Going crazy!

[Romanseight2005]

I am processing so much tonight. I am the mother of a 14 year old boy. He is my only child. He's basically a good kid, and I am still bawling. This has been a really stressful week. He is letting his grades go. I know it's not the end of the world, but the thing is, I feel it more than if it was me. Yeah, this is a no-brainer for parents of teens, but I am really processing the depth of all of this. I guess, I am just starting to realize just how connected and intertwined I am with him. For the last 14 years and 9 months, nearly every decision I made, and every thing I did, for the most part, revolved around him. Now, I know I have to start letting him try his wings, little by little. But if anyone ever would have told me what it felt like to let them make their own mistakes, like blow off school, I would have told them they were nuts. I spent today from 3:00 on, pretty much, in tears. Not because my son is a drug addict or anything, but because I am realizing that this is how it works. He gets punched, I get the black eye. Does this make sense? Then the realization that the older he gets, the more this will be, coupled with the fact that he simply doesn't have lots of years of adult experience behind him, makes him flying blind, is frankly terrifying. I am supposed to love and support him, but somehow disconnect at the same time. I have heard of this. I know it's what I am supposed to do, but really, how do you do it? Do you really do it, or do you just put your emotions on a shelf somewhere?

 

[homeofmew]

He needs to get motivated on something he likes and set goals for himself.
I suggest finding out what his passion is. He can't be all THAT Lazy. He must do something other than do nothing ? Anyway. There can be more going on than you think ? There also can be situations at school or with friends or even online that he's NOT talking about that's stressing him.

Bad grades = usually stress or the feeling of it's not worth it anymore.
It also can be a sign of they don't care which i said before find out what they like and set goals. But it has to be something they WANT to do.

 

[Johnnz]

We need to trust in what we have instilled earlier, knowing that as parents we are to prepare our children for adulthood and to live their own lives. Increasingly, the rationale for our preferences and values must be communicated. The extent that these are well founded, well thought through and given is ways that are acceptable to a developing teenager are all crucial elements in where that will end.

John
NZ