Give "Bad" Advice (3)

LaSorcia

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You don't seem to need advice, but I'll give you some anyway. I think you'd look great if you got a level 4 buzz cut and dyed it indigo.

How can I convince my friends to try the latest trends that I'm scared to attempt on myself first?
 
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DavidFirth

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Tell them to do it or you'll give them a level 4 buzz cut and dye their hair indigo.

How to get the cat to go to the vet when she'll fight me tooth and nail?
 
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Dirk1540

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Posts, coins, fine print, actually with nearly anything the answer would be a magnifying glass.

How can I just quickly melt all the snow in my driveway tonight so I don’t have to shovel it?
 
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Dirk1540

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Well it depends what you want them to test positive for, the element of surprise is an effective weapon so you can stealthy prick almost anybody with many viruses of your choice.

I am convinced that I am Donald Trump’s illegitimate son. How can I convince dad (Don) to see things the way that I see them?
 
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Quid est Veritas?

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Wear a rubber Trump face, a Make America Great Hat, and scream about being his illegitimate son at the Mar a Lago gates.

How can Dirk prove his mother's affair with Donald Trump?
 
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lucypevensie

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He doesn't have to prove anything, scientifically or any other way. Just go on camera and say it. The media unquestionably believes any and all made-up negative stores on Donald Trump. It'll be the greatest story of the year, believe me.

My friend said she sent me an email, but it's not in my inbox and not in spam.
 
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Sam91

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Your friend lied. Unfriend him/her.

How to convince the bank to loan me a million dollars?
Why convince the bank. Set up a pyramid scheme instead. You won't need to repay it.

How to cook quinoa?
 
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LaSorcia

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Are you serious lady? Who eats that hippie food?! Grab some bangers and mash and wash it down with two pints of scrumpy cider.

How can I overcome my disgust at the eating habits of others?
 
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Sam91

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Toddlers. Just tie a string round a sore tooth . They take delight in getting a reaction. They'll love the opportunity to make you say ow and won't think twice about slamming that door at top speed.

Good cure for thinking you know better than someone else?
 
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Sam91

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1. Acquire a rabbit.
2. Put it in the hat.
3. Pull it out of the hat, Presto!

How to best exercise?
Get a toddler. They never let you sit down. When the demand to walk rather than use the pushcair let them. Before long you are doing resistance training while walking then carrying a heavy load the rest of the way. Of course once home again there is a lot of activity cleaning up after and bending to pick up toys.

How to fall back to sleep
 
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Dirk1540

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Nothing makes you more tired than trying to stay awake listening to a dry teacher lecture for an hour, just sneak into your local high school and sit in on a class. They tend to be pretty lenient towards adults entering high schools.

How can I become super flexible to the point where I can tie myself into a human pretzel?
 
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