Friends Are Going Through Divorce

[Duane Belville]

Hello,

I've got two friends that are going through a divorce. The wife is the one calling the divorce because her husband has "abused" her. (I put in quotes because I'm not sure if this is actually considered abuse or not). She says that he purposely emotionally and verbally abuses her, and also brought up the fact that he knows that her love language is touch, but he refuses to touch her - unless they are with other people. (He doesn't intimately touch her ever, but when people are around he hugs her and holds her. But when they are alone, none of this happens.) She has said that she's had nights where she's been crying in bed, and she's needed him, but he just turns his back to her and scoots to the other side of the bed. There is no support from him in any way. He says things to her on purpose to bring her down, and it's been crushing her spirit. She also makes a point that her husband is very good at making himself seem like somebody he is not to other people. (Basically he acts out of "love" when people are around to make it look like everything is okay in their relationship). He's been putting a show on.

Is this a biblically justified reason for her to leave him? I just want to be there for them both. I don't want to take sides, I just want to give them any wisdom I can.

 

[frienden thalord]

Better let them know something and I have a person I can send to back this up.
she cannot , nor can he remarry. PEROID.
its adultery , lest fornication or death .
she can separate for a time. but she cannot remarry period.
if he cheats, fornicates...well JESUS made that clear
save for fornication.
DO NOT let either party feel its okay to ever remarry.
you might definitely let them both know this.
I know a woman who experienced this.
in the end SHE WON HER HUSBAND TO CHRIST.
I will try and find her and since she went through this
she can tell you its possible to endure anything
if you have Christ.
now................if he is beating her
she can leave. BUT NOT remarry. UNDERSTAND clearly she nor he can remarry.
if she seperates , let her remain UNMARRIED.........or be reconciled to her husband.
we have to follow the biblical pattern.
now a word from romans chapter seven.
SO if while her first husband lives
she be married to another man, she will be called an adulteress.
DO not take any advice contrary to this.
I know its a very UNPOPULAR VIEW>........but is TRUTH..

 

[frienden thalord]

What does it mean to be a godly wife to an ungodly husband? | Faith Speak FOR THE GLORY OF GOD



What does it mean to be a godly wife to an ungodly husband? | Faith Speak FOR THE GLORY OF GOD
revivalspeak.freeforums.net
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A GODLY WIFE TO AN UNGODLY HUSBAND? This is a question that I have been seeking an answer to for many years, as a wife to a non-believing husband. I struggled with this

 

[frienden thalord]

its all the advice I can offer.
she would have come herself, but had insufficient priviledges here.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Duane,
Welcome to CF.
I have meet women who were married to men who have treated them like your friend is describing. Over time that is very devastating to a women. It can almost destroy her in person. The hypocrisy of the husband is as bad an any of the pharisees that Jesus spoke against.

If I were you I'd not go over the view of divorce that says she would be an adulterer as that would feel like you were beating her over the head with the Bible and not feel at all like the love of God to her.

I like that you don't want to choose sides but want to express the love of God to both parties. How well do you know the husband? Can you speak to him about how he is treating his wife in private? It sounds like you have just heard the wife's side of their issue?

 

[Duane Belville]

Hi Duane,
Welcome to CF.
I have meet women who were married to men who have treated them like your friend is describing. Over time that is very devastating to a women. It can almost destroy her in person. The hypocrisy of the husband is as bad an any of the pharisees that Jesus spoke against.

If I were you I'd not go over the view of divorce that says she would be an adulterer as that would feel like you were beating her over the head with the Bible and not feel at all like the love of God to her.

I like that you don't want to choose sides but want to express the love of God to both parties. How well do you know the husband? Can you speak to him about how he is treating his wife in private? It sounds like you have just heard the wife's side of their issue?

Thanks for the advice. I've known them both a long time, the wife first and then the husband. Since we were in youth group. After analyzing patterns of the husband, it's come to my realization that he definitely manipulates people into thinking he's somebody he's not. Constantly lying about small things, and big things. I've talked to him before, and he just shuts the conversation down, almost as if he really is hiding something.

 

[Duane Belville]

Hi Duane,
Welcome to CF.
I have meet women who were married to men who have treated them like your friend is describing. Over time that is very devastating to a women. It can almost destroy her in person. The hypocrisy of the husband is as bad an any of the pharisees that Jesus spoke against.

If I were you I'd not go over the view of divorce that says she would be an adulterer as that would feel like you were beating her over the head with the Bible and not feel at all like the love of God to her.

I like that you don't want to choose sides but want to express the love of God to both parties. How well do you know the husband? Can you speak to him about how he is treating his wife in private? It sounds like you have just heard the wife's side of their issue?

Also,

 

[Duane Belville]

Also,

Hi Duane,
Welcome to CF.
I have meet women who were married to men who have treated them like your friend is describing. Over time that is very devastating to a women. It can almost destroy her in person. The hypocrisy of the husband is as bad an any of the pharisees that Jesus spoke against.

If I were you I'd not go over the view of divorce that says she would be an adulterer as that would feel like you were beating her over the head with the Bible and not feel at all like the love of God to her.

I like that you don't want to choose sides but want to express the love of God to both parties. How well do you know the husband? Can you speak to him about how he is treating his wife in private? It sounds like you have just heard the wife's side of their issue?

Also, she has told me she would one day want to remarry. But she is worried about the passages that say she'd be an adulteress. She says that her spiritual mentor has said the abuse she has gone through would be a justified divorce. (Not saying the mentor is saying egging her on to get the divorce, but this is what she feels.) I don't want her to divorce him, and then be stuck because she can never remarry again. Also the same for him, but I think he needs more healing in his heart before he would get married again. I'm not very skillful or high in knowledge about these kind of situations, as you can tell, so any advice is very helpful.

 

[dayhiker]

Daune .... Its good you have stayed involved with them and been their friend. From what you have said about him it sounds to me like he has a personality disorder. I'm not trained in those things, just going from some experiences I've had. Those experiences tell me that for the person married to them it is devastating. So I would agree with her spiritual mentor that she would be justified in divorcing him.

As for divorcing and adultery that is a pretty big topic. When I studied it in my twenties I couldn't make any of the different views on divorce and remarriage be consistent with all the verses on the topic. It was only when I revisited the topic in my 50's and I knew more about Bible interpretation and now to find information better than I was able to understand the cultural situation, the question and debate the Jews were having when they asked Jesus about the topic. No one in Jesus' day would have thought a divorced person couldn't get married. Or simply to tell someone they can't love married is to break the 2nd commandment to love people (spouse in this case). But that isn't where you are, but I think you can see how hurtful it is to tell a person they are committing adultery to love someone.