no should mean NO, and your yes should mean YES.
There are things that pop up in my mind sometimes, reminding me of the past, but when I think of Christ, I just smile and I rebuke whatever it is, and know that Christ in my life is enough for me to go through life with triumph, joy, peace and I don't need worldly temptations to fulfil my life.
Wordly temptations are from the enemy, and seeing as you keep wallowing in these temptations daily, you have given the enemy an access to keep tormenting you to do these things.

Do you spend quality time with The Lord everyday and night?
The step of Faith in saying NO..
Asking God for the infilling of The Holy spirit (dont say you already had one).
You need The Holyspirit in your life for sure.. if you are certain you do, then ask for activation, to begin His works
Don't let your woman desert you because of your issues..deal with them..dont give in to what the enemy is trying to do to you.
Go back to my old PM to you, and really take everything in there seriously.

 

[joey_downunder]

Like Ark100 is saying we have said the same type of things but it doesn't seem to sink in. I think that is why you are not getting many responses any more.
It is this famous psychologist's illustration from the famous book ''games people play'' - why you don't you yes but...

If you are genuinely feeling extremely depressed then get treatment ASAP even go to ER if you have to. There are lot of people who have take antidepressants to function well. There is NO shame in seeking treatment if you need it.