Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[Quid est Veritas?]

I don't remember Ananias and Sapphira dying from forgetting to read the right passage, but best read the entire Bible, Church Fathers and the Apocrypha just to be safe.

How can I get lazy people to pull their own weight?

 

[LaSorcia]

Attach ankle and wrist weights to them that total their body weight.

How many times should I forgive a brother or sister?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Attach ankle and wrist weights to them that total their body weight.

How many times should I forgive a brother or sister?

Use some really bad dope, take a headtrip to nowhere, and offend just about everyone you come across in one day to know how it feels when they take you back in and forgive you.

How can I get in touch with the local neighborhood tweaker to let him know he can start cutting my lawn before it gets too high?

 

[LaSorcia]

Try mental telepathy and see if that works.

How does one best keep a kindergartner entertained on weekends?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

peanut butter sammies while sittin' 'em down to watch Stephen King's "It".

How do I make my rolls of toilet paper last longer?

 

[mama2one]

read the tree/toilet paper thread on CF
I can't repeat some of that







speaking of TP
teach my dog to wipe away her dingleberries

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

read the tree/toilet paper thread on CF
I can't repeat some of that







speaking of TP
teach my dog to wipe away her dingleberries

oh nice. care to post a link to save me the forum search?

 

[lucypevensie]

Demonstrate for your dog how to do the butt-scootin' boogie.

What should I do about people putting their stuff in my storage area?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Camp out there with your AK 47 and barbed wire at the ready.

How can I quickly ripen mangoes?

 

[LaSorcia]

Hmm, I recall reading something about making it release gas to ripen. Maybe feed it some beans?

What's a good treatment for gastroenteritis?

 

[lucypevensie]

Double up on the laxative for a few days to get all the bacteria out.

What's an easy way to vacuum stairs?

 

[LaSorcia]

By proxy.

I'm looking for a fun way to volunteer.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Try the US Army or Marines.

How does one get out of an ironclad contract?

 

[lucypevensie]

Jump off a cliff ( but not too high!). People won't expect much of you if you're in the hospital.

I'm concerned about being all by myself in an area where it might not be safe.

 

[LaSorcia]

Whistling in the dark helps bring about your desired outcome.

More importantly, I'm concerned that my manicurist can't see me today. How can I keep up my look?

 

[DavidFirth]

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"
"It's @LaSorcia, of course, no need for any manicure for at least a decade!"

How can I get Netflix to bring back Dark Matter for a 4th season?

 

[LaSorcia]

I don't know much about astronomy and physics, but maybe you could threaten them. I hear they're WIMPS.

How can I make people understand that loud gardening tools are annoying to neighbours and that manual ones also have the added benefit of getting some exercise?

 

[DavidFirth]

Just fire up the loudest chainsaw that money can buy, break all your neighbors' windows and jam on that bad boy for 12 hours straight for 12 straight days. I think they'll get the idea - if they don't shoot you first.

How can I convince everyone to go to church?

 

[mama2one]

more people show up on "donut" Sundays so invest in a donut shop
give out as many free donuts as you can to your local churches
you can be "Donut David", lol







how to welcome new neighbor?

 

[Dirk1540]

Well it’s 2019 now so there’s no need for smiling, waving, verbal communication, or any of that outdated nonsense. Just remember to shoot them a Facebook friend request one of these days and you’re fine.

I’ve been taking yoga now for 4 whole days. How can I accelerate getting to that point where I can wrap myself up into a human pretzel?