God's instructions to Christian men

HeLeadethMe

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Bringing this over from another thread:

I am a woman who believes what is written in the bible, and I pop something on my head even in my private prayer time, as well as believe in male headship. However, I would love for once to see just one post teaching Christian men how to be Godly men...........the fact that in the more than 30 years I have known the Lord, time and time again I have heard sermons and seen posts concerning women submitting to husbands and covering heads etc, but almost nothing to teach men what God asks of them. It tells me that almost nobody understands what God requires of the men, since they never bring it up. It gets even more concerning especially when we consider that oft reminding is always needed on all things biblical, much less initial teaching. Since men have GOD-GIVEN leadership......it follows that if they had been living according to God's standards as men, there would not be so many problems that we see concerning women in the church nowadays, since the tail on a Body naturally tends to follow the head when it's going somewhere, most of the time at least.

(And I would add that Hillsong's and the whole church's problems go way deeper than a woman on stage having her hair shaved hair or not, so to solve outward symptons, why not focus on the root problems first.)

So guys..........I am challenging you..........let's see what you know about how you are supposed to comport yourselves on this earth, in the Body of Christ and in your homes. Let's hear it gentlemen, please...........dying for thirst here on that subject! Famine in the land! :)
 

Phil 1:21

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One of my absolute, favorite passages about the duties of a husband…

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And as a father…

Ephesians 6:4

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
 
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archer75

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Thanks to the OP. I have been looking for this kind of information for some time. I have no idea HOW to do the thing described in those verses. The information offered is usually just platitudes or else basic advice to "listen" to your wife. Would love to hear any substantive advice.
 
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RaymondG

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I believe we are all one in Christ Jesus. Women can be sons of God and Men can be brides of christ. Time to remove the lens that only sees flesh and start worshiping God in spirit. Inside us all is the light of God, if we start seeing this light instead of the flesh and minds covering it, we will get closer to heaven.

Time to stop blaming men, women, flesh, satan etc... And start working out our own soul salvation on principals with a solid foundation.... whose builder and maker is God.
 
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HeLeadethMe

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One of my absolute, favorite passages about the duties of a husband…

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And as a father…

Ephesians
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
 
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Shempster

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OK I'm going to get it for this but God often teaches us by giving us opposite positions.
God told man he would have dominion over woman and that woman would desire that dominion.
But let's face it, women are superior to men in most ways except for physical strength and maybe crazy risk-taking. But though God told the man that he was to have dominion, man misses the whole character of women and how much more like God they are than we.
So, though man has dominion and can legally exersise it, a wise man will set it aside and treat the woman as though she has the dominion.
Now the problem: many women would take this and run with it-dragging down the whole relationship into anarchy. This only works when BOTH parties act in God's love towards each other by willingly giving over dominion.

If this can be done then the perfect union is established.
 
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HeLeadethMe

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One of my absolute, favorite passages about the duties of a husband…

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And as a father…

Ephesians 6:4

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Good scriptures, thanks brother..............just trying to unpack what it all means.

Sacrificial is the first thing that comes to mind. As well as nurturing her in the word of God, and gently giving correction when it is needed. I think of it as kind of being how the wife is to the children, self-sacrificing for their sakes, and teaching and nurturing them. Even though it is far from easy, a mother finds fulfillment in that, and I believe husbands can likewise find fulfillment in being good husbands to their wives, watching over them and seeing them content and doing well in the Lord and having what they need. How to overcome selfishness and self seeking though, that is the tough part, at least women have some help of biology and maternal hormones etc, with regard to our children, but I'm not sure how it is for men with wives. For sure the old man has to be nailed to the cross to be able to follow after the nature and Spirit of Christ...........follow after holiness. The term "husbandman" with regard to raising crops actually is helpful in understanding the role of men in marriage, that is where the term "husband" comes from.

All this probably would sound crazy to people of the modern world........this world has perverted and turned upside the ways of God to the point of even denying biology now, the way God created us. The way the world is however, is deceiving, much the same way that wealth is deceptive.

Holiness even extends to the marriage bed.......how to be holy in the marriage bed. Is that possible? Well yes it is but only when we see it according to God's view of marital intimacy, and not the way the world and Hollywood portrays it. It is kept holy when it is no longer about "me and my needs/wants/lusts/fantasies" but about the husband showing LOVE to his wife, not lust, continuing to reflect that very same passage of scripture above in the marriage bed. Where God says to Hosea, "go SHOW YOUR LOVE to your wife again".........precious revelation in that tiny bit of scripture, so opposite to what the world and flesh turned it into.
One of my absolute, favorite passages about the duties of a husband…

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And as a father…

Ephesians 6:4

4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
 
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HeLeadethMe

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Thanks for those scriptures Jay.......and now just trying to unpack it all, what it means in everyday life.......what is it saying to you men.......anybody have any thoughts...?

oh sorry, having trouble with my computer here..........i wrote somethings out and then thought it would be better to continue giving the floor to the guys. Didn't know it posted. Sorry about that, well there's my head on a silver platter, test it and let me know if it's that's what God is after, or not.
 
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Phil 1:21

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How to overcome selfishness and self seeking though, that is the tough part, at least women have some help of biology and maternal hormones etc, with regard to our children, but I'm not sure how it is for men with wives.

I think it all comes down to following Christ's example in Matthew 20:28.

28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Now granted, as fathers and husbands we're not giving our lives for the salvation of mankind. But we have a responsibility to put our families above ourselves, to serve them and be examples of Christ in all we do. Sometimes it simply means strapping on an apron, cleaning the oven and making dinner. Other times it means much, much more.
 
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archer75

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I think it all comes down to following Christ's example in Matthew 20:28.

28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Now granted, as fathers and husbands we're not giving our lives for the salvation of mankind. But we have a responsibility to put our families above ourselves, to serve them and be examples of Christ in all we do. Sometimes it simply means strapping on an apron, cleaning the oven and making dinner. Other times it means much, much more.
But what does it mean if a family member is dedicated to self-destructive behavior and will not get help?
 
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Phil 1:21

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But what does it mean if a family member is dedicated to self-destructive behavior and will not get help?

Serving people does not mean enabling destructive behavior. Actually, Jesus taught us quite the opposite. What did he tell the adulteress that he saved from stoning? "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11). He didn't forgive her and then say to go out and hook up with half the village.

Ultimately the specifics of what to do depend on the situation itself. Dealing with a five-year-old that eats too many cookies before dinner is quite different than a 17-year-old who's shooting up heroin. In the first, you hide the cookie jar (or just stop buying them). In the second I haven't a clue because, by the grace of God, I've never had to deal with that.
 
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archer75

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Serving people does not mean enabling destructive behavior. Actually, Jesus taught us quite the opposite. What did he tell the adulteress that he saved from stoning? "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11). He didn't forgive her and then say to go out and hook up with half the village.

Ultimately the specifics of what to do depend on the situation itself. Dealing with a five-year-old that eats too many cookies before dinner is quite different than a 17-year-old who's shooting up heroin. In the first, you hide the cookie jar (or just stop buying them). In the second I haven't a clue because, by the grace of God, I've never had to deal with that.
What do you think about a situation with an adult who has so little internal discipline that they can't make any productive use of downtime, and are always just falling into a clickhole online, staying there for hours and rotting their brain to the point of being unable to form stable family relationships? And recognizing this, but being unable / unwilling to do anything about it? And / or seeking sensual pleasures (not sexual, sensual - smells, touches, etc) far, far too often? There's nothing illegal going on, and nothing that there are pamphlets about is really identifiable, but there's lassitude and withdrawal that make a giant hole in the family. And if this person just refuses to get professional help.

I'm seriously asking, here. I have no idea what to do. "MAKE this person do X..." - so does that include physically dragging their body to a counselor? Week after week? Because I've done everything but that, used all my skill, all my subtlety, all my patience. I've bottomed out on just about everything.
 
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Phil 1:21

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What do you think about a situation with an adult who has so little internal discipline that they can't make any productive use of downtime, and are always just falling into a clickhole online, staying there for hours and rotting their brain to the point of being unable to form stable family relationships? And recognizing this, but being unable / unwilling to do anything about it? And / or seeking sensual pleasures (not sexual, sensual - smells, touches, etc) far, far too often? There's nothing illegal going on, and nothing that there are pamphlets about is really identifiable, but there's lassitude and withdrawal that make a giant hole in the family. And if this person just refuses to get professional help.

I'm seriously asking, here. I have no idea what to do. "MAKE this person do X..." - so does that include physically dragging their body to a counselor? Week after week? Because I've done everything but that, used all my skill, all my subtlety, all my patience. I've bottomed out on just about everything.

That's rough. there is little more heartbreaking than watching helpless as a family member spirals downward and refuses to change. Please know that I am not a counselor (nor do I play one on the internet :sorry:). Does you church have counseling (not for the person in question, but for you to help in dealing with this situation)? Ours has various support groups where people can go for guidance on such things. I would love to be able to give you a solution, but it's just not within my abilities.
 
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HeLeadethMe

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OK I'm going to get it for this but God often teaches us by giving us opposite positions.
God told man he would have dominion over woman and that woman would desire that dominion.
But let's face it, women are superior to men in most ways except for physical strength and maybe crazy risk-taking. But though God told the man that he was to have dominion, man misses the whole character of women and how much more like God they are than we.
So, though man has dominion and can legally exersise it, a wise man will set it aside and treat the woman as though she has the dominion.
Now the problem: many women would take this and run with it-dragging down the whole relationship into anarchy. This only works when BOTH parties act in God's love towards each other by willingly giving over dominion.

If this can be done then the perfect union is established.

Some food for thought there, Shempster........though I'm not sure I agree about women being superior to men, since the bible says that women are the weaker sex, and that it was Eve who was deceived not Adam. Women are more vulnerable. Woman is the glory of man, while the man is the image and glory of God....... building you men up today brother. :) I'm sure you would agree that we differ in our particular giftings though, in order to complement each other, with men and women both having their own range of things that they are generally better at. Both men and women together reflect the different character traits and qualities of God, I believe.....although I might be off on that when I think about how men are the image and glory of God......hmmm.

I think I know what you mean about men deferring and allowing the woman the upper hand on certain things when it is within her scope......say in the kitchen for example, or picking out the wallpaper, or maybe discerning a sketchy character or situation, etc .....but as long as men don't get the idea that this in any way means that men are to abdicate their overall leadership role and looking out for what is best for the family and church as a whole. Women are good at what we are good at in order be a helpmate to our man and this is to bring glory to him. Who finds a wife finds a good thing. ;)

Where the bible says that about Eve's desire shall be for her husband......speaking as a wife of long standing, I'm pretty sure that means that the wife desires and needs the attention and care of her husband.......especially when children come along and she is tethered to hearth and home, the woman often has fewer options or time for outside companionship and really needs the companionship of her husband, a listening ear who cares, a willing escort on outings, and the general reassurance that her husband is available for her and tuned in.

Good conversation, bless you all, and hope we get some more comments.
 
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archer75

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First, please know that I am not a counselor (nor do I play one on the internet :sorry:). Does you church have counseling (not for the person in question, but for you to help in dealing with this situation)? Ours has various support groups where people can go for guidance on such things. I would love to be able to give you a solution, but it's just not within my abilities.
Yeah, I know (I didn't know you weren't a counselor, but I didn't expect a detailed set of advice). Just posted it in desperation, probably foolish to do so.

I have tried such things (and clergy) and they always bottom out pretty fast. They may be great resources, but for this situation, I always end up explaining and then they just sit there agape...or telling me that the situation is abnormal. I know it's abnormal! It seems there is a limited repertoire of things these groups and clergy have a response to, and while that may cover most instances, it doesn't seem to cover this. No one's fault - who can do everything?

Just frustrating because I look for secular help, Christian help, any help, and I just keep coming up blank. I just don't have infinite resources and eventually I'm going to collapse under the weight of this. Then, of course, it'll be "you're the head of the family! YOU can't collapse!" Anyway, I guess this is a little off-topic, but not entirely.
Anyway, thanks.
 
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HeLeadethMe

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I think it all comes down to following Christ's example in Matthew 20:28.

28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Now granted, as fathers and husbands we're not giving our lives for the salvation of mankind. But we have a responsibility to put our families above ourselves, to serve them and be examples of Christ in all we do. Sometimes it simply means strapping on an apron, cleaning the oven and making dinner. Other times it means much, much more.

Amen brother.......that is very glorifying to the Lord.
 
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HeLeadethMe

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Yeah, I know (I didn't know you weren't a counselor, but I didn't expect a detailed set of advice). Just posted it in desperation, probably foolish to do so.

I have tried such things (and clergy) and they always bottom out pretty fast. They may be great resources, but for this situation, I always end up explaining and then they just sit there agape...or telling me that the situation is abnormal. I know it's abnormal! It seems there is a limited repertoire of things these groups and clergy have a response to, and while that may cover most instances, it doesn't seem to cover this. No one's fault - who can do everything?

Just frustrating because I look for secular help, Christian help, any help, and I just keep coming up blank. I just don't have infinite resources and eventually I'm going to collapse under the weight of this. Then, of course, it'll be "you're the head of the family! YOU can't collapse!" Anyway, I guess this is a little off-topic, but not entirely.
Anyway, thanks.

It's good to be encouraged and supported even if there isn't a simple solution, there is surely help and strength in God's word, and we can pray for you and encourage you in the Lord. I'm sorry for your situation.......just off the bat, it sounds like this someone could be addicted, literally addicted to the computer...? So they probably would show some general characteristics of addiction if that is the case……you may be able to look those up online….apathy, loss of interest, withdrawal are part of it. Just in case that is helpful.


Encourage you to lean to the Lord brother, pray and ask for strength and direction. If there is no way to bring the person around, you might just have to fill the person's shoes the best you can and muddle through for now, if they belong to your household, and continue praying.........the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much, oh yes it does, do not give up. Even ask the Lord to tell you or show you in His word what the problem is. Meanwhile consider that it is your cross to bear, and the Lord is working it out for your spiritual good, crucifying some things in your heart and life that you are not even aware of......he chastises who He loves as sons, so do not faint or be discouraged, but keep looking to the Lord and leaning on Him. He WILL bring you through this, He will, and you will find you are the better for it, that He has built more of His nature and Spirit into your life. We don’t see until later how through the trials and tribulation He was parting the sea and making a way so that we could enter in, through our brokenness……it is through much tribulation that we enter into His kingdom. If we participate in His sufferings we will partake of His nature and inheritance.


Please do not feel this is your fault or that you are to blame, people often come with their own problems, and make their own choices, and the devil attacks, but nothing is too hard for God to sort out even if it takes time and patience/perseverance. Your part is to just obey the Lord, His word, and be what God has called you to be, the best you can, looking to Him.....one day at a time, sweet Jesus. Cast your cares on Him, brother, for He cares for you……keep trusting Him.
 
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