Funny Responses to Use With Telemarketers

[tiggs]

Ok, info coming from an ex-telemarketer. I have 3 years collective experience telemarketing for such comapnies as Bell Atlantic, Verizon, Verizon Superpages, Verizon OneBill, Citigroup, MBNA, Worldcom Cellular, and various other companies I can't think of right now.

BTW, funny answering machines are the only thing that keep telemarketers sane.

I've been bible thumped, been asked what I am wearing, even been told I've called a police department before.

Now, the best advice I can say for anyone who hates telemarketers.
Say, verbatim, "Put me on your CORPORATE do not call list and mail me a copy of your CORPORATE do not call policy."
Proceed to ask for the company names of who the represent, and the telemarketing firm.

If you do this to just 1 telemarketing firm, I can almost gaurentee that your telemarketing calls will be cut in half.
Telemarketers hate to fill out all the forms to put you on their corporate do not call list, as well as the forms to send the paperwork.

By being put on the corporate do not call list, that firm can never call you again, no matter what company it is representing. I worked for a company that was world wide with over 300 firms, imagine if each one represented only 10 companies! That's 3000 companies that couldn't call you!

 

[Live4Christ4961]

okay, here's one, when they call say in a creepy whisper "Seven Days..." i did that to my friend once and she was freaked out for a couple seconds until she realized it was me...lol

 

[Reborn_in_Christ2003]

I tried selling them my garbage to a telemarketer one time and when they asked why I was doing that I replied "but your doing the same thing. Why can't I?"

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I got this one sent from one of my yahoo groups and thought I would share it!!!


"One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such
occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was
from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking
that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron.
Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for
calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can
express yourself any plainer than by saying, "I'm really not
interested", but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant
she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used
the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the
trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes,
sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an
annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week
and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be
making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10
cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute.
Are you sure this is
AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but......
Me: But nothing. How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me
10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some
kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like
this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing
techniques on me.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to
eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes
and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents
a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to
end this conversation.
Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end
of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never
have enough friends and
I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (click)"

 

[MagicalMerriment]

Me: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.

You had me rolling on the floor with this one! That's SO great! I'm printing it out... wow.. I'll have to do something like that sometime.

 

[spirit_of_purity]

roflol

 

[Mulutka]

My babcia (grandma) always tells telemarketers, "Sorry but I'm not interesting". She still hasn't gotten the hang of the english language!

 

[aChristiancalledCameron]

i saw a take off add in a magazine also you can say ya name is bob when they say hey bob you go HAHAHAHA I FOOLED YOU MY NAMES NOT BOB when they speak go BAHAHAHA you fell for it hahaha maybe get someone to come along they ask whats happening and they start laughing too. continue to laugh and stop when they try tostop and start when yoknow.

ad was funny ill give you the jist
THE AMERICAN TELEMARKETING ACADEMT
Do you want to:
? Be despised by 95% of the population. ? Work long hours for bad pay?
? Bother people all day long. ? Lose an sense of personal pride you may still have?
? Forget what the word no means. ?Contribute absolutely nothing to the community?

Apply today at the American Telemarketing Academy (can be asian or australian)!
(im australian)
At ATA, we'll teach you everything we know for what you need to b e a highly effic ient autom ation reading the same spiel every day as if you really cared.
Must be multiluingfual (any two languages)
DONT CALL US WELL EVERNTUALLY CALL YOU
i can get ya an image iff ya want
ya know pm me i got more not telemarketer but job ads
cheers y'all
cammys

 

[Xgthug]

Some of those are really funny,
by why did you take God's name in vien in one of them?
Not something I'd expect from someone in the Christian forums,
let alone a staff member.
I'm a little disappointed in you.

 

[thief.on.the.right]

my brother once said "wanna hear me count to 3? 1. 2. WAIT I lost count. 1. 2. WAIT I lost count 1.2. etc.

 

[gigglegrl14]

Lol!

 

[epiclesis]

oh my gosh.. these are HYSTERICAL. i need to print some off for my parents to do sometime.

 

[lladybugg]

Yah... thats hilarious. Once i saw a list of stuff to do, kinda like that, except it was for your answering machine... I'll have to go look for it. Funny stuff, man... hilarious.

 

[relientKchic]

oh my gosh those are all great! I love the "seven day's" one. I just watched that movie. that would be great. and I love the one with AT&T. Keep them comming. I love these jokes.

Je-Je

 

[Truly Blessed]

I got this one sent from one of my yahoo groups and thought I would share it!!!


"One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such
occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was
from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking
that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron.
Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for
calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can
express yourself any plainer than by saying, "I'm really not
interested", but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant
she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used
the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the
trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes,
sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an
annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week
and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be
making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10
cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute.
Are you sure this is
AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but......
Me: But nothing. How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me
10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some
kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like
this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing
techniques on me.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to
eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes
and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents
a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to
end this conversation.
Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end
of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never
have enough friends and
I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (click)"

from stop laughing so hard.

 

[Alessandro]

Yea that Yahoo AT&T one was excellent

 

[Xo Roxy gurl oX]

Haha good ones yall , when u answer the phone and u realize that its a telemarketer tell them that u are about to go into labor and if they know the steps of how to get the baby out it would be a great time to find out and ask them to go through the steps !!

 

[The_White]

This is soooooooooo good that it needs bumping

 

[choop1212]

LOL very funny XD

 

[$Miss_Independant$]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. AHA.