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This is a poem I wrote in 1982. It is a personal testimony.
March 1982
Reaching out and finding no one there,
I ran and hid myself, I know not where.
Fear had gripped my heart; I know not why.
I had the feeling as though I wanted to cry.
I talked, but no one listened.
I cried, but no one cared.
I called, but no one answered.
There wasn’t a soul there.
But, there was one who was there,
Someone who really cared;
Someone who loved me just as I am,
And all my burdens did bear.
That someone was You, Lord.
You loved me so much that You died
On the cross, my sins crucified,
In order that I might become alive.
As a child, I received You into my life,
And prayed for forgiveness of sin.
I prayed that simple prayer of faith,
“Lord Jesus, to my heart, come in.”
Through the years I learned more of You,
And to be more like You, I did strive.
The truth of Your words rang out so clear;
To my heart became so alive.
As a child, I yearned to have someone love me,
To hold me close in his arms;
Someone to watch over and protect me;
Someone to keep me from harm;
Someone who understood me,
Who would listen to all of my cares;
Who would put his loving arms around me,
And with me, all my sorrows would share.
That someone was You, Lord –
“A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
When I put my faith and trust in You,
It was then I was able to find relief.
We’ve been through so much, Lord,
You and I.
If I had not You,
I would have wanted to die.
But You were always there.
You never left my side.
Your comfort and encouragement came,
As in You I did abide.
But what about the others?
They did not love me as You did.
They did not fully understand me,
And so from them I hid.
I hid behind a wall of fear;
The fear that they would reject me;
The fear that they did not see me as I really am;
The fear that they did not love me.
That wall of fear then became
So much a part of my life,
That I was not even aware of its presence,
And it caused me so much strife.
I wanted so much to be used of God
To help in the lives of others;
To help them to grow and mature,
Because they were my sisters and brothers.
I wanted so much for them to see
The love of Christ in me;
To see how much I really cared
About my Christian family.
But, all of my desires
Could not really be,
Because from this wall of fear,
I had not been set free.
Thank You, Lord, that you are faithful,
And in Your timing, You did see
That I would be delivered from this fear,
And I could claim that victory.
The wall is gone, and God is giving
A freedom to be me.
That wall of fear that was so present
Is now history!
But, since that fear of rejection
Was so much a part of my life,
It is a habit I have formed
That must be severed with a knife.
That knife has gone deep within,
And what is coming out is not pleasant.
But, as I give these fears to God,
He is giving, in return, a present.
That present is a gift of peace,
And a freedom to love others,
Despite the rejection I may feel
From my sisters and my brothers.
When I see the change that
He has worked in me,
I praise the Lord for all He’s done.
He has delivered, and brought victory!
March 1982
Reaching out and finding no one there,
I ran and hid myself, I know not where.
Fear had gripped my heart; I know not why.
I had the feeling as though I wanted to cry.
I talked, but no one listened.
I cried, but no one cared.
I called, but no one answered.
There wasn’t a soul there.
But, there was one who was there,
Someone who really cared;
Someone who loved me just as I am,
And all my burdens did bear.
That someone was You, Lord.
You loved me so much that You died
On the cross, my sins crucified,
In order that I might become alive.
As a child, I received You into my life,
And prayed for forgiveness of sin.
I prayed that simple prayer of faith,
“Lord Jesus, to my heart, come in.”
Through the years I learned more of You,
And to be more like You, I did strive.
The truth of Your words rang out so clear;
To my heart became so alive.
As a child, I yearned to have someone love me,
To hold me close in his arms;
Someone to watch over and protect me;
Someone to keep me from harm;
Someone who understood me,
Who would listen to all of my cares;
Who would put his loving arms around me,
And with me, all my sorrows would share.
That someone was You, Lord –
“A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
When I put my faith and trust in You,
It was then I was able to find relief.
We’ve been through so much, Lord,
You and I.
If I had not You,
I would have wanted to die.
But You were always there.
You never left my side.
Your comfort and encouragement came,
As in You I did abide.
But what about the others?
They did not love me as You did.
They did not fully understand me,
And so from them I hid.
I hid behind a wall of fear;
The fear that they would reject me;
The fear that they did not see me as I really am;
The fear that they did not love me.
That wall of fear then became
So much a part of my life,
That I was not even aware of its presence,
And it caused me so much strife.
I wanted so much to be used of God
To help in the lives of others;
To help them to grow and mature,
Because they were my sisters and brothers.
I wanted so much for them to see
The love of Christ in me;
To see how much I really cared
About my Christian family.
But, all of my desires
Could not really be,
Because from this wall of fear,
I had not been set free.
Thank You, Lord, that you are faithful,
And in Your timing, You did see
That I would be delivered from this fear,
And I could claim that victory.
The wall is gone, and God is giving
A freedom to be me.
That wall of fear that was so present
Is now history!
But, since that fear of rejection
Was so much a part of my life,
It is a habit I have formed
That must be severed with a knife.
That knife has gone deep within,
And what is coming out is not pleasant.
But, as I give these fears to God,
He is giving, in return, a present.
That present is a gift of peace,
And a freedom to love others,
Despite the rejection I may feel
From my sisters and my brothers.
When I see the change that
He has worked in me,
I praise the Lord for all He’s done.
He has delivered, and brought victory!
