Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[DavidFirth]

Yeah. Some guy named klutedavid keeps giving me crummy advice.

Can you help?

 

[LaSorcia]

Report every post he's ever made and put him on your ignore list. I'm sure all the moderators will be really happy as well.

I need some extra motivation to work out today. Help?

 

[mama2one]

nah give yourself a day off; enjoy the weather and take a leisurely stroll


help ME be motivated and ignore my hand towel that says "a clean house is a sign of a wasted life"

 

[BNR32FAN]

Just believe in Jesus, you don’t have to do good works or repentance. Walking in the Spirit is not required to be saved.

 

[klutedavid]

Just believe in Jesus, you don’t have to do good works or repentance. Walking in the Spirit is not required to be saved.

You might be on the wrong thread, this thread is for those needing solid advice, life changing advice.

They have eyes to see but they cannot read or understand.

 

[BNR32FAN]

You might be on the wrong thread, this thread is for those needing solid advice, life changing advice.

They have eyes to see but they cannot read or understand.

Jesus said pluck out your eye and cut off your hand.

It’s so hatd to tezt with one hsnd becyz my thmb is too big.

 

[klutedavid]

I see your struggling to text a message, yet your still resisting Jesus. Jesus said that you must crucify yourself, why are you so disobedient. I will assist you when you decide to really follow Jesus.

Anyone else that desires to truly follow Jesus, my hammer is ready?

 

[BNR32FAN]

Ummm ok meet me at
1632 Martin Luther King Jr Blvd
Dallas, TX 75215
United States, Earth, Milky Way, at 2:30AM. We’ll do it there. Oh and wear lots of gold jewelry.

I need to get a haircut before I go.

 

[klutedavid]

Be there shortly, also I need to know whether you want to be crucified upside down or not. You need to specify the orientation you want on the cross. I don't wear jewelry just the official tunic and long beard.

Anyone one else want to follow Jesus and be crucified?

 

[DavidFirth]

I'm pretty sure no one else wants to make fun of Jesus or being crucified.

How to grow perfect potatoes?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Use perfect soil and perfect water and make sure it gets the perfect amount of sunlight.

No one wants to work after a holiday.

 

[klutedavid]

Use perfect soil and perfect water and make sure it gets the perfect amount of sunlight.

No one wants to work after a holiday.

That's not good advice, 'No one wants to work after a holiday'?
That is a statement of fact, though there are people out there who would rather be at work, than stay at home. I have met a few.

Here's how you give good advice, everyone please ignore all future post's by, 'Quid est Veritas'. This fellow never gives good advice.

What does 'Quid est Veritas' mean anyway? Probably words from a dead language, something about truth. Just print your words in English! Not everyone has the time to learn dead languages.

 

[mama2one]

"what is truth?" the truth is....no one does want to work after a holiday as they ate too much food and can't zip up their pants to go to work


come on klute get with the program and give me advice on how to stop waking up in middle of night

 

[Doctor.Sphinx]

"what is truth?" the truth is....no one does want to work after a holiday as they ate too much food and can't zip up their pants to go to work


come on klute get with the program and give me advice on how to stop waking up in middle of night

Only sleep during the day?

I was awakened this night by a strange woman with sharp fangs and wings repeatedly attempting to bite my neck. I tried to explain I was not interested, but she insisted, and finally, the only way I could halt her advances was a medium well-done steak through the heart, at which she immediately turned to dust. I've vaccuumed the dust up, but the steak still remains, and police lights and sirens are flashing and wailing respectively at the ground level outside my gothic mansion. How to explain this fiasco to my landlady in the morning, without getting evicted?

 

[klutedavid]

You can sleep at night if you get plenty of exercise during the day. Well that is not going to happen as everyone is too lazy. May I suggest you cover the windows, so that you don't know whether it's night or day. That way you won't know that your not sleeping at night.

Anyone know of a good cruise line, I wan't to go on a cruise?

 

[klutedavid]

Having gone through an episode just as you described myself. I can give you the advice that worked for me. I bit my landlady in the neck and turned her into a vampire. I never see her anymore during the day, so I am here to stay. Oh, by the way, remember to lock your windows at night, otherwise you may get a visit from the landlady.

When I'm out in the daylight the light hurts my eyes, what's good brand of sunglasses?

 

[LaSorcia]

This oughta keep your eyes safe.

What should I bring with me to the beach?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Depends. How far out do you think we need to go before dumping the bodies?

I need to look casual while strolling around the beach with a heavy load rolled up in garbage bags.

 

[klutedavid]

Depends. How far out do you think we need to go before dumping the bodies?

I need to look casual while strolling around the beach with a heavy load rolled up in garbage bags.

I have a chair mounted on two long poles, I sit in the chair and my slaves lift me up. Then we travel along the beach while I fan myself. What you can do is place the bodies underneath the chair and just get more slaves to then carry the chair. You will still have that casual look as you fan yourself.

Bring back slavery.

 

[DavidFirth]

This oughta keep your eyes safe.

What should I bring with me to the beach?

Great, now you need to wad up a couple of socks and stuff them in her mouth.