Give "Bad" Advice (3)

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[removed] [deleted] [removed]

Bean bat?

 

[Tom 1]

Whiffle bats are known to have far more intimidation power.

How to build a selective barking control for my dog

 

[gennypearl]

Ask a mime artist to train your dog. It will stop barking after the training.

What to do with someone who has wronged you?

 

[Chesterton]

Get angry, don't forgive them, don't give them any second chances, and hold it against them forever.

(Bad advice game.)

How can I make bean bag chairs fashionable again?

 

[gennypearl]

Facebook always does the trick when it comes to fashion trends. Try it.

How to make the tears stop falling?

 

[Chesterton]

Move to an island paradise in the Pacific.

(Oh sorry. Never mind.)

Move to the International Space Station.

('cause on the ISS, tears won't fall. They'll just float around. I guess.)

How to make my dog be more unfriendly?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Play it the B52's "Love Shack" over and over again while feeding it raw meat. The bloodier the better!

Who do I give it to?

 

[Tom 1]

Aretha Franklin.

I'm heartbroken over the use of a great tune as a dog unfriendliator. How do I get out of the doldrums?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

have a cup of coffee with the other girl who was crying on here. and make it expresso; not depresso.

air guitar!

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

All humans are naturals at air guitar. It was obviously a skill inherent to human survival. Whenever any song comes up, feel free to break out those bad boys and start strumming and head-banging. I remember how appreciated my display of innate air guitar prowess was during the Philharmonic Orchestra's performance.

How can I get my wife a great gift? My virtuoso acapella air guitar solo last year was less appreciated than anticipated.

 

[Sam91]

Give her an air violin this year so she can play it for you when you face disappointment, serenade you when she feels like it and jam with you in between.

How to fit in 26 assessments, carry out a psychological investigation and revise for a graded unit exam before May? All while raising a family, sitting on a committee, volunteering, bible study group and doing gardening work in the community garden and orchard.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

There is a great self-help book, called My house is a squash and a squeeze:


Within it, the wise old man who is asked to help her please, I am paraphrasing of course, advises her to take in more and more farm animals. Eventually her house is ruined, but once she takes them out again, to fulfill his curious plan, she is filled with fiddlededees.
So obviously you need to take in more work, start a PhD, make charity commitments, etc. then when everything is unfinished and your life tumbles into ruin, you would appreciate how comparatively little you had to do now.

How can I win an argument?

 

[Tom 1]

Play the odds, enter a lot of different ‘win an argument’ competitions. If you wire me 10% of your income I’ll enter you into a competition every month with the possibility of winning an argument with Kimu, a person I know who has very particular opinions about the way in which seedlings should be planted. It would be a gift that keeps on giving - you can revisit the same argument as many times as you like, it never ends.

How to how to?

 

[mama2one]

go to bookstore, pick ANY "how to for dummies" book
if your bookstores have vanished, you're out of luck, sorry




how to keep things from falling through the cracks?

 

[Sam91]

go to bookstore, pick ANY "how to for dummies" book
if your bookstores have vanished, you're out of luck, sorry




how to keep things from falling through the cracks?

Simply keep dropping things through the cracks until nothing more can fall!

I'm thirsty and outside walking home, how to get a drink?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

How do women usually get drinks? All you need is a certain flutter of the eyelashes, a look of the eye, a little smile and a laugh...

How can I get these toys to stop making a racket, without upsetting the children by smashing the things?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

show them pictures of what really poor kids have to play with to have fun

outlaw the game bingo

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

In order to outlaw Bingo, you first need to climb the slippery slope of church politics. Ever watch shows like house of cards? You need to gladhand the deacons with prodigious use of eclairs at tea after service, then visit the elderly parishioners as they are a solid political block. Finally, by using an especially gilt book of sermons he can crib from, you get the preacher in your back pocket. Using the influence thus gained, you can get yourself appointed the comptroller of Thursday night church hall games, and then Bingo will be no more - be sure to blame it on your mortal enemy, Edith the church administration lady.

How can I convince people that I can both talk the talk and walk the walk?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Try carrying out a box of brew from Mr. Apu's. You can do eet!

how do I recite the alphabet?

 

[Sam91]

How to convince 'Face' to seek advice from time to time?