Bringing this over from another thread:
I am a woman who believes what is written in the bible, and I pop something on my head even in my private prayer time, as well as believe in male headship. However, I would love for once to see just one post teaching Christian men how to be Godly men...........the fact that in the more than 30 years I have known the Lord, time and time again I have heard sermons and seen posts concerning women submitting to husbands and covering heads etc, but almost nothing to teach men what God asks of them. It tells me that almost nobody understands what God requires of the men, since they never bring it up. It gets even more concerning especially when we consider that oft reminding is always needed on all things biblical, much less initial teaching. Since men have GOD-GIVEN leadership......it follows that if they had been living according to God's standards as men, there would not be so many problems that we see concerning women in the church nowadays, since the tail on a Body naturally tends to follow the head when it's going somewhere, most of the time at least.
(And I would add that Hillsong's and the whole church's problems go way deeper than a woman on stage having her hair shaved hair or not, so to solve outward symptons, why not focus on the root problems first.)
So guys..........I am challenging you..........let's see what you know about how you are supposed to comport yourselves on this earth, in the Body of Christ and in your homes. Let's hear it gentlemen, please...........dying for thirst here on that subject! Famine in the land!
My last sentence is the most important, but let me give some details. First a quote:
“We picture the 'authoritative' husband as a domineering figure who makes all the decisions himself, issues commands and expects obedience, inhibits and suppresses his wife, and so prevents her from growing into a mature or fulfilled person. But this is not at all the kind of 'headship' which the apostle Paul describes, whose model is Jesus Christ. Certainly, 'headship' implies a degree of leadership and initiative, as when Christ came to woo and to win his bride. But more specifically it implies sacrifice, self-giving for the sake of the beloved, as when Christ gave himself for his bride. If 'headship' means 'power' in any sense, then it is power to care not to crush, power to serve not to dominate, power to facilitate self-fulfillment, not to frustrate or destroy it. And in all this the standard of the husband's love is to be the cross of Christ, on which he surrendered himself even to death in his selfless love for his bride.” (John R. W. Stott)
As a Christian counselor and psychologist who also has been a marriage counselor for over 30 years, I have noticed some commonalities among many Christians who are struggling with their marriages. When I see a Christian couple, it is common to hear a particular complaint by the husband: “If she would just do what I tell her, everything would be just fine!” He then will refer to a Scripture or two about how wives should submit to their husbands (Col 3:18, Eph 5:22). Rarely does the husband present a balanced view; that is, the husband will bring up what Paul tells
wives but will not bring up what he told
husbands to do (for example, to “love your wife as Christ loves the Church”) and so he avoids reflecting on the ramifications of what it means to love his wife. He also forgets or avoids bringing up Paul’s command for both husbands and wives to “submit to each other” (Eph 5:21) and for husbands to not be harsh (Col 3:19).
Here are a few interrelated principles about this issue:
1. In general, God made men to be the leaders— not dictators or overbearing rulers, but leaders who care more about their wives and children than about themselves. Christian men are unable to accomplish this impossible unselfish task without the Holy Spirit’s guidance and empowerment. What this means is:
until husbands fully submit to God, then he can be expected to fail in his job of leading and loving his family. If a husband has not submitted fully to God, then it will be extremely difficult (if not impossible) for his wife to submit to him. First things first.
2.
Leaders must lead—that is, take the initial steps. In general, because men are to be the leaders Christian families, the husband must be make first move toward improvement. Because the husband is the leader, God may not exert His power to change the woman’s faults in the relationship until He changes the most grievous of the man’s faults. For this to happen, the husband must admit his fallibility and faults (this is called repentance), be humble, and ask God to show him how to change. Positive change works best and quickest when it starts with the husband; that is the general rule.
3. In general,
if a husband wants his wife to be more submissive, then he must first learn to love his wife to the extent that she actually feels loved and cherished by him. Paul teaches in 1st Corinthians 13 about love. What is the first thing that Paul tells us? “Love is…..” ….that’s right, love is
patient. Until I learn to be patient with my wife and not be harsh, why would God teach my wife to be submissive to me?
4.
“Submit yourselves, then, to God.” (James 4:7a ) This is the answer to all the most important questions. No one except our heavenly Father is exempt from submission. Submitting to God is always the best we can do for ourselves because God loves us more than we can know—and when we fully submit to God’s will for us, then we can receive forgiveness, healing, and transformation into the “image of Christ.” Everyone wins.
The husband is like the president of the family. Someone must make the final decisions. The “buck stops there.” He was elected (by God) for this purpose. He may not always be right and he may not be bright, but he is always president.
The wife is like the vice president, the chief of staff, the secretary of state, and most of the other cabinet members all rolled into one. No president of any worth is going to ignore the opinions of his cabinet. It is what he has them for….he cannot know everything. They are a team and must work together. They must communicate and listen respectfully.
If the husband constantly puts his wife down and ignores her feelings and views, he can expect less and less cooperation. In some cases, the cabinet will even sabotage his goals and efforts. All because he is a stupid president and does not value what she brings to the table, does not show adequate consideration of her needs and feelings. Not listening to his cabinet can bring down any presidency.
Bottom line: The good husband submits himself fully to Christ and to the scriptures and this will encourage his wife to submit to him. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for her.
