So I'm 22 I've had a pacemaker since I was 8 years old, I've been through alot of surgerys, I went through 3 years of them trying to find a way to put the lead into my heart instead of just on it, and on thursday May 17th I'll be going in for a pacemaker change because the battery doesn't have alot of life left, and the first lead revision, and because of my heart and what they went through with them trying to find the path in the first I'm scared, and I just can't seem to shake bad feelings, and depression, and I don't know how to ask God to help me because it's been so long since I've had a strong relationship with him, and I'm trying but I just can't seem to be able to let him in at this point because of IDK, I feel that I've tried to walk without him for so long I'm afraid that he won't be there now, because well tbh I don't know how to explain the feeling there, if anyone would be able to give me some advice I'd really appreciate it.
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