Getting over him

[Bluejay</3]

I'm hoping someone could give me some Christian advice on how to stop caring for someone so much. Nearly five years ago I fell for a colleague who was 20 years my senior (I was in my mid-30's). We kept it quiet and unofficial because we were at work, but I loved him and he said he loved me. We took a break at one stage and he ended up getting a girlfriend while on holiday in Thailand (same age as me but doesn't speak English). My self image has never been that good but this made it plummet. I'm a bubbly person but not overly chatty and I'm a good listener so it's not like I ever chewed his ear off, and my friends reassure me that I'm pretty so I couldn't understand what was so great about her that he had to go all the way overseas and pay to bring her back when he couldn't even speak with her. I was gutted. I quit my job as soon as I heard from a colleague about this mystery girlfriend he had overseas. Oh, and I'm aware that she can "communicate" with him in "other ways" but I can't think about her being better at that. He's been married to her for about a year now and he's contacted me on a number of occasions to talk. He told me it's difficult because he 'loves both of us', which doesn't make me feel any better. I don't hear anything from him for months and I'll delete his number from my phone but then he'll contact me out of the blue and deep down I hope that maybe he's finally changed his mind, and he wants me instead of her, but it never works out like that. Apparently she likes to spend his money on expensive clothing & accessories, even though he's not rich, so I keep thinking he'll come to his senses, but nope. It's heartbreaking. Although I'm a bubbly person in public I've actually had clinical depression for about 7 years and I know I need to forget about him because it isn't helping me at all. I've prayed so many times that the Good Lord will remove the thoughts of this man from my life because it can't be love - surely real love can't feel so intensely painful. My friends want me to start dating and say I deserve so much better. I've tried, but I don't care for anyone in that way. I'd rather be single but I don't want to become bitter either. I really want to get better and I've read that one must truly want to be healed before God can answer your prayers - I want to be healed from wanting to be a part of his life. Sorry for the long post. Any help and prayers for wisdom would be greatly appreciated. -Bluejay xo

 

[Kenny'sID]

and I know I need to forget about him because it isn't helping me at all.

You already know what you need to do, but I get it, much easier said than done.

You might start with telling him to have the good graces not to call you again, and the way this man is acting, at least IMO, this is not the guy for you not matter what he decides. he doesn't get to bounce around if he does indeed have indecision.

Then I would change my number so he cannot contact you. Maybe that will get you to seeing this as more definitely done with, and help get rid if the hopes that are not good for you at all, or at the least head you in that direction where time can take care of it a little sooner/easier.

But in the end, it's like smoking, you have to want to quit, and I agree you should.

 

[Bluejay</3]

You're right Kenny - I haven't changed my number, mainly because it's inconvenient, but also because deep down I know I want to hear from him again. Oh dear, I've been praying to God to help me out but I haven't been letting go fully.
Hmm, I don't want to get a new number, but I can certainly block HIS number. That's what I need to do. Thank you so much for the clarity.

You already know what you need to do, but I get it, much easier said than done.

You might start with telling him to have the good graces not to call you again, and the way this man is acting, at least IMO, this is not the guy for you not matter what he decides. he doesn't get to bounce around if he does indeed have indecision.

Then I would change my number so he cannot contact you. Maybe that will get you to seeing this as more definitely done with, and help get rid if the hopes that are not good for you at all, or at the least head you in that direction where time can take care of it a little sooner/easier.

But in the end, it's like smoking, you have to want to quit, and I agree you should.

 

[Kenny'sID]

You're right Kenny - I haven't changed my number, mainly because it's inconvenient, but also because deep down I know I want to hear from him again. Oh dear, I've been praying to God to help me out but I haven't been letting go fully.
Hmm, I don't want to get a new number, but I can certainly block HIS number. That's what I need to do. Thank you so much for the clarity.

I considered the inconvenience, just thought it might be worth it, but looks like you have that covered nicely.

Praying is very good, and training helps me a lot in most situations, even if it's just training ourselves not to think/do things we ought not (we'll know what the things are) until we master it, and no longer have to. It at least helps.

And I meant to add, sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Bluejay</3]

Thank you for your helpful words, Kenny. I believe I have quite a bit of training to do!

I considered the inconvenience, just thought it might be worth it, but looks like you have that covered nicely.

Praying is very good, and training helps me a lot in most situations, even if it's just training ourselves not to think/do things we ought not (we'll know what the things are) until we master it, and no longer have to. It at least helps.

And I meant to add, sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Bluejay</3]

I've blocked his number now. Thanks again.

 

[A_Thinker]

He's married. He's made this choice for whatever reasons.

Be firm in your decision to move on ...

 

[Take Heart]

@Bluejay</3

I'm hoping someone could give me some Christian advice on how to stop caring for someone so much.

I know how difficult it can be to let someone go and to move on because of the memories and the feelings attached to them. This will take time. You can still pray for them, that God will help them have a closer relationship with Christ, but I personally don't think he's the guy God wants you to have as your partner. I personally think that the whole incident is a blessing in disguise, as much as it may hurt right now. The reason I think this is because sometimes we need to know our true worth in Christ and to build ourselves up in our identity and worth in Him before we engage in a relationship. It's so that we don't make them out to be an idol per se. I used to be in a long-distance online relationship and I basically looked to him to fill in that void of lonelines and looked to him to comfort me and help me with every single thing instead of spending time with God and looking to God first and foremost as my Helper, Healer, Provider, Comforter, etc.

My self image has never been that good but this made it plummet. He's been married to her for about a year now and he's contacted me on a number of occasions to talk. He told me it's difficult because he 'loves both of us', which doesn't make me feel any better. deep down I hope that maybe he's finally changed his mind, and he wants me instead of her, but it never works out like that.

I read below that you blocked his number. I'm proud of you That takes strength.

I've actually had clinical depression for about 7 years and I know I need to forget about him because it isn't helping me at all. My friends want me to start dating and say I deserve so much better. I've tried, but I don't care for anyone in that way. I'd rather be single but I don't want to become bitter either. I really want to get better and I've read that one must truly want to be healed before God can answer your prayers - I want to be healed from wanting to be a part of his life.

I think God is working behind the scenes even though we may not be aware of it during our circumstances despite not completely wanting to be healed. I think He's working on your heart and changing your perspective of certain things.
I think that once you are firmly grounded and rooted in your worth in Him [this is a gradual process of reminding yourself, reading His Word and what He says about you, and believing and trusting that what He says is true]. Here is a short copy&paste blurb on your identity in Christ: "

• You are His own special possession. (1 Peter 2:9, Deuteronomy 14:2)
• You are chosen, handpicked by the God who created the universe. (1 Peter 2:9, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:3-4)
• You are treasured. (Deuteronomy 7:6 14:2, 26:18)
• You are irreplaceable. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)
• You are loved beyond compare. (1 John 4:19, 4:10, 3:16, Romans 5:8, 8:35-39)
• You are worth dying for. (1 John 3:16, Romans 5:7-9)
• You are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1, 33-39)
• You are His child. (1 John 3:1, Galatians 3:26)
• You are secured for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 1:22, John 10:28-29)
• You are set free. (Romans 6:18, Galatians 5:1)
• You are precious to Him. (Isaiah 43:4)
• You are set apart. (John 15:16, 19, I Peter 2:9)

Just think about that for a minute. Don't skim over it. Don't read them like they're the same words you heard in Sunday school. Read over that list and take it in. This is YOU. If you're in Christ, this is who YOU are. This is your permanent identity. It can never be removed, messed up, forsaken, taken away, or changed.

This your identity in Christ.

This is who you are when you feel unworthy and not good enough.

This is who you are when you are searching for answers.

This is who you are when things don't work out the way you wanted it to.

This is who you are when you've sinned so severely it doesn't seem forgivable, yet to God, it is."

You deserve a Christian man who will cherish and value you and won't make you feel less than. You deserve someone who won't call you once in a blue moon just because things may not be working out on their end and they want to vent certain things out to you and have that someone to confide to only when it's convenient or whenever they feel lonely/upset. You deserve someone who is in it for the long haul...'til death do us part'. Things may have seemed great with that guy for a season, but now he's married and maybe that breakup was so that God can help you cross paths with the guy you are meant to marry. But I don't think focusing on finding someone is a priority right now. Your number one priority as of now should be to use this time of being single to build yourself up in Christ- to fill your mind and heart with confidence and assurance of who you truly are in Him and how unrelenting and pursuing is His love for you, His beloved child.
I want to share with you an encouraging video and a music video. Hope this lifts your spirit up c: ♥

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1131357893548645

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's true that you have to want to heal before it's possible to do so. Blocking his number is a good step, but I honestly think getting a new phone number entirely would be more effective.

Have you seen a therapist for the depression? That may help you. I want to emphasize that this man is not a good partner, not to you, not to anyone. Because your self-esteem is low, you developed an attachment to him, and you want his attention and validation. As you become stronger you will see you deserve so much better than the crumbs he has to offer. I'm praying that this burden is lifted from you.

 

[Kenny'sID]

You're very welcome, and odds are good you'll do much better than him eventually.

 

[Bluejay</3]

I am touched that you put so much kindness & consideration into your reply, Spirit Reborn. Thank you so much for the beautiful response, for the comforting words, and for the song at the end - they all brought tears to my eyes (in a good way). You are absolutely right about making idols out of men - I shouldn't have put him on a pedestal in the first place. I do think this whole experience has brought me closer to God though - I've been distracted by the world for too long, which has led to nothing but hurt. Time to refocus on the important things
Thank you again for your beautiful words and scripture references. I'll re-read then many times over to make sure it all sinks in xxoo

="Spirit Reborn, post: 71396131, member: 378961"]@Bluejay</3
I know how difficult it can be to let someone go and to move on because of the memories and the feelings attached to them. This will take time. You can still pray for them, that God will help them have a closer relationship with Christ, but I personally don't think he's the guy God wants you to have as your partner. I personally think that the whole incident is a blessing in disguise, as much as it may hurt right now. The reason I think this is because sometimes we need to know our true worth in Christ and to build ourselves up in our identity and worth in Him before we engage in a relationship. It's so that we don't make them out to be an idol per se. I used to be in a long-distance online relationship and I basically looked to him to fill in that void of lonelines and looked to him to comfort me and help me with every single thing instead of spending time with God and looking to God first and foremost as my Helper, Healer, Provider, Comforter, etc.


I read below that you blocked his number. I'm proud of you That takes strength.


I think God is working behind the scenes even though we may not be aware of it during our circumstances despite not completely wanting to be healed. I think He's working on your heart and changing your perspective of certain things.
I think that once you are firmly grounded and rooted in your worth in Him [this is a gradual process of reminding yourself, reading His Word and what He says about you, and believing and trusting that what He says is true]. Here is a short copy&paste blurb on your identity in Christ: "

• You are His own special possession. (1 Peter 2:9, Deuteronomy 14:2)
• You are chosen, handpicked by the God who created the universe. (1 Peter 2:9, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:3-4)
• You are treasured. (Deuteronomy 7:6 14:2, 26:18)
• You are irreplaceable. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)
• You are loved beyond compare. (1 John 4:19, 4:10, 3:16, Romans 5:8, 8:35-39)
• You are worth dying for. (1 John 3:16, Romans 5:7-9)
• You are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1, 33-39)
• You are His child. (1 John 3:1, Galatians 3:26)
• You are secured for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 1:22, John 10:28-29)
• You are set free. (Romans 6:18, Galatians 5:1)
• You are precious to Him. (Isaiah 43:4)
• You are set apart. (John 15:16, 19, I Peter 2:9)

Just think about that for a minute. Don't skim over it. Don't read them like they're the same words you heard in Sunday school. Read over that list and take it in. This is YOU. If you're in Christ, this is who YOU are. This is your permanent identity. It can never be removed, messed up, forsaken, taken away, or changed.

This your identity in Christ.

This is who you are when you feel unworthy and not good enough.

This is who you are when you are searching for answers.

This is who you are when things don't work out the way you wanted it to.

This is who you are when you've sinned so severely it doesn't seem forgivable, yet to God, it is."

You deserve a Christian man who will cherish and value you and won't make you feel less than. You deserve someone who won't call you once in a blue moon just because things may not be working out on their end and they want to vent certain things out to you and have that someone to confide to only when it's convenient or whenever they feel lonely/upset. You deserve someone who is in it for the long haul...'til death do us part'. Things may have seemed great with that guy for a season, but now he's married and maybe that breakup was so that God can help you cross paths with the guy you are meant to marry. But I don't think focusing on finding someone is a priority right now. Your number one priority as of now should be to use this time of being single to build yourself up in Christ- to fill your mind and heart with confidence and assurance of who you truly are in Him and how unrelenting and pursuing is His love for you, His beloved child.
I want to share with you an encouraging video and a music video. Hope this lifts your spirit up c: ♥

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1131357893548645

[/QUOTE]

 

[Bluejay</3]

I am touched that you put so much kindness & consideration into your reply, Spirit Reborn. Thank you so much for the beautiful response, for the comforting words, and for the song at the end - they all brought tears to my eyes (in a good way). You are absolutely right about making idols out of men - I shouldn't have put him on a pedestal in the first place. I do think this whole experience has brought me closer to God though - I've been distracted by the world for too long, which has led to nothing but hurt. Time to refocus on the important things
Thank you again for your beautiful words and scripture references. I'll re-read then many times over to make sure it all sinks in xxoo

Oh my goodness - I just noticed the army dude video after the music video! He was fantastic - that put a smile on my face! Thank you again. I'm going to share that video


="Spirit Reborn, post: 71396131, member: 378961"]@Bluejay</3
I know how difficult it can be to let someone go and to move on because of the memories and the feelings attached to them. This will take time. You can still pray for them, that God will help them have a closer relationship with Christ, but I personally don't think he's the guy God wants you to have as your partner. I personally think that the whole incident is a blessing in disguise, as much as it may hurt right now. The reason I think this is because sometimes we need to know our true worth in Christ and to build ourselves up in our identity and worth in Him before we engage in a relationship. It's so that we don't make them out to be an idol per se. I used to be in a long-distance online relationship and I basically looked to him to fill in that void of lonelines and looked to him to comfort me and help me with every single thing instead of spending time with God and looking to God first and foremost as my Helper, Healer, Provider, Comforter, etc.


I read below that you blocked his number. I'm proud of you That takes strength.


I think God is working behind the scenes even though we may not be aware of it during our circumstances despite not completely wanting to be healed. I think He's working on your heart and changing your perspective of certain things.
I think that once you are firmly grounded and rooted in your worth in Him [this is a gradual process of reminding yourself, reading His Word and what He says about you, and believing and trusting that what He says is true]. Here is a short copy&paste blurb on your identity in Christ: "

• You are His own special possession. (1 Peter 2:9, Deuteronomy 14:2)
• You are chosen, handpicked by the God who created the universe. (1 Peter 2:9, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:3-4)
• You are treasured. (Deuteronomy 7:6 14:2, 26:18)
• You are irreplaceable. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)
• You are loved beyond compare. (1 John 4:19, 4:10, 3:16, Romans 5:8, 8:35-39)
• You are worth dying for. (1 John 3:16, Romans 5:7-9)
• You are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1, 33-39)
• You are His child. (1 John 3:1, Galatians 3:26)
• You are secured for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 1:22, John 10:28-29)
• You are set free. (Romans 6:18, Galatians 5:1)
• You are precious to Him. (Isaiah 43:4)
• You are set apart. (John 15:16, 19, I Peter 2:9)

Just think about that for a minute. Don't skim over it. Don't read them like they're the same words you heard in Sunday school. Read over that list and take it in. This is YOU. If you're in Christ, this is who YOU are. This is your permanent identity. It can never be removed, messed up, forsaken, taken away, or changed.

This your identity in Christ.

This is who you are when you feel unworthy and not good enough.

This is who you are when you are searching for answers.

This is who you are when things don't work out the way you wanted it to.

This is who you are when you've sinned so severely it doesn't seem forgivable, yet to God, it is."

You deserve a Christian man who will cherish and value you and won't make you feel less than. You deserve someone who won't call you once in a blue moon just because things may not be working out on their end and they want to vent certain things out to you and have that someone to confide to only when it's convenient or whenever they feel lonely/upset. You deserve someone who is in it for the long haul...'til death do us part'. Things may have seemed great with that guy for a season, but now he's married and maybe that breakup was so that God can help you cross paths with the guy you are meant to marry. But I don't think focusing on finding someone is a priority right now. Your number one priority as of now should be to use this time of being single to build yourself up in Christ- to fill your mind and heart with confidence and assurance of who you truly are in Him and how unrelenting and pursuing is His love for you, His beloved child.
I want to share with you an encouraging video and a music video. Hope this lifts your spirit up c: ♥

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1131357893548645

[/QUOTE]

 

[Bluejay</3]

I am touched that you put so much kindness & consideration into your reply, Spirit Reborn. Thank you so much for the beautiful response, for the comforting words, and for the song at the end - they all brought tears to my eyes (in a good way). You are absolutely right about making idols out of men - I shouldn't have put him on apedestal in the first place. I do think this whole experience has brought me closer to God though - I've been distracted by the world for too long, which has led to nothing but hurt. Time to refocus on the important things
Thank you again for your beautiful words and scripture references. I'll re-read then many times over to make sure it all sinks in xxoo

@Bluejay</3
I know how difficult it can be to let someone go and to move on because of the memories and the feelings attached to them. This will take time. You can still pray for them, that God will help them have a closer relationship with Christ, but I personally don't think he's the guy God wants you to have as your partner. I personally think that the whole incident is a blessing in disguise, as much as it may hurt right now. The reason I think this is because sometimes we need to know our true worth in Christ and to build ourselves up in our identity and worth in Him before we engage in a relationship. It's so that we don't make them out to be an idol per se. I used to be in a long-distance online relationship and I basically looked to him to fill in that void of lonelines and looked to him to comfort me and help me with every single thing instead of spending time with God and looking to God first and foremost as my Helper, Healer, Provider, Comforter, etc.


I read below that you blocked his number. I'm proud of you That takes strength.


I think God is working behind the scenes even though we may not be aware of it during our circumstances despite not completely wanting to be healed. I think He's working on your heart and changing your perspective of certain things.
I think that once you are firmly grounded and rooted in your worth in Him [this is a gradual process of reminding yourself, reading His Word and what He says about you, and believing and trusting that what He says is true]. Here is a short copy&paste blurb on your identity in Christ: "

• You are His own special possession. (1 Peter 2:9, Deuteronomy 14:2)
• You are chosen, handpicked by the God who created the universe. (1 Peter 2:9, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:3-4)
• You are treasured. (Deuteronomy 7:6 14:2, 26:18)
• You are irreplaceable. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)
• You are loved beyond compare. (1 John 4:19, 4:10, 3:16, Romans 5:8, 8:35-39)
• You are worth dying for. (1 John 3:16, Romans 5:7-9)
• You are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1, 33-39)
• You are His child. (1 John 3:1, Galatians 3:26)
• You are secured for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 1:22, John 10:28-29)
• You are set free. (Romans 6:18, Galatians 5:1)
• You are precious to Him. (Isaiah 43:4)
• You are set apart. (John 15:16, 19, I Peter 2:9)

Just think about that for a minute. Don't skim over it. Don't read them like they're the same words you heard in Sunday school. Read over that list and take it in. This is YOU. If you're in Christ, this is who YOU are. This is your permanent identity. It can never be removed, messed up, forsaken, taken away, or changed.

This your identity in Christ.

This is who you are when you feel unworthy and not good enough.

This is who you are when you are searching for answers.

This is who you are when things don't work out the way you wanted it to.

This is who you are when you've sinned so severely it doesn't seem forgivable, yet to God, it is."

You deserve a Christian man who will cherish and value you and won't make you feel less than. You deserve someone who won't call you once in a blue moon just because things may not be working out on their end and they want to vent certain things out to you and have that someone to confide to only when it's convenient or whenever they feel lonely/upset. You deserve someone who is in it for the long haul...'til death do us part'. Things may have seemed great with that guy for a season, but now he's married and maybe that breakup was so that God can help you cross paths with the guy you are meant to marry. But I don't think focusing on finding someone is a priority right now. Your number one priority as of now should be to use this time of being single to build yourself up in Christ- to fill your mind and heart with confidence and assurance of who you truly are in Him and how unrelenting and pursuing is His love for you, His beloved child.
I want to share with you an encouraging video and a music video. Hope this lifts your spirit up c: ♥

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1131357893548645

 

[Bluejay</3]

I am touched that you put so much kindness & consideration into your reply, Spirit Reborn. Thank you so much for the beautiful response, for the comforting words, and for the song at the end - they all brought tears to my eyes (in a good way). You are absolutely right about making idols out of men - I shouldn't have put him on a pedestal in the first place. I do think this whole experience has brought me closer to God though - I've been distracted by the world for too long, which has led to nothing but hurt. Time to refocus on the important things
Thank you again for your beautiful words and scripture references. I'll re-read then many times over to make sure it all sinks in xxoo

Oh my goodness - I just noticed the army dude video after the music video! He was fantastic - that put a smile on my face! Thank you again. I'm going to share that video



="Spirit Reborn, post: 71396131, member: 378961"]@Bluejay</3
I know how difficult it can be to let someone go and to move on because of the memories and the feelings attached to them. This will take time. You can still pray for them, that God will help them have a closer relationship with Christ, but I personally don't think he's the guy God wants you to have as your partner. I personally think that the whole incident is a blessing in disguise, as much as it may hurt right now. The reason I think this is because sometimes we need to know our true worth in Christ and to build ourselves up in our identity and worth in Him before we engage in a relationship. It's so that we don't make them out to be an idol per se. I used to be in a long-distance online relationship and I basically looked to him to fill in that void of lonelines and looked to him to comfort me and help me with every single thing instead of spending time with God and looking to God first and foremost as my Helper, Healer, Provider, Comforter, etc.


I read below that you blocked his number. I'm proud of you That takes strength.


I think God is working behind the scenes even though we may not be aware of it during our circumstances despite not completely wanting to be healed. I think He's working on your heart and changing your perspective of certain things.
I think that once you are firmly grounded and rooted in your worth in Him [this is a gradual process of reminding yourself, reading His Word and what He says about you, and believing and trusting that what He says is true]. Here is a short copy&paste blurb on your identity in Christ: "

• You are His own special possession. (1 Peter 2:9, Deuteronomy 14:2)
• You are chosen, handpicked by the God who created the universe. (1 Peter 2:9, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:3-4)
• You are treasured. (Deuteronomy 7:6 14:2, 26:18)
• You are irreplaceable. (1 Thessalonians 1:4)
• You are loved beyond compare. (1 John 4:19, 4:10, 3:16, Romans 5:8, 8:35-39)
• You are worth dying for. (1 John 3:16, Romans 5:7-9)
• You are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7, 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1, 33-39)
• You are His child. (1 John 3:1, Galatians 3:26)
• You are secured for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 1:22, John 10:28-29)
• You are set free. (Romans 6:18, Galatians 5:1)
• You are precious to Him. (Isaiah 43:4)
• You are set apart. (John 15:16, 19, I Peter 2:9)

Just think about that for a minute. Don't skim over it. Don't read them like they're the same words you heard in Sunday school. Read over that list and take it in. This is YOU. If you're in Christ, this is who YOU are. This is your permanent identity. It can never be removed, messed up, forsaken, taken away, or changed.

This your identity in Christ.

This is who you are when you feel unworthy and not good enough.

This is who you are when you are searching for answers.

This is who you are when things don't work out the way you wanted it to.

This is who you are when you've sinned so severely it doesn't seem forgivable, yet to God, it is."

You deserve a Christian man who will cherish and value you and won't make you feel less than. You deserve someone who won't call you once in a blue moon just because things may not be working out on their end and they want to vent certain things out to you and have that someone to confide to only when it's convenient or whenever they feel lonely/upset. You deserve someone who is in it for the long haul...'til death do us part'. Things may have seemed great with that guy for a season, but now he's married and maybe that breakup was so that God can help you cross paths with the guy you are meant to marry. But I don't think focusing on finding someone is a priority right now. Your number one priority as of now should be to use this time of being single to build yourself up in Christ- to fill your mind and heart with confidence and assurance of who you truly are in Him and how unrelenting and pursuing is His love for you, His beloved child.
I want to share with you an encouraging video and a music video. Hope this lifts your spirit up c: ♥

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1131357893548645

[/QUOTE]

 

[Bluejay</3]

Thanks for your response Thinker, moving on has certainly been my plan - I'm just not very good at it, but I'll get there eventually...

He's married. He's made this choice for whatever reasons.

Be firm in your decision to move on ...

 

[Bluejay</3]

I'm sorry you're struggling. It's true that you have to want to heal before it's possible to do so. Blocking his number is a good step, but I honestly think getting a new phone number entirely would be more effective.

Have you seen a therapist for the depression? That may help you. I want to emphasize that this man is not a good partner, not to you, not to anyone. Because your self-esteem is low, you developed an attachment to him, and you want his attention and validation. As you become stronger you will see you deserve so much better than the crumbs he has to offer. I'm praying that this burden is lifted from you.

Thank you Poppyseed, I appreciate your prayers
I was seeing a counsellor for the depression for about a year, and now I'm on a really low dose of medication which is enough to keep me even keeled. I do tend to bottle things up - mainly because I realise so many people out there have major struggles in their lives and I feel guilty for complaining about something that seems so trivial, but it has definitely been helpful to vent and to get fresh perspectives. I do appreciate you lending an ear and offering advice. You're right, I have sought his validation which I shouldn't have, and leftover crumbs is exactly what it felt like. I'll keep it all in mind and it will help me move forward no doubt xo thank you again

 

[toLiJC]

the spiritual/religious system that has brought all the world mess is of course the one that has also brought laxity, frailty, obsessive thoughts, etc., the system that should have kept humankind holy (at least according to its own claims), but has brought all kinds of stumbling blocks, twists, corruptions and temptations to the world even since the beginning of its establishment, how to trust her, how to rely on that great babylon?!, we should rather get out of her so as not to participate in her iniquities, which is possible with enough discernment

Blessings

 

[Kit Sigmon]

See him as he really is...he is a snake in the grass.
He doesn't honor or value you...he treats you like you're a kleenex.
Someone he can use/discard when he so chooses.
Send him a clear message...You ain't a kleenex!
You're a beloved, valued Child of God.
Get a brand new phone number.

 

[Bluejay</3]

See him as he really is...he is a snake in the grass.
He doesn't honor or value you...he treats you like you're a kleenex.
Someone he can use/discard when he so chooses.
Send him a clear message...You ain't a kleenex!
You're a beloved, valued Child of God.
Get a brand new phone number.

Thank you Kit, that's so true. It's been so good airing this issue with you guys. Now that I've blocked his number I can't allow myself to be at his disposal whenever he's feeling bored. Xo

 

[LoricaLady]

The way to get free is to get off the mental treadmill you are on now. I know this from personal experience that as long as you keep rehashing this and that, and wondering about that and this, and so on, you will not get free.

It takes practice to keep turning your mind to other things. Lots of practice. It can take at least a month to get the hang of how to live life off the "treadmill." Even then, count on it, the thoughts will try to come back. Push them away. They are toxic. You can do it! I did it and so can you!
Once you learn how to change your focus, consistently, you will be surprised at how much more peace you will have.

The Bible says "The weapons of our warfare are not worldly, but mighty to the destroying of strongholds" and this issue is a major stronghold in your mind and heart "casting down vain imaginations and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of YHWH" aka God "and bringing every thought captive" to Him.

Another, less powerful but still powerful, help can be singing praise songs. Singing praise songs is a form of spiritual warfare as you can see with David and Saul, Paul and Silas in prison, and the preists of Jehoshaphat.

Praying for you.