God's way of parenting

[LighteningBug]

You said spanking DOES affect the child-parent relationship. I argue that yes, it does in some cases, but for me and my siblings, it absolutely did not. You can look back at a previous post of mine on this issue. All my siblings and I respect and honor our parents, there was absolutely NO harm done to us whatsoever because they spanked us.

Sunset2009,


May I ask how old your siblings are? You seem awfully upset regarding the subject of spanking. It might be good to take a breather. Perhaps another FORUM geared for teenagers on this site. Just a memo: We can only speak for ourselves so don't be surprised if your siblings didn't quite have the same experience as you. If they are younger they may agree with you to "belong". I hope you find Peace.


Hope this helps,


Lilith

 

[seamonster]

Sunset2009,

May I ask how old your siblings are? You seem awfully upset about this subject. There are teenaged threads on this FORUM that may be more suited to you. I'm not trying to put you down. Perhaps you'd be better off in a more appropriate venue.

Hope this helps,

Lilith

You don't need to speak down to her just because you disagree with her. It's difficult to make blanket statements like "spanking always negatively affects a child" when there are always variants and it *doesn't* always affect a child negatively, as both Sunset and myself have evidenced. I think that she made a good point in her post and I'm happy to have the perspective of someone who isn't yet a parent because she obviously is close enough to the age where she remembers being spanked and how she felt about it, probably better than most of us who are older. I think that's just the point that she was trying to make. She wasn't debating, she was stating her opinion, as everyone else has already done. You're free to disagree with her, but there's no need to be rude about it.

Thanks, Beth! So I guess what my question is....when Anina gets old enough to start touching things she shouldn't...what do you intend to do? If that doesn't work? What did you do with the six month old?

From my own experience with an early crawler, the best thing I could do was just to childproof, childproof, childproof. He still falls over a lot (he's just now standing on his own) but I keep things that he can't touch out of reach or out of the room. It's difficult because our apartment is fairy small, but most of the non-touchable stuff I just put in our bedroom until he's a little older.

For the things that I absolutely can't move (like computer cords), I put something in front of so he can't grab it - whether it be a box or a blanket or anything that hides it from view. "Out of sight, out of mind" has really worked well for us.

 

[LighteningBug]

You don't need to speak down to her just because you disagree with her.

Seamonster,

I actually edited the original statement you quoted about a minute after I wrote it because I didn't want to appear like I was speaking down to her. I truly think she is upset and that perhaps she needs to be in a more age appropriate forum on this site. Being a Mom I guess.

Lilith

 

[Jilly123]

You don't need to speak down to her just because you disagree with her. It's difficult to make blanket statements like "spanking always negatively affects a child" when there are always variants and it *doesn't* always affect a child negatively, as both Sunset and myself have evidenced. I think that she made a good point in her post and I'm happy to have the perspective of someone who isn't yet a parent because she obviously is close enough to the age where she remembers being spanked and how she felt about it, probably better than most of us who are older. I think that's just the point that she was trying to make. She wasn't debating, she was stating her opinion, as everyone else has already done. You're free to disagree with her, but there's no need to be rude about it.

I agree. I didn't view Sunsets post as a debate at all . She was stating her opinion - she didn't agree with what Leanna had written and that's ok. I didn't feel she was attacking Leanna, she was simply saying she didn't agree with her generalization. The beauty of this forum is that we are allowed to have different opinions.

And now my .2c on my experience...I have to say that my relationship with my parents wasn't at all affected by getting spanked by my parents. My sisters and have have had this conversation at length, and all of us agree that we wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We were secure, happy, confident kids. And yes, my sisters are also adults (27 and 29).

As I mentioned in a previous post I have no criticism for GBD parenting. Parents must do what they feel is best for their family. I don't think anybody should feel "guilted" (for lack of a better word) into doing or not doing something a specific way. I believe different things are right for different people and works for some may not work for others.

 

[lin1235]

Well if you want to discuss the way God parents us, I can tell you that God extends us grace. He forgives our trespasses, and helps us work through what we did wrong, instead of punishing us. So that's why I believe grace-based parenting is in line with God's example.

ITA with Leanna and Green Orchid.

 

[Leanna]

Never intended on starting a debate here.

Not being a debate means you're not supposed to come onto this thread and refute something someone wrote, I didn't do it to your original post that I disagreed with, so you shouldn't do it to mine. Period. I did preface my post saying 90% of people were spanked as a child and as thus will be upset that I write this. I could say quite a bit on that subject, but I shouldn't have to here because that's not the purpose of this thread. None of the way you reacted surprises me.

 

[jessesgirl]

The fireplace doesn't have any bricks. If I were to put a screen up and he were to try to stand against it (he stands against everything these days), he AND the screen would freefall into the fireplace. I can't much put something in front of it. If I do throw a blanket over it or put something in front of it, (for example, I put an oversized tote there) he either approaches from the side or leans over the tote to get to it, anyway. I wish it were as simple as covering it up. Justin isn't out of sight, out of mind. He never has been. He is "I know it was there at one point and I am going to dig until I find it."

 

[MyaShane]

You're right.... but you will find that there are many influences especially in the Christian world that will tell you something else, and if you come into parenting without knowing much except what those influences tell you and you trust them, you believe them. You are lucky that you didn't go through that.

That's true. And I found especially with my 1st baby, I got so much advice from other moms and because I was inexperienced, I considered their advice to be wisdom. There were a lot of things we did with our 1st that we didn't with our 2nd.

 

[Leanna]

The fireplace doesn't have any bricks. If I were to put a screen up and he were to try to stand against it (he stands against everything these days), he AND the screen would freefall into the fireplace. I can't much put something in front of it. If I do throw a blanket over it or put something in front of it, (for example, I put an oversized tote there) he either approaches from the side or leans over the tote to get to it, anyway. I wish it were as simple as covering it up. Justin isn't out of sight, out of mind. He never has been. He is "I know it was there at one point and I am going to dig until I find it."

I think there are 3 potential solutions to this,

A. Don't light the fireplace until after he is asleep for the night thus eliminating the problem
B. Just keep a close eye on him and carry him out of the room with you when you have to go out for a minute. The chances of him crawling through the heat before the fire and then touching the fire is pretty slim.... it gets really hot before you even get to where you can be burned.... so that's something.
C. Find a way to block off the fireplace. You could try one of those large 6 sided playyards that look like a bunch of gates smooshed together and take it apart to block off the whole area around the fireplace

If he knows what hot means he's probably wondering why you are telling him its hot when its not hot.

 

[Scottish Joy]

As far as debating or not debating goes, I'm on another forum where one of the rules for a no-debate discussion is to preface your statements with an "I think", "I believe", "I've read" etc... Really, we are all just expressing our opinions here, so let's phrase them as such & I think we'll avoid some of the "stereotyping" and "needing to defend what we said."

 

[marezee]

We had a fireplace with our first two boys. We used one of those play yard gates all around it. we screwed it to the wood base and that worked for us. They were still curious and approached the fireplace. But they could not reach the fire. They did feel the "heat" and decided for themselves that they didn't want to stay there too long. LOL! anyway, that's what worked for us. We also used a play yard for our Christmas tree!

 

[jessesgirl]

As far as debating or not debating goes, I'm on another forum where one of the rules for a no-debate discussion is to preface your statements with an "I think", "I believe", "I've read" etc... Really, we are all just expressing our opinions here, so let's phrase them as such & I think we'll avoid some of the "stereotyping" and "needing to defend what we said."

 

[heart of peace]

A true post that was not an attempt at a debate would not be about why you DON'T do things a certain way but why you DO the things you do. Posting about why you don't do things a specific way is somewhat passive aggressive in my opinion as it is nothing more than sitting on one's soapbox spewing their disdain and touting it as their opinion and that is all. Just because you don't specify another person doesn't make it non personal.

 

[jessesgirl]

A true post that was not an attempt at a debate would not be about why you DON'T do things a certain way but why you DO the things you do. Posting about why you don't do things a specific way is somewhat passive aggressive in my opinion as it is nothing more than sitting on one's soapbox spewing their disdain and touting it as their opinion and that is all. Just because you don't specify another person doesn't make it non personal.

That's true, too. That is precisely why I asked for what you DO do as parents, not what you choose not to. Thanks, MsDahl!

 

[Leanna]

I edited it out so that everyone can take a deep breath and move on.

 

[jessesgirl]

I edited it out so that everyone can take a deep breath and move on.

Thanks, Leanna!

 

[Katydid]

OK, well for the fireplace thing, what I do, is this.

First, I start by making sure they know what hot means. This starts at dinner. Whenever I put food in front of him that is hot, I say, "hot" and point to the food. Of course, when he goes to touch it, he notices that it is not comfortably warm. Though I never serve him hot hot hot food, I do serve it hot.

OK, our fireplace is also difficult to cut off from his reach, especially since one side of it is right next to a doorway and there is no room for a gate of any kind. So, here is what I did...

Simon NO

and got up and moved him away...

Repeat until he gets it. What he needed to understand is that when Mommy says NO, mommy is going to MAKE that NO happen. No matter how many times or in how many ways he tried to get past it, Mommy made the NO happen. So, eventually (mind you after a couple weeks of lessening incidents so for instance on day one there were 20 no's and on day 14 about 2 no's) eventually, he got the picture and realized that no matter how he does it, the fireplace is a NO.

So, when I first lit a fire in it, he came close, I did two things. First, I said "hot" and he of course leaned a little closer to feel the heat. He wouldn't go any closer because he knew that the fireplace was a NO.

Now, I know this isn't a quick fix, but, in the long run, it was worth it. Of course, I have two older children who helped. I would say NO and sometimes bubby would move him away. Sometimes Sissy, so he knows that if ANYONE is in the room, they will enforce the NO.

That is another reason why I love GBD, the other children can HELP teach the younger children. There is no fear of them trying to "discipline" in an inappropriate way. For instance.....

DD (4yrs old) spilled cereal all over the floor and wanted to just eat her cereal in her bowl and leave the stuff on the floor. DS (6yrs. old)told her, Sissy, you know you need to clean up the messes you make. And then he offered to help her. I was in the bathroom and heard this happening and just LOVED that even my son can discipline (teach) my younger two.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

A note on the fireplace issue, we use our fireplace as the primary form of heating for our first floor and it has not been a problem. Our flooring changes when you get close to the fireplace so it was a visual "no" for him. That was his boundary. He couldn't go on the slate. I did a similar thing with my office. I put down colored tape around the area he wasn't permitted to go and it worked. But only because that was always the boundary. And, Yes Pirate is a fiercely determined and passionate child so when he gets an idea in his head it takes lots of energy to redirect him effectively.

 

[Naomi4Christ]

Haven't read the whole thread, but my gut instinct when I read the title is to reel away from it. I, sadly, equate 'God's way' with somehow using cricket bats to 'swat' their children in a 'loving' way. Something I can't quite get my mind wrapped around.

 

[heart of peace]

To expand on my post about how I parent my son, I have to say that I don't subscribe to any typical parenting method. I have never been the type to fit social norms or expectations. I have always been the type that loves God, seeks His will and I just tap in to my authentic self and just go from there. I am generally open to any parenting method and I usually can find at least one useful thing from any book I read and I have no problem just discarding what I find does not jive with my spirit. Overall, I'd say that I employ a balanced and authentic parenting approach. When I tried to do it some other person's way, it always felt unnatural and left me with no peace. I suppose these are some questions I pose to myself: does my parenting provide peace or uneasiness in my spirit? Does it feel authentic or contrived? Is my relationship with my son growing or suffering? Is he thriving? Does my home feel like a place of safety, warmth and that God's presence is filling every aspect of my home? Sometimes a situation warrants an authoritative response, other times it warrants gentleness and flexibility.

About God just being about grace, let's not forget that God is the same today as He was yesterday. Yes He is merciful but He is also just. And the God of the OT is still the same God today. He is unchanging, Jesus is our advocate on behalf of God the Father. I have felt the times I have grieved the Holy Spirit and I felt the distance between myself and God due to my own sinfulness and it has been a painful time to know that I had lost some favor in His eyes. But just like that, He has forgiven me when I have turned from my sin and repented of my rebelliousness. Even Jesus displayed His judgment in the temple and with the fig tree.