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Friend dating struggling meth addict

Violagirl

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Hi All,

I’ve been having a tough time with something and wanted to post here for advice or any insight. For almost this past year, I have a close friend that has been dating someone struggling with meth addiction. From August to December last year, things seemed great and their relationship was more casual. When my friend and their partner became exclusive last December, their partner started struggling. From last February through this past June, my friend’s partner has had four relapses and each time, my friend’s partner left home without telling anyone where he was going and wouldn’t tell anyone where he was while being away. It’s caused a lot of stress and hardship each time. My friend relied on me for emotional support each time and I was there every time. By mid June, when it happened the fourth time, I felt really drained and my friend had seemed like they had hit their end point too. They discussed while staying in their partner’s life, to remove themselves from the relationship for a time while they worked on things. My friend came back to me a few days to say she talked to her partner and they are resuming the relationship as it has been. Unfortunately that conversation led to us having an argument with things that happened, including how her partner lied to her and cheated on her prior to the fourth relapse and the toll it was taking on her mental health. I also expressed how I felt like I only heard from her when her partner had issues come up. The fight led to her saying she was going to end our friendship. The week after that fight she texted to say she was sorry how she acted and if she had hurt me but was not going to be in touch for a while. That was the last time I heard from her. I’ve accepted things as they are and that she’s made her choice. But I’m wondering if anyone out there can shed light on this. Did you have a friend or family member that isolated other relationships with dating someone that struggled with addiction? If so how did that resolve itself? Any advice or insight is appreciated ♥️
 

Petros2015

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My friend came back to me a few days to say she talked to her partner and they are resuming the relationship as it has been.

they are really good at talking people back into their lives through pity, con, etc
be ready to help your friend get out, but you can't help her till she's ready
there are some sister programs for 12 step like al-anon for people whose loved ones are in or have been in active alcoholism - it creates a sick codependency in the other person. meth is a whole 'nother level of danger/bad but there might be a support program like al-anon you can recommend her to.
 
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Frank Robert

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Hi All,

I’ve been having a tough time with something and wanted to post here for advice or any insight. For almost this past year, I have a close friend that has been dating someone struggling with meth addiction. From August to December last year, things seemed great and their relationship was more casual. When my friend and their partner became exclusive last December, their partner started struggling. From last February through this past June, my friend’s partner has had four relapses and each time, my friend’s partner left home without telling anyone where he was going and wouldn’t tell anyone where he was while being away. It’s caused a lot of stress and hardship each time. My friend relied on me for emotional support each time and I was there every time. By mid June, when it happened the fourth time, I felt really drained and my friend had seemed like they had hit their end point too. They discussed while staying in their partner’s life, to remove themselves from the relationship for a time while they worked on things. My friend came back to me a few days to say she talked to her partner and they are resuming the relationship as it has been. Unfortunately that conversation led to us having an argument with things that happened, including how her partner lied to her and cheated on her prior to the fourth relapse and the toll it was taking on her mental health. I also expressed how I felt like I only heard from her when her partner had issues come up. The fight led to her saying she was going to end our friendship. The week after that fight she texted to say she was sorry how she acted and if she had hurt me but was not going to be in touch for a while. That was the last time I heard from her. I’ve accepted things as they are and that she’s made her choice. But I’m wondering if anyone out there can shed light on this. Did you have a friend or family member that isolated other relationships with dating someone that struggled with addiction? If so how did that resolve itself? Any advice or insight is appreciated ♥️

Your are being a good friend. Your friend is suffering from a conditions called codependency.
Codependency is a condition that affects thinking, feelings, and behavior. It’s trans-generational and stems from learned behavior in a dysfunctional family environment.​
You need to be careful which you appear to by. My suggesting to is try to switch the focus to her as someone who can use some help with changing her relationship from dysfunctional to functional, ie, destructive to non-destructive. For their relationship to change both of them have to change. It is not likely for the bf to change without her leading the way. I would suggest to her that she can find the help and strength she needs in Nar-Anon which is for people affected by a loved one's drug addiction. She is going to have to be strong because her bf will not change until she changes. Your best role is support and try not to talk too badly about her bf to her because if you do you will become the enemy.

If you suggest Nar-Anon to her, get information for her from internet and check for times and places for meetings in your area. You can also offer go to one or two meeting with her for support.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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Hi All,

I’ve been having a tough time with something and wanted to post here for advice or any insight. For almost this past year, I have a close friend that has been dating someone struggling with meth addiction. From August to December last year, things seemed great and their relationship was more casual. When my friend and their partner became exclusive last December, their partner started struggling. From last February through this past June, my friend’s partner has had four relapses and each time, my friend’s partner left home without telling anyone where he was going and wouldn’t tell anyone where he was while being away. It’s caused a lot of stress and hardship each time. My friend relied on me for emotional support each time and I was there every time. By mid June, when it happened the fourth time, I felt really drained and my friend had seemed like they had hit their end point too. They discussed while staying in their partner’s life, to remove themselves from the relationship for a time while they worked on things. My friend came back to me a few days to say she talked to her partner and they are resuming the relationship as it has been. Unfortunately that conversation led to us having an argument with things that happened, including how her partner lied to her and cheated on her prior to the fourth relapse and the toll it was taking on her mental health. I also expressed how I felt like I only heard from her when her partner had issues come up. The fight led to her saying she was going to end our friendship. The week after that fight she texted to say she was sorry how she acted and if she had hurt me but was not going to be in touch for a while. That was the last time I heard from her. I’ve accepted things as they are and that she’s made her choice. But I’m wondering if anyone out there can shed light on this. Did you have a friend or family member that isolated other relationships with dating someone that struggled with addiction? If so how did that resolve itself? Any advice or insight is appreciated ♥️
Being yoke with a meth addict is making a rod for their own back.
 
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