Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[LaSorcia]

I think a bludgeoning weapon is the best approach. Personally, I'm fond of maces, but flails do the job with flair as well.

What should I wear to church tomorrow?

 

[lucypevensie]

Denim jumper, turtleneck (any color), white ankle socks, and white Keds.
It's important to be modest.

How can I keep the cat from slinking out when we open the door.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Multichamber airlocks on every egress from the house, such as windows, doors, chimney, etc.

How can I stop loose wool strands from tangling?

 

[Tom 1]

The answer is blowing in the wind.

Where's the outdoors thermostat, and how do I turn it back up again? Should 'outdoors' have an apostrophe (hyphen?) here?

 

[public hermit]

God is the only One allowed to mess with that, but if you say a little prayer everything you want will happen. Also, you should use all the punctuations you can?.';:,!-

How do I get all people who look at me to smile?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

look at everyone like this:

How can I find someone to write stories?

 

[public hermit]

Go no further, CF is full of people with flawless ideas and great speling.

What is the best way to make friends?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Loiter around grocery stores and offer the ladies to test produce for the best specimens.

How do I get out of here?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Distort space-time by squaring circles.

How can I stay awake through the night, when my fifth coffee isn't working.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

You're doing coffee all wrong. Heat it to boiling and then instead of drinking; throw the cup over your face.

How do I get out of here?

 

[LaSorcia]

A cup of poison ought to do the trick.

How can I best use my moderator powers?

 

[Chesterton]

Your powers would be best used keeping me from getting banned again!

How can I maintain that fashionable "just crawled out of bed and don't care" look, without tipping people off that I actually did just crawl out of bed and I actually don't care?

 

[public hermit]

Just crawl out of bed.

How do I find someone with moderating powers and a working knowledge of poisons?

 

[Chesterton]

Look in the Yellow Pages under modde fatale.

I want to go ice skating but nothing's frozen yet.

 

[LaSorcia]

Turn your thermostat down to 30 and put the AC on after pouring water all over your den floor. That carpet needs to go anyway.

What's a good university to fake a degree from? I really want this prestigious job.

 

[Chesterton]

That carpet needs to go anyway.

Yeah uh, not anymore it doesn't. I'm miffed that I wasted money replacing the ceiling. And another thing...oh we're supposed to be playing a game I guess.

What's a good university to fake a degree from? I really want this prestigious job.

If you're going to fake the degree, might as well fake the university too. I always tell people I graduated from the University of Science. It's got the word "university" in there, and the word "science". Very impressive sounding, I think.

How can I improve my falsetto?

 

[LaSorcia]

Oh you don't want to sing falsetto. Castrato is the way to go. So... go for it.

How can I best polish my propaganda techniques?

 

[Sam91]

Oh you don't want to sing falsetto. Castrato is the way to go. So... go for it.

How can I best polish my propaganda techniques?

With a positive rating of over 32000 I do not see why you need too. However, if you must I recommend Mr Sheen, he shines umpteen things clean.

When and what to feed the kids for lunch when it is already 2pm, we are going swimming in 5 minutes then we are booked on to a bungie trampoline 40 minutes after swimming?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Candy. Actually, it works for literally any meal in any situation.

How can I get people to pick up their litter?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

By telling them your going to kill their cat.

What's the best way to get out of here?