Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[LaSorcia]

Buy a fancy cape and jump off a roof!

What's the best way to get into a pineapple?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

By living under the Sea, becoming yellow and porous, and getting a specific type of geometric trousers.

How can I stop daydreaming?

 

[LaSorcia]

Well, the technique of snapping a rubber band on one's wrist is a cognitive psychology technique for stopping unwanted thoughts and behaviours. But it's not strong enough. Instead, get your wife to hit you with a baseball bat whenever you get a dreamy look on your face.

Should I give violent advice as a psychotherapist?

 

[lucypevensie]

Well, it looks like you just did. No point in stopping now.

How can I contact my elected representative?

 

[teresa]

show up at their local office in a superwoman cape demanding change so you can buy some more super powerful kryptonite

my hair is too thick to comb through, what should I do?

 

[LaSorcia]

One of those brushes you clean the grill with should get through it.

How can I get my kid to concentrate on homework?

 

[lucypevensie]

Serve lots and lots and LOTS of orange juice from concentrate. That's what it's for.

Should I hang on to my old outdated medical encyclopedia?

 

[LaSorcia]

But of course. You might need to perform some old, outdated surgery one day.

Do I really need a lawyer for theft by deception arrest? It was all just a bad coincidence. I'm innocent.

 

[lucypevensie]

Don't hire a lawyer for that. I'll represent you for a discounted cost (even though I don't know what I'm supposed to do).

What's a special way to say thank you to a retiring pastor?

 

[LaSorcia]

Throw the a paintball party!

I forget where all the silverware is supposed to go on the table.

 

[lucypevensie]

It looks to me like you already know. On the table like you said.

Do you think it would be wrong of me to shoot out the tires of the drivers who disregard the stop sign in front of my house?

 

[LaSorcia]

Have you ever seen those signs that say 'speed limit enforced from aircraft'? Well that's exactly how they enforce the speed. Go git yerself some vigilante justice!

Should I talk to a friend who can be rather annoying?

 

[lucypevensie]

You can do that, but it will only work if you are just as annoying as your friend.

I'm nervous about a work event tomorrow where there will be tons off people I don't know.

 

[teresa]

show up wearing nothing but a big red ribbon and they will never forget you, gift that you are!

my vacuum clearer keeps over heating

 

[lucypevensie]

Store it in your freezer and it will stay cool enough when you use it.

On a similar note, my fridge isn't staying cool enough.

 

[teresa]

roll it into the sauna where the intense heat will reconfigure the coils

my tap water tastes funny

 

[lucypevensie]

Make kool-aid out of your water for better flavor.

my dog wants a biscuit, but we're out of them, and she doesn't understand that.

 

[LaSorcia]

Have you tried telling her in dog language? Bark at her a few times.

What's the best way to relax?

 

[Divide]

Don't hire a lawyer for that. I'll represent you for a discounted cost (even though I don't know what I'm supposed to do).

What's a special way to say thank you to a retiring pastor?

No no no, hire me and I'm more expensive but I've been to jail so many times (sic) that you're a shoore-in!

I was on freeway and heard my motor start ticking real loud, and the oil light came too, so I had a case of oil with me, but knew the oil light means hurry and add oil. So I punched the gas pedal to go faster and hurry to the next rest stop so I could add oil. As I pulled in, the motor made some loud grinding sounds and it died. I coasted into a space and added oil. Now it won't start.
Should I go buy better oil or a starter first?

 

[LaSorcia]

Don't worry about your car. Walking is good for you. Instead, go back and read all 172 pages of this thread so you can catch up.

I'm tired of staring at pictures in the plaster swirls. What should I do next?