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God's not going to heal me.

Discussion in 'Deeper Fellowship' started by drjean, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    I need encouragement and support (not debate, okay :) ) It's not that I don't believe in healing by God, because I do, He does, and He has. However, He told me this morning that He is not going to heal me (this time.)

    Background... 25 years ago December 1st I was injured in an industrial accident. I've not worked since, and still go to physical therapy and psychotherapy 3x a week to help manage the results of the trauma. While all this year I have felt a "need" to begin to really study (again) and work on my desire for healing (faith building) I have really been actively claiming by faith. (I had been healed from a death bed illness maybe 40 years ago, so I know God heals.)
    I had purposely requested God to heal me by or on the anniversary, no strings attached ;).
    But, to me, He was very clear this morning in saying He is not going to heal me. (I haven't had the closeness I had with Him prior to the accident, since the accident, but this was done in the way God shares with me.)

    I'm not feeling devastated...but am discouraged. I am also relieved in a way, because it's difficult at best when I say I believe in healing yet have not been healed...trying to share with others who wonder what kind of faith I have etc. Now I can say, God doesn't choose to heal me yet.
    (I'm also adding the "yet" even now... though it's done with a different faith experience?)

    So.... I need verses to support me. I know God didn't heal Paul though he earnestly asked 3x. (Yes, I believe Paul had a physical/psychological illness...and travelled with a doctor to help him.)

    IDK I could use some encouragement. I'd like to know what plans God does have for me, because He hasn't directed me anywhere, and I'm alone in this (except for my doctors, of course.)

  2. ShakenForwardShakenFree

    ShakenForwardShakenFree Running Wild With The Hope

    I don't have any verses to offer at the moment. What I have is real life. My aunt has suffered through 20 years of cancer and its effects. She was first diagnosed 20 years back, the treatments of which included chemo, bone marrow and radiation. She was healed, temporarily, as the same cancer returned years later, where a second round of treatments was needed. She now is week and feeble in body, using leg braces and a cane to even walk. She's only 56.

    This last year an abnormality was revealed in a breast exam, and, it was determined that her best course of action was to have a double mastectomy and a slight round of radiation.

    She was talking to family and revealed her struggle of faith, saying she's often fought the urge to ask God "Why". She knows she may never know. But God has shown her, is that through him, she's capable, she's strong enough to not just survive, but endure, to live on. She has a victors disposition through it all, and has been a huge supporter of mine in my current unemployment plight.

    Reading it all, you sound disappointed, but at peace with it all. I can't speak for you, but you said you feel relieved at the revelation. Perhaps God has chosen to use you as an inspiration for others. You bring a faith-in-trouble that cuts to the core of human experience, and brings necessary, and, I feel, God-given perspective.

    Sometimes all God requires of us is to be okay with it. It's not to say you'll have these conclusions, but God required that Abraham be okay with sacrificing his one and only son, and he required Joseph be okay with being sold into slavery and imprisoned. Both were rewarded for their faith that God would be faithful.

    Keep your spirit up. Drown yourself in the Psalms. Pray and ask God to reveal himself to you in his word. Pray and then randomly open to a page in the Bible and read. Read until you're spoken to. Read until your need is met. It works.
  3. Alive_Again

    Alive_Again Resident Alien

    Word of Faith
    Try the spirit. Don't readily receive anything because you heard it clearly. When I read your message, I wasn't too sure about presumptuously entering in, but I do believe wants to give you some encouragement where you're at.

    This is not God's best for you. No matter what might have happened that allowed this to happen, this is not where God wants His children to remain. I realize that it's not always some kind of sin that brings this on. We're literally in a war zone and the enemy is in combat with the people of God.

    Having said that, it's always good to cover the bases and eliminate stuff that lets the door open to the enemy to hinder and oppress. I'll list a few (This may not apply to you, but in case it does, and for the benefit of others)...

    Speaking in judgment against God's servants. Might be your pastor or nationally known minister, televangelist, etc. Easily repented of. Renounce with your lips, purpose to stop and move on. Bless whomever...

    Not discerning the Lord's body - Unscriptural and ungodly behavior during Communion, or even not discerning the anointing in your own church. Not esteeming the gifts of God in your midst. Possibly discounting and speaking in judgment about the Lord's work in other denominations/churches.

    Moving against the anointing. Quenching the Spirit's move in others' lives and preventing God from having His way. (This is a big one.)

    Speaking in judgment against the gifts of the Holy Spirit, prophecy, etc. It's all real. We judge everything, but be careful not to speak against it.

    Being a murmurer or a complainer. God hates this.

    Confess your sins to some person in the Spirit who knows God better than you and "pray for one another that you'll be healed". Receive prayer. This sometimes covers a lot of ground.

    Being of the world. Some people give up on their walk and watch TV and accept entertainment for their provision of what gets them through life. Hanging out with worldly friends (Light has no fellowship with darkness). Being a partaker of another man's sins. People who watch movies and TV with demonic themes (vampire stuff, sorcery, etc.) We know better than to do this from the Word.

    Hanging out in a comfortable yet powerless church. That means no anointing and services primarily just talk about being "saved". No overcoming lifestyle.

    People who don't believe the devil(s) is/are real. (You're half whipped already.) Jesus believed in them and we're to resist them actively .

    Speaking curses against other people, especially people in authority, government, your parents, etc. Curses are those things that do not make for blessing.

    Your report of unbelief will keep you from entering in to your spiritual canaan land promises. It sounds like you're trying to get past that, but just in case.

    The Paul thing, although debated by man, does not specifically state it was a physical infirmity. It says it was a messenger. People make a deduction based on another separate passage possibly eluding to physical infirmity. The enemy gets a lot of mileage with this, because it you receive that, you cannot pray the prayer of faith. To have faith, you have to hear and receive the promise of God in an area of your life. You can't believe beyond where the will of God is known.

    This is the good part. No doubt your spirit feeling the drawing to the Word. If you continue to do this, the anointing on the Word will eventually minister life to you in regards to your healing. This will certainly draw opposition to steal the Word from you.

    Timing is not in our hands. Don't put God on the clock.

    This is the suspect part. Jesus already paid the price for your healing. The only thing that wouldn't qualify you is if you were in some kind of sin that would keep you from blessing your life in this way.

    You can have the closeness. There isn't anything that can separate you from His intimacy. The enemy can and often will enter in and afflict. They can minister a cloud. Go to a church with the anointing being ministered. Request prayer. Talk to a pastor and have the anointing break the yoke.

    Don't give up on this.

    Even Hezekiah restored God's life after he repented.

    If you abide, whatever you ask for, believing, you can have.

    It's time to get your vision renewed and confidence restored. It's time for the intimacy to come back and hope renewed in your journey toward your healing. It's time to get on board with His plan and time to get the oppressive cloud of doubt out of your life.

    I've answered other posts like this and it pays to go over "the list" (like above) to ensure you're not letting the door open. I didn't have the heart or the strength this evening to go into the what ifs.

    However, I stopped to pray for just a moment to see if He wanted to oppose your take on Him telling you that you wouldn't be healed, and God WAS IN IT. I believe the enemy is trying to deceive you.

    Be careful of receiving signs from physical manifestations and fleeces in ways the enemy can influence. I worked for someone who thought every time the TV cracked, God was confirming what he was saying or thinking about. Stick with the eternal Word that says you can be healed. Go to a church with the anointing (I can't state this strongly enough.) Kick the enemy out of your life. Get on track to have the trauma healed too (This often is the gate where the enemy gets in.).

    The first step is getting the intimacy restored. I think that things will fall into place for you after you achieve this. Go to where the power is!
  4. If Not For Grace

    If Not For Grace Legend-but then so's Keith Richards

    The devil is a liar (and is in church every Sunday) and his best trick is in convincing people that he does not exist. Work on studying the charcter of God & I believe
    you will find it is His nature to Heal. (Faith Required). But you study-the devil tries to
    immitate God all the time-don't be fooled.
  5. JCFantasy23

    JCFantasy23 In a Kingdom by the Sea Staff Member Administrator Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    United States
    I do believe sometimes we have things that are not changed for reasons, many never known to us, some of them brought to light later on. I'm glad you're here on the forums to discuss this with us and hopefully you can find some fellowship and support here.

    I second ShakenForwardShakenFree has said (Great post, btw). No verses come to mind from memory, pretty tired and about to head to bed soon and I'm not a person who has much memorized, but I would start with Psalms as well to try and help you feel better and draw some strength.
  6. wayfaring man

    wayfaring man Veteran

    ...According to your faith be it unto you. <---> Matthew 9:29 (Words of Jesus)

    Paul's "thorn in the flesh", was "the messenger of Satan", bringing up to mind his past misdeeds against believers when he was yet Saul.

    Which thing was not taken away because as Paul states, it helped keep him humble, and further evidence shows, that though it troubled him some, it also impressed upon him the need to keep focusing on that which is ahead. (ala "all things work together for our good"... Ro. 8:28)

    And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. <-----> 2nd Corinthians 12:7

    For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. <-----> 1st Corinthians 15:9

    Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
    I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
    Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.
    <-----> Philippians 3:13-15

    Looking to man, and looking to The Lord is often alternatively contradictory.

    Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD! <-----> Isaiah 31:1

    See also Mark 5:24-34

    Yet, for many of us certain things will not/can not be remedied in full until we receive our "new bodies", in either the resurrection or the translation whichever comes first, for us in particular.

    ...According to your faith be it unto you. <---> Matthew 9:29 (Words of Jesus)

    Last edited: Nov 21, 2011
  7. IndieVisible

    IndieVisible Member

    Eastern Orthodox
    Why God does what He does we don't know. Clearly He heals some and others He doesn't.

    I don't know if He will heal you or not. I pray He does!

    Scripture is so open for private interpretation I won't go there. Where I get my strength and blessings comes directly from God from prayer. He opens my mind to so many things intended just for me that makes it impossible for me to share with others because it is private. Perhaps God is working with you that way.

    There are many things I simply can not grasp that has happened in my life and around me. From the early death of my first born son at the age of 14, who my wife and I fought our parents to have, they wanted us to have an abortion. Some times it's just hard to find the reason or logic in the way things play out in life. I do take some comfort in knowing that all of this, every thing has already been done and is completed in God's Mind. We are merely playing catch up to God's speed.

    Just trust in God, keep praying!
  8. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    Thank you all for your replies. Yes, I know you had to post the way you did, because you don't know me nor my real situation...

    I think it's a physical thing, this not sensing God since the moment of accident, perhaps the head trauma has caused it...

    I don't have a church home. I wasn't physically active for a while before my pastor died, and the man who took over, well took over. I received a letter of removal for lack of activity (I watched on tv and sent my tithe.) without them even talking to me once. A sign God didn't want me there? Doesn't matter. I tried visiting countless churches in the area, even outside my peripheral beliefs, to no avail. So I'm not judging nor offending anyone in that realm IRL

    My family disowned, left, divorced me etc. In face, my ex had me divorce him so he could stay in the ministry even after he married his high school girl friend within 8 weeks after the divorce. My sons left as teens and now have families with teens of their own... we are civil but estranged. I can dream all I want, pray all I can, but to no avail...

    My social circle is comprised of my Christian physical therapist, (and his staff), my Christian clinical psychologist (specialist in trauma, pain, stress), my uncaring MD, my caring but limited DMD (dental), my Christian neuro opthalmologist whom I see 2x a year, and my PCA who comes one day a week. I have "good" neighbors who talk nice to my face when we do so in passing a few times a month, and one who has been trying to fix my riding mower and mowing my yard in the meantime. No real relationship there, he and his wife are elderly and still have to both work full time due to a burglary that took their life savings. I know some wait staff at a restaurant where I used to eat every day...I rarely go anymore.
    I made some internet connections, one at a mental health support site but alas everyone is struggling and limited in support, plus what can they do "but" pray for me? I just became crushed at cf.NET from the staff... and I won't go into details on that (but stay away from there!)

    Now, I know this is long... and I need to get to pt. When I was first injured I could barely walk or talk for the first 8 months. So I'm doing really well considering, even 25 years later.
    I ingest some 4-8 hours of Bible study, programs, etc a day. My good days I only get about 4-5 functional hours ...and on the days I go to PT and T, those hours are dedicated to that. So the Bible study is running "in the background" while I am unable to do much else....like now, the preacher who removed me from his church is preaching on the radio about why would God allow David's own son come against him... sigh.
    Mom died 2 1/2 years ago and family dispersed once for all I think. I'm the youngest, always the scapegoat (they admitted this) and will never know as much as they do (yet I'm the only one with advanced degree, and active Christian.) It is what it is. But no fellowship in family, see.
    I have 40 years in volunteering with the Girl Scouts, and 36 years with Boy Scouts... my best friend died last year in October. He was 102. Since then, the BSA has put me on the back burner... into a position I didn't know still existed "reserve Scouter" meaning they'll take your membership money but don't expect to do anything. On the shelf. But those are 2 examples of all of the groups I've given time to....even the Super Bowl and Orange Bowl committees limit me because any extensive event and I need either my service dog or motor chair. I'm too high maintenance for people, is what we know here.
    Ok.... I knew this would happen, but I need to work with the above situation... right now I know it only sounds like rebuttals and excuses.
    I obtained eternal life nearly 44 years ago, spent 26 years in direct ministry. I'm tired of it all.
  9. Forge3

    Forge3 Forge

    Having read your posts I find myself confused as to why so many hurtful things have happened to you. It sounds like a lot over the years and I am sorry you are suffering this crisis of faith as well as your isolation from support, loyal friends. In a way I have been in your shoes before. Yes I will include you in my prayers and yet you really need at least one person who is loyal that you can physically see. Praying over this and going out to meet them as God places them on your path is one way. We may pray as if everything depends on God and then act as if everything depends on us. If you find it helpful you can chat with me anytime. I am new here so not sure if private messages can be sent yet. My name is Mark, I was once in religious life and my career is working with the homeless.
  10. ShakenForwardShakenFree

    ShakenForwardShakenFree Running Wild With The Hope

    We never know who reads these posts and are encouraged and spurred to action. I cannot improve your plight, nor your condition. But I want you to know that I am touched by your story, and I pray that the Lord finds it in his wisdom to both heal you physically, and restore to you the joy of his salvation! He is there. He does care. Don't lose hope. Remember Job... though he slay you, continue to trust. Though he takes away, continue to give to Him you faith. He is trustworthy. He is faithful.

    Peace to you.
  11. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    Thank you all again for continuing to suffer (with, because of) me. :confused:

    I have worked this from every angle, as you can imagine how I have survived even these 25 years.. and I have just "been" and also been okay with it... to the extent I could.

    I really feel as though I'm tapped. I have no good reasons for how this is and for what purpose, as I have such little contact with anyone, and generally they want very little of me... I try to reach out to people even in the elevators (captive audience) with the going up/down heaven analogies :D pleasant comments etc., but other than that and giving tracts with the money to the beggars at the corners... that's my outreach. I pray for people who post on sites for prayer...
    I feel useless. I've been going through how God doesn't see me as worthless, yet it's all head logic at this point, because I surely don't feel that way. I know better than to run on feelings, however, I need some good ones soon.
    Ironic that the verse from Job came up, as that has been my mantra for eons... Though he slay me, Yet will I trust Him... and the one that goes I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord. I quit using it recently...I can't live it any more.
    I know God is still "there" because I see it in the "little" miracles... but when it comes to me and my pain, and how it IS my life no matter how I tried to avoid, ignore, work around or through it... my life keeps coming back to how disabled I am and how I'm too high maintenance for everyone (even though I'm mobile and not confined to a wheel chair etc.) I can't just get up and go whenever someone would want to, and I couldn't/can't guarantee I can do something if it were planned. Those two reasons have to be some of why "friends" left. . . that and like my sons said, they "can't live with " my pain. Funny, I still have to.
    Ok. Too much of the poor me. I drove with the top down to and from therapies today... on the way home, I screamed and cried at the top of my lungs... waiting as well for God to answer... not really cathartic but tiring enough to where with regular fatigue I don't care so much right now about anything. I think I should eat something today (it's nearly 4 pm) but iced tea is about all I'm "enjoying".
    (( can't really enjoy it, I lost my senses of taste, smell and much hearing with the accident.) Oops no poor meing!

    Thanks again. I read some of the more encouraging posts to my pain T. He's glad I'm receiving some support finally (the other site was toxic.):groupray:
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  12. koshka

    koshka Guest

    :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:I'm sorry that you've had to go through so much and have had so much isolation lately because of what's happened to you.

    I just wanted to say that its such a good thing that you are close to God ... and you are definitely not useless, because you are ministering to Him.
  13. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    Thanks. Was hanging around the site still and saw your reply... ;)

    I've been battling for a very long time. Let's see... it was 12/1/86 that my life drastically changed. My sons left before 1990. Both married in 1991. ugh bad memories there too. sigh. My ex hung around until he and the attorney could split the 3rd party law suit monies and left (1993) What struck me the hardest, with everything else and my position in the denomination as a District Director (volunteer) and all the ministers and wives I knew... NONE No one called or contacted me. I found out a year later that my best friend knew but also shunned me all that time (she found out because my ex had called her to date.)She said he had spread lies about me to the churches etc. from what she could tell. That they believed him, well, God knows the truth. (But you know? that means nothing really to me... vengeance and all... it doesn't change anything and doesn't help me lol) Not worth thinking about (but satan tries it once in a while eh?) I don't know what's good to post to let you know and what I should dispense totally with...

    That was the year after Hurricane Andrew wiped South Florida level (1992)... and my dad died 1994 from a brain cancer diagnosed 5 weeks earlier.

    I, being handicapped, was left by the family to keep tabs on mom and I did my best and did pretty good I think.

    I have a wonderful service dog. (My first one died under tragic situation as well... grrrr but he was 15.) I have a great PCA (personal care attendant) and she comes tomorrow (I offered her Friday off for holiday and she was able to get someone to work her other shift on her other job so she can come tomorrow. I'm teaching her how to make pies tomorrow. Last week she learned how to use the bread maker. )

    I've really tried hard to make this about what she is learning and how this really adds to her income (the disability ins pays --worker comp---finally! after all these years just this last year we won that battle...though they are not reimbursing me on time and my own attorney won't hold their feet to the fire... In 25 years I have never been able to get before the judge to complain. ) OH! I've done it again...fallen back into the poor me.

    Okay well... I'm so sorry and ashamed. I really try to keep my chin up... and not dwell on the "past" or even think about the things present.... but there just is so very little that is positive in any topic I try to think.... I don't do a very good job of keeping my spirit up. I'm sorry. Hey, I warned you all :D I'm really tired of trying.

    But I do appreciate the contact. Please don't get tired of me too quickly (but I'll understand if you have to.)
  14. koshka

    koshka Guest

    Hi, i just saw that you were online and saw your reply. I am just wondering how much you are able to cope with in a day - what kind of things you are able to do??? or how independent you can be??
  15. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    I live alone (with my dog) and do have the PCA once a week, who cleans and does laundry. I have a lesion on my spine... a vertebrae chewed into the spinal cord from the accident. (The accident was a canvas weather shelter with a half ton of water collapsed on me, knocking me down and out. No one helped me for several hours and then it took more 3 days to get them to send me to a doctor... who didn't treat me... if they had given me urgent care, I might never have become disabled. )
    I live with chronic pain from the erroneous nerve signals, plus the bones get pulled out of place by contracting muscles. I had jaw surgery as it had been pulled out of place (and it took ins 2 years to allow surgery)... so I have TMD and still battle some of that.
    I can push and pull and lift and climb stairs but if I do, I suffer tremendously for weeks... and I'm not to do them (but I could in an emergency.) My limits are about 3-5 lbs. and no steps or stairs. I can drive, and have a nice car so I can have a good leather seat with lumbar support and electric adjustments. :) Thank you God! But sitting too long is tough. I last barely an hour in a regular seat... and don't sit even when talking with clinical psychologist (I pace or lie down. sigh.) I can't walk great distances without the pain being too much... from handicap spot to inside a store and around a little and then out. I use the go buggies for a little grocery shopping, and do that on days of PCA so she can empty the car and put the stuff away.
    I don't cook much (though I know how)... but without tasting and smelling... it's no fun. I forget too... head trauma. I have tried lists but forget where they are...or even forget to read them DOH. Stress chemicals highjack my brain quite easily... they are way overpowering me, still. Plus I'm so depressed lately... well you know how that goes?
    Ok.. was that TMI?
  16. koshka

    koshka Guest

    I am wondering if you will be able to reply before I go offline ... and I am sitting here thinking about how much you've gone through in your relationships. :hug: Just wanted to say that I realise that there must have been times when that has really hurt and been difficult.

    Hope I get to hear back from you before i go...
  17. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    I had time between PT and T today and grocery store behind T... I bought some ezekiel bread so I just made some toast. And I have an apple. I'm good for now. I have numerous allergies to foods, so that limits me (just this month reacted to tuna fish and also progresso soups of all things!)
  18. koshka

    koshka Guest

    oh - our posts crossed!!

    It's good to hear that you can get around and are fairly mobile - although I appreciate it must be difficult coping with the pain at times.

    I'm not sure how old you are, or what you used to do for a career before all this happened ... although your name is 'dr' jean - but what kind i don't know. I just wonder if you had any thoughts about some kind of focus like doing some kind of education or course??

    Perhaps if you had something going on that involved other people in some way, you might feel more fulfilled?

    You are a valuable person and God has blessed you with gifts to be a blessing.
  19. koshka

    koshka Guest

    I've seen that you've gone for the time being - i hope my post wasn't the reason why - praying for you ....
  20. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

    Sorry, yes I get up and move around from time to time and since I often forget where I'm at or what I'm doing...I sign out..if I remember to rofl

    I have a PhD in Christian Counseling, was in private practice when an international security firm wanted to hire me as a corporate psychologist doing debriefs and terrorist profiling. (What a place to be right now!) I had just finished field training when the industrial accident occurred....was just waiting for corp HQ to finish paperwork.
    I cannot be consistent, nor totally correct when giving advice... and I haven't worked a day since that date. I've tried volunteering at a mental health support site, but alas, even with a CV they wouldn't even allow me to use this screen name like others did (dr, doc etc) oh well.
    I have PTSD from the trauma, and from how the authorities didn't do what they should have to keep me safe, or to get me help. There is no cure. I have good reasons to believe that the part of the brain that is influenced by the stress chemical dump and errors in memory filing with PTSD is very close to where "faith" is held.
    I had been in many organizations prior to being injured. Alas I never knew a volunteer could be fired before then either. I even tried at the local zoo after Hurricane Andrew, once I had some brain and ability, helping in the gift shop esp., but they fired me due to my being a risk and increasing their own worker comp insurance.
    Anyway my life totally changed that day. I haven't been able to compensate yet... even after 25 years of working on myself daily. I don't get it. If I haven't "gotten it" by now, I have to wonder if ever.... but then that's a non sequitur as well.