Gay Friend - What should I do?

Panteleimon2

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Hello, I am a new believer in the orthodox and unfortunately still unbaptized. I might make a new post as to why I still haven't fully joint myself to the body of Christ through baptism. However right now I'm worried about how I should respond to the troubles my best friend is having. She is a catholic and a lesbian. Since a couple of months she's in a relationship with another girl. She's very much in love and they already moved to a new flat together. Before I became orthodox in my faith I was very accepting to homosexuality and still am even though I recognise the orthodox position and want to be obedient to the church. Right now they are fighting a lot and on the brink of breaking up. How should I help now? I feel that if I told her that homosexuality was wrong I would jeopardise our friendship. Up to now I counselled her as if it was a heterosexual relationship. I would appreciate your advice on how to navigate this space.
 

Southernscotty

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Friend just love them and pray for them.
Let your life as a christian be your testimony in shoe leather and others will begin to notice.
1 Peter 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
 
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JasonV

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I would think as a Catholic, she should know that homosexuality is sinful. You wouldn't be telling her something she doesn't already know. However since she is likely living her life in willful opposition to the teachings of the Church, your words will likely be of no effect.

Pray for her. Tell her you are praying for her. Invite her to your baptism, and tell her why you are converting. Perhaps your witness of the faith will open her eyes.
 
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ArmyMatt

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love your friend, pray for her, always leave the door open, but be firm whenever/however the Church's stance comes up. remember the unloving thing would be to compromise.
 
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football5680

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You have to either tell her that it is wrong or say nothing. The relationship is considered sinful in both the Catholic and Orthodox Church but she has obviously disregarded this fact. You cannot say anything that would support the continuation of the relationship and if it ends, then that's fine.
 
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gzt

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buzuxi02

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Let me be the one to instill reason. There is no such thing as lesbians, it's all social conditioning of women. This is why today you have girls experimenting, always been polygamy, today middle ages divorced women with kids moving on with women and claiming they are now lesbians( in reality divorced women have bad finances and need to move in with another woman and share economic resources).
With that said she is just a secular friend and will have less and less in common until you grow apart. So nothing you really need to do.
 
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MariaJLM

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Let me be the one to instill reason. There is no such thing as lesbians, it's all social conditioning of women. This is why today you have girls experimenting, always been polygamy, today middle ages divorced women with kids moving on with women and claiming they are now lesbians( in reality divorced women have bad finances and need to move in with another woman and share economic resources).
With that said she is just a secular friend and will have less and less in common until you grow apart. So nothing you really need to do.

Lesbians are definitely a thing. They're just gay women. Are you going to deny gay men are a thing too? It's just another cross for people to bear.
 
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icxn

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This isn't a good idea. @JasonV has the right idea.
I was answering the question "how, if at all, to help with their quarrel." If he tries to reconcile them, they will just go back to doing, whatever it is they are doing. Jason has indeed the right idea about the long term solution to his friend problem.
 
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buzuxi02

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Lesbians are definitely a thing. They're just gay women. Are you going to deny gay men are a thing too? It's just another cross for people to bear.
There is already science behind this. With many gay men you notice things such as their voice and mannerisms. I personally knew a few married women who divorced and went lesbian. Neither them nor their ex-husbands considered her a lesbian at the time. There are many girls in college who participate in lesbian encounters but still settle with men. I personally know women that claim they go from one month being straight heterosexual to lesbian back to dating a guy. (in fact this seems to be a fad in the town I work in). There is even scientific studies to back this up
 
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MariaJLM

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There is already science behind this. With many gay men you notice things such as their voice and mannerisms. I personally knew a few married women who divorced and went lesbian. Neither them nor their ex-husbands considered her a lesbian at the time. There are many girls in college who participate in lesbian encounters but still settle with men. I personally know women that claim they go from one month being straight heterosexual to lesbian back to dating a guy. (in fact this seems to be a fad in the town I work in). There is even scientific studies to back this up

People don't just turn lesbian. They were probably lesbians, but were either in denial about it or simply did not know.
 
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gzt

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I was answering the question "how, if at all, to help with their quarrel." If he tries to reconcile them, they will just go back to doing, whatever it is they are doing. Jason has indeed the right idea about the long term solution to his friend problem.
Right, but even in the quarrel, if she asks for advice and help, you shouldn't sabotage them - if you're going to advise them not to be together, you have to be honest about your reasons. Otherwise, as you recommended, abstain.

also, to buzuxi, women who are predominantly or exclusively attracted to women do exist, though bisexuality certainly does seem to outnumber it. I don't see a point in debating this.
 
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MariaJLM

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Stabat Mater dolorosa

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love your friend, pray for her, always leave the door open, but be firm whenever/however the Church's stance comes up. remember the unloving thing would be to compromise.

Amen father.
 
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~Anastasia~

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Hello and welcome to CF.

I think you've already gotten plenty of good advice. You love your friend. You pray for her. Probably no point in telling her that her relationship is outside God's will. She should know. If she asks or wants to discuss it, you have to stand on the truth and not compromise, but if we can, we should try to speak the truth in love.

If it were me, I would do nothing to try to repair their relationship. You can support a person in love, but have no obligation to help further their sin.

I hope you can sort your way through it and remain a loving and godly presence for her.

Prayers for you and for them.
 
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~Anastasia~

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And just as a heads-up to us all ... being that TAW is non-debate, and it's early in the Great Fast ... this isn't the best time or place for us to debate various sexual proclivities.
 
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