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Ground zero

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by bluegreysky, Nov 28, 2017.

  1. bluegreysky

    bluegreysky Can't adult today.

    United States
    first of all... I haven’t been here in several months. And now I’m about to come at you with several threads all asking for different types of advice.

    Let’s start with “ground zero”.
    At the beginning of this year, I decided to try a Daniel fast to boost god’s blessings on the year. My husband joined in with it. Instead, the opposite happened. But god isn’t to blame, I am.

    I thought my life was bad before.... because my husband stayed holed up in his office studying almost 24/7, insisted on keeping a dog I hated and we fought over everything. But at least back then, we had credit. He was going to school and planning for the future and being a veteran, the VA pays for that. I had a 9-5 at a bank. And though my home was chaotic between a badly behaved dog and cat and a lot of junk my husband had bought, it was a home.

    It started with the end of January. That one final fight that I decided would be the final straw. I checked out after the mean things he said. And one month later, I moved out.

    Three months goes by fast, but a lot can change. A husband can see the errors in his ways and get healthier, but then he can take three steps backwards and drop out of school, start drinking and wind up having a PTSD meltdown in the driveway of the home I was staying in temporarily, and getting arrested.

    During those three months, I could inadvertently wind up making a male friend and falling in love with that friend, even though he was just a friend. He did not reciprocate those feelings, but having them added a whole new level of confusion to the situation.

    And then, after May ended, I would move back in and try to start all over. The symbol for my pledge not to run away again being me getting the Bible verse for “what god has joined together let no man tear apart” engraved on my husbands new ring that he had to buy because he lost his in the ocean.

    We would have a good summer... until late July. When I would try to leave my good steady job for a better one but get screwed over instead.

    In September, my husband would refuse to return to school therefore only getting the minimum disability check from the Va And all I had was a job at target that I picked up in a hurry. This would by thanksgiving force me to have two jobs.
    Because at this point, after three months of living seperate running around and then losing income, were about to file chapter 7 bankruptcy.

    The fights would start up again.

    But now, instead of them being about his not having a good work-life balance, they were about how I am a wife working two jobs whilst my husband works no jobs and also blames me for his inability to do anything about it.

    I am not truly forgiven for the seperation, nor will god grant me the end of this season and restore our lives.

    See? Ground zero. Our life burned down.
  2. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    Hi; prayer and the Scriptures for you guys together in all humility is so important.

    The fellowship of a local church that does the activities of Acts 2.41-42 is also important.

  3. Dave-W

    Dave-W Our six grandchildren Supporter

    If you have properly confessed and repented of separating, you ARE forgiven, no matter what you think or the devil tries to tell you.

    God has already ended this season and started a new one called "restoration." But you need to follow thru with it.

    You both need to find a good bible based family/marital counselor and STRICTLY follow thru with their instructions.
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  4. Darkhorse

    Darkhorse just horsing around

    United States
    I'm so sorry to read this...

    Dave W has good advice; don't put it off.

    You two will have to decide whether you are each aiming for "together" or for "apart". Together only works if both of you choose it. God can do whatever is necessary to bring you back together, but you two must make that choice for Him to act.

  5. tall73

    tall73 Sophia7's husband

    EDIT: It looks like you elaborated on some of this is in the other thread.
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2017
  6. Dave-W

    Dave-W Our six grandchildren Supporter

    Amen and amen.
  7. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

    As mentioned in another thread, vets that come back with PTSD are so hard to deal with. Not saying that as if its their fault they ended up with PTSD, but its damage is strong and the battle carries over into every aspect of their life including marriage. I've seen many split because they can't handle the PTSD end of their spouse anymore.

    Which I do not agree with. Granted I do not live with someone that has PTSD (not from war at least) so I can't pretend to know how hard it is. And some of the issues may or may not be from the PTSD. Again counselling, prayer and trying your best to work things out together is all you can really do. Some people can work through their PTSD, some cannot sadly. Maybe of no fault of their own. Whatever the case I feel for both people in that situation.
  8. bluegreysky

    bluegreysky Can't adult today.

    United States
    Fun fact: PTSD rubs off on you after awhile
  9. sdmsanjose

    sdmsanjose Regular Member

    He is a veteran right? Will he go the VA clinic to get help with his PTSD?
    There are other sources for him to get help, it does not have to be the VA. If he really wants to get better he can get better; the issue is with his attitude.

    If not then he needs some consequences so that he can see the errors of his ways and get healthier.

    1 Timothy 5:8
    Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever

    Your husband is a cop out and needs help. He must accept help and do the work to get better. If he does not then you need to take actions to focus only on you so that he does not take you down with him.

    I am not truly forgiven for the separation, nor will god grant me the end of this season and restore our lives.

    Stop using your guilt or his unforgiveness to deny God’s word. If you have truly repented then accept God’s forgiveness so that you can take actions so that you can get rid of your despair and resentment. If he refuses to forgive you then you both will have to live with the consequences. However, God's forgiveness is most important.

    Also, so that you can help your husband if he will allow you to and accept his part in getting better. You may only be able to provide limited help as he is responsible for his own attitude and spiritual commitments.
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2017
  10. EmmaCat

    EmmaCat Happy Cop Wife! Supporter Angels Team CF Ambassadors

    United States
    Fundament. Christ.
    I will certainly be praying for both of you.