- Dec 29, 2017
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God has been calling me for a spiritual ministry... but I don't want to..
My late grandfather was a pastor in a Lutheran church, and that is why my family members christian lives emphasise on faith, salvation, and generally do good in life and be fruitful because we are saved. However growing up, my parents did not go to church because they were busy with work. When I was 12, my best friend invited me to her church which was a Charismatic church. I started going every week and accepted Jesus and baptised at 14.
The church emphasised on spiritual gift. I learned to pray with a spiritual authority as we are God's children. I received a gift of speaking in tongue. I heard holy spirit talked to me in my heart about doing this or that. I had dreams, I had nightmares with sleep paralysis where I could not woke up until I prayed in tongue. I could feel when spirits were coming to me. I knew to always test all these gifts and I remember my pastor said that if they are from God I would feel peace. Later on I was part of youth praise and worship team, and sometimes the pastor would bring us when he blessed a new house (or exorcism). I was always afraid and I relied on God's power.
Fast forward I went to university and moved out from parent's house. I joined a parachurch (local Campus crusade) which emphasised on evangelism and theological aspect of bible (because it was an academic environment). I learned on how to talk about Jesus to strangers, and how to dig deeper on bible using bible aids and other resources, and so on. My ministry gradually changed and I enjoyed it more. There were times where holy spirit talked to me but overall I was not scared to be "attacked" by evil spirit anymore, my sensitivity was reduced. My theological knowledge and the practical side of christian living was progressing.
After graduated I started the work apprenticeship and I went to a church which emphasised on influencing the culture of the world. Think Hillsong church with Sunday services that looks like musical concerts and produces music. The kind of church that makes you look cool and trendy and full of young people. It was great actually, because what I needed to do in my life ministry was simply being successful at what I was doing and not doing destructive behaviours. By being the head at work, doing christian business networking, and so on we are building empire and influence on earth at it is in heaven
(I'm joking, sorry). I was quite happy that there are different denominations and this one looked easier to follow. I believed God blessed me through my career and achievement, and this kind of Christianity is great!
However, since 3 years ago I have been increasingly feeling that God is calling me to the spiritual ministry again. There were external signs, I ignored them because I feel going back to it was scary and not something I can take now. And nowadays people from other denominations treated charismatics as the "freak" among Christians (at least that was my experiences when I talked about my Christian journey). Then I got a new job in a different country in a small town and I have been going to an Anglican church since 2 months ago (which teaches about universal values and not really emphasising on anything really). Despite this "mild" church, the calling is strong.
In 3 days time (04th of January), I would have been a Christian for 14 years which is exactly half of my life (I'm 28). I also take this as a sign. I am not sure what to do, I do not have anybody to discuss this with, and obviously not close enough with anybody in the new church. But isn't it funny to be "spiritually active" in an Anglican church?
Your thoughts on this are appreciated. Thanks!
My late grandfather was a pastor in a Lutheran church, and that is why my family members christian lives emphasise on faith, salvation, and generally do good in life and be fruitful because we are saved. However growing up, my parents did not go to church because they were busy with work. When I was 12, my best friend invited me to her church which was a Charismatic church. I started going every week and accepted Jesus and baptised at 14.
The church emphasised on spiritual gift. I learned to pray with a spiritual authority as we are God's children. I received a gift of speaking in tongue. I heard holy spirit talked to me in my heart about doing this or that. I had dreams, I had nightmares with sleep paralysis where I could not woke up until I prayed in tongue. I could feel when spirits were coming to me. I knew to always test all these gifts and I remember my pastor said that if they are from God I would feel peace. Later on I was part of youth praise and worship team, and sometimes the pastor would bring us when he blessed a new house (or exorcism). I was always afraid and I relied on God's power.
Fast forward I went to university and moved out from parent's house. I joined a parachurch (local Campus crusade) which emphasised on evangelism and theological aspect of bible (because it was an academic environment). I learned on how to talk about Jesus to strangers, and how to dig deeper on bible using bible aids and other resources, and so on. My ministry gradually changed and I enjoyed it more. There were times where holy spirit talked to me but overall I was not scared to be "attacked" by evil spirit anymore, my sensitivity was reduced. My theological knowledge and the practical side of christian living was progressing.
After graduated I started the work apprenticeship and I went to a church which emphasised on influencing the culture of the world. Think Hillsong church with Sunday services that looks like musical concerts and produces music. The kind of church that makes you look cool and trendy and full of young people. It was great actually, because what I needed to do in my life ministry was simply being successful at what I was doing and not doing destructive behaviours. By being the head at work, doing christian business networking, and so on we are building empire and influence on earth at it is in heaven
(I'm joking, sorry). I was quite happy that there are different denominations and this one looked easier to follow. I believed God blessed me through my career and achievement, and this kind of Christianity is great!However, since 3 years ago I have been increasingly feeling that God is calling me to the spiritual ministry again. There were external signs, I ignored them because I feel going back to it was scary and not something I can take now. And nowadays people from other denominations treated charismatics as the "freak" among Christians (at least that was my experiences when I talked about my Christian journey). Then I got a new job in a different country in a small town and I have been going to an Anglican church since 2 months ago (which teaches about universal values and not really emphasising on anything really). Despite this "mild" church, the calling is strong.
In 3 days time (04th of January), I would have been a Christian for 14 years which is exactly half of my life (I'm 28). I also take this as a sign. I am not sure what to do, I do not have anybody to discuss this with, and obviously not close enough with anybody in the new church. But isn't it funny to be "spiritually active" in an Anglican church?
Your thoughts on this are appreciated. Thanks!
