Growth Through Personal Anguish

[PropheticTimes]

I had thought about putting this in Christian Advice, but I think it is more appropriate here, as it deals with growing in Christ through personal anguish.

To make a very long story short, there is someone in my life whom I love very much. At one time he loved me very much too (or so he said). I made a mistake with my words to him in a moment of anxiety at the thought of being abandoned (yes, I am working on the abandonment issues I have). After that, almost instantaneously, he went from expressing his love for me to calling me friend (he has abandonment issues as well).

I have been/am going through much internal sorrow and anguish over this. I know this person is in need of someone who won't give up on him (as we all are), yet I feel I have been given up on. He is in need of a friend, yet I feel "friend-zoned". I know he cares about me, yet I still love him, and due to that it hurts to be "a friend" and keep all the words I want to say from being said.

But...

...Christ calls us to love, with HIS love, not our own. I want to show that kind of love to this person, to be there for them, to do what I can to build up and not tear down (yes, he is a believer). Yet the pain inside is kicking and screaming "It's not fair! It hurts too much! Walk away from him like he (partially) did to you!" But I know that is not what Jesus wants me to do.

Has anyone gone through this or something similar? Did you find that consistently pushing away "self" in order to do what you know God wants from you caused it to eventually become easier? Were you transformed through this process? I do not want to disobey, but must obedience be so painful?

Comments on whether this is a part of truly being a disciple of Jesus Christ (the personal pain in obedience)? Or am I simply trying too hard to hold on to this person in some form so as to not lose him entirely?

 

[Monna]

Has anyone gone through this or something similar?

Yes. Find comfort and strength in the knowledge that both your Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus have experienced the same thing. Certainly with me, and quite possibility with you too, if you think about it for a while. "While we were yet sinners... enemies of God ... Christ died for us." "Greater love has no one ever had than to lay down his life for his friends."

Did you find that consistently pushing away "self" in order to do what you know God wants from you caused it to eventually become easier?

No, and yes. In certain circumstances, where results become positive and evident fairly soon, it becomes easier. In other cases, where all the selflessness seems to make no difference, it seems to get harder, not easier. But we must keep our hope in God our Father. And then there is the thought that perhaps God has more to do in us and to us, than through us and by us. Ask your loving Father to give you grace to keep on keeping on. Paul said that God told him "my grace is sufficient for you" when he was plagued with some "thorn in the flesh" and prayed strenuously that God would remove it.

Were you transformed through this process?

I think so, but sometimes the real changes in us are noticeable more to others than ourselves. Remember that you cannot learn patience without waiting, nor can you become longsuffering, without suffering long.

I do not want to disobey, but must obedience be so painful?

Sometimes. Remember that pain is a gift, even if no one wants it. If I didn't experience pain, I wouldn't have noticed the circular saw cutting through the side of my finger yesterday, and pulled away in time to avoid severe damage. Find also comfort in the thought that you are sharing in feelings of pain that your Lord Jesus also felt and feels. His strategy seems to have been to think of the joy beyond the suffering - the joy that the Father would express in him, and that he would himself feel, when the task was complete. Sharing his pain results later in you sharing his Joy.

 

[PropheticTimes]

Yes. Find comfort and strength in the knowledge that both your Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus have experienced the same thing. Certainly with me, and quite possibility with you too, if you think about it for a while. "While we were yet sinners... enemies of God ... Christ died for us." "Greater love has no one ever had than to lay down his life for his friends."



No, and yes. In certain circumstances, where results become positive and evident fairly soon, it becomes easier. In other cases, where all the selflessness seems to make no difference, it seems to get harder, not easier. But we must keep our hope in God our Father. And then there is the thought that perhaps God has more to do in us and to us, than through us and by us. Ask your loving Father to give you grace to keep on keeping on. Paul said that God told him "my grace is sufficient for you" when he was plagued with some "thorn in the flesh" and prayed strenuously that God would remove it.



I think so, but sometimes the real changes in us are noticeable more to others than ourselves. Remember that you cannot learn patience without waiting, nor can you become longsuffering, without suffering long.



Sometimes. Remember that pain is a gift, even if no one wants it. If I didn't experience pain, I wouldn't have noticed the circular saw cutting through the side of my finger yesterday, and pulled away in time to avoid severe damage. Find also comfort in the thought that you are sharing in feelings of pain that your Lord Jesus also felt and feels. His strategy seems to have been to think of the joy beyond the suffering - the joy that the Father would express in him, and that he would himself feel, when the task was complete. Sharing his pain results later in you sharing his Joy.

I deeply thank you, Monna. Your words are a great encouragement to me. May God deeply bless you for taking the time and effort to help a struggling sheep. Sincerely, thank you.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Has anyone gone through this or something similar? Did you find that consistently pushing away "self" in order to do what you know God wants from you caused it to eventually become easier? Were you transformed through this process? I do not want to disobey, but must obedience be so painful?

Comments on whether this is a part of truly being a disciple of Jesus Christ (the personal pain in obedience)? Or am I simply trying too hard to hold on to this person in some form so as to not lose him entirely?

Yes, obedience is necessarily painful, quite painful, at least to start with.
Yes, also, this is perhaps a frequent experience (maybe 'growing pains')
for disciples everywhere,
as written we all face temptations common to all men,
and once we come through,
we are able to turn and help others going thru the same thing...

When successful, transformation is accomplished. (by Yahweh , in our lives)
It still is painful (in the heart) when we face even fiery trials/temptations,
often painful for others suffering or losing,
but /and the trials , traps of the enemy, temptations continue daily, yes every day(as written in Scripture), until Jesus returns or we pass away.

We learn and remember more what to do, and listen to our Father and the Shepherd of our souls (JESUS) more closely (we know His Voice, and He NEVER, no never, not ever leaves us) .... more closely we listen,
as we grow in Him and as the distractions and the lusts of the world, the flashy desires of the flesh, grow dim or are extinguished.

 

[PropheticTimes]

Yes, obedience is necessarily painful, quite painful, at least to start with.
Yes, also, this is perhaps a frequent experience (maybe 'growing pains')
for disciples everywhere,
as written we all face temptations common to all men,
and once we come through,
we are able to turn and help others going thru the same thing...

When successful, transformation is accomplished. (by Yahweh , in our lives)
It still is painful (in the heart) when we face even fiery trials/temptations,
often painful for others suffering or losing,
but /and the trials , traps of the enemy, temptations continue daily, yes every day(as written in Scripture), until Jesus returns or we pass away.

We learn and remember more what to do, and listen to our Father and the Shepherd of our souls (JESUS) more closely (we know His Voice, and He NEVER, no never, not ever leaves us) .... more closely we listen,
as we grow in Him and as the distractions and the lusts of the world, the flashy desires of the flesh, grow dim or are extinguished.

thank you, jeff