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God's way of parenting

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by jessesgirl, Oct 13, 2007.

  1. Leanna

    Leanna Just me

    +160
    Christian
    Married
    I also feel a strong urge to start lecturing on the difference between consequences found in real life and punishment but am resisting the urge, lol.
     
  2. seamonster

    seamonster happy goth

    +329
    Christian
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    You can always begin a new thread if you want to debate something.
     
  3. seamonster

    seamonster happy goth

    +329
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    I wasn't trying to debate - I was attempting to clarify her comment. Sorry to offend :)
     
  4. jessesgirl

    jessesgirl Aspire to inspire before you expire

    +731
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    Because I never asked what everyone thinks about how everyone else parents. I aksed how YOU parent and why you chose to do it the way that you do it. I don't want any criticism of others' parenting techniques...just your own and why you chose them.
     
  5. JulySheMustFly

    JulySheMustFly Legend

    +333
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    US-Others
    We chose by lots of frustrated prayer and what works. Our home has never been in so much peace as it has in the past 6 months. I found/was lead to a parenting style that works with my personality and embraces the personalities of my children. We are a gentle discipline - AP home. I tried for years to get our life to fit what we were taught the correct "christian" way of parenting was and it didn't work for us. I think I'm going to stop there.
     
  6. confused2007

    confused2007 New Member

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    Good for you. That is so awesome. I agree with natural consequences and also providing alternatives. For instance, we as adults have "down-time" when we get overwhelmed and cannot function well. So a child who is acting out may just need a blankie and a book to read. Most children love to model their parents.

    Too, I think consistency is important. I admit sometimes when the food gets thrown on the floor or the noise level gets a little loud it's easier to pick it up myself and tune out. But, it isn't about what's easy, it's about teaching and guiding in a loving way.
     
  7. confused2007

    confused2007 New Member

    51
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    Please share. I'm sure you can share without lecture. If it appears that way to some, perhaps they need to hear it.

    I am absolutely open to suggestions as I was spanked and it totally broke my spirit. For a while there, I wasn't "fine". And those who say, "Oh, I turned out just fine"... good for you. I truly think that most of us want our children to turn out "better than fine" and have a childhood much better than our own was. If I am off-base with one or two of you who are reading, I apologize.
     
  8. heart of peace

    heart of peace Well-Known Member

    +1
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    /
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2010
  9. heart of peace

    heart of peace Well-Known Member

    +1
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    confused, I appreciate you taking the time to provide a background of why you feel the way you do. It is truly unfortunate that you were parented in a way that was contrary to your spirit and your needs. However, I think it would be best if this was made into a new post as it seems the original poster wants to keep debate out of this and I think we should respect her wishes.
     
  10. Neenie1

    Neenie1 Senior Veteran

    +150
    Christian
    Married

    The way I parent does use the "OCCASIONAL" smack. Now that my son is much older I can reason a little more with him, and he knows the boundaries and limits we set. He is also old enough to understand why we set them.

    Yes we do smack. I do not come on here to be criticised by total strangers.


    The way we parent our children is a very emotive issue and well, there will always be those that disagree with how someone else does it.
     
  11. jessesgirl

    jessesgirl Aspire to inspire before you expire

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    You are right and that is why I specified no debating...because I don't want anyone to feel like they are being criticized. I just want to hear everyone's parenting style and why they chose to raise their children like they do. I am at somewhat of a crossroad and I was really just seeking input from fellow Christians. We as Christians really have no place to criticize how others parent, anyway. Thanks for sharing, Neenie! :wave: :hug:
     
  12. Neenie1

    Neenie1 Senior Veteran

    +150
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    Why are you at a crossroads?


    I find when this happens the best thing to do is take a breather and spend some time in prayer.

    Also does your dh have a lot of involvement with the children as well?

    Sometimes my dh isn't as involved as I would like him to be so a lot of what happens with our kids is my decision. Not ideal, but we are slowly getting there.
     
  13. confused2007

    confused2007 New Member

    51
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    Dear Moderator,

    I think it would be advisable at this time to close this thread. It is turning into a debate which is not what the original poster wanted.

    Please close at this time.

    Thank you
     
  14. seamonster

    seamonster happy goth

    +329
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    Um, only Jessesgirl can request the thread to be closed.
     
  15. Bianca01

    Bianca01 Regular Member

    152
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    Private
    Hi Jessegirl,

    Pray about it, then go to this site...http://aolff.com/. It is so informative regarding scriptures and child rearing. I will pray for you. I know that you will come to some positive decisions that are right for you and your family.

    I used to think that no child should be spanked, but, evidentally not. There are so many people that spank they must have awfully rowdy kids. lol.

    Yes, the scriptures and their interpretations can be confusing. Please, though, know that God will answer your prayers to have the knowledge and the wherewithhow to bring your child up the way He truly intended.

    God Bless you. Your child is beautiful and I'm sure you know that!!
    :hug: :hug: :hug:


     
  16. bubblefish

    bubblefish used to be cat_goes_meow

    +303
    Christian
    Private
    The OP has asked that this does not turn into a debate thread. Please respect that. If you wish to debate whether spanking is acceptable or any other parenting issue please start a new thread.
     
  17. Robinsegg

    Robinsegg SuperMod L's Supporter

    +554
    Baptist
    Married
    US-Republican
    We are a middle-of-the-road family, I suppose. I've always tried to give our kids lots of choices, so they feel they have some control over their lives (even if it's "do you want to wear this shirt or that one?").
    We give one swat for outright defiance, but give a warning and a chance for the child to back off their position first with a reminder of how they may approach the issue and indicate their disagreement.

    I never punish in anger (I guess I have produced a time out or two when I was angry, but always went back and apologized afterward).

    I will send my children to their rooms for throwing fits (nobody wants to be around that behavior, at home or out), and to let me calm down before I deal with poor behavior.

    We talk about making "good choices" not being a "good girl/boy".

    We talk about the reasons for the rules and directions given.

    We expect apologies and forgiveness between family members, even the parents apologize when we mess up.

    Rachel
     
  18. MyaShane

    MyaShane CUBs fan til I die!

    +155
    Christian
    Married
    My husband and I both brought in from our own upbringings things we did and things we didn’t want to use or do with our own kids. He was raised in a broken home and there was a lot of anger and bitterness there. His dad was pretty tough and that was hard on him. I come from a large family and although my parents did a great job with us they weren’t involved with us at all as individuals.
    So, we’re really, really involved with our 2 girls. We don’t assume they know what the rules are, we let them know what our expectations are and we talk a lot with them when they do something wrong and how they can make better choices. We expect that our kids won’t be perfect, but we don’t set up unreal expectations for them and are pretty laid back for the most part with them. Our goal is to raise honest, respectable, responsible, God fearing children and we see that in them to some extend already.
    We have used spankings for extreme circumstances, but I’d rather that was phased out, IMO it can be counter productive and we see just as good results from other methods anyway.
     
  19. Leanna

    Leanna Just me

    +160
    Christian
    Married
    lol at the requesting to close.... that was cute.... I think we can all behave nicely on this thread.... I tried to make my post non offensive to others.... my goal is not to make others feel bad! we're all doing our best, I would think
     
  20. jessesgirl

    jessesgirl Aspire to inspire before you expire

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    I guess I am at a crossroads. I know that Leanna and I discussed grace-based discipline and while it makes sense, I still don't see why an occasional swat doesn't make sense.

    Justin is at the age (9 months) that we need to decide what our "family values" will be, if you will. Not so much "love Jesus, love eachother" as will we spank? If we do, why and under what circumstances? If not, then why not and what will we do as an alternative? I believe there have to be SOME consequences...even if we love our children as Christ loves us, we still reap the consequences of what we sow when we do wrong. God forgives, but I don't think he goes without giving us the occasional swat on the fanny.

    The reason I asked for no debate is because I simply want your answers on what works best for your family...so that I can take that into account when hubby and I sit down and discuss this. I want to know about punitive households, non-punitive households and everything in between. I want to know what made you decide to cosleep or why you opted against it. Why do you let your child CIO or what made you decide that you wouldn't do that?

    I guess (not that I hadn't already figured it out) that parenting is tough. It is tough to keep your cool when you have told your child...for the billionth time...to stop touching the fireplace (or other things that he or she may be doing). You are frustrated, he doesn't get it...and if he does get it, he chooses to ignore. So how do you deal with that and still keep your cool? Do you find yourself getting angry with your children? How do you deal with it when that happens? How did you/do you "discipline" or at least lay the ground work with your infant/toddler? Hubby and I want to sit down and discuss all this over the weekend...and I want all I can to bring to the table.

    If you have to NOT read the other responses in order for there to be no debate, then please do so. I don't want this thread to have to be closed...this is a sincere cry for help. I don't want to know why your means is better than everyone else's here..I just want to know why it works best for your family.

    Thanks everyone...and thanks cats_meow! :wave:
     
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