Heartofsilver

Bride of Christ 4/8/17 Isaiah 54:5
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Hello everyone,

Recently my fiance who has mild aspergers and anxiety brought up that him and his parents started talking about me when he brought up something that he felt was immature and I started to listen to what he was saying. I wasn't very happy about how they are basically bringing up almost everything I'm intrested and think is childish to them and I felt they were talking about about me. I'm not sure what's worse if he told me or not that they were talking about me. He was telling me that his parent's concern was that I dressing goth and that I play video games. The thing is that to me is that everyone's interests are different and that and I don't dress in Goth very often not as much as I used to at all and I don't play video games very often, since I'm so busy with either school or work which I am about to graduate so I'm mainly going to be working. And it isn't really making any sense, I do feel I get blamed at times. Sometimes him and his parents don't communicate very well with each other more so him not communicating with them as in they end up blaming things on me the have nothing to do with me. Also with that my fiancee pushes me a times due to his parents concerns it makes me feel like I'm marrying three people: him, his mom and his dad. It's very frustrating how it puts this pressure upon me because I can already see that no one is good enough for their son and I already know that parents can be like that and his parents just so happen to be like that and my fiance really drives this point. Also I feel a with the way he acts about our future together in getting my job, career future, and ministry he just acts like he doesn't trust me with what I do with my time when most that I am working word he acted like I was never gonna get my job back which I did I knew I would well pretty sure I would consider in this pandemic and I was really wish he'd have more faith in me and I wish you had trust me more. For example we were talking tonight about as parents said about my interests and my sisters did chime in and talk to him about some things showing him that fashion and video games have never consumed my life and it's like it's great that he got that confirmation but, at the same time I really wish that he could have just trusted me in the first place and I did let him know that and that it does hurt that he doesn't trust me when we've been together for over a year now and he still has like all this skepticism about me it feels like at times especially after his parents just so happen have something to say and they're not around us all the time so they don't know what's going on and he just doesn't say anything and just lets anxiety consume him and I remember recently that a friend of ours randomly said to us that we really need to learn to trust each other and I completely agree I really wish the he would trust me.

Also, I'm sorry for all of the typos. I was using speech-to-text.
 

Johan_1988

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The main problem here is your fiance is too introverted because of his aspergers and that makes it hard to communicate his feelings. I think you just need to start bugging him about specifics and start picking apart his parents arguments like what about your so called goth dress or video games is bad morally. That will give him some perspective if it is just a cultural thing if those things are not going against Christian morals or ethics. He must prove his case in other words.

I was a big time introvert for a long time and know that I had to be asked how I feel continually to make me talk about my issues. You will just have to deal with that if you are going to have any future relationship with him. It's all part and parcel of his mental condition, not that he can't get better,but it's something that will have to be dealt with at least at some level.
 
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Tolworth John

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he just doesn't say anything and just lets anxiety consume him

Are you going to do a marriage preparation course?
They major on the need to communicate and to listen.
If your minister knows him and your intended trusts the minister they might be able to talk.

But whether you do or don't do such a course you have to find away to unlock his inability to talk.
Communication doesn't behave to be verbal, if he is happier writing you could try that or you could use colour signals Green, I am fine. amber, I am anxious or worried. Red, Help total panic, melt down.
Or adapt a child's learn to tell the time clock to indicate different moods.

These are non verbal ways that he can express a concern, you would still have to coax him into saying what the problem was.

As for the outlaws, you will have to put up with them, they are unlikely to change.
 
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