Is It Biblical to Marry Without Parental Blessing?

[pivotpivot]

Last October, my fiance (23) proposed to me and I (23) said yes. We announced our good news to our parents and his mother (his father passed away) who has been fully supportive of us from the day we've met was ecstatic. My parents who are a minister couple, on the other hand, weren't. I graduated from university last May with a science degree and will be attending graduate school in California. My fiance is also planning on seminary in California and is graduating from bible college in a couple months.

My parents have asked us to wait 3 more years until we're done grad school and I have a stable job. Because my father's a pastor, they have very high expectations for my fiance and his ministry. Both my parents have very good intentions toward us. But, they can't come to terms with the fact that we will both be in school (my fiance will be working part-time) if we get married this year. They feel that we're copping out and mixing up our priorities. They feel that schooling should come first and we should have a stable income.

We are both planning on going to California for school anyway, and have been dating for three years to this date. We desperately do not want to wait another three years. We are confident in this decision, but my parents (also being conservative Asians) say that they will not come to the wedding and that I will be cut off from the family forever.

They say that as their child that I should not only respect but also obey their decision. I believe that a parental blessing is very important, but I also do believe that they are asking for more than a consideration of their opinion, but complete surrender of to their will. My fiance can't find it in him to wait another 3 years while being separate in California and my parents won't budge. I want to push forward with our decision, but am fearful of the repercussions of a marriage without a parental blessing.

Independence is definitely needed.
What is a girl to do?

 

[bliz]

My parents have asked us to wait 3 more years until we're done grad school and I have a stable job. Because my father's a pastor, they have very high expectations for my fiance and his ministry. Both my parents have very good intentions toward us. But, they can't come to terms with the fact that we will both be in school (my fiance will be working part-time) if we get married this year. They feel that we're copping out and mixing up our priorities. They feel that schooling should come first and we should have a stable income.

As a parent, I understand some of your parent's feelings. The problem is that none of their reasons have any Biblical or spiritual basis. Those are their very personal reasons and wishes for you. They aren't bad things to wish for - a stable income, for example - but the Bible never urges us to have stable incomes before we marry.

People do manage to do all sorts of other things while being married. Getting married before you begin grad school and seminary does not mean your priotities are out of wack.

If your parents want to draw the line in the sand, you will be forced to make a choice. If you choose obey your parents, be aware of what that will say to your boyfriend.

 

[pivotpivot]

We took a marriage and family course that taught about leaving and cleaving. My fiance and I, when we started talking about marriage, wanted to go to school in the same area and live together. When his mother heard this idea, she was fully supportive and wants to help us financially. She would have been paying for his housing, anyway, so she was positive that she wanted to help us out for a year and a half, just until I'm certified to work as an RN. This is probably their biggest concern. What do you think?

 

[cre8ed2worship22]

Last October, my fiance (23) proposed to me and I (23) said yes. We announced our good news to our parents and his mother (his father passed away) who has been fully supportive of us from the day we've met was ecstatic. My parents who are a minister couple, on the other hand, weren't. I graduated from university last May with a science degree and will be attending graduate school in California. My fiance is also planning on seminary in California and is graduating from bible college in a couple months.

My parents have asked us to wait 3 more years until we're done grad school and I have a stable job. Because my father's a pastor, they have very high expectations for my fiance and his ministry. Both my parents have very good intentions toward us. But, they can't come to terms with the fact that we will both be in school (my fiance will be working part-time) if we get married this year. They feel that we're copping out and mixing up our priorities. They feel that schooling should come first and we should have a stable income.

We are both planning on going to California for school anyway, and have been dating for three years to this date. We desperately do not want to wait another three years. We are confident in this decision, but my parents (also being conservative Asians) say that they will not come to the wedding and that I will be cut off from the family forever.

They say that as their child that I should not only respect but also obey their decision. I believe that a parental blessing is very important, but I also do believe that they are asking for more than a consideration of their opinion, but complete surrender of to their will. My fiance can't find it in him to wait another 3 years while being separate in California and my parents won't budge. I want to push forward with our decision, but am fearful of the repercussions of a marriage without a parental blessing.

Independence is definitely needed.
What is a girl to do?

hey! i read your story and it sounds exactly what mine's like. my fiance, who is also a minister...we struggle sexually and thats why we have decided to go ahead and get married this year. we seem to have bent over backwards for my parents, but im really just waiting for a miracle. i love my parents and i know they want the best for me, but it seems in only their terms. i explained to my mom, who is a devout christian about our struggle and how 1 cor 7:9 says it is better to marry than to burn with desire. She still isnt bending. im clueless....im still 'honoring' them, by being respectful, but they want me to wait another year, and we arent willing to do that since out struggle is so strong. theyre giving me no legitmate reason...ughhh..but thanks for the post....

 

[cre8ed2worship22]

hey. i am so overwhelmed with where i am at right now. i am looked at as the 'perfect' child in parents' eyes. I have a heart after the Lord, i want his perfect will. I am seeking him and i know he has a great destiny for my life. My fiance the same way....he's a reverend...im 21 and he's 22. i will be a dental hygienist May of 2008 and he is currently a christian counselor at a 1,200 member church...
to make a long story VERY short, we met and fell in love. we have been together for 2 yrs now and now that we are definatly 'meant to be.' BUT my parents arent for it at all. My fiance has been more than respectful by asking their blessing and even permission to date me in the beginning. I know my parents want the best for me, but at the same time, i am confused...this is why:
we have struggled with sexual temptation for 1 year now, and we believe in staying pure until marraige. We are tired of fighting and losing. I know the Lord is merciful and gives grace but 1 cor 7:9 also says IT IS BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN WITH DESIRE. We have even decided to tell them we will push the wedding back 5 months! We are in such a bind. It feels as though we can never and will never recieve their blessing. They say they want us to 'wait' until i graduate, but in all respect, I CANT fight this any longer. The bible is clear about this (1 cor 7:9). What do i do when everyone tells me im rebellious ....but at the same time, i cant tell everyone what we are struggling with!??!?! i have told my mom, who is a christian, and she still doesnt support it....WHAT TO DO!>>>!>

 

[cre8ed2worship22]

hey. i am so overwhelmed with where i am at right now. i am looked at as the 'perfect' child in parents' eyes. I have a heart after the Lord, i want his perfect will. I am seeking him and i know he has a great destiny for my life. My fiance the same way....he's a reverend...im 21 and he's 22. i will be a dental hygienist May of 2008 and he is currently a christian counselor at a 1,200 member church...
to make a long story VERY short, we met and fell in love. we have been together for 2 yrs now and now that we are definatly 'meant to be.' BUT my parents arent for us marrying at all. My fiance has been more than respectful by asking their blessing and even permission to date me in the beginning. I know my parents want the best for me, but at the same time, i am confused...this is why:
we have struggled with sexual temptation for 1 year now, and we believe in staying pure until marraige. We are tired of fighting and losing. I know the Lord is merciful and gives grace but 1 cor 7:9 also says IT IS BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN WITH DESIRE. We have even decided to tell them we will push the wedding back 5 months! We are in such a bind. It feels as though we can never and will never recieve their blessing. They say they want us to 'wait' until i graduate, but in all respect, I CANT fight this any longer. The bible is clear about this (1 cor 7:9). What do i do when everyone tells me im rebellious ....but at the same time, i cant tell everyone what we are struggling with!??!?! i have told my mom, who is a christian, and she still doesnt support it....WHAT TO DO!>>>!>

 

[DavidThomas]

thanks to church people for help

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[Silvestra]

Am really surprised at all this! Why we humans make life so complicated?

Being pastors, can they read the future, do they know that "Tomorrow will come". Studies do not end after schooling or graduation, they are a part of life.

Also, "love is freedom", parents should understand this that if they really love their children, they should give them freedom to make their choices.

 

[b5waddell]

I know this was posted 4 years ago, but if you're still out there, could you tell me what happened with your parents with this situation? I am going through the SAME thing right now, and it's heartbreaking.

 

[Keturah Nikole]

I'm in a similar situation, except that we're not engaged, and he's not wanting to become a minister. We've been dating for a while. His parents are amazing and are all for us to be in a relationship and maybe someday married. My parents on the other hand, do not like him, and think that it would be a bad idea for us to get married. (Dad is an evangelist, and was our interim pastor for about 4 years.) Can you give me any advice on how to handle this and tell us you handled your situation?

 

[Mordekizo]

Hey guys im glad to see im not the only one dealing with this problem, im a 25year old devoted Christian, and my fiance is also 25years of age we have been together for 4 months and we both been very prayerful about our relationship and even as we have decided to get married. we know that everything is happening fast but she gave up everything to get into full time missions work with me, and we talked about how hard iy will be for people to understand. her parents seem not to be on board but we have already planned a day to get married and we just want to serve God together and recently we have been talking about 1 corinthians 7:9 cause we also struggling with our sexual desires we both have decided that we go foward with the wedding no matter how things turn out with her parents, but we are still praying for God to change the parents heart.my parents are on board. please help

 

[Dr.Williams]

What is a girl to do? Matthew 10:37 says, "any man that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me". Luke 6:46 "why call me lord, lord and do not the things which i say". You do not need your parents permission to obey the Lord, God is first and last. 1 corinthian 7:28 You do not sin if you marry,they must obey God as well and let you marry if you so choose, they must give consent. Unless they would rather you burn in the lust of your flesh. And God says it is better to marry than to burn (1 corinthian 7:9) you are seeking to please God not man (Galatians 1:10). You are to honor your parents! but you are to obey God first and foremost. If your parents are forbidding you to marry and it is causing you to sin, then you both will end up destroyed (1 corinthian 8:13) . You marry any way. The goal is to sin less not more. Obey God and keep his commandments. Marry and stay married for what God has made one, let no man put asunder!

 

[Dr.Williams]

What is a girl to do? Matthew 10:37 says, "any man that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me". Luke 6:46 "why call me lord, lord and do not the things which i say". You do not need your parents permission to obey the Lord, God is first and last. 1 corinthian 7:28 You do not sin if you marry,they must obey God as well and let you marry if you so choose, they must give consent. Unless they would rather you burn in the lust of your flesh. And God says it is better to marry than to burn (1 corinthian 7:9) you are seeking to please God not man (Galatians 1:10). You are to honor your parents! but you are to obey God first and foremost. If your parents are forbidding you to marry and it is causing you to sin, then you both will end up destroyed (1 corinthian 8:13) . You marry any way. The goal is to sin less not more. Obey God and keep his commandments. Marry and stay married for what God has made one, let no man put asunder!

 

[Dr.Williams]

What is a girl to do? Matthew 10:37 says, "any man that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me". Luke 6:46"why call me lord, lord and do not the things which i say". You do not need your parents permission to obey the Lord, God is first and last. 1 corinthian 7:28 You do not sin if you marry,they must obey God as well and let you marry if you so choose, they must give consent. Unless they would rather you burn in the lust of your flesh. And God says it is better to marry than to burn (1 corinthian 7:9) you are seeking to please God not man (Galatians 1:10). You are to honor your parents! but you are to obey God first and foremost. If your parents are forbidding you to marry and it is causing you to sin, then you both will end up destroyed (1 corinthian 8:13) . You marry any way. The goal is to sin less not more. Obey God and keep his commandments. Marry and stay married for what God has made one, let no man put asunder!

 

[Dr.Williams]

Hey guys im glad to see im not the only one dealing with this problem, im a 25year old devoted Christian, and my fiance is also 25years of age we have been together for 4 months and we both been very prayerful about our relationship and even as we have decided to get married. we know that everything is happening fast but she gave up everything to get into full time missions work with me, and we talked about how hard iy will be for people to understand. her parents seem not to be on board but we have already planned a day to get married and we just want to serve God together and recently we have been talking about 1 corinthians 7:9 cause we also struggling with our sexual desires we both have decided that we go foward with the wedding no matter how things turn out with her parents, but we are still praying for God to change the parents heart.my parents are on board. please help

 

[Dave-W]

Tomorrow will make 13 years (to the day) since the OP asked that question. She has not been back since the following July. (or at least that I can see)

 

[God's Child]

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