I became a Christian at 13 years old and I did everything that was 'right', doing my best to obey God. I did not backslide and just decide to let loose. I did what I could to obey Jesus Christ commandments, I thought I was a virgin, that I was never sexually active, never had a boyfriend etc only to find out that this was not so at all. I did not even fear death because I had no reason to, my conscience was clean.
So imagine you are doing everything to obey God's commandments, not having sex outside of marriage etc, and all of a sudden, reality just suddenly hits you down, completely destroying every single thing that you knew about yourself, completely destroying all the good that you thought you genuinely have done in life Then being put in a position where your character, and who you are are constantly under severe attack, by those outside the church, those in the church, family, friends, neighbors, anyone who knows of your existence, by everybody and anybody at all times.
How did I end up being extremely promiscuous? I was trafficked as a child internationally, trained to do sexual acts with prominent persons and not so prominent person. I remember as a child dancing in a club for grown men. Then if this was not horrifying enough, I was forced to face the reality that I was in a committed relationship, having children I did not even know existed at all. God is the one one who told me, I had NO idea I had any child. I thought I was a virgin, so the idea of me having children, was literally crazy, it was impossible.
Additionally I found out I was not a Jamaican but was born in Guyana, that my Jamaican family is not my real family but adopted family, that my biological mother was a Satanist and I was Satanically Ritual Abused my entire life. EVERYTHING that I knew was a complete farce, my entire foundation was gone, just like that, nothing was what it seemed, my entire life was a complete lie. A lie that I believe for most of my life, until I was suddenly forced to wake up to a reality that I never knew.
There was a period of time where I thought I was crazy, that the above couldn't be true, and was convinced by others that I was just simply mentally ill, that I was a psychotic. I thought that God had left me, my entire world turned upside down.
Because of what was happening later on, my way of coping was to eat a lot of ice cream every single day, because eating ice cream made me feel so much better. In so doing, I had gain a lot of weight, that I have struggled to bring down since then.
At this time my psychiatrist do not know I have children, if I tell her she will think I am completely crazy and delusional. This is because that would go against everything that she thought she knew about me and my family.
So I sit today here, knowing the truth, not being able to convince anyone who does not know the truth, that I am indeed telling the truth. And also not being able to convince anyone who knows some of the truth that I am indeed speaking the whole truth. I am stuck between these 2 type of people, unable to convince anyone of anything at all, no matter what. I am stuck unable to move forward.
So imagine you are doing everything to obey God's commandments, not having sex outside of marriage etc, and all of a sudden, reality just suddenly hits you down, completely destroying every single thing that you knew about yourself, completely destroying all the good that you thought you genuinely have done in life Then being put in a position where your character, and who you are are constantly under severe attack, by those outside the church, those in the church, family, friends, neighbors, anyone who knows of your existence, by everybody and anybody at all times.
How did I end up being extremely promiscuous? I was trafficked as a child internationally, trained to do sexual acts with prominent persons and not so prominent person. I remember as a child dancing in a club for grown men. Then if this was not horrifying enough, I was forced to face the reality that I was in a committed relationship, having children I did not even know existed at all. God is the one one who told me, I had NO idea I had any child. I thought I was a virgin, so the idea of me having children, was literally crazy, it was impossible.
Additionally I found out I was not a Jamaican but was born in Guyana, that my Jamaican family is not my real family but adopted family, that my biological mother was a Satanist and I was Satanically Ritual Abused my entire life. EVERYTHING that I knew was a complete farce, my entire foundation was gone, just like that, nothing was what it seemed, my entire life was a complete lie. A lie that I believe for most of my life, until I was suddenly forced to wake up to a reality that I never knew.
There was a period of time where I thought I was crazy, that the above couldn't be true, and was convinced by others that I was just simply mentally ill, that I was a psychotic. I thought that God had left me, my entire world turned upside down.
Because of what was happening later on, my way of coping was to eat a lot of ice cream every single day, because eating ice cream made me feel so much better. In so doing, I had gain a lot of weight, that I have struggled to bring down since then.
At this time my psychiatrist do not know I have children, if I tell her she will think I am completely crazy and delusional. This is because that would go against everything that she thought she knew about me and my family.
So I sit today here, knowing the truth, not being able to convince anyone who does not know the truth, that I am indeed telling the truth. And also not being able to convince anyone who knows some of the truth that I am indeed speaking the whole truth. I am stuck between these 2 type of people, unable to convince anyone of anything at all, no matter what. I am stuck unable to move forward.
Last edited:
