So, this past summer has been the second worst of my life. 2002 will forever be the worst; lost my daughter, almost lost my wife, sat by her bed for 2 months as she (we) tried to deal with her becoming a Quadriplegic. This past June, she had surgery on her bladder that was supposed to make life easier, and her more independent. It now has, but the 3 months of recovery, complications, and eventual re-opening and surgical repair, have been torturous to watch her go through.
Over the past 2 years, I have become increasingly more angry at God. Every time my wife goes through more agony; every time I've had to decide which bill to skip; every time I've laid on the couch, lacking the motivation to anything beyond changing channels when there are a hundred things to get done; I've just let it build up and build up and build up...and I have wondered how much further until I either explode or just give up.
I'm giving up.
I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of being lazy as a result of the anger, I'm tired of alienating my wife and my daughter and my friends and my parents and myself. I'm tired of refusing to move on and live in the blessings God still allows me.
So here it is, God. The anger I've harbored for too long, it's all yours. I'm done. I'm done being angry. I'm done not being myself. I'm done not praying, not asking for help when I need it.
Don't know what did it, but I'm done. Feels good to say it. Feels good to actually feel it.
I can't say I'll ever understand why, but I don't think it really matters anymore. I've wasted too much time being bitter, it's served no good purpose. So I'm letting the angry bitterness go. Good riddance.
I am posting this here, because for a long time, prior to the accident, as I was rekindling my fire for God, all of you were there for me. After the accident, you all prayed, you all encouraged, and you all listened to me rant. Then I disappeared. Well, I know things have changed around here, but I hope that I can get some of the good from CF again.
Thanks for listening again.
Over the past 2 years, I have become increasingly more angry at God. Every time my wife goes through more agony; every time I've had to decide which bill to skip; every time I've laid on the couch, lacking the motivation to anything beyond changing channels when there are a hundred things to get done; I've just let it build up and build up and build up...and I have wondered how much further until I either explode or just give up.
I'm giving up.
I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of being lazy as a result of the anger, I'm tired of alienating my wife and my daughter and my friends and my parents and myself. I'm tired of refusing to move on and live in the blessings God still allows me.
So here it is, God. The anger I've harbored for too long, it's all yours. I'm done. I'm done being angry. I'm done not being myself. I'm done not praying, not asking for help when I need it.
Don't know what did it, but I'm done. Feels good to say it. Feels good to actually feel it.
I can't say I'll ever understand why, but I don't think it really matters anymore. I've wasted too much time being bitter, it's served no good purpose. So I'm letting the angry bitterness go. Good riddance.
I am posting this here, because for a long time, prior to the accident, as I was rekindling my fire for God, all of you were there for me. After the accident, you all prayed, you all encouraged, and you all listened to me rant. Then I disappeared. Well, I know things have changed around here, but I hope that I can get some of the good from CF again.
Thanks for listening again.
