My H's brother has had seizures all his life, and an abnormally large AVM. It's inoperable. Since his mother died he has lived with us. It was either that or a nursing home.
His cognitive aspect is slipping (no doubt due to seizures and 3 strokes), and he broke his arm last year during a fall. We just can't seem to get him to exercise to help the arm, and recently it started to hurt again. He allows it to JUST hang, and of course that causes pain. That changed to it triggering problems with his AVM due to this pain.
We go to a large hospital, and a neurosurgeon suggested a procedure that has a 50/50 chance of helping the swelling in his brain when he goes downhill. Otherwise, steroids are given to bring the swelling down. They spoke about a possible maintenance dose to hopefully keep the swelling at bay. These are last chance options, and we are older - as is he. Things will get worse in time.
He also has major balance issues, and a broken leg from YEARS (30+ years) ago doesn't help since I don't think it healed right. He drags it.
Anyway, H brought him to the doctor today (his general one) to discuss the options that the neuro surgeon suggested. He doesn't want to do anything. No maintenance dose, no operation. At this point the H got frustrated and pointed out he isn't doing anything to help himself. How if he won't help himself then WHY should he be helping him anymore?! Yes, brother frustration. Yet, I get it. He was told this last time that if something major happens again? His abilities could be permanently hindered, and H reminded him he didn't sign up for full time carer. He would be living in the nursing home at that point.
He was never a talker, and he still doesn't talk. He doesn't speak with the doctor either. He has been this way all his life. I just go with it, because that is the way he is. You can't force these things. Yet, its not helping to help him either. He listens to me as I try a more gentle approach, and he just stares at you and says nothing. I ask him if he heard me and he will acknowledge this. I ask him if he has any thoughts. I get zero.
I guess at this point I need to find the strength to let this go or something. He can't drive and so we take care of all the doctor's visits - and anything else he needs. H wants to refuse to do this out of frustration at this point. I think he will calm down, but this is getting to all of us.
Any suggestions?
His cognitive aspect is slipping (no doubt due to seizures and 3 strokes), and he broke his arm last year during a fall. We just can't seem to get him to exercise to help the arm, and recently it started to hurt again. He allows it to JUST hang, and of course that causes pain. That changed to it triggering problems with his AVM due to this pain.
We go to a large hospital, and a neurosurgeon suggested a procedure that has a 50/50 chance of helping the swelling in his brain when he goes downhill. Otherwise, steroids are given to bring the swelling down. They spoke about a possible maintenance dose to hopefully keep the swelling at bay. These are last chance options, and we are older - as is he. Things will get worse in time.
He also has major balance issues, and a broken leg from YEARS (30+ years) ago doesn't help since I don't think it healed right. He drags it.
Anyway, H brought him to the doctor today (his general one) to discuss the options that the neuro surgeon suggested. He doesn't want to do anything. No maintenance dose, no operation. At this point the H got frustrated and pointed out he isn't doing anything to help himself. How if he won't help himself then WHY should he be helping him anymore?! Yes, brother frustration. Yet, I get it. He was told this last time that if something major happens again? His abilities could be permanently hindered, and H reminded him he didn't sign up for full time carer. He would be living in the nursing home at that point.
He was never a talker, and he still doesn't talk. He doesn't speak with the doctor either. He has been this way all his life. I just go with it, because that is the way he is. You can't force these things. Yet, its not helping to help him either. He listens to me as I try a more gentle approach, and he just stares at you and says nothing. I ask him if he heard me and he will acknowledge this. I ask him if he has any thoughts. I get zero.
I guess at this point I need to find the strength to let this go or something. He can't drive and so we take care of all the doctor's visits - and anything else he needs. H wants to refuse to do this out of frustration at this point. I think he will calm down, but this is getting to all of us.
Any suggestions?
