Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[LaSorcia]

Haha, you almost had me there. I nearly gave you advice about how to get your ewe to behave. But then I realized that you were just testing my sanity. The voices told me so! I'm not crazy! I'm NOT!

I'd like to start my own political party.

 

[Tom 1]

Yes well you should learn to listen to your constituents, including those who need synchronised sheep dancing advice. That might be a good starting point. However you may find that your punctuation obsession will drive you to a complete meltdown, given that you will have to take on and read reports written by volunteer staff to begin with - until you are well known enough to start taking bribes. Now, about those sheep...

I’m getting on and keep expecting my eyesight to start fading but it isn’t. Do I have super powers?

 

[klutedavid]

I cannot accept that you have super powers, unless you pass the first super power test?

Us sheep refuse to dance the foxtrot because we just don't like foxes, can you guess what dance that sheep dance?

 

[DavidFirth]

No and I really don't care.

How to get klutedavid to stop thinking he's a sheep?

 

[klutedavid]

No and I really don't care.

How to get klutedavid to stop thinking he's a sheep?

The lamb saved you, or so it says on your logo. Be like me and think like a lamb.

I struggle to forgive my brother once, let alone seventy times seven times?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Just be bad at math. Problem solved.

I need to convince some investors that my idea of replacing trees in the garden with massive plastic ones is the wave of the future. Then I can mint it as the only plastic tree feller and garden service in town.

 

[lucypevensie]

Show them some fantastic photos of your idea, but secretly substitute live plants so they look more realistic.

What's a good way to clean the dust off my houseplants?

 

[DavidFirth]

Have them steam cleaned.

Good advice to move heavy furniture?

 

[lucypevensie]

After you pay exorbitant costs to have professional movers come in and rearrange your furniture, learn your lesson and buy inflatable air furniture next time.

What should I do if I encounter the mountain lion that has been sighted in the area?

 

[MrNoodle]

Walk up to it and offer it a glass of Koolaid.


Do you think Burt ever cheated on Ernie with Big Bird?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

My advice would be to binge watch every single episode of Sesame Street, noting any minutiae and background details, that may bring light to this serious ethical and moral conundrum as to our representations of childhood apothegms.

How can I convince my child that Pokemon aren't real?

 

[Tom 1]

Remove all technology from your home, move into a cave and teach your child the theatre of cave painting, demonstrating with grunts and hand gestures that the painted images seemingly animated in the firelight are only 2 dimensional representations of the beasts you kill for dinner. Go from there to fictional beasts.

How to profit from snow?

 

[Sam91]

Remove all technology from your home, move into a cave and teach your child the theatre of cave painting, demonstrating with grunts and hand gestures that the painted images seemingly animated in the firelight are only 2 dimensional representations of the beasts you kill for dinner. Go from there to fictional beasts.

How to profit from snow?

Compress it into storage boxes and keep it to sell in April when there is very little snow about!

How to get my house to clean itself?

 

[Tom 1]

Leaves the taps on upstairs

I invested heavily in cardboard snow storage boxes. It appears that someone has got into my cellar, stolen the snow and left the boxes, while also tipping a load of water on the floor, for some reason. How to recuperate the money I spent?

 

[Sam91]

Leaves the taps on upstairs

I invested heavily in cardboard snow storage boxes. It appears that someone has got into my cellar, stolen the snow and left the boxes, while also tipping a load of water on the floor, for some reason. How to recuperate the money I spent?

Find the lost snow by making facebook posts asking if anyone has seen anything. Snow is rare in April, someone will know something. Call the police, make sure they try to fingerprint the water. As for the boxes, you should be able to craft a sculpture out of soggy cardboard. All is not lost yet.

I seem to have water problems too and the bathroom ceiling caved in. What to do next?

 

[Tom 1]

Don’t worry, your house is cleaning itself. You know that phrase ‘it’ll get worse before it gets better’? This is one of those situations.

Should I change my socks to indoor socks when I’m indoors?

 

[Sam91]

Found your snow!!!!!!!

 

[Tom 1]

Remarkable. Do you think they’ll extradite?

Best way to transport snow internationally with a horse and cart?

 

[Sam91]

Found your snow!!!!!!!

Always wear wading boots indoors!

How to ship this snow to you?

 

[gennypearl]

1/4 by plane, 1/4 by submarine, 1/4 by boat 1/4 by horse

how do i get a welcoming party in the rec room?