Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[KevinSpacey]

When you post your ad, put some of those smiley type overlays or rabbit faces etc like on FB over the photos of the land. They seem to have some kind of affect on people's cognitive abilities. I sold a rusty hacksaw for £1,000,000 by using this tactic.

I need some advice on creating a black hole in my garage, for time manipulation purposes

Theoretically, there could be black holes in your garage right now that disappear within moments. Not sure how to get them to manipulate time, though. Kidnap Steven Hawking, he probably knows.

How to create a doomsday cult, à la Charles Manson?

 

[Sam91]

.

 

[DavidFirth]

.'s are over rated, use ... instead.

What to order at Captain D's?

 

[lucypevensie]

An authentic Chicago-style deep dish pizza.

What to order at Starbucks?

 

[Tom 1]

An authentic Chicago-style deep dish pizza.

What to order at Starbucks?

I’d suggest asking for a cup of insipid vaguely coffee flavoured milk, made by an individual with a beard who believes himself to be a superior being, having recently dropped out of a history of 19th century counter-culture degree.

My dog may be on the verge of achieving self awareness. Should I be concerned?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Nah. Dogs have always been superior beings. Haven't you ever read Epitaph to a Dog? If anything, we should cede control of the earth to a self-aware dog.

Having established a hive mind with my dog, I am having difficulty demarkating where he ends and I begin.

 

[lucypevensie]

That should be your goal, to be so at one that neither of you has distinct personhood. Or something. If you get weird cravings for dog food, that's a good sign.

How can I find out for sure if there are secret tunnels under my house and around the city?

 

[DavidFirth]

Crawl down into the nearest sewer and tunnel away!

How can Lucy find her way through the sewers?

 

[Dirk1540]

Computers do it all now! Just download some apps like ‘Navigating Thru Sewers’ ‘Staying Clean While Navigating Sewers’ ‘Sewer Foul Smell Removal’, etc.

What are the best apps for changing the weather, and being safe in a really bad neighborhood?

 

[Sam91]

Computers do it all now! Just download some apps like ‘Navigating Thru Sewers’ ‘Staying Clean While Navigating Sewers’ ‘Sewer Foul Smell Removal’, etc.

What are the best apps for changing the weather, and being safe in a really bad neighborhood?

Get a game where there are so many things to mine and challenges to complete. Lots of levels and things to unlock. That way you do not need ro concern yourself with the weather, or the neighbourhood. Earn money on youtube making tutorials and only do online shopping You can be happily occupied and will hardly need to venture out.

How to bend time so you can sleep for 8 hours in a 6 hour time period?

 

[DavidFirth]

Pop a couple of quaaludes.

How to be invisible?

 

[lucypevensie]

Cut tiny eye holes in big blanket and throw it over your head. No one will see you.

Best way to cheer up a sick child.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Tell him about all the wonderful things he could have done if he wasn't ill.

I am too lazy to turn the pages of books myself. There must be a better way.

 

[Dirk1540]

How old are you Quid? If you haven’t learned it by now it’s obviously not THAT important, there’s no page turning involved in reality TV!!

How can I successfully bluff my boss into thinking that I have dirt on him he lets me do whatever I want at work?

 

[LaSorcia]

Why bluff? Create the dirt. Plant something in his desk when he's not looking.

All my clocks say something different. How do I know which one is correct?

 

[Sam91]

Add all the times together and divide by the number of clocks. That gives you mean time. Then add on the appropriate hours allotted by your time zone.

How to make children tidy up?

 

[LaSorcia]

I've found following them around with a bullwhip while yelling really does the trick.

The money I'm counterfitting in my basement is slightly off. Can you tell me the correct hex value for that shade of green on American money?

 

[Sam91]

Lol.

Phone the Federal bank and ask them. They will know, if you get a friendly person ask them which supplier they use. To counterfeit well you ought to use the same ink too.

How to stop children telling their teachers on me?

 

[LaSorcia]

I guess some duct tape on their mouths before you send them off to school should work. Good luck!

How do I stop my cats from scratching my sofa?

 

[Sam91]

I guess some duct tape on their mouths before you send them off to school should work. Good luck!

How do I stop my cats from scratching my sofa?

Designate the sofas as cat beds. They are no longer your sofas. Start sitting on cushions on the floor maintaining proper posture.