God helps me through this... but my boyfriend isn't on board.

[DoraJan31]

I was a self described atheist for about a decade. It wasn't until I began facing what I believed to be insurmountable obstacles - my diagnosis of bipolar disorder, diabetes, a stomach issue requiring chronic pain management, a robbery that took nearly $10,000 of hard-earned goods and valuables - that I turned my eyes back to Christ.

I pray daily and thank Him for all that he does for me, for giving me the strength to keep going. I love Him. The issue is... my boyfriend is an atheist. He does not believe in God, and I have been ridiculed by him to the point that I keep my Christianity hidden, which causes me great pain and shame. I can't go to church. I can't openly worship in my home. I can't speak to my partner of seven years about faith and God.

I need advice. I love this man. Despite his lack of faith, he is the best I know. But I don't feel right. The only place I am open open is at work, where I am lucky to have the company of four Christian women and a Christian boss. I am struggling. My heart hurts. But this is not a relationship that I am financially and emotional prepared to part from. What can I do? How can I be right with God? Please help.

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi DoraJan, I see you are new here, so first off, WELCOME TO CF ..

Question? You describe yourself as both a Christian and an Agnostic. How can you be both?

As for advice, this is going to be tough to hear, but you need to separate from your boyfriend or your chances of remaining a Christian for much longer are anything but good. There are Atheists here who don't interfere with the religious lives of their believing children and spouses, and that is dangerous enough, but your partner is completely stifling your faith and you need to get away from him.

I was faced with this very situation when I first became a Christian (even though my live-in girlfriend at the time claimed to be Catholic). In fact, I was willing (and wanted) to continue our relationship as platonic boyfriend and girlfriend, but she wanted nothing more to do with me on those grounds.

The question you need to ask yourself is this, is your relationship with your boyfriend more important than your relationship with God is, because I think you already know that having a relationship with both of them at the same time is not going to be possible (at least not right now it's not). The Bible addresses this directly by saying:

2 Corinthians 6
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?​

I'm sure you are also aware of God's commands concerning intimate relationships outside of marriage .. e.g. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5.

One thing I can tell you about becoming/being a Christian (for 30 years now), even after losing my girlfriend (as well many other friends and some family members), knowing and being loved by Christ is worth far more than anything or anyone I lost along the way (though I will grant that such loses were VERY hard to deal with, especially at first).

Some good news is this however, less than 3 years after I became a Christian (in 1986), I got married (and I'm still married to the same wonderful girl today I'm happy to report). Being a Christian means having faith/trusting/believing that God knows what's best for us, even in something as important as the one we marry. It's possible that person could be your boyfriend, but not if your boyfriend remains an Atheist (and you can't continue in the relationship you have with him now 'hoping' that he will become a Christian someday .. you, in fact, have a far better chance of that happening if you obey God now and put your boyfriend's life in His hands, come what may).

So, my advice (as I'm sure you already realize) is to separate from him immediately, and to patiently trust God with everything else. We are the ones who need to act obediently, and God is the one who blesses us when we do .. Psalm 37:4 *

*(please take special note of the fact that Psalm 37:4 does not command us to "delight the Lord", but to "delight ourselves in Him" to receive the desires of our heart. If we assume the former, we turn the Almighty into a Cosmic Sugar-Daddy, which He most assuredly is not)!

Praying for you!

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - you need to find yourself a church/church family to love you and support you in your newfound faith. You need us and we need you .. cf 1 Corinthians 12:14-31, because trying to live the Christian life apart from other believers is impossible to do (especially as a new believer)!

 

[DoraJan31]

Hi DoraJan, I see you are new here, so first off, WELCOME TO CF ..

Question? You describe yourself as both a Christian and an Agnostic. How can you be both?

As for advice, this is going to be tough to hear, but you need to separate from your boyfriend or your chances of remaining a Christian for much longer are anything but good. There are Atheists here who don't interfere with the religious lives of their believing children and spouses, and that is dangerous enough, but your partner is completely stifling your faith and you need to get away from him.

I was faced with this very situation when I first became a Christian (even though my live-in girlfriend at the time claimed to be Catholic). In fact, I was willing (and wanted) to continue our relationship as platonic boyfriend and girlfriend, but she wanted nothing more to do with me on those grounds.

The question you need to ask yourself is this, is your relationship with your boyfriend more important than your relationship with God is, because I think you already know that having a relationship with both of them at the same time is not going to be possible (at least not right now it's not). The Bible addresses this directly by saying:

2 Corinthians 6
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?​

I'm sure you are also aware of God's commands concerning intimate relationships outside of marriage .. e.g. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5.

One thing I can tell you about becoming/being a Christian (for 30 years now), even after losing my girlfriend (as well many other friends and some family members), knowing and being loved by Christ is worth far more than anything or anyone I lost along the way (though I will grant that such loses were VERY hard to deal with, especially at first).

Some good news is this however, less than 3 years after I became a Christian (in 1986), I got married (and I'm still married to the same wonderful girl today I'm happy to report). Being a Christian means having faith/trusting/believing that God knows what's best for us, even in something as important as the one we marry. It's possible that person could be your boyfriend, but not if your boyfriend remains an Atheist (and you can't continue in the relationship you have with him now 'hoping' that he will become a Christian someday .. you, in fact, have a far better chance of that happening if you obey God now and put your boyfriend's life in His hands, come what may).

So, my advice (as I'm sure you already realize) is to separate from him immediately, and to patiently trust God with everything else. We are the ones who need to act obediently, and God is the one who blesses us when we do .. Psalm 37:4 *

*(please take special note of the fact that Psalm 37:4 does not command us to "delight the Lord", but to "delight ourselves in Him" to receive the desires of our heart. If we assume the former, we turn the Almighty into a Cosmic Sugar-Daddy, which He most assuredly is not)!

Praying for you!

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - you need to find yourself a church/church family to love you and support you in your newfound faith. You need us and we need you .. cf 1 Corinthians 12:14-31, because trying to live the Christian life apart from other believers is impossible to do (especially as a new believer)!

Thank you for the kind response. I will reply in more detail in the morning when I am less exhausted, haha.

Did want to address the agnostic thing: my dog was jumping on me when I was attempting to select the religion thing when I was setting up my account. I can't figure out how to change it! ‍

 

[FireDragon76]

If he won't accept your religious beliefs, that shows a fundamental disrespect for you as a person. You don't have to put up with that.

 

[paul1149]

You can read 1 Peter 3 for some insight in how to deal with mixed marriages. But I would say that if you can't afford to move out, at least ceasing relations would be the best thing to do. Get yourself on a firm footing, and from there you can have every expectation that the Lord will be working for you. I'm not saying it will necessarily be quick, easy or straightforward though.

 

[St_Worm2]

Thank you for the kind response. I will reply in more detail in the morning when I am less exhausted, haha.

Did want to address the agnostic thing: my dog was jumping on me when I was attempting to select the religion thing when I was setting up my account. I can't figure out how to change it! ‍

That's a good idea. I hope you get a great night's

As for changing your religious designation, let me see if I can attract a mod or ambassador to help you with that @Hammster @~Anastasia~ @mnorian please! Thanks

Looking forward to talking with you more tomorrow (Dv)!

In Christ,
David

 

[Hammster]

That's a good idea. I hope you get a great night's

As for changing your religious designation, let me see if I can attract a mod or ambassador to help you with that @Hammster @~Anastasia~ @mnorian please! Thanks

Looking forward to talking with you more tomorrow (Dv)!

In Christ,
David

Just start a Support Ticket

 

[Sarah G]

If you don't want or intend to leave the relationship then pray for him. Ask your Christian colleagues to pray for him too. I am in a similar situation here with my husband. Faith wasn't ranking high on my priority list when I married him. Through a series of painful and unfortunate disasters I too found hope, comfort and strength in renewing my faith in Jesus Christ. I pray everyday that he will turn to God. I have seen some changes in him. Further, I pray constantly that Jesus will show me the way in everything. God puts us into the situation to grow us. Everything is His hand at work, His divine arrangement always to perfection. I have to conclude that my difficult home situation is also His arrangement for me. I really feel for you, being persecuted in one's own home is rough. It is a kind of ministry, through our actions and behaviour we can ideally, hopefully, change the heart of the one we love and walk with in this adventure of life. It is a cross to bear until it isn't anymore.

 

[St_Worm2]

If you don't want or intend to leave the relationship then pray for him. Ask your Christian colleagues to pray for him too. I am in a similar situation here with my husband. Faith wasn't ranking high on my priority list when I married him. Through a series of painful and unfortunate disasters I too found hope, comfort and strength in renewing my faith in Jesus Christ. I pray everyday that he will turn to God. I have seen some changes in him. Further, I pray constantly that Jesus will show me the way in everything. God puts us into the situation to grow us. Everything is His hand at work, His divine arrangement always to perfection. I have to conclude that my difficult home situation is also His arrangement for me. I really feel for you, being persecuted in one's own home is rough. It is a kind of ministry, through our actions and behaviour we can ideally, hopefully, change the heart of the one we love and walk with in this adventure of life. It is a cross to bear until it isn't anymore.

And you are right to do so.

1 Corinthians 7
12 To the rest I say, not the Lord, if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us ato peace.
16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?​

Then again, you and your husband are "married". I don't believe that is the case with DoraJan31.

Praying for your husband and your situation.

Yours and His,
David

 

[Mauraftwi]

Well said and worth to read.